3537: Apres Moi - Bella Swan
It's tme for Tropes Sue Week either. I'm looking for help finding entries for said week.
Today we have the Canon Sue, and today's type is not the one the fanfic writer's take possession of, but the one from the original canon. This means we need to look to another fandom, and the first which jumps to mind is Bella from Twilight.
Today's link of the day is Favoriting Without Reviewing Rant Thread
TITLE: Apres Moi
PERPETRATOR: solroros
SUE-O-METER: Good
COVER/BANNER ART: We have a picture of a mountain
SUMMARY:”Bella was just trying to hide from Death Eaters, and maybe help her big sister take down Voldemort. You know what they say about that road to perdition - it's paved with good intentions. Bella/Jasper Rated M for language and future naughtiness.”
FULL NAME: Bella Granger/ Bella Swan
SPECIES: Hermione's sister...
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: “As a girl who lived in jeans, she loathed the wool skirts forced upon her for years by both magical institutions. Really, the ability to wear Muggle clothing on a day to day basis was Forks' sole advantage over anywhere else in the world.” “She sighed and wandlessly vanished her cigarette before exiting her red '98 Ford Ranger (manual, thank you very much).”
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter explains how Bella came to be in Forks, and she's smoking a cigarette. She complains about everything in her life from the girl's boarding school in England to even Hogwarts. (I kept thinking about how Hogwarts isn't bad like Bella paints it to be, and then I remembered this is Bella we're talking about.) She meets some of her new classmates, and listens to their unenlightened attitudes about the world. (The fact Mike brings up a comment about commies bothers me a bit.) “Lauren and Jessica whispered poisonous gossip in Bella's ears during the class, about how Angela used to be their friend before she started dating Edward Cullen, who was, like, totally hot. Way too hot for someone as mousy and studious as Angela.” She decides to go to Angela for tutoring. Angela proceeds to tell Bella she doesn't look like someone who cares about studying, and then Bella says something about how Angela doesn't like a slut. Angela's final response is about how controlling Edward is.” “Bella made her way to the locker room entrance at the back of the gym, where a convenient overhang shielded her from the ever-present rain. As she lit up, she reviewed her game plan for the week: ward the house, write to Hermione and the Order, talk to the Quileutes about soul magic, cry herself to sleep missing her mother, cook for dad and try to keep it together in the light of day. […] She sighed and snapped her fingers, causing a flame to appear on the end of her thumb - a flame which she used to light her cigarette.” We get more angst from Bella after getting details of why she's there. She then realizes that Angela is dating a vampire, and Bella uses her Occlumency shields, and decides that Edward is a dick. She's bothered by the fact the adopted siblings are “together” as well. Hermione and Bella have a debate about whether Vampires actually deserve an education as well, and Hermione refused to side with her until Bella points out one of them is dating a human. She's also wanting Hermione to do research for her. (You know, that's honestly a plus from Bella attempting to do research with how she did it in her book.) We get more angst, and then she worries about being in Edward's thrall. It ends with her having to deal with the Cullen family.
ORIGIN: “A/N: Story takes place in 2001. Bella is 18, it's everyone's senior year.” “The hole in her heart left by her mother's death ached uncomfortably, shortening her breath with the force it put on her lungs. Her mother had been walking back from the store around the corner from the Grangers' apartment in Boston when the Death Eaters caught her. There was no warning. The Confunded Muggles said it was a mugging gone wrong, unable to see the runes of warning carved into Emma Granger's dead flesh.” “On that warm May day three years ago, Voldemort's snake-like visage had crumbled to ash as his soul sought out and possessed the body of his most closely bound servant: Lucius Malfoy. As the reincarnation of the Dark Lord, Malfoy had waged a bloody and costly war on the magicals of wizarding Britain. The Dark artifacts at his disposal boggled the mind - based on Hermione's notes, Bella shuddered to think what other instruments of torture were hidden in the attic of Malfoy Manor. […] Which brought her here, to the woods of western Washington, where a group of Native American witches had successfully soul-bound their shape-shifting men to the land and the tribe. […] Bella's mission was to study the magic used by the Quileutes for their "imprinting", tear it down to theory, and see if it would be helpful in the fight against Malfoymort.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's able to magic away cigarettes. “On the inhale, she focused on making her breath conform to the standards of meditation. Losing her temper was a bad idea today, or any day, no matter how stupid and sheltered the people around her were. […] When she lost her temper, things broke.”
NOTES: Making Hermione and Bella cousins is bad enough, but siblings? I decided on this one over a story where Teddy is both Harry and Hermione's godparents, and Hermione's Bella's cousin. This said...
Normally I'd be giving a story like this an Awful or Toxic rating. I mean, we have Voldemort coming back despite the fact Rowling made it clear he's dead and gone for good, and he's reincarnated in Lucius body. The first thing that lowers the writing is the way the writer handles the story telling, and laying out the plot. It's actually done in a manner which is far more believable then most stories which knocks it down to a Bad or Awful rating. The other thing which lowers the rating on this one is Bella. This Bella is actually better then canon Bella. The writer then got points for trying to make the vampires in Twilight believable. Vampires not matching Harry Potter's normally would up the rating, but in this case it's a major improvement upon sparklepires. PLUS... look at the standard for Twilight fanfics, particularly the crossovers we've read.
I also found this in one of the writers reviews. “First of all; I can’t believe that you only got one review, because this story definitely has potential and I really like it...”
For once I actually feel the story deserves more reviews then it has. Sadly there are only five reviews on this one.
SAMPLE:
They were staring at her - all of them - with undisguised curiosity. The girls, Lauren and Jessica, ran critical eyes over her long, braided chestnut hair (and its many split ends). They regarded her bitten nails with disdain, noting the dark red color of the chipped polish. They found her hand-me-down 'The Clash' t-shirt, red jeans, and black Chucks to be the opposite of whatever passed for cool in B.F.E.
The boys, Mike and Tyler, were simpler. They checked out her legs and her tits with varying degrees of inconspicuousness.
None of them were impressed until they heard her speak.
"Like, oh my God!"
"Are you from England?"
Bella nodded.
"That is so cool!" Jessica and Lauren squealed simultaneously.
"Do you know the Spice Girls?"
"Do you hate America?"
Lauren rolled her eyes at Jessica. "Jessica, you can't just go around asking people if they hate America. That's, like, against the Constitution."
Bella barely restrained her eye roll.
"As a matter of fact, it's a bit rubbish," Bella said, turning into their classroom and wishing she had time for a cigarette. These damn Muggles were giving her a stress headache with their helpfulness and their judgment.
Today we have the Canon Sue, and today's type is not the one the fanfic writer's take possession of, but the one from the original canon. This means we need to look to another fandom, and the first which jumps to mind is Bella from Twilight.
Today's link of the day is Favoriting Without Reviewing Rant Thread
TITLE: Apres Moi
PERPETRATOR: solroros
SUE-O-METER: Good
COVER/BANNER ART: We have a picture of a mountain
SUMMARY:”Bella was just trying to hide from Death Eaters, and maybe help her big sister take down Voldemort. You know what they say about that road to perdition - it's paved with good intentions. Bella/Jasper Rated M for language and future naughtiness.”
FULL NAME: Bella Granger/ Bella Swan
SPECIES: Hermione's sister...
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: “As a girl who lived in jeans, she loathed the wool skirts forced upon her for years by both magical institutions. Really, the ability to wear Muggle clothing on a day to day basis was Forks' sole advantage over anywhere else in the world.” “She sighed and wandlessly vanished her cigarette before exiting her red '98 Ford Ranger (manual, thank you very much).”
CONNECTION TO CANON: The first chapter explains how Bella came to be in Forks, and she's smoking a cigarette. She complains about everything in her life from the girl's boarding school in England to even Hogwarts. (I kept thinking about how Hogwarts isn't bad like Bella paints it to be, and then I remembered this is Bella we're talking about.) She meets some of her new classmates, and listens to their unenlightened attitudes about the world. (The fact Mike brings up a comment about commies bothers me a bit.) “Lauren and Jessica whispered poisonous gossip in Bella's ears during the class, about how Angela used to be their friend before she started dating Edward Cullen, who was, like, totally hot. Way too hot for someone as mousy and studious as Angela.” She decides to go to Angela for tutoring. Angela proceeds to tell Bella she doesn't look like someone who cares about studying, and then Bella says something about how Angela doesn't like a slut. Angela's final response is about how controlling Edward is.” “Bella made her way to the locker room entrance at the back of the gym, where a convenient overhang shielded her from the ever-present rain. As she lit up, she reviewed her game plan for the week: ward the house, write to Hermione and the Order, talk to the Quileutes about soul magic, cry herself to sleep missing her mother, cook for dad and try to keep it together in the light of day. […] She sighed and snapped her fingers, causing a flame to appear on the end of her thumb - a flame which she used to light her cigarette.” We get more angst from Bella after getting details of why she's there. She then realizes that Angela is dating a vampire, and Bella uses her Occlumency shields, and decides that Edward is a dick. She's bothered by the fact the adopted siblings are “together” as well. Hermione and Bella have a debate about whether Vampires actually deserve an education as well, and Hermione refused to side with her until Bella points out one of them is dating a human. She's also wanting Hermione to do research for her. (You know, that's honestly a plus from Bella attempting to do research with how she did it in her book.) We get more angst, and then she worries about being in Edward's thrall. It ends with her having to deal with the Cullen family.
ORIGIN: “A/N: Story takes place in 2001. Bella is 18, it's everyone's senior year.” “The hole in her heart left by her mother's death ached uncomfortably, shortening her breath with the force it put on her lungs. Her mother had been walking back from the store around the corner from the Grangers' apartment in Boston when the Death Eaters caught her. There was no warning. The Confunded Muggles said it was a mugging gone wrong, unable to see the runes of warning carved into Emma Granger's dead flesh.” “On that warm May day three years ago, Voldemort's snake-like visage had crumbled to ash as his soul sought out and possessed the body of his most closely bound servant: Lucius Malfoy. As the reincarnation of the Dark Lord, Malfoy had waged a bloody and costly war on the magicals of wizarding Britain. The Dark artifacts at his disposal boggled the mind - based on Hermione's notes, Bella shuddered to think what other instruments of torture were hidden in the attic of Malfoy Manor. […] Which brought her here, to the woods of western Washington, where a group of Native American witches had successfully soul-bound their shape-shifting men to the land and the tribe. […] Bella's mission was to study the magic used by the Quileutes for their "imprinting", tear it down to theory, and see if it would be helpful in the fight against Malfoymort.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's able to magic away cigarettes. “On the inhale, she focused on making her breath conform to the standards of meditation. Losing her temper was a bad idea today, or any day, no matter how stupid and sheltered the people around her were. […] When she lost her temper, things broke.”
NOTES: Making Hermione and Bella cousins is bad enough, but siblings? I decided on this one over a story where Teddy is both Harry and Hermione's godparents, and Hermione's Bella's cousin. This said...
Normally I'd be giving a story like this an Awful or Toxic rating. I mean, we have Voldemort coming back despite the fact Rowling made it clear he's dead and gone for good, and he's reincarnated in Lucius body. The first thing that lowers the writing is the way the writer handles the story telling, and laying out the plot. It's actually done in a manner which is far more believable then most stories which knocks it down to a Bad or Awful rating. The other thing which lowers the rating on this one is Bella. This Bella is actually better then canon Bella. The writer then got points for trying to make the vampires in Twilight believable. Vampires not matching Harry Potter's normally would up the rating, but in this case it's a major improvement upon sparklepires. PLUS... look at the standard for Twilight fanfics, particularly the crossovers we've read.
I also found this in one of the writers reviews. “First of all; I can’t believe that you only got one review, because this story definitely has potential and I really like it...”
For once I actually feel the story deserves more reviews then it has. Sadly there are only five reviews on this one.
SAMPLE:
They were staring at her - all of them - with undisguised curiosity. The girls, Lauren and Jessica, ran critical eyes over her long, braided chestnut hair (and its many split ends). They regarded her bitten nails with disdain, noting the dark red color of the chipped polish. They found her hand-me-down 'The Clash' t-shirt, red jeans, and black Chucks to be the opposite of whatever passed for cool in B.F.E.
The boys, Mike and Tyler, were simpler. They checked out her legs and her tits with varying degrees of inconspicuousness.
None of them were impressed until they heard her speak.
"Like, oh my God!"
"Are you from England?"
Bella nodded.
"That is so cool!" Jessica and Lauren squealed simultaneously.
"Do you know the Spice Girls?"
"Do you hate America?"
Lauren rolled her eyes at Jessica. "Jessica, you can't just go around asking people if they hate America. That's, like, against the Constitution."
Bella barely restrained her eye roll.
"As a matter of fact, it's a bit rubbish," Bella said, turning into their classroom and wishing she had time for a cigarette. These damn Muggles were giving her a stress headache with their helpfulness and their judgment.