(no subject)

[powerhousechica]

sometimes i hate my mushy insides

why couldnt it have been easy?
but maybe if it had been easy then the hard now would hurt even worse

but maybe then the hard now would be simpler to fix

it would be simpler but it would be harder for me because i wouldnt understand it like i do

it hurts

its no ones fault and the ones it would be easiest to blame are more hurt by it then me anyway
they wanted it like this less then i do

god i want so much more for my kids

maybe thats why

that question thats been poking me to cry to admit it was a sefish mistake

maybe this is the answer

it would have been worse

they would not have had simple uncomplicated easy best

and i want to be able to offer that

that is why i did it not because i was lazy and didn't wanna get fat
that is probably still my selfishness, that i didn't wanna do it unless i could do it best

but i guess its at least a better reason to be selfish

i dont want what i have for those i love the most

ughhhhhhhhh

its ok

the pain reminds me to feel real