I gave him a small smile, nodding my thanks when he made room for me to sit down on the sofa as well. Grabbing a bottle, I sank down next to him and stared at it for a long time. What happened? I don't even know where to begin.
"She doesn't want me near the baby," I said quietly. "She thinks I'll be a horrible father because of what happened with Connor." And now I really needed that drink. Putting the bottle to my lips, I took a few swigs, sighing when the amber liquid burned down my throat. God, that felt good. For now.
"She said it's a girl," I continued, a small smile playing around the corners of my lips. "Can you imagine that, Gunn? A little girl. And I'm half responsible for-for....for her." I wonder, will she have blue eyes of brown? Will she be tall, like me? Or smaller like her mother. God, I hope she doesn't get her mothers temper. Christ.
"Maybe she's right," I sighed, the bottle of whiskey dangling from my fingers. "I've not exactly had stellar examples when it comes to being a parent. I just... I just want to protect her, you know?" Frowning a bit confused, I looked over at him.
Maybe Faith was really right. Meanin', Wes is cool and all, but sometimes, his decisions are a little too drastic and he doesn't like to tell anyone about it. See, if he would have said somethin' about the whole Connor thing, then hey, maybe we could have done somethin', but nah, he went ahead and did his own thing. That was a long time ago, not really, but long enough. He's changed ... kinda. I don't know, I'm an okay judge of the character, but Wes? I have to say ... I wasn't sure if he was ready to even become a dad, didn't wanna tell him that though.
"A little girl," I said, shakin' my head with a small grin on my face. Wow, a little girl that was goin to be raised by Faith. Then again, she's not really the poster girl for motherhood either. They were both screwed, but even worse, that kid was screwed.
"Even if you don't have her, the baby, doesn't mean you guys can't work it on out, you know?" I said and took a sip of the alcohol, burnin' down my throat. Yea, this was goin' to put me to bed soon. Hopefully not too soon though.
"I was just thinkin' about how bad of a parent you both were goin' to be, but you know, havin' a kid, I would think brings out the best in people. Maybe once she has her, she'll change, once you see her, you may be able to smile once in awhile. Not that you don't got your reasons and all, I'm just sayin'.
I smiled when Gunn said a little girl. But then I wondered if she would be a Slayer because he mother was. God, I hope not. That would only complicate the child’s future even more. It’s bad enough having to grow up in a world like ours. Neither Faith nor I could hide it for her. No matter how we both may try it. But we could prepare her for it. And a lot better then my parents had been doing. Faith hadn’t been prepared at all.
Still, a little girl. I wondered what Cordelia would think about that. She was going to be an aunt. And Gunn an uncle. In a way then. I mean, they’re the only real family I have. It would mean a lot to me if they’d help me with this. If I had someone who’d stand by my side as apparently Faith had people at her side. I knew Xander would be back, I’d seen the way he looked at her.
You cannot be *that* hurt, if the love you feel for someone doesn’t run that deep. And then there was Spike, and I’m sure Angel. And lord only knows who else. Who did I have to help me with this? Cordelia and Gunn, I was sure of it. Until Gunn spoke again. Then my smile faded, I frowned and glanced at the bottle in my hand.
I had no idea what to say, because it hurt. It hurt that he was taking her side without actually knowing the woman. All he knew that this was the girl who had tied me to a kitchen chair and then proceeded to nearly kill me slowly and painfully. And yet…. He was taking her side. “I don’t want to *have* that baby, Charles,” I sighed, sitting back against the sofa. “I just want to be part of her life. I want her to know who her father is. I don’t want her to start her life with nothing but lies. I want to teach her things. I want to watch her grow up. I want to be there for her, to catch her when she makes her own mistakes.”
Smile more often. Yes, he would know I don’t smile a lot, because we’ve seen each other a lot recently haven’t we? No we’ve not. And it’s not as though there has been a god awful lot to smile about. Shaking my head, I chose to ignore his words for now and emptied half the bottle. There, I felt better already. Even if it was only temporary.
“I suppose I should make my apartment baby safe too then, don‘t you think?” I asked seriously. Maybe I should move to a better place. With more light and a garden so she can play.
He seemed upset by what I said, I saw that look in his face, but I just looked away, not really knowin' what it is I said that could make him feel that way. Didn't really say nothin' else, didn't even drink. He was already upset so I didn't want to push any buttons. I was just tryin' to be realistic, but apparently, comin' from a brotha, that just ain' no good now is it? Nope, guess not. Pssh, whateva.
"Whatever you wanna do, Wes. But I'm thinkin' that might be a good idea."
Sighed and brought my feet up as I looked over at him.
"Look, whatever you need, I'll help you with it, I mean, it's ... I don't know man," I said as I stared at him. What was I supposed to say? Would he even trust me at all? I didn't know, but at least he was trustin' me enough to be sleepin' at his house. Did miss him though, so maybe it would work out and all.
Honestly, didn't know where I stood at all. With anyone.
I suppose I should adjust the room to a small child. “Maybe I should get myself a bigger place?” I offered again, because I had really no idea. “I mean, she’ might like a garden and other children to play with.” I frowned and looked out the window into the dark night. The park, of course it was still there. Wasn’t going anywhere and I never much thought about it. But if I would take my daughter there, to the very place I nearly bled to death. The very place they took Connor away from me. The very place my life went downhill.
“I’m thinking, I should definitely move to a different place,” I tell him firmly, grabbing another bottle. “One with three rooms, so you can have a descent place to sleep when you come over. And she can have her own bedroom and I mine of course. And a dining room and Oh! I’m going to have to learn how to cook. And I want a garden, so she can play safely at first. Before she’ll take her steps into the big and mostly dangerous world.”
So maybe I got a bit carried away. I didn’t think I was unrealistic however. She was my daughter as much as she was Faiths. I had a right to see her, I had a right to raise her, teach her thing, be part of her life. She couldn’t just take that away from me because she *thought* I was going to be a bad fathers. If we would play it that way, I’d have no trouble at all getting the child away from her. Ex felon, public violent past, and a variety of other things. If Lilah were still alive…. But that’s not the point.
I don’t want to take the child away from her mother, unless her mother is a threat do her. As she has been to me. It’s not out of all possibility I suppose. But I’d seen the way Faith was fiercely protective of *our* unborn child. If only she’d see reason, but no. She staring herself blind on the idea that I’d be bad father.
Taking a swig from the new bottle, I smile over at Gunn. “You would? Help out? Oh that would be wonderful. You know far more about these young people then I do,” I nodded and leaned over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. “I would really appreciate that. I’ll need all the help I can get, and for some reason I don’t think I’m going to get much.” Cordy, Gunn, and I guess that’s it. Maybe Oz, but it wouldn’t be fair to drag him into this.
Why was I still sober? Hell, I can’t even get drunk for the last time in my life. No touching alcohol now, not when I’m going to be a father.
Glanced over at him and gave him a small smile. He was thinkin' about me stayin' here alot? Well, that would work. Now I could have a place to stay and help him raise his daughter, that is if he got her everynow and then. Hopefully he would cause me lookin' at him right now? He's happy. Happy just knowin' that he has a little girl on the way, too bad for the shitty circumstances though. He deserves another chance and hopefully my boy will be gettin' it.
"No problem, yo. You can make it all work and if I have to teach you how to cook, I will," I grinned, rememberin' when I had to cook for my family and ... my sister. Didn't wanna think about that, so I shrugged.
"Where you plan on gettin' a place. They just put up an apartment buildin' on Anderson, lookin' pretty nice too," I said, tryin' to offer my help. Tryin' to do somethin' right in this world, even if it offerein' up places to live.
"She doesn't want me near the baby," I said quietly. "She thinks I'll be a horrible father because of what happened with Connor." And now I really needed that drink. Putting the bottle to my lips, I took a few swigs, sighing when the amber liquid burned down my throat. God, that felt good. For now.
"She said it's a girl," I continued, a small smile playing around the corners of my lips. "Can you imagine that, Gunn? A little girl. And I'm half responsible for-for....for her." I wonder, will she have blue eyes of brown? Will she be tall, like me? Or smaller like her mother. God, I hope she doesn't get her mothers temper. Christ.
"Maybe she's right," I sighed, the bottle of whiskey dangling from my fingers. "I've not exactly had stellar examples when it comes to being a parent. I just... I just want to protect her, you know?" Frowning a bit confused, I looked over at him.
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"A little girl," I said, shakin' my head with a small grin on my face. Wow, a little girl that was goin to be raised by Faith. Then again, she's not really the poster girl for motherhood either. They were both screwed, but even worse, that kid was screwed.
"Even if you don't have her, the baby, doesn't mean you guys can't work it on out, you know?" I said and took a sip of the alcohol, burnin' down my throat. Yea, this was goin' to put me to bed soon. Hopefully not too soon though.
"I was just thinkin' about how bad of a parent you both were goin' to be, but you know, havin' a kid, I would think brings out the best in people. Maybe once she has her, she'll change, once you see her, you may be able to smile once in awhile. Not that you don't got your reasons and all, I'm just sayin'.
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Still, a little girl. I wondered what Cordelia would think about that. She was going to be an aunt. And Gunn an uncle. In a way then. I mean, they’re the only real family I have. It would mean a lot to me if they’d help me with this. If I had someone who’d stand by my side as apparently Faith had people at her side. I knew Xander would be back, I’d seen the way he looked at her.
You cannot be *that* hurt, if the love you feel for someone doesn’t run that deep. And then there was Spike, and I’m sure Angel. And lord only knows who else. Who did I have to help me with this? Cordelia and Gunn, I was sure of it. Until Gunn spoke again. Then my smile faded, I frowned and glanced at the bottle in my hand.
I had no idea what to say, because it hurt. It hurt that he was taking her side without actually knowing the woman. All he knew that this was the girl who had tied me to a kitchen chair and then proceeded to nearly kill me slowly and painfully. And yet…. He was taking her side. “I don’t want to *have* that baby, Charles,” I sighed, sitting back against the sofa. “I just want to be part of her life. I want her to know who her father is. I don’t want her to start her life with nothing but lies. I want to teach her things. I want to watch her grow up. I want to be there for her, to catch her when she makes her own mistakes.”
Smile more often. Yes, he would know I don’t smile a lot, because we’ve seen each other a lot recently haven’t we? No we’ve not. And it’s not as though there has been a god awful lot to smile about. Shaking my head, I chose to ignore his words for now and emptied half the bottle. There, I felt better already. Even if it was only temporary.
“I suppose I should make my apartment baby safe too then, don‘t you think?” I asked seriously. Maybe I should move to a better place. With more light and a garden so she can play.
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"Whatever you wanna do, Wes. But I'm thinkin' that might be a good idea."
Sighed and brought my feet up as I looked over at him.
"Look, whatever you need, I'll help you with it, I mean, it's ... I don't know man," I said as I stared at him. What was I supposed to say? Would he even trust me at all? I didn't know, but at least he was trustin' me enough to be sleepin' at his house. Did miss him though, so maybe it would work out and all.
Honestly, didn't know where I stood at all. With anyone.
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“I’m thinking, I should definitely move to a different place,” I tell him firmly, grabbing another bottle. “One with three rooms, so you can have a descent place to sleep when you come over. And she can have her own bedroom and I mine of course. And a dining room and Oh! I’m going to have to learn how to cook. And I want a garden, so she can play safely at first. Before she’ll take her steps into the big and mostly dangerous world.”
So maybe I got a bit carried away. I didn’t think I was unrealistic however. She was my daughter as much as she was Faiths. I had a right to see her, I had a right to raise her, teach her thing, be part of her life. She couldn’t just take that away from me because she *thought* I was going to be a bad fathers. If we would play it that way, I’d have no trouble at all getting the child away from her. Ex felon, public violent past, and a variety of other things. If Lilah were still alive…. But that’s not the point.
I don’t want to take the child away from her mother, unless her mother is a threat do her. As she has been to me. It’s not out of all possibility I suppose. But I’d seen the way Faith was fiercely protective of *our* unborn child. If only she’d see reason, but no. She staring herself blind on the idea that I’d be bad father.
Taking a swig from the new bottle, I smile over at Gunn. “You would? Help out? Oh that would be wonderful. You know far more about these young people then I do,” I nodded and leaned over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder. “I would really appreciate that. I’ll need all the help I can get, and for some reason I don’t think I’m going to get much.” Cordy, Gunn, and I guess that’s it. Maybe Oz, but it wouldn’t be fair to drag him into this.
Why was I still sober? Hell, I can’t even get drunk for the last time in my life. No touching alcohol now, not when I’m going to be a father.
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"No problem, yo. You can make it all work and if I have to teach you how to cook, I will," I grinned, rememberin' when I had to cook for my family and ... my sister. Didn't wanna think about that, so I shrugged.
"Where you plan on gettin' a place. They just put up an apartment buildin' on Anderson, lookin' pretty nice too," I said, tryin' to offer my help. Tryin' to do somethin' right in this world, even if it offerein' up places to live.
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