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long 'ol comment is lawng lulahbelle August 29 2011, 10:58:17 UTC
I'm trying to write the one where Marcus comes to Esca in the Seal village, but I take absolutely bloody aaaaaaaages to do something right/or basically competent --- as evidenced by my recent spate of truly atrocious stream of consciousness/rapidly written fic so yeah don't expect it anytime soon.

Hopefully someone who can write quickly will do it in the meantime though because its such a tantalising idea.

Marcus all alone and broken, and so desperately in need of comfort.

Like I imagine he didn't let himself need comfort too often in his life, he bore everything quite alone and stoic, in a proper manly, Roman, defensive, warrior way, but there was something about his trust in Esca's worth and nobility twinned with Esca's apparent refusal to note his weakness or to feel shame - or even quite resentment in taking care of him, that let Marcus accept Esca's care and attention.

The satisfaction of this deep rooted human need to give up and share himself in his weakness after so many years of ignoring the impulse is so deep to him. So pleasing that he relies upon it.

He comes to rely upon Esca's help so much, it changes him, removes his instinct to keep to himself.

So when he is in the seal village, betrayed, humiliated and powerless and every attempt to look noble and Roman and strong is stripped from him, all he can think is that he should bear the pain and shame alone, and cope stoically as he would have done before he met Esca. But he has learnt that it feels so much better to be soothed by someone else, passing your burdens to them however you can without self consciousness.

He imagines Esca is hostile, but even for him to provide comfort him by killing Marcus, or striking him to distract him with physical pain from the sorrow in his head seems right/wanted because then he doesn't have to deal with the pain himself, all alone.

Its violence that he thinks he will receive, but when he like sleepwalks there in all his rampant insensible need Esca does not want to harm him really... and broken, dependant Marcus is sooooooo 'grateful' to him (in an oral sense), and yeah mmmmmmm....

/musing

GAH.

I just make everything too complicated and complex when I think about it, and my brain has little space in it/attention span from my pervaliscious thoughts elsewhere so the whole thing is just making me a bit waaaaaaha and head hurty/sadfacey but I am determined to muddle through it.

slooooooowly

GOD I WANT THE PRISON AU LIKE BURNING TOO. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN ITZ.

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Re: long 'ol comment is lawng ladytiferet August 29 2011, 11:24:39 UTC
Oh god. Oh god. This. I have no words. Your musings broke me into pieces, and it's not even a proper fic!
I would lock you in my basement and shout "write! write!" through this small window up near the ceiling :D

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Re: long 'ol comment is lawng lulahbelle August 30 2011, 09:47:43 UTC
LOL YAY I KNEW IF I WAS A PERVERT LONG AROUND THE PLACE LONG ENOUGH THAT SOMEONE WOULD MAKE ME THEIR SLAVE - I usually have to pay for it see.

Seriously I'm gonna write this, but like I said, takes me so long to make sense of things and when I don't make sense of them fic is no good so yeah I'm working on it. SLOW BRANE IS SLOOOOOW.

I am watching an rewatching The Eagle every spare waking moment I have though. God their love is soooooo intense, and Esca is a beautiful, beautiful thing throughout.

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Re: long 'ol comment is lawng ladytiferet August 30 2011, 09:51:47 UTC
AT YOUR SERVICE, BB :D

I know what you're saying, but seriously, what you served us? It more than makes sense. It's an absolutely beautiful analysis of character's motivation and headspace, IT MAKES ALL THE SENSE IN THE WORLD.

God, he is. We re-watched it yesterday and we wept. WEPT AND SQUEED.

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Re: long 'ol comment is lawng poziomeczka August 29 2011, 11:57:23 UTC
LULAH.

You've told me you were thinking about it before and I was like 'god I hope that's still on', cause you had so much insight into that scene that it would be such a shame to leave it at that.

THIS ♥

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Re: long 'ol comment is lawng lulahbelle August 30 2011, 09:53:07 UTC
Yes I've written it pretty much already, and there is lots that I've written that I like, but I make things so needlessly complicated in terms of motivation, that it gets difficult to write it clearly and succinctly, without spending ages editing it and paring it down and clarifying it.

I will do though, I must, it's my duty.

HAVE BEEN WATCHING THE EAGLE LAWTS YAH AND DAMN SUCH GOOD PAIN PORN ---- I mean besides all the regular sex based porn.

Seriously awesome prompt.

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Re: long 'ol comment is lawng ladytiferet August 30 2011, 09:57:04 UTC
Well, it'll be kind of impossible to cram all of that into a story anyway, so it's mostly for your own comfort and confidence that you'll know exactly how the characters are gonna behave in any given situation and context. You know your Marcus, you know why he acts like that, and that's the most important thing, he won't ring false.

It is! Now that you have us all stoked up :D

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Re: long 'ol comment is lawng lulahbelle August 30 2011, 12:13:32 UTC
Yea see this is the problem with me when I write, I am constantly trying to cram everything I know in there, and it takes me a while to work out for myself what is appropriate to keep back y'know - that's why I get confused. I have a draft done now but I will need to edit and reedit and edit and reedit for a while because you know its probably an insensible mess at the moment. Still I have a firmer grasp (and by that I mean any grasp at all) of what I'm after with this than I usually do when I write so hopefully it will go quicker than usual.
Fingers X'd.

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Re: long 'ol comment is lawng ladytiferet August 30 2011, 12:38:29 UTC
I think I understand how it works with you, and it's kind of hard to give up things too :) But it all will be visible in their actions anyway :)
Definitely!

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