sanctuary ! sanctuary!
it's election day today and ironically, I got a letter from Homeland security telling me that my Citizenship interview is scheduled for December 4, 2006. so with this being election day, and the day I found out that i am this much closer to being a citizen of the grand ole' US of A, my heart and soul are awash with a conflux of emotions.
all night I've been watching CNN, hanging on the edge of my sofa seat with excitement at the possibility of Dems taking back the house and senate, and feeling thoroughly engaged by the political processes before me. In previous years, I've tuned out of mainstream electoral politics like how George bush must tune out at NAACP conventions- with the sentiment that "this shit just doesn't concern me. I can't make a difference anyways so I'm just going to be blissfully ignorant as hell of the issues."
plus election day in previous years have always been a pain in the ass and a touchy subject since people left and right ask me "who I'm gonna vote for?" "did you vote?" "what candidate do you favor?" and "how are you going to vote on this proposition?"
most of the time, I'll resort to lying and will feign some half assed non-sensical opinion on electoral politics to avoid having to go into a long drawn out explanation about my immigration status and why I don't have citizenship yet.
a common response I get when I tell people I cant vote because I don't have citizenship is the person will gasp and say "WELL, why haven't you just filed for citizenship?" like it was some thought that just never occurred to me, and I was gonna reply and say , "Oh why LAWD , I aint neva even thought of that! My, Ima go down to the immigration office tomorrow and get the paperwork!! Thank you! I DONE OVERLOOKED THAT OPTION!"
but really, those people always mean well so I don't take offense, it just always surprises me how little well informed educated people-and progressive people even- know about how complex and difficult immigration laws are in this country, and how freakin' hard it is to naturalize if you don't have all the stars lined up for you, or if you happen to be from a country like say Mexico or the Philippines, where every damn person in that country is trying to get on over to the united states, and also happens to occupy the list of countries that pose a terrorist threat. if I weren't in law school I would try to make a name for myself as the Asian F.O.B. version of Weird Al Yankovich. I'd re-do the old Will Smith song, "Parents Just Don't Understand" and change it to "Man, Citizens Just Don't Understand."
I remember last election year, I was interning for the Nation , and of course all those people constantly wanted to engage in a "Which presidential candidate do you back?", discussion all the time, when I honestly hadn't thought about it, didn't give a flying fuck who howard dean, dennis kucinich, or john Kerry were, and didn't even know who they were! but when I got asked that question by a Nation co-worker, I just made something up and said "oh you know, what he said!" and motioned to the white fool that praised john kerry before me and then said "oh I have to use the bathroom" and ran away!
anyways, I feel like Quasimodo swinging from the chandelier right now: jubilant, full of life, hope, and joy, but feel lonely still as a lurid and mute outsider. I'm jubilant and hopeful at the thought of finally having a blue fucking passport and being a citizen, full of life at the thought of being able to vote, and I feel happy that the Dems are winning all these seats, yet I still feel like an outsider in the sense that I can't vote and take part in this national project as a voter and engage in the political discussions in t eh same way US citizens can right now. and so like Quasimodo, I peer forlorn and lonesome from the rafters at other voters like the shy and deformed hunchback I am, wondering what it would be like to be like everyone else, and be able to vote, and/or not have a hump on my back, and wondering if and when I'll be a part of it all someday.