I now have PBTSD: Palmetto Bug Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Here is my story:
For those unfamiliar with Florida(and other parts) pest the Palmetto Bug, think BIG flying cockroach. Last night it made a sudden appearance after the rain. Who the hell knows how it got in. My house is ancient so I'm sure there are plenty of cracks. So there I am, almost eleven at night about to head off to dreamland and out of nowhere ZOOM it's flying around in the living room. F@#KING HELL! I scream and make a mad dash to find something to kill it with. In my haste, of course, all I find is a shoe and part of a cardboard box. My heart is racing. When I get back it's crawling on the wall. Brazen bastard! I approach slowly. ZOOM it dive bombs me, dipping low. I hit the ground, screaming with no sound coming out.(side note: I'd make a rubbish scream queen) It lights on another wall. I back up to regroup. I notice the gaping hallway now and the opportunity for this to all go to hell. What if it gets to the bedroom?! I quickly rip down a curtain covering a hall closet to block the hallway. HA! One for me you flying bully. As I make my way back to the living room it's just in time to see it mock me by flying nonchalantly into the family room, where it promptly disappeared amongst many now apparent hidey holes. While still freaked the hell out, I decided this would be a battle for another day. It was after midnight now and I had work today. The hall was protected, so off to bed I went. Tonight. As I contemplated how I would clean out the family room to banish all the hidey holes(and hopefully the bane of my existence), I heard a noise. Was that a noise? I mute the tv and as if on cue, that filthy beast flies directly at me. Let me say that again. DIRECTLY AT ME! Cue my freakish non scream and dive out of the chair to the ground. THIS STOPS TONIGHT! I yell. Taking some friendly advice I was given about the situation, I make haste for the Dyson. It's disappeared once again, but I'm patient. At the ready, I am still as a statue. After a few minutes, there it is crawling from the floor to the wall. I'm certain it was plotting another attack, but I was ready. Switching on the Dyson, I confidently took a step forward, then another and true to the advertising, the Dyson never lost suction. I was concerned at first(frankly terrified) that if I turned off the suction it would fly right back out. So for tonight....the Dyson sleeps outside.
For those unfamiliar with Florida(and other parts) pest the Palmetto Bug, think BIG flying cockroach. Last night it made a sudden appearance after the rain. Who the hell knows how it got in. My house is ancient so I'm sure there are plenty of cracks. So there I am, almost eleven at night about to head off to dreamland and out of nowhere ZOOM it's flying around in the living room. F@#KING HELL! I scream and make a mad dash to find something to kill it with. In my haste, of course, all I find is a shoe and part of a cardboard box. My heart is racing. When I get back it's crawling on the wall. Brazen bastard! I approach slowly. ZOOM it dive bombs me, dipping low. I hit the ground, screaming with no sound coming out.(side note: I'd make a rubbish scream queen) It lights on another wall. I back up to regroup. I notice the gaping hallway now and the opportunity for this to all go to hell. What if it gets to the bedroom?! I quickly rip down a curtain covering a hall closet to block the hallway. HA! One for me you flying bully. As I make my way back to the living room it's just in time to see it mock me by flying nonchalantly into the family room, where it promptly disappeared amongst many now apparent hidey holes. While still freaked the hell out, I decided this would be a battle for another day. It was after midnight now and I had work today. The hall was protected, so off to bed I went. Tonight. As I contemplated how I would clean out the family room to banish all the hidey holes(and hopefully the bane of my existence), I heard a noise. Was that a noise? I mute the tv and as if on cue, that filthy beast flies directly at me. Let me say that again. DIRECTLY AT ME! Cue my freakish non scream and dive out of the chair to the ground. THIS STOPS TONIGHT! I yell. Taking some friendly advice I was given about the situation, I make haste for the Dyson. It's disappeared once again, but I'm patient. At the ready, I am still as a statue. After a few minutes, there it is crawling from the floor to the wall. I'm certain it was plotting another attack, but I was ready. Switching on the Dyson, I confidently took a step forward, then another and true to the advertising, the Dyson never lost suction. I was concerned at first(frankly terrified) that if I turned off the suction it would fly right back out. So for tonight....the Dyson sleeps outside.