On Dreams
As I wake up, I fight to hold on to this moment that I know will disappear. Back into the void, or fray, or abyss, or any other cliché adjective I decide to throw at my mind.
It’s still there.
Still exists, but is completely inaccessible by any intentional means. Left with only a vague memory of what happened. A memory so vivid in a few hours will be confused for actual events. A glimmer of a time or location, shadows and silhouette’s dressed in seemingly familiar clothes but predictably the faces are gone… because the faces are always gone.
They never stay.
Eyes clinched shut and twitching, alone in a dark room, my feelings no longer held captive by my conscience, they run free. Lap after exhausting lap in my head; no more walls. The faces are all gone, or obscured, or turned, yes; but the feelings very clear. I cannot see your eyes, but rather I feel them and know who you are. I feel the memory of that day, feel your scent, feel your pain. Feel the angst. Feel you leave.
The feelings never leave.
When I am awake, I only remember how I felt. In my sleep I am free to feel what I remember. No longer held back by pain, by choice or this world’s bad teaching, I am confronted with my very soul’s desires. Thoughts and feelings too powerful to be present in the conscious world, vanish or dissipate or otherwise leave quietly in the first few moments of waking.
As I wake, it disappears… but is still there.
They never stay.
The feelings never leave.
It’s still there.
Still exists, but is completely inaccessible by any intentional means. Left with only a vague memory of what happened. A memory so vivid in a few hours will be confused for actual events. A glimmer of a time or location, shadows and silhouette’s dressed in seemingly familiar clothes but predictably the faces are gone… because the faces are always gone.
They never stay.
Eyes clinched shut and twitching, alone in a dark room, my feelings no longer held captive by my conscience, they run free. Lap after exhausting lap in my head; no more walls. The faces are all gone, or obscured, or turned, yes; but the feelings very clear. I cannot see your eyes, but rather I feel them and know who you are. I feel the memory of that day, feel your scent, feel your pain. Feel the angst. Feel you leave.
The feelings never leave.
When I am awake, I only remember how I felt. In my sleep I am free to feel what I remember. No longer held back by pain, by choice or this world’s bad teaching, I am confronted with my very soul’s desires. Thoughts and feelings too powerful to be present in the conscious world, vanish or dissipate or otherwise leave quietly in the first few moments of waking.
As I wake, it disappears… but is still there.
They never stay.
The feelings never leave.