time to sort my shit?
I hated being a kid. I wanted to be an adult, free of the helplessness of being young. I have no nostalgia for my childhood, even though a lot of things about my childhood were as absurdly Pleasantville perfect as you can possibly get. The combination of a crippling anxiety/trauma disorder, absurdly high intellect, weird interests, and coming into pre-k at at least a second-grade reading level make you feel fucking old fucking fast, and I never identified with a lot of "kid" things, much less people my own age.
Now I turn 27 in a week and I feel like I'm in a constant spiral of regression. I have an impressive bachelor's degree, an A- GPA in grad school, am well-loved at my job and have really well-cultivated taste in music. But what good is all of this when I can't sort my goddamn shit? I'm a mess. I want stability. I want domesticity. But my emotions are all fucked up and I don't feel like I even know how I want to feel about anything. Maybe I just need some good quality free time and lots more sleep.
Now I turn 27 in a week and I feel like I'm in a constant spiral of regression. I have an impressive bachelor's degree, an A- GPA in grad school, am well-loved at my job and have really well-cultivated taste in music. But what good is all of this when I can't sort my goddamn shit? I'm a mess. I want stability. I want domesticity. But my emotions are all fucked up and I don't feel like I even know how I want to feel about anything. Maybe I just need some good quality free time and lots more sleep.