T'was The Night Before Christmas (Potus Geeks Version)
(Back by unpopular demand, and with profound apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)
Tis the day before Christmas, and here at potus_geeks
The odor of past White House Christmases reeks,
From Washington to Lincoln to T.R., now to Biden,
The year passes quick, tis now time for good tidin'.
From yuletides of old, to times modern day,
And all Grover Cleveland’s trips to the Christmas buffet
potus_geeks serves a daily historical treat
Of those who inhabit 1600 Pennsylvania Street [Avenue actually]
It’s the time when all the past Chief Execs gather near
To make merry and celebrate this time of the year.
They all get together amid White House splendor,
This year they made Ulysses Grant the bartender.
Franklin Pierce got quite drunk, and said “sorry to trouble you!”
He threw up on the Bushes (George H. and George W.)
Silent Cal was no trouble, he won’t touch the booze,
Try to get him to say more than three words, and “you lose!”
Bill Clinton lured interns beneath mistletoe,
Mistaking the meaning of the cry “ho ho ho”
In the corner James Polk and Rud Hayes in a scrum dug,
They tsk tsk’d the festivities and chorused “bah humbug!”
Hoover snubbed FDR, for he really despised him,
Millard Fillmore was sad, for no one recognized him.
James Buchanan was there, and he sat in a pout,
As Obama implored him “for God sakes, just come out.”
Then what to their wondrous ears should abound,
But a large jolly fat man, all red-cheeked and round.
He had a round belly, and how loudly he laughed!
(No it wasn’t Saint Nick, it was just big Bill Taft.)
But with great generosity, he brought presents for all,
And he handed them out as each name he did call.
"Come Jefferson, Monroe, McKinley and Wilson
And Kennedy, Reagan, and Carter and Nixon"
To George Washington, something for all his adventures,
His gift was a new set of modern-day dentures!
Zac Taylor got pillowy-soft toilet paper and enough,
To replace his old stock that was ready, but rough.
New pajamas for Theodore Roosevelt, they were wooly,
When he saw them he grinned and then loudly yelled “Bully!”
Planters Peanuts for Carter, and a new pair of jeans,
For the Gipper an assortment of great jelly beans.
Nixon hated his present, a recording device,
But that’s what you get when you’re naughty, not nice.
When no one was looking, more presents he took,
And when he got caught he cried “I am not a crook!”
Free vasectomy surgery for John Tyler, no bluff.
Taft said "John, I think fifteen kids are enough."
For James Madison, his gift would end his Christmas blues,
Twas a new pair of spiffy black elevator shoes.
For Truman a new suit, for Jackson a sword,
Lasagna for Garfield, a first-aid kit for Ford!
Taft wondered what to give to one as wealthy as Trump?
Hmm, he said he liked coal, so in his stocking - a lump!
Joe Biden, the club's newest member, he thrived,
Now the mid-terms were over, Joe cheered "I survived!"
Trump ignored this, and got wrapped up in all the excitement
His stocking was full -- it was full of indictments!
Then Taft sprang up the chimney, with daring and pluck.
But just like in the bathtub, once more he got stuck
But don’t worry, Taft’s fine and soon back in the kitchen,
Van Buren unstuck him, the Little Magician!
As the POTUSes partied, all tipsy and tight,
Wishing Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
May your Christmas be merry, filled with presents galore,
Here’s to more potus_geeks in two thousand twenty-four!
Tis the day before Christmas, and here at potus_geeks
The odor of past White House Christmases reeks,
From Washington to Lincoln to T.R., now to Biden,
The year passes quick, tis now time for good tidin'.
From yuletides of old, to times modern day,
And all Grover Cleveland’s trips to the Christmas buffet
potus_geeks serves a daily historical treat
Of those who inhabit 1600 Pennsylvania Street [Avenue actually]
It’s the time when all the past Chief Execs gather near
To make merry and celebrate this time of the year.
They all get together amid White House splendor,
This year they made Ulysses Grant the bartender.
Franklin Pierce got quite drunk, and said “sorry to trouble you!”
He threw up on the Bushes (George H. and George W.)
Silent Cal was no trouble, he won’t touch the booze,
Try to get him to say more than three words, and “you lose!”
Bill Clinton lured interns beneath mistletoe,
Mistaking the meaning of the cry “ho ho ho”
In the corner James Polk and Rud Hayes in a scrum dug,
They tsk tsk’d the festivities and chorused “bah humbug!”
Hoover snubbed FDR, for he really despised him,
Millard Fillmore was sad, for no one recognized him.
James Buchanan was there, and he sat in a pout,
As Obama implored him “for God sakes, just come out.”
Then what to their wondrous ears should abound,
But a large jolly fat man, all red-cheeked and round.
He had a round belly, and how loudly he laughed!
(No it wasn’t Saint Nick, it was just big Bill Taft.)
But with great generosity, he brought presents for all,
And he handed them out as each name he did call.
"Come Jefferson, Monroe, McKinley and Wilson
And Kennedy, Reagan, and Carter and Nixon"
To George Washington, something for all his adventures,
His gift was a new set of modern-day dentures!
Zac Taylor got pillowy-soft toilet paper and enough,
To replace his old stock that was ready, but rough.
New pajamas for Theodore Roosevelt, they were wooly,
When he saw them he grinned and then loudly yelled “Bully!”
Planters Peanuts for Carter, and a new pair of jeans,
For the Gipper an assortment of great jelly beans.
Nixon hated his present, a recording device,
But that’s what you get when you’re naughty, not nice.
When no one was looking, more presents he took,
And when he got caught he cried “I am not a crook!”
Free vasectomy surgery for John Tyler, no bluff.
Taft said "John, I think fifteen kids are enough."
For James Madison, his gift would end his Christmas blues,
Twas a new pair of spiffy black elevator shoes.
For Truman a new suit, for Jackson a sword,
Lasagna for Garfield, a first-aid kit for Ford!
Taft wondered what to give to one as wealthy as Trump?
Hmm, he said he liked coal, so in his stocking - a lump!
Joe Biden, the club's newest member, he thrived,
Now the mid-terms were over, Joe cheered "I survived!"
Trump ignored this, and got wrapped up in all the excitement
His stocking was full -- it was full of indictments!
Then Taft sprang up the chimney, with daring and pluck.
But just like in the bathtub, once more he got stuck
But don’t worry, Taft’s fine and soon back in the kitchen,
Van Buren unstuck him, the Little Magician!
As the POTUSes partied, all tipsy and tight,
Wishing Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
May your Christmas be merry, filled with presents galore,
Here’s to more potus_geeks in two thousand twenty-four!