(no subject)
ive smoked twice since i quit. the second time i didnt like it. and now ive decided to give it up. i dont feel comfortable anymore. it makes me feel to abnormal and retarded. whenever my friends are around i feel almost obligated to smoke. not by pressure or anything but its just what we used to do. just smoke and bullshit. i feel like now if i dont hit it i wont be on their level and be outside the group. but i dont want to go back to the old me. the one where i would feel dull and incomplete, incapable. the one where i would look in the mirror with retarded eyes dulling back at me. i have changed and i think it is for the better. i hope no one takes offense to this. im just taking a look outside of me and liking what i am seeing verses what i used to. when i try to look back at certain situations through my foggy memory, for one i cant remember and secondly i see how ignorant i was to the world around me. its hard to explain but sort of an avoidence to reality. im proud of my self for breaking an expensive and mind clogging habit i just hope it doesnt effect the relationships between me and my friends.