passing cars.
"Do you drive by the car, or does the car drive by you?"
The thought enveloped my mind for a whole thirty-two seconds as we turned right down Beach Road. With my head firmly planted against the cold car window, I looked through the corner of my eyes at the passing cars, or at least that's what I suspected they were doing. It wasn't until I noticed a truck ahead of us that was causing a jam in traffic in it's attempt to correct itself to continue it's trek. I focused on it. It wasn't until traffic resumed and we drove by it, that the question at the top of this entry came into effect. The truck was certainly moving, but because we were moving faster than it, it seemed at a standstill. I've noticed this on trains as well. Two trains can coincide with eachother moving in opposite directions, yet to you, the opposing train seems to be stoic.
"Do you exist in life, or does life exist in you?"
The next piece of my inquiry was the idea that this last year has been one of my most complicated, with the only saving grace being the fact that I'm maturer than I was in previous years. In this regard, I am able to handle a lot of the emotional, physical, and mental instances that have surrounded me. Though it is quite obvious to many people, who have spoken to me about it, that I'm not doing so hot right now. This is quite true, as one of my best features is the ability to see my own problems. The catch is I seem to have an impossible time in overcoming them. I've become stoic (a word I used in the previous paragraph). Shallow. Sometimes even mindlessly dumb. There have been few cases where I've been outspoken about myself that didn't involve a joke. Such as the previous evening where Stephen and I were sitting in a Papa Ginos waiting for our subs. It was a quick, painless discussion, but a rare occurrence still. I've been standing still. Stuck in a trance. I missed my statistics exam this morning because I didn't want to get out of bed, even though I got more sleep that night than in many previous nights beforehand. My Mom calls it sleep deprivation. I think she's right, but at the same time it roots deeper. I'm just tired. My mind doesn't want to do anything. I just keep trying to escape to different places. Just like my head is my home, so is the house I live in. I think it represents both sides. The fact that I try to never be here is the same reason I try to never confront my thoughts or my heart. It just seems like a struggle, so I avoid it.
When I'm tired. I escape. When I escape, I run on adrenaline. When the adrenaline depletes, I curl up in a ball and sleep. I wake up only to be tired again and looking for another escape. It's sad. Truly pitiful and I'm tired of it, excuse the pun. I keep saying that though. I keep saying the same thing over and over again. Looking for the same excuse, and I'm sure this entry. This jaunt. Is no different. Like I stated earlier, I'm great at diciphering my own problems, but confronting them is a bitch and a half.
"Do you love yourself, or do you love?"
The thought enveloped my mind for a whole thirty-two seconds as we turned right down Beach Road. With my head firmly planted against the cold car window, I looked through the corner of my eyes at the passing cars, or at least that's what I suspected they were doing. It wasn't until I noticed a truck ahead of us that was causing a jam in traffic in it's attempt to correct itself to continue it's trek. I focused on it. It wasn't until traffic resumed and we drove by it, that the question at the top of this entry came into effect. The truck was certainly moving, but because we were moving faster than it, it seemed at a standstill. I've noticed this on trains as well. Two trains can coincide with eachother moving in opposite directions, yet to you, the opposing train seems to be stoic.
"Do you exist in life, or does life exist in you?"
The next piece of my inquiry was the idea that this last year has been one of my most complicated, with the only saving grace being the fact that I'm maturer than I was in previous years. In this regard, I am able to handle a lot of the emotional, physical, and mental instances that have surrounded me. Though it is quite obvious to many people, who have spoken to me about it, that I'm not doing so hot right now. This is quite true, as one of my best features is the ability to see my own problems. The catch is I seem to have an impossible time in overcoming them. I've become stoic (a word I used in the previous paragraph). Shallow. Sometimes even mindlessly dumb. There have been few cases where I've been outspoken about myself that didn't involve a joke. Such as the previous evening where Stephen and I were sitting in a Papa Ginos waiting for our subs. It was a quick, painless discussion, but a rare occurrence still. I've been standing still. Stuck in a trance. I missed my statistics exam this morning because I didn't want to get out of bed, even though I got more sleep that night than in many previous nights beforehand. My Mom calls it sleep deprivation. I think she's right, but at the same time it roots deeper. I'm just tired. My mind doesn't want to do anything. I just keep trying to escape to different places. Just like my head is my home, so is the house I live in. I think it represents both sides. The fact that I try to never be here is the same reason I try to never confront my thoughts or my heart. It just seems like a struggle, so I avoid it.
When I'm tired. I escape. When I escape, I run on adrenaline. When the adrenaline depletes, I curl up in a ball and sleep. I wake up only to be tired again and looking for another escape. It's sad. Truly pitiful and I'm tired of it, excuse the pun. I keep saying that though. I keep saying the same thing over and over again. Looking for the same excuse, and I'm sure this entry. This jaunt. Is no different. Like I stated earlier, I'm great at diciphering my own problems, but confronting them is a bitch and a half.
"Do you love yourself, or do you love?"