ok, so i lost my temper a bit. but none-the-less. what i said still holds true. since you've been with him you have icolated your self. You didn't even want to celebrate your own sisters birthday because (god forbid) it fell on your "anaversary", as if 7 months was a big one any ways. not to mension that technicaly the word "anaversary" implies that it is yearly, considering that it comes from the word "anual"..how selfish is that, to not want to celebrate the birthday of your own flesh and blood, on a true anaversary, the anaversary of her birth, which only comes ONCE A YEAR, just becuase it happend to fall on the day that marked the 7th month for you and andy.
yes, that is very selfish, and no..you never used to be like that.
To add to that, i don't care what you say, it is NOT healthy to spend as much time together as you two do. What are you going to do with your self when you HAVE to be apart. go insane? you've blown me off several times before after making plans with me..with out even telling me you were going to blow me off, you simply went to his house with out even calling my house to lie about some excuse first...i would have preferd you lying to me then not calling at all. Once again, very selfish.
I know i can't run your life, or change your mind about anything, and i dont care, i wasnt trying to, i was simply speaking my mind, and being brutaly honost about it...you know i've always been that way. And the fact that it's directed to my sister won't change a thing, if i have something to say, i'll say it! simple as that.
However, just as I won't change you're mind, you won't change mine. I don't care what either of you say, I will never beleive in the two of you, and I will always beleive that he has sent you on a turn for the worst. If you are happy, good for you, Im happy for you. But just because something makes you happy, doesn't necisarily make it right.
I tried being friends with you melly, really i did, i tried to just shut up about the way i felt about you to, and just smile and be your friend, but how am i suposed to be a friend to someone who is practicaly nonexistant now a days. Mel, why should i bother attempting to get together with you when i know you're just going to blow me off for him. Exactly, I shouldnt. Our 'friendship', if you can really call what ever we have left a friendship, is truely a waste of my time. I'm not going to work at being a friend to you when you've been nothing but a selfish bitch to me, your family, and pretty much everyone but your self and andy.
To all of melly's little 'defenders' don't bother replying to this, because i could really care less. This is highschool, and in a few years...or maybe even in a few months, we wont even exist to each other. and this will all just be another stupid chapter in our stupid high school lives. so dont bother to keep the drama going...because this here post, is the last you will hear from me.
ok, let's see here, I dont see her during school, i dont see her after school (even if i make an attempt), or on the weekends (even if i make an attempt), or ever (even if i make an attempt), we dont talk to each other, we have nothing in common, our lives have taken different paths, we have different friends, and we are completely different people. we just dont mix any more. so why should we try and be friends when there is nothing left to base a friend ship on. Im not asking to be an enemy or anything, I just see no point in continuing something that in all reality..ended quite some time ago..
it has already ended...months and months ago..no one just cared to acknowlege it. So whats the difference if we bring it up im words. My saying..we arent friends any more..isnt changing anything at all. I'll still go on with my life, and she'll still go on with hers, the way we have for the past several months. My saying that we arent friends anymore is not some sper the moment act of rage..or "grumpyness"..it's simply the truth, we aren't friends, and we haven't been for a very long time, It's not some suprising turn of events..its just fact, I'm not deciding to not be friends with her, Im observing that I'm not, and havent been. I'm not ending it..life has ended it for us. The people that you meet in life, the people that you grow very close to, come and go. I've had best friends before her that I was as close, if not closer to than her, but people grow, and change, and drift apart, thats just how life works. and as i have had wonderful people in my life before her, i will have wonderful people in my life afterwards. It's not the end of the world, its just the way life works. People grow apart..its no one fault really, it just..happens
take me and melissa mears for example, we have been best friends since we werw 3, she goes to a different high school then me, we never talk, but when we do , we have a geat time, we make plans to see eachother to catch up on wha we ahve missed in the past few months, and when we hang out its like nothing ever changed, yes people change, i no that.. but sumhow our friendship didnt break, and it probably has something to do with how she doesnt despise everthing i say or do, and she doesnt hate my andy, she is still there when i need her, if some thing were to happen with me and andy, like say a big fight, which we still havent had i no i could call her and she would be there in a second telling me everything will be ok
I dont despise everything you do and say, i dont even "despise" you're relationship, I just know that you are not who you used to be, and that I dont like andy, and never will, for good reason. I would always listen to your problems..but then again, you NEVER told them to me, so looking back, I guess we never really were best friends to begin with, because you never told me a god damn thing. so who gives a shit if we "arent friends any more"
y'all are trying to make this so much more than it is. we already aren't friends. get over it, it's not like you give a shit. We aren't friends...its not the end of the world, everyone is just making it the end of the world now that someone (that someone being me) has actualy come out and put it in words
not everyone, the only people involved are me and you, kyle says his part, and andy says his. thats all, were not friends..i already knoew that b4, i was just saying some more reasons why i too stopped outtin gout an effort, this is it, bibi, have a great life, with you and tyler and when you guys have kids, you guys are great for each other, good luck wiht quitting smoking i hope your abel to do it completly, i hope you can resist not smoking anymore, , good luck to you and your life that lies ahead of you
i never blew off my sister birthday..becuase for one....her borthday is in april..april 25th...now..tel me if im going insane..but its march..and that would be my brothers birthday....and i didnt blow him off, on his birthday, i went to dinner wiht him, while andy went off with madison and stewy..so i dont really know what your talking about blowing anyone on my family off..if there is an important event i go, last weekend my family wanted to go camping and quad riding, i went off and went camping with them..and i wouldnt say that is blowing them off either
"yes, that is very selfish, and no..you never used to be like that."
but see..i didnt blow anyone off in my family. yes ive blown you off once or twice , and im sorry about thatmost of the time its like, well we should do this and call kaileen..but neither of us call her or each other..and then when i do calll ..your out with tyler for the night..so much for that plan eh?
and so maybe its not healthy, but you and tyler always miss each other and want to be together more then you do, from reading your livejournals... my parents understand that he is a big part in my life, tey understand that being wiht him is better for my then being cooped up at home listening to family drama, they let me go out and enjoy my life, and guess what... out of my brother and sister..im doing the best out of them, so they really have no reason to keep me cooped up..thats is why im able to be with him all the time..becuase m nice to my family, i dont treat threm like shit, i dont yell at them, i try and succeed in school wiht great grades, i dont do stuid shit, and when i have, they help me threw it, my mom knows i got drunk..she took care of me, and she trusts me not to do it again, my mom knows we have sex, she doesnt care, she says im glad you told me, and i wish you would have told me earlier, but as long as you guys are very safe about it, she wouldnt care if i get pregnant, because i could come out and tell my mom, and she would be there for me every step of the way, but im not we are very safe with what we do
i too have given up on our friendship for mmany reason,. yes all you said was a big part of it..but also, since highschool you have , cut, poped pills, drink constantly, smoke weed a few times , you smoke now, one quick glance and it would look life your life majorly sucked, and you never had anyone there to help you..but you did...you always had your family, yes they may yell alot, but they still care about you, you have a great boyfriend, he cant stop you from doing that, becuase he does it to, and then you..had.. me, i tryed to get you too stop doing all of that, but every time it was a lost cause, you didnt stop , you use to be all happy and bouncy, you were so beautiful, now i look at you, and you have changed so much, you depressed looking, your so pale, all grungy looking, your not the happy bouncy beautiful best friend i use to know..
like you said,why make attempt to hang out wiht me, when i'll just blow you off..
why should i make attempt to get you to stop doing all that crap..when i no you'll never listen..and thas what my first post was about..im not..i give up on trying to make people stop..i cant help them..i apprently dont no how, becuase no one cares to listen to me..all but one, and thats one of the reasons how i no he actually cares what i think, say, and do..
no why the fuck would i want to be friend with someone who does all that shit? sure ive changed ..i hang out with my boyfriend alotmore then other people, but he too is my best friend, he is there to help me, but you...you have changed into drugs and alcohol, and you too have had sex, yes you guys waited alot longer,
1)sorry, i thought it was your sisters, none the less, your mother says you didnt want to go because it was you're stupid 7month, and then when she said you had to go you wanted to bring andy and madison and stewart. I never said you DID blow him off..i said you WANTED to "didn't even WANT to celebrate " see the difference?
2)no, im talking about when you say "sure I'll come over tomarow" then i wake up and you're away message says "at andy's" not when we were gunna call kaileen.
3)yes i MISS tyler when he's gone, but i dont spend every waking moment with him, and i spend a great deal of time with my family and neighbors. And i don't bitch about it when I have to go somewhere with my family and not with him
4)She DOES care that you have sex..she just doesnt know what to do to stop you. Because she knows if she didnt let you go over to his house and what not, you'd just flip a bitch like you tend to do when you dont get your way. trust me, your mom and your aunt give me the third degree when ever they're here for bunko..
5)She WOULD care if you got pregnant, because lets face it, you, your mom, andy, andy's dad...NONE of you have to finacial status to be taking in a child right now. Sure she'd support you emotionaly and what not..but she would have a very difficult time finding the money for you to have a kid.
6)I popped pills ONCE, and for good reason, I drink responsibly, and haven't had a drink in a very long time, I smoke occasionaly. And havent since about 2 weeks prior to thinking i was pregnant, and have not since. You have to realize something about me melly, the more you try and push me OUT of things, the more I want to do it out of spite. stupid? yes, of course it is, I would change that quality in my self if i could, but i have too much of that evil thing called pride to let any one help me when i need it. I can take care of my self. and i do.
7)Grungy? why because i ware baggy cloths? god forbid that i dont care about the way i look, god forbid i dont get up in the morning and spend an hour getting dressed and doing my make-up and my hair. the way i dress has nothing to do with my life style, I've always dressed baggy, and not bothered with hair and make-up. If anything I've been dressing MORE like a girl, and doing MORE about my make-up and hair lately than i ever have in my entire life.
8)Pale? I have more of a tan that you do. I have fair skin, as do you, and there's really nothing i can do to change that except maybe hit a tanning solon..but im really not one for cancer...
9)I'm still happy and bouncy, how could you even begin to make a judgment that I'm not when you NEVER HANG OUT WITH ME. You have no idea what I'm like, because you aren't there. Yes i have my sad days, when i want the world to go away, but can you blame me? I've lost the closest thing i had to a protector, and i lost a child. Sorry I'm not so "happy bouncy" about that. But i am "happy bouncy" when I manage to get those things off my mind, but as you can probly guess..those few things have a way of taking over your emotions, especialy since its only been about 2 weeks since they've both occured.
10)Drugs? i'd hardly say that a few puffs of weed makes me a "druggie". And as for alcohol..it's not like it has changed me, it's not like I've ever done anything stupid when I drink. I am responsibly drinker, and have been trying to quit for a year, and have made amazing progres, no thanks to you, or to anyone. You know i have to do things on my own time, my own way, and you KNOW that the more people interfere with my problems..the worse the problem gets
11)we have had sex ONCE in over 15 months of being together..so dont pull the whole "you did it too" bull shit on me, because even a half drunken monkey with downs could see the difference between us being "intimate" in that way once in 15 months, and you being "intimate" in that way god only knows how many times in 7 months, and starting at just 2 months.
1)our 7 month was the day before..the 22nd, we were gonna celebrate for madison and stewarts 1 year..
2)i think ive only dont that once when i said id come over..
3)i to spend time with my family, maybe not as much as you. and i also spend time with my other friends too
4)she prolly does care, your most likely right about that, but at least she knows
5)and your prolly right about this too,she most likely would care, because your right we do not have the money for it, and i dont have the time for it i have hig school and then collage, but she would definitaly help me threw it emotionally
6)you poped pills more then once, you only took so many of them at one time, to totally fuck you up,sure u drink responsibly..alot.., and you have had a drink recently , at phils house, that was only about a month ago. you were smoking more then just occasionally, and when you drank..you started to chain smoke. ok so you say havent since about 2 weeks prior to being pregnant, very ggood, i give you a round of applause but last time i sadis something good to you about stopping..that same night you chain smoked then came and appoligzed..and then did it again..thats what really bugs me, i actually belived you were even in the slight bit sorry..stupid me for thinking that
7)Grungy? i didnt mean because of baggy clthes..i no you always have, you look grungy , you look dirty
8)Pale? your right, you do have fair skin, but your face is pale like you have no life left in you, like your drained of everything,
9)as yousaid,,how can i judge you, it can be turned around the other way too, how can you judge saying that ive taken a turn for the worst, when like you said...your never around, how can you judge our relationship when you never see it
10)i never called you a druggie, ive said youve gotten into drugs, weed is a drug, smoking is a drug, alcohol is a drug, pills are drugs, that to me is getting into druga as for alcohol..it has changed you, maybe you have never done anything stupid when I drink but you have become dependant on it. you say your a responsibly drinker and maybe you are, yet you have dranken at school multiple times
11)thats very good for only doing it once. but holy shit thats got to be a bad first time every haveing sex to remember, in such a hurry you cant even tell if a condom breaks or anything, i mean geez...yes we have sex alot, it is one of many things we enjoy doing together, but atleast were always safe about it
12)so you "broke up" with me.. now..werent you the one to say that we already werent friends..so wouldnt we have been "broken up" along time ago? or was it just not an "offical break up" before,
13)its not like before this i was getting in tour way with things, and i dont even now how this came about anyways, with your sudden outburst on saying your not sorry for a bunch of shit, while my post was just about not bugging you about smoking anymore..sorry for trying to give you slack..people do there own thing i know..thats why i was stopping, and i knew..if you wanted to stop..you wouldnt do it for me. so why the outburst with the bitchness?
14) so zac tells me you said to him..you kicked me out of your house... and that your mom never wants me back, i dont belive i was ever 'kicked out'..i more just kinda ..you know..i stopped coming over
first i would like to address the last thing you said incase you deside to stop reading this before you reach the end. I told zack that you were not welcome back into my home. Because you aren't. plain and simple. My mom does not like the things you do. And don't act like I'm going to my mom trying to make you look bad, because I'm not...you're mom tells her everything.
now, don't tell me I was pill popping all the time, I NEVER POPPED FUCKING PILLS OTHER THAN THAT NIGHT MELISSA! I had saved up all the pills I got from your bf and the pills I got from...I forget who..and took them ALL on the same night. Granted, I did grind up and occasional pill and see if it could be smoked..but that was more of a "i wonder if this would work" type of a thing than a "hey lets get fucked up" type of a thing. Name one fucking time i popped pills other than that night melly, name one fucking time!! YOU CAN'T! becuase even had i wanted to, I HAD NO ACCESS TO PILLS! so shut the fuck up!
YOU DID want to ditch out on your family..thats the story your mom tells, and frankly, I have alot more trust in your mothers word than I've ever had in yours.maybe you wanted to celebrate stuart and madisons 1 year, but you told your mom you wanted to celebrate you and andy's 7 month. She says that you DID NOT WANT to go to dinner with them to celebrate your own fucking brothers birthday, and then when she said you had to go, then you wanted to bring stuart and madison and andy so you could all celebrate that. It was your brothers birthday for christ sake, couldn't you forget about your relationship for one god damn night to recognize your brothers birth day?
now about the drug thing, don't fucking tell me I'm into drugs BECAUSE I'M NOT! you want to bitch about someone being into drugs why don't you dig up your boyfriends past, NOT MINE! Oh god for bid i have 2 fucking puffs of weed one time in my fucking life, I was unaware that testing something out would forever burn me as being "into drugs"
I haven't drank or smoked since phils party, I told you, as well as everyone else that that was MY LAST NIGHT, my party night, my "get everything over with night" so to speak. And I haven't touched a damn bottle, or a damn cigarette since. So once again, shut the fuck up and don't tell me I'm all messed up when it comes to those things. BECAUSE I'M NOT!
Yes, I used to me addicted to alcohol, and yes, i was pretty hooked on cigs to. BUT FUCK YOU FOR NOT BOTHERING TO CHECK AND SEE THAT I'VE QUIT BEFORE TELLING ME I'M SOME FUCKING ALCOHOLIC WRECK!
don't tell me i wasn't sorry when i said i was, If i hadn't been sorry...i never would have apalogized and you know that. I would have just not told you. Melly the whole time i was out with them, and when they started smoking, I was like "I don't know you guys, I promised my sister I wouldnt" then i drank some more...alot more..and yes, when i drink, i chain smoke. So the next time a cig was offered, i took it, the whole time going "melly is going to hate me for this, melly's gunna hate me" and having them tell me it was ok, and it was my life, and you didn't know how hard it was. Don't tell me I wasn't sorry melissa...because you have no idea how truely sorry i was, even while iwas doing it i was sorry, and thats why the first thing idid when i got to phils house was pull you aside and tell you i was sorry. If i wasn't sorry, do you really think i would have even told you? no..
ok, so in your eyes I am a grungy, dirty, pale, lifeless drug addict. Fine, i could care less what you see in me. Because the people who matter, my mother, my older brother, my dad, my younger brother, my sister, and my fiance...they see something different. They see hope in me, they see change in me, they see (god forbid) BEAUTY in me, they see a mother fucking future. so go ahead and see what ever you want to see in me, because your opinion of my looks means shit to me.
now about me and tyler having sex. Don't tell me we were "in too much of a hurry blah blah blah" don't act like this was my fault, don't act like i got a baby because i was careless....because I wasnt..we werent. We checked melly, ok, it never broke. first of all...he would have felt it. and second, he checked it. so don't act like this was just some teenage fuck fest because we were horrny and stupid. Because it wasn't and you know that, you know me, and you know i would never to anything that might put me in the posision of seriously disapointing my mother, because i have more respect for her than any other person in the world. Mel, I didnt even know i was pregnant until I started to miscarry....do you have any idea how terrifying that is, finding out that you have been given the greatest gift of all just as the life is being sucked away from it. heh..don't act like i brought this upon my self melly.
yes, i put in my journal that we officialy "broke up" because i found it funny because we threw alot of words around, and then i ended it officialy, so it was like a break up. I don't know why THAT of all the things i said has offended you but..im sorry?
look mel, I'm always gunna me your big sister, even if i'm not your friend...even if im your worst enemy. Because no matter what shit we go through...it could never counter act all the bad ass times we had. I'm always going to listen if you need to talk, I'll always have a shoulder if you need to cry. But its not like its special treatment or anything, I'd do this for a complete stranger if they asked. But none-the-less, I'm always going to care about what happens to you, and i'm always going to want you to be happy, and to have a good life. but being your friend was a really shitty way to go about my life. so i'm not going to bother with that any more.
now i'm going to go read the other email notification I got about a reply from you, and i'm going to respond to that. but after this...i dont care what you comment back or what ever, I'm not going to bother to respond, the whole point behind the first thing i wrote was to end this...now we're just making it worse
yes, that is very selfish, and no..you never used to be like that.
To add to that, i don't care what you say, it is NOT healthy to spend as much time together as you two do. What are you going to do with your self when you HAVE to be apart. go insane? you've blown me off several times before after making plans with me..with out even telling me you were going to blow me off, you simply went to his house with out even calling my house to lie about some excuse first...i would have preferd you lying to me then not calling at all. Once again, very selfish.
I know i can't run your life, or change your mind about anything, and i dont care, i wasnt trying to, i was simply speaking my mind, and being brutaly honost about it...you know i've always been that way. And the fact that it's directed to my sister won't change a thing, if i have something to say, i'll say it! simple as that.
However, just as I won't change you're mind, you won't change mine. I don't care what either of you say, I will never beleive in the two of you, and I will always beleive that he has sent you on a turn for the worst. If you are happy, good for you, Im happy for you. But just because something makes you happy, doesn't necisarily make it right.
I tried being friends with you melly, really i did, i tried to just shut up about the way i felt about you to, and just smile and be your friend, but how am i suposed to be a friend to someone who is practicaly nonexistant now a days. Mel, why should i bother attempting to get together with you when i know you're just going to blow me off for him. Exactly, I shouldnt. Our 'friendship', if you can really call what ever we have left a friendship, is truely a waste of my time. I'm not going to work at being a friend to you when you've been nothing but a selfish bitch to me, your family, and pretty much everyone but your self and andy.
To all of melly's little 'defenders' don't bother replying to this, because i could really care less. This is highschool, and in a few years...or maybe even in a few months, we wont even exist to each other. and this will all just be another stupid chapter in our stupid high school lives. so dont bother to keep the drama going...because this here post, is the last you will hear from me.
have a nice life,
Cait
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not everyone, the only people involved are me and you, kyle says his part, and andy says his. thats all, were not friends..i already knoew that b4, i was just saying some more reasons why i too stopped outtin gout an effort, this is it, bibi, have a great life, with you and tyler and when you guys have kids, you guys are great for each other, good luck wiht quitting smoking i hope your abel to do it completly, i hope you can resist not smoking anymore, , good luck to you and your life that lies ahead of you
-melly
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"yes, that is very selfish, and no..you never used to be like that."
but see..i didnt blow anyone off in my family. yes ive blown you off once or twice , and im sorry about thatmost of the time its like, well we should do this and call kaileen..but neither of us call her or each other..and then when i do calll ..your out with tyler for the night..so much for that plan eh?
and so maybe its not healthy, but you and tyler always miss each other and want to be together more then you do, from reading your livejournals... my parents understand that he is a big part in my life, tey understand that being wiht him is better for my then being cooped up at home listening to family drama, they let me go out and enjoy my life, and guess what... out of my brother and sister..im doing the best out of them, so they really have no reason to keep me cooped up..thats is why im able to be with him all the time..becuase m nice to my family, i dont treat threm like shit, i dont yell at them, i try and succeed in school wiht great grades, i dont do stuid shit, and when i have, they help me threw it, my mom knows i got drunk..she took care of me, and she trusts me not to do it again, my mom knows we have sex, she doesnt care, she says im glad you told me, and i wish you would have told me earlier, but as long as you guys are very safe about it, she wouldnt care if i get pregnant, because i could come out and tell my mom, and she would be there for me every step of the way, but im not we are very safe with what we do
i too have given up on our friendship for mmany reason,. yes all you said was a big part of it..but also, since highschool you have , cut, poped pills, drink constantly, smoke weed a few times , you smoke now, one quick glance and it would look life your life majorly sucked, and you never had anyone there to help you..but you did...you always had your family, yes they may yell alot, but they still care about you, you have a great boyfriend, he cant stop you from doing that, becuase he does it to, and then you..had.. me, i tryed to get you too stop doing all of that, but every time it was a lost cause, you didnt stop , you use to be all happy and bouncy, you were so beautiful, now i look at you, and you have changed so much, you depressed looking, your so pale, all grungy looking, your not the happy bouncy beautiful best friend i use to know..
like you said,why make attempt to hang out wiht me, when i'll just blow you off..
why should i make attempt to get you to stop doing all that crap..when i no you'll never listen..and thas what my first post was about..im not..i give up on trying to make people stop..i cant help them..i apprently dont no how, becuase no one cares to listen to me..all but one, and thats one of the reasons how i no he actually cares what i think, say, and do..
no why the fuck would i want to be friend with someone who does all that shit? sure ive changed ..i hang out with my boyfriend alotmore then other people, but he too is my best friend, he is there to help me, but you...you have changed into drugs and alcohol, and you too have had sex, yes you guys waited alot longer,
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2)no, im talking about when you say "sure I'll come over tomarow" then i wake up and you're away message says "at andy's" not when we were gunna call kaileen.
3)yes i MISS tyler when he's gone, but i dont spend every waking moment with him, and i spend a great deal of time with my family and neighbors. And i don't bitch about it when I have to go somewhere with my family and not with him
4)She DOES care that you have sex..she just doesnt know what to do to stop you. Because she knows if she didnt let you go over to his house and what not, you'd just flip a bitch like you tend to do when you dont get your way. trust me, your mom and your aunt give me the third degree when ever they're here for bunko..
5)She WOULD care if you got pregnant, because lets face it, you, your mom, andy, andy's dad...NONE of you have to finacial status to be taking in a child right now. Sure she'd support you emotionaly and what not..but she would have a very difficult time finding the money for you to have a kid.
6)I popped pills ONCE, and for good reason, I drink responsibly, and haven't had a drink in a very long time, I smoke occasionaly. And havent since about 2 weeks prior to thinking i was pregnant, and have not since. You have to realize something about me melly, the more you try and push me OUT of things, the more I want to do it out of spite. stupid? yes, of course it is, I would change that quality in my self if i could, but i have too much of that evil thing called pride to let any one help me when i need it. I can take care of my self. and i do.
7)Grungy? why because i ware baggy cloths? god forbid that i dont care about the way i look, god forbid i dont get up in the morning and spend an hour getting dressed and doing my make-up and my hair. the way i dress has nothing to do with my life style, I've always dressed baggy, and not bothered with hair and make-up. If anything I've been dressing MORE like a girl, and doing MORE about my make-up and hair lately than i ever have in my entire life.
8)Pale? I have more of a tan that you do. I have fair skin, as do you, and there's really nothing i can do to change that except maybe hit a tanning solon..but im really not one for cancer...
9)I'm still happy and bouncy, how could you even begin to make a judgment that I'm not when you NEVER HANG OUT WITH ME. You have no idea what I'm like, because you aren't there. Yes i have my sad days, when i want the world to go away, but can you blame me? I've lost the closest thing i had to a protector, and i lost a child. Sorry I'm not so "happy bouncy" about that. But i am "happy bouncy" when I manage to get those things off my mind, but as you can probly guess..those few things have a way of taking over your emotions, especialy since its only been about 2 weeks since they've both occured.
10)Drugs? i'd hardly say that a few puffs of weed makes me a "druggie". And as for alcohol..it's not like it has changed me, it's not like I've ever done anything stupid when I drink. I am responsibly drinker, and have been trying to quit for a year, and have made amazing progres, no thanks to you, or to anyone. You know i have to do things on my own time, my own way, and you KNOW that the more people interfere with my problems..the worse the problem gets
11)we have had sex ONCE in over 15 months of being together..so dont pull the whole "you did it too" bull shit on me, because even a half drunken monkey with downs could see the difference between us being "intimate" in that way once in 15 months, and you being "intimate" in that way god only knows how many times in 7 months, and starting at just 2 months.
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2)i think ive only dont that once when i said id come over..
3)i to spend time with my family, maybe not as much as you. and i also spend time with my other friends too
4)she prolly does care, your most likely right about that, but at least she knows
5)and your prolly right about this too,she most likely would care, because your right we do not have the money for it, and i dont have the time for it i have hig school and then collage, but she would definitaly help me threw it emotionally
6)you poped pills more then once, you only took so many of them at one time, to totally fuck you up,sure u drink responsibly..alot.., and you have had a drink recently , at phils house, that was only about a month ago. you were smoking more then just occasionally, and when you drank..you started to chain smoke. ok so you say havent since about 2 weeks prior to being pregnant, very ggood, i give you a round of applause but last time i sadis something good to you about stopping..that same night you chain smoked then came and appoligzed..and then did it again..thats what really bugs me, i actually belived you were even in the slight bit sorry..stupid me for thinking that
7)Grungy? i didnt mean because of baggy clthes..i no you always have, you look grungy , you look dirty
8)Pale? your right, you do have fair skin, but your face is pale like you have no life left in you, like your drained of everything,
9)as yousaid,,how can i judge you, it can be turned around the other way too, how can you judge saying that ive taken a turn for the worst, when like you said...your never around, how can you judge our relationship when you never see it
10)i never called you a druggie, ive said youve gotten into drugs, weed is a drug, smoking is a drug, alcohol is a drug, pills are drugs, that to me is getting into druga
as for alcohol..it has changed you, maybe you have never done anything stupid when I drink but you have become dependant on it. you say your a responsibly drinker and maybe you are, yet you have dranken at school multiple times
11)thats very good for only doing it once. but holy shit thats got to be a bad first time every haveing sex to remember, in such a hurry you cant even tell if a condom breaks or anything, i mean geez...yes we have sex alot, it is one of many things we enjoy doing together, but atleast were always safe about it
12)so you "broke up" with me.. now..werent you the one to say that we already werent friends..so wouldnt we have been "broken up" along time ago? or was it just not an "offical break up" before,
13)its not like before this i was getting in tour way with things, and i dont even now how this came about anyways, with your sudden outburst on saying your not sorry for a bunch of shit, while my post was just about not bugging you about smoking anymore..sorry for trying to give you slack..people do there own thing i know..thats why i was stopping, and i knew..if you wanted to stop..you wouldnt do it for me. so why the outburst with the bitchness?
14) so zac tells me you said to him..you kicked me out of your house... and that your mom never wants me back, i dont belive i was ever 'kicked out'..i more just kinda ..you know..i stopped coming over
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now, don't tell me I was pill popping all the time, I NEVER POPPED FUCKING PILLS OTHER THAN THAT NIGHT MELISSA! I had saved up all the pills I got from your bf and the pills I got from...I forget who..and took them ALL on the same night. Granted, I did grind up and occasional pill and see if it could be smoked..but that was more of a "i wonder if this would work" type of a thing than a "hey lets get fucked up" type of a thing. Name one fucking time i popped pills other than that night melly, name one fucking time!! YOU CAN'T! becuase even had i wanted to, I HAD NO ACCESS TO PILLS! so shut the fuck up!
YOU DID want to ditch out on your family..thats the story your mom tells, and frankly, I have alot more trust in your mothers word than I've ever had in yours.maybe you wanted to celebrate stuart and madisons 1 year, but you told your mom you wanted to celebrate you and andy's 7 month. She says that you DID NOT WANT to go to dinner with them to celebrate your own fucking brothers birthday, and then when she said you had to go, then you wanted to bring stuart and madison and andy so you could all celebrate that. It was your brothers birthday for christ sake, couldn't you forget about your relationship for one god damn night to recognize your brothers birth day?
now about the drug thing, don't fucking tell me I'm into drugs BECAUSE I'M NOT! you want to bitch about someone being into drugs why don't you dig up your boyfriends past, NOT MINE! Oh god for bid i have 2 fucking puffs of weed one time in my fucking life, I was unaware that testing something out would forever burn me as being "into drugs"
I haven't drank or smoked since phils party, I told you, as well as everyone else that that was MY LAST NIGHT, my party night, my "get everything over with night" so to speak. And I haven't touched a damn bottle, or a damn cigarette since. So once again, shut the fuck up and don't tell me I'm all messed up when it comes to those things. BECAUSE I'M NOT!
Yes, I used to me addicted to alcohol, and yes, i was pretty hooked on cigs to. BUT FUCK YOU FOR NOT BOTHERING TO CHECK AND SEE THAT I'VE QUIT BEFORE TELLING ME I'M SOME FUCKING ALCOHOLIC WRECK!
don't tell me i wasn't sorry when i said i was, If i hadn't been sorry...i never would have apalogized and you know that. I would have just not told you. Melly the whole time i was out with them, and when they started smoking, I was like "I don't know you guys, I promised my sister I wouldnt" then i drank some more...alot more..and yes, when i drink, i chain smoke. So the next time a cig was offered, i took it, the whole time going "melly is going to hate me for this, melly's gunna hate me" and having them tell me it was ok, and it was my life, and you didn't know how hard it was. Don't tell me I wasn't sorry melissa...because you have no idea how truely sorry i was, even while iwas doing it i was sorry, and thats why the first thing idid when i got to phils house was pull you aside and tell you i was sorry. If i wasn't sorry, do you really think i would have even told you? no..
ok, so in your eyes I am a grungy, dirty, pale, lifeless drug addict. Fine, i could care less what you see in me. Because the people who matter, my mother, my older brother, my dad, my younger brother, my sister, and my fiance...they see something different. They see hope in me, they see change in me, they see (god forbid) BEAUTY in me, they see a mother fucking future. so go ahead and see what ever you want to see in me, because your opinion of my looks means shit to me.
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yes, i put in my journal that we officialy "broke up" because i found it funny because we threw alot of words around, and then i ended it officialy, so it was like a break up. I don't know why THAT of all the things i said has offended you but..im sorry?
look mel, I'm always gunna me your big sister, even if i'm not your friend...even if im your worst enemy. Because no matter what shit we go through...it could never counter act all the bad ass times we had. I'm always going to listen if you need to talk, I'll always have a shoulder if you need to cry. But its not like its special treatment or anything, I'd do this for a complete stranger if they asked. But none-the-less, I'm always going to care about what happens to you, and i'm always going to want you to be happy, and to have a good life. but being your friend was a really shitty way to go about my life. so i'm not going to bother with that any more.
now i'm going to go read the other email notification I got about a reply from you, and i'm going to respond to that. but after this...i dont care what you comment back or what ever, I'm not going to bother to respond, the whole point behind the first thing i wrote was to end this...now we're just making it worse
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