Insomnia strikes and random jibberish
For the past couple of days I couldn't get myself to get a full rests of sleep or even sleep at the right time. I'd attempt to sleep at midnight to wake up at 8am, but I'd end up waking up 3 hours later not being able to go back to sleep. So I would sleep during the time that I would have to wake up and end up wasting most of the morning.
So, now I'm sitting here in my room about to go to sleep until my neighbors below decide to start their festivities and play music loud enough to convert my computer chair into a cheap massage chair. ... Luck just doesn't seem to be by my side haha. They can party though.. .I aint going to take that away from them. As for me, I just feel unsocialable and lost again at the finish line that stands before me in the next 1 to 1 1/2 years. I'll hopefully be out of college, but now trying to find a job. When I think at my current situation and back at home where my cousin is making 30 to 40 dollars an hour only after 2 years of college I'm just baffled. Jealous and envious, yes. Yet, he deserves it for all his hard work. Me...what the hell have I been doing the past 5 years? Going to school, coming back to my room, play video games and do homework. Granted I've had my shares of projects and all that, but nothing seems to come out of it yet. It's just frustrating... Patience though...patience... that's all I've been saying to myself and I will keep doing that.
As for love... I've probably on the verge of giving that up until I've found a stable job to support myself and being able to spoil that special someone when she comes along.
One though I've had before is that... I currently exist to bring happiness to one special girl out there hahha. Farfetched yes. Yet, I wouldn't mind doing that for someone. It's actually a mutual benefit for me to make someone smile.
Right now my thoughts aren't organized and I'm just thinking of what to write on the top of my head. I've actually started dreaming again.
One dream consisted of me finding a special someone who I shared a lot in common with. We hung out, cuddle and just spent time with each other...even in complete silence it was perfect. Then of course I woke up. ... I never knew how much waking up could hurt hahha. Make I'm just that lonely? No clue...
Another dream consisted of me taking care of a child... he was japanese about 5-8 years of age and pretty bright. I have no idea how this came about. Possibly too much anime or j-drama, but that's what happened. So, I took care of him using the only japanese I knew. It was funny because when I look back at it, I corrected myself running through many word in my brain and I'm surprised at an unconscious state that my brain still works ok. So, not much happened there, but I just thought it was interesting.
Stress management class has been making me look at myself more in terms of my lifestyle more than anything else. My diet, my habits of how i use time, my job, my school tasks, how I deal with stress, etc etc. I'm actually glad I took the class. Right now I'm in the process of trying to turn myself around from a lot of things. Yet, who knows what will happen.
oh.. I started playing Tales of Pirates as well. I stopped playing WoW, but it just seems that MMORPGs never leave me. Ah well. I should draw more often.
This entry really stinks in terms of organization, but fuck it. It's meant for me to read mostly...It just so happens to be conviniently online... whatever though.
See you next episode...