Leave a comment

mercury_alice August 29 2011, 21:40:51 UTC
So this is a wild veering-off from the first AU prompt, but I hope you like. No Esca yet in this sample :P

"The gargantuan, mottled red body of the two story railway train pulls into the station in a cloud of amber steam. Underlings snap to attention, preparing to open doors, hail cabs and carry luggage for anyone who might step down onto the platform. Perhaps fittingly, they look like ants next to the towering steam engine, itself only dwarfed by the cathedral-like stained glass windows that line the station walls. Marcus always thought it was a futile gesture, stained glass in a railway station, or in a city at all. Even as he winces on his bad leg, hobbling down onto the platform, the first thing he notices is how dirty the windows are, clotted with years of grime and streaked black with soot. Still, there is enough clear of them that they let in a pleasant glow from the electric streetlights outside. There’s no sunlight to let in, not this far into the inner zones, where the smog from endlessly whirring machines and engines and vast industrialisation blots out the sky. They say you can’t see blue sky anywhere on this planet these days , not even in the wild, open hinterlands whose lavender clouds once proved a popular tourist destination for the reach and leisurely.

The rich and leisurely. Marcus feels the weight of his ‘honourable discharge’ pension like an anvil in his trench pocket, and supposes he must count among them now. Lots of money and no meaning in his life.

‘Marcus!’ He turns at the sound of his name, having to peer through the fog of steam to see the man who had called. He’d only seen his Uncle Aquila once before in his life, at a family event when he was five, but Marcus had an excellent memory and a good eye for faces. He could tell the old man had changed little since Marcus had seen him last, still tanned with stringy white hair too long for a soldier, a little more wrinkled perhaps, but his blue eyes were still bright and open.

‘It’s good to see you, Uncle.’ Marcus says as his uncle pulls him into a manly one armed hug. It’s only half a lie - Marcus does like his uncle. He’s kind and disinclined towards judging others, but equally towards pitying them. The perfect man to stay with for his recovery time, then. Marcus just wishes like hell he didn’t have to be recovering from anything.

Aquila snaps his fingers and an underling steps forward to take Marcus’s luggage. He’s not wearing the red seal of the railway company on his collar pendant, so he must belong to Uncle Aquila. Marcus doesn’t ask his uncle to confirm - those in polite society never acknowledge the existence of their underling slaves, even as they rely on them to fulfil their every need.

His uncle strikes up some small talk as they exit the towering brass archway onto the railway Dias, high above the sprawling city zone.

‘Pleasant journey?’

57 hours on a dark, noisy train, riding steerage because he couldn’t bring himself to open the envelope that held his pension and fork out for better tickets, hurtling through the rain lashed highlands and the windblown hinterlands, the first few hours spent nearly out of his mind on painkillers, hallucinating and panicky, the rest spent feeling every tiny jolt and tremor of the vehicle like a searing agony in his wounded leg.

‘It was… long.’ "

Reply

ladytiferet August 29 2011, 21:57:02 UTC
Oh, I love when steampunk has a healthy dose of "punk" in it: grime, soot, social inequalities, industrial revolution in working :D
It's an impressive word you're constructing here, can we have more?

Reply

mercury_alice August 29 2011, 22:01:01 UTC
It wouldnt be intresting without it :)

IDK if you mean more samples or more in the long run? I've only written up to marcus arriving at his uncles house and his leg acting up, and some raandom snippets from later on in the narrative as they came to me, but its shaping up to be LOOOONG. too bad I missed the big bang sign ups XD

Reply

ladytiferet August 29 2011, 22:06:15 UTC
Well, sometimes you've got only gentlemen adventurers and whitewashed version of history - I like yours better :D
I'd like to see what happens next, maybe then we'll convince you to continue ;D

What do you mean "missed"? They're open till September 15th!

Reply

mercury_alice August 29 2011, 22:18:36 UTC
well, I wanted to make it futuristic rather than historic. Not that I have anything against historic stuff (obviously) but it fits the prompt better and gives me more freedom to play around with world building :)

oh. OH. ....I read that as August 15. *headdesk*

Reply

ladytiferet August 29 2011, 22:22:29 UTC
The're often futuristic too - just not progressive :D

That was the opening date - go and sign up!

Reply

mercury_alice August 29 2011, 22:35:11 UTC
True true :)

Eee I want to but its such a commitment, I've never published anything but a one shot before and nothing in this fandom yet o_0

Reply

ladytiferet August 29 2011, 22:36:29 UTC
Well, I can offer my support, ask around if I'm worth trusting :)

Reply

poziomeczka August 29 2011, 22:40:36 UTC
ahahahah you are not in fact worth trusting. I would trust you with a used tissue.

just kidding :P :P

you're very trustworthy.

and I'm here too! To help, encourage, molest. Though even less trustworthy.

Reply

ladytiferet August 29 2011, 22:48:42 UTC
You should have said "yes, she's an expert in the field and and awesome wall to bounce ideas off" :P

Reply

poziomeczka August 29 2011, 22:50:56 UTC
my bad. i fail at the rhetorics of the matter.

a wall? one cannot want to make out with a wall!!!

but yes! she is she is the expert in the field and a total pimp.

Reply

ladytiferet August 29 2011, 22:54:03 UTC
Better now :] Especially the pimp thing, I take my duties very seriously :P

And not everyone is obliged to want to make out with me :D

Reply

mercury_alice August 29 2011, 22:54:17 UTC
Thank you both! If anyones intrested I will probably need a beta? I've never used one before o_0 though given the number of silly mistakes and run on sentences in my writing, i probably could use a helping hand XD

Reply

ladytiferet August 29 2011, 23:00:55 UTC
I'm good with narrative analysis and stuff, but I'm shit with language (not a native speaker), but I have someone who can be convinced to take care of this part :P

Reply

mercury_alice August 29 2011, 23:27:52 UTC
sounds good :)
(I cant beleive you're not a native speaker, your language is flawless. When I think of my own skills with foreign languages... ;_;)

Reply

ladytiferet August 30 2011, 08:31:10 UTC
Great ;) Let us know how and when we can help then ;)

(Thanks ;) But I've been learning it for some 2/3rds of my life, so it's not such a big deal, I suppose ;P)

Reply


Leave a comment

Up