Introspection
Today, I've actually been able to sit back and think about things. It's been nice, to say the least. I've been doing nothing other than watching Queer as Folk and kind of avoiding conversation with people. It's not that I want to shy away, it's just that I've thought about things too much for me to actually let loose and get into anything deep when I really do need to take some time out of my day and worry about myself. I'm going to put this behind an LJ cut. If you want to read things about slightly more intimate details of my life that may catch you off guard, you can read on.
I realized flat out, after I was with Michael in December, that there might have been something crippling me sexually. After three hours of play with him, I couldn't reach an orgasm. That frightened me. Initially I thought it was my nerves, but when I thought about it, no one has ever given me an orgasm. I've never gotten there unless it was on my own accord. Might have to wonder about that.
Other than that, I realized more than ever that I'm a hopeless romantic. If I'm going to be with someone, I know for a fact that I need commitment. The idea of being with someone who might be my "fuck buddy" or might be a fling terrfies me. I think that's another reason why I was so heartbroken when Michael and I ended, because I actually felt like I was a fling, and wasn't an actual interest of his. I know better, I really do, but I understand my emotions a little bit more now.
Blah... I'm sleepy now.
I realized flat out, after I was with Michael in December, that there might have been something crippling me sexually. After three hours of play with him, I couldn't reach an orgasm. That frightened me. Initially I thought it was my nerves, but when I thought about it, no one has ever given me an orgasm. I've never gotten there unless it was on my own accord. Might have to wonder about that.
Other than that, I realized more than ever that I'm a hopeless romantic. If I'm going to be with someone, I know for a fact that I need commitment. The idea of being with someone who might be my "fuck buddy" or might be a fling terrfies me. I think that's another reason why I was so heartbroken when Michael and I ended, because I actually felt like I was a fling, and wasn't an actual interest of his. I know better, I really do, but I understand my emotions a little bit more now.
Blah... I'm sleepy now.