These Things Make Me Sad
Mom went here to work on something and to give me my tuition and allowance. Before she left, I told her that I made college scholar standing again.
I should have expected it, but then she asked me what that meant. She asked me if it had a monetary reward or anything. I already explained it to them last sem, that it was practically just a title and the only thing you get, if ever, is a piece of paper.
Maybe I didn't work that hard this sem, but being a CS still counts for something. I did (most of) my homework, I lost sleep, I spent a lot of my allowance, and all the other things every student goes through.
That, or maybe I just wanted to give my mom something to smile about, for something that I achieved, something I did.
I walked out of the room faster than she could say "Do you get a tuition discount for that?"
-----
Nyurgh. We'll never hear the last of that, will we?
-----
After that Tuesday thingy, I thought I'd have a definite answer. I thought I'd have a concrete idea... even a direction would suffice. Needless to say, I went home deeper in confusion and even mired myself in guilt to boot.
Then came another instance, and I just didn't feel anything. I couldn't feel anything. Is it wrong if I choose the other option now? Would it invalidate every single minute I spent waiting, at her feet to just be able to have the opportunity to do something... anything. Does it violate the very fabric of my principles (which, perhaps, some think are nonexistent)? But hey, I got something i wished for: An extension. A reprieve. A recess.
But a part of me suddenly wishes it had all just faded quietly with the setting summer sun.
I should have expected it, but then she asked me what that meant. She asked me if it had a monetary reward or anything. I already explained it to them last sem, that it was practically just a title and the only thing you get, if ever, is a piece of paper.
Maybe I didn't work that hard this sem, but being a CS still counts for something. I did (most of) my homework, I lost sleep, I spent a lot of my allowance, and all the other things every student goes through.
That, or maybe I just wanted to give my mom something to smile about, for something that I achieved, something I did.
I walked out of the room faster than she could say "Do you get a tuition discount for that?"
-----
Nyurgh. We'll never hear the last of that, will we?
-----
After that Tuesday thingy, I thought I'd have a definite answer. I thought I'd have a concrete idea... even a direction would suffice. Needless to say, I went home deeper in confusion and even mired myself in guilt to boot.
Then came another instance, and I just didn't feel anything. I couldn't feel anything. Is it wrong if I choose the other option now? Would it invalidate every single minute I spent waiting, at her feet to just be able to have the opportunity to do something... anything. Does it violate the very fabric of my principles (which, perhaps, some think are nonexistent)? But hey, I got something i wished for: An extension. A reprieve. A recess.
But a part of me suddenly wishes it had all just faded quietly with the setting summer sun.