3344: School of Magic - Talia Potter
Don't forget about the fanfic contest.
I think the writer of the link of the day proves the point she is arguing against rather then disproving it. Flashback Sue is a genderbender.
TITLE: School of Magic
PERPETRATOR: Foxy Talia Potter
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover art is a cip of their avatar, which I am assumin is Talia.
SUMMARY:”This is inspired by a story I read, it'll follows Talia Potter (femHarry) and her journey. I write a book a chapter, meaning this will be a 7 long chapter story, only the first chapter leans on canon heavily. I plan twists later. All reviews will be answered, so please review respectfully.”
FULL NAME: Talia Potter
SPECIES:
HAIR: “ Talia felt aunt Petunia angrily fiddling with her hair before taking a regular rubber band and tying it around the bottom end. [...] Her long red hair was now in a braid down to her ankles. The way it was now one could hardly tell it was dirty.”
EYES:
MARKINGS: “Talia lifted the shirt to glance at the red welts she received last night just to stop her from doing anything with Dudley's gifts. She didn't poke at it, it would only bleed.” When Ginny looks at her forehead to see Talia's scar... Talia says... "It's not on my forehead, it's on my chest over my left nub." (Slaps forehead at this point.)
POSSESSIONS: “A pair of faded jeans with one of aunt Petunia's belts, heaven knows she was the only one thin enough to wear a belt. A pair of wooly socks stretched to its limits due to Dudley's wide ankles. A polo-neck shirt that still looked new, Dudley might not have been able to get it around his neck. The last item was the shoes, five sizes too big for Talia, but then you don't look a gift horse in the mouth.” She has her own room at campus.
CONNECTION TO CANON: For some reason Talia is up in the morning dusting the pictures naked. She ends up going to the zoo because Dudley let it slip she still lives with the Dursleys. She of course releasees the Boa constrictor and he goes with some other snakes to send and SOS message to a family of wizards. They were able to extract the memory of the Boa Constrictor. Eventually Minerva comes to take her away from the nasty Dursley family. Talia is amazed that she is being taken away and when she is told she will no longer with them and she says “but”... which indicates she has questions of why this is possibe... McGonagall declares she has Stockholm Syndrome. “McGonagall sat at the desk in the room writing a letter when she felt a tuck of magic. It was completely untraceable, but McGonagall recognized it as the same tuck she got every time she became a cat, or another Animagus transformed in her close proximity. McGonagall walked over to the bed and noticed the little red fox curled into a cute ball. She smiled, Talia Potter survived by becoming a fox, the fur a shield against the cold.” Talia of course doesn't have glasses until McGonagall gets her a pair that she randomly summons from the air. She also never had a skirt before, so this part of the uniform is foreign to her. Hagrids then to take her to London so she can ride the train with everyone else and despite having bought her school supplies she's suddenly having to buy a trunk. She meets Ginny and makes friends with her. She also meets Hermione and Ron and then gets on the train. Ron is interested in seeing her scar. She gets sorted into Gryffindor. Snape asks her questions and she answers them, but she still gets a point taken away for her “sheer cheek”. (Which by the way... she didn't show despite the fact the writer says she did.) She has another point taken away from her for not stopping Neville from putting stuff into his pot and she defends herself by saying "I am sitting three benches in front of him. How on earth should I have seen what he was doing?" She loses another point. She gets a letter from Ginny and she gets onto the Quiditch team. She becomes ill and sleeps in her room, so Ron finds out she gets special treatment. Next is the incident with the three headed dog. Then the Halloween incident. But not before she tells the truth, doesn't get punished and still gets her broom. She goes off in her fox form and she and Hermione handle the situation without Ron. Then comes the Quiditch match. After the game the girls on the team want to pamper her. Christmas occurs. She managed to remember the Voldemort incident and gets everyone to sympathize with her. Said conversation also is about how Dudley is a bully and how she is abused. The story pretty much progresses the same way as canon.
ORIGIN: The writer decided to take their own spin on the whole Girl-Who-Lived cliché. It is another story that exagerates the abuse to unbelievable standards. “The school was furious, they called the Dursleys and said Talia was climbing the buildings. It wasn't until Dudley came to her rescue that things went south. He told his parents that Talia was there one second and gone the next. Uncle Vernon went to the back yard and cut off the thorniest rose stem he could find. That night as Dudley watched TV, uncle Vernon tore the clothes from her body and beat her with the rose stem until it finally broke. He gave her two hits with his fists before locking her in the cupboard. A week later Talia was allowed to take what ever scraps of food was left in exchange for cleaning the house from top to bottom.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Apparently the Dursley family doesn't allow Talia to wear clothes most of the time. She is also only fed stale bread and water. This food is kept in her cupboard. As she is a slave she must keep five paces behind her family. Dumbledore says, "But the ministry won't be able to assist you as Hogwarts have full authority over underage witches and wizards." The writer has claimed she has Stockholm Syndrom. The Three Broomsticks also now has a buffet that she is fed from. She is a natural Animangus. The writer calls it an “involuntary Animagus”.
NOTES: This whole “book a chapter” is actually “shoving all the chapters for one year into one document and presenting it to the writers as if it is one chapter”. I personally can't trust the writer to “lean less heavily on canon” because...
* … they shouldn't be relying heavily on canon in the first place …
* … the twists they have done for the first year aren't really twists, but the writer trying to make her own version of Harry Potter...
* … not to mention the fact they're unrealistic...
* … and there is the lack of originality by formatting the story plot line via years.
I'm also going to add that the abuse that goes on is ridiculous. I count thirteen chapters instead of just one. The chapter ends with this note. “Look out for book 2 in the future, but don't pest me about it, this story took over three months to complete.”
SAMPLE:
After a life of sorrow
Minerva McGonagall couldn't believe what she learned the previous day. A wizarding family found a large boa constrictor, and a three other snakes, in their kitchen. The smaller snakes lay in an SOS pattern while the boa lay in a lightning bolt shape. They extracted the boa's most recent memory and saw a very thin, worn looking girl lying against the class at a reptile house in Surrey. The memory was taken to Albus Dumbledore who asked McGonagall to investigate.
She found a history of neglect followed by abuse and enslavement. It seemed that fate was cruel to one Talia Potter. McGonagall gave a full report to Dumbledore. He wished to speak to the family and ask them to treat Talia better, McGonagall exploded. She was skeptic when he only left them a letter to explain circumstances and after she seen the abuse through Legilimency, a form of magic she hated, she could no longer keep her mouth.
"Albus, surely you can't expect the muggles to see reason by just talking to them." McGonagall saw the twinkle in his eye.
"I shall take matters into my own hands. I know for a fact that Talia hadn't considered Privet Drive a home since she was made a slave there, all the wards has faded." McGonagall took a deep calming breath. "If you won't save her from those muggles I will."
Dumbledore still wanted to answer, but McGonagall had already gone. Dumbledore knew she wouldn't find what she was looking for at the Ministry. He raked his mind and found McGonagall had a sound argument so he followed her.
"Minerva, you are right." Dumbledore said with a sigh. "But the ministry won't be able to assist you as Hogwarts have full authority over underage witches and wizards."
"So I can go fetch Talia?" McGonagall scowled.
"Soon but not just yet, you see there are some formalities that needs to be taken care of." Dumbledore held out his arm and McGonagall begrudgingly took it.
I think the writer of the link of the day proves the point she is arguing against rather then disproving it. Flashback Sue is a genderbender.
TITLE: School of Magic
PERPETRATOR: Foxy Talia Potter
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover art is a cip of their avatar, which I am assumin is Talia.
SUMMARY:”This is inspired by a story I read, it'll follows Talia Potter (femHarry) and her journey. I write a book a chapter, meaning this will be a 7 long chapter story, only the first chapter leans on canon heavily. I plan twists later. All reviews will be answered, so please review respectfully.”
FULL NAME: Talia Potter
SPECIES:
HAIR: “ Talia felt aunt Petunia angrily fiddling with her hair before taking a regular rubber band and tying it around the bottom end. [...] Her long red hair was now in a braid down to her ankles. The way it was now one could hardly tell it was dirty.”
EYES:
MARKINGS: “Talia lifted the shirt to glance at the red welts she received last night just to stop her from doing anything with Dudley's gifts. She didn't poke at it, it would only bleed.” When Ginny looks at her forehead to see Talia's scar... Talia says... "It's not on my forehead, it's on my chest over my left nub." (Slaps forehead at this point.)
POSSESSIONS: “A pair of faded jeans with one of aunt Petunia's belts, heaven knows she was the only one thin enough to wear a belt. A pair of wooly socks stretched to its limits due to Dudley's wide ankles. A polo-neck shirt that still looked new, Dudley might not have been able to get it around his neck. The last item was the shoes, five sizes too big for Talia, but then you don't look a gift horse in the mouth.” She has her own room at campus.
CONNECTION TO CANON: For some reason Talia is up in the morning dusting the pictures naked. She ends up going to the zoo because Dudley let it slip she still lives with the Dursleys. She of course releasees the Boa constrictor and he goes with some other snakes to send and SOS message to a family of wizards. They were able to extract the memory of the Boa Constrictor. Eventually Minerva comes to take her away from the nasty Dursley family. Talia is amazed that she is being taken away and when she is told she will no longer with them and she says “but”... which indicates she has questions of why this is possibe... McGonagall declares she has Stockholm Syndrome. “McGonagall sat at the desk in the room writing a letter when she felt a tuck of magic. It was completely untraceable, but McGonagall recognized it as the same tuck she got every time she became a cat, or another Animagus transformed in her close proximity. McGonagall walked over to the bed and noticed the little red fox curled into a cute ball. She smiled, Talia Potter survived by becoming a fox, the fur a shield against the cold.” Talia of course doesn't have glasses until McGonagall gets her a pair that she randomly summons from the air. She also never had a skirt before, so this part of the uniform is foreign to her. Hagrids then to take her to London so she can ride the train with everyone else and despite having bought her school supplies she's suddenly having to buy a trunk. She meets Ginny and makes friends with her. She also meets Hermione and Ron and then gets on the train. Ron is interested in seeing her scar. She gets sorted into Gryffindor. Snape asks her questions and she answers them, but she still gets a point taken away for her “sheer cheek”. (Which by the way... she didn't show despite the fact the writer says she did.) She has another point taken away from her for not stopping Neville from putting stuff into his pot and she defends herself by saying "I am sitting three benches in front of him. How on earth should I have seen what he was doing?" She loses another point. She gets a letter from Ginny and she gets onto the Quiditch team. She becomes ill and sleeps in her room, so Ron finds out she gets special treatment. Next is the incident with the three headed dog. Then the Halloween incident. But not before she tells the truth, doesn't get punished and still gets her broom. She goes off in her fox form and she and Hermione handle the situation without Ron. Then comes the Quiditch match. After the game the girls on the team want to pamper her. Christmas occurs. She managed to remember the Voldemort incident and gets everyone to sympathize with her. Said conversation also is about how Dudley is a bully and how she is abused. The story pretty much progresses the same way as canon.
ORIGIN: The writer decided to take their own spin on the whole Girl-Who-Lived cliché. It is another story that exagerates the abuse to unbelievable standards. “The school was furious, they called the Dursleys and said Talia was climbing the buildings. It wasn't until Dudley came to her rescue that things went south. He told his parents that Talia was there one second and gone the next. Uncle Vernon went to the back yard and cut off the thorniest rose stem he could find. That night as Dudley watched TV, uncle Vernon tore the clothes from her body and beat her with the rose stem until it finally broke. He gave her two hits with his fists before locking her in the cupboard. A week later Talia was allowed to take what ever scraps of food was left in exchange for cleaning the house from top to bottom.”
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Apparently the Dursley family doesn't allow Talia to wear clothes most of the time. She is also only fed stale bread and water. This food is kept in her cupboard. As she is a slave she must keep five paces behind her family. Dumbledore says, "But the ministry won't be able to assist you as Hogwarts have full authority over underage witches and wizards." The writer has claimed she has Stockholm Syndrom. The Three Broomsticks also now has a buffet that she is fed from. She is a natural Animangus. The writer calls it an “involuntary Animagus”.
NOTES: This whole “book a chapter” is actually “shoving all the chapters for one year into one document and presenting it to the writers as if it is one chapter”. I personally can't trust the writer to “lean less heavily on canon” because...
* … they shouldn't be relying heavily on canon in the first place …
* … the twists they have done for the first year aren't really twists, but the writer trying to make her own version of Harry Potter...
* … not to mention the fact they're unrealistic...
* … and there is the lack of originality by formatting the story plot line via years.
I'm also going to add that the abuse that goes on is ridiculous. I count thirteen chapters instead of just one. The chapter ends with this note. “Look out for book 2 in the future, but don't pest me about it, this story took over three months to complete.”
SAMPLE:
After a life of sorrow
Minerva McGonagall couldn't believe what she learned the previous day. A wizarding family found a large boa constrictor, and a three other snakes, in their kitchen. The smaller snakes lay in an SOS pattern while the boa lay in a lightning bolt shape. They extracted the boa's most recent memory and saw a very thin, worn looking girl lying against the class at a reptile house in Surrey. The memory was taken to Albus Dumbledore who asked McGonagall to investigate.
She found a history of neglect followed by abuse and enslavement. It seemed that fate was cruel to one Talia Potter. McGonagall gave a full report to Dumbledore. He wished to speak to the family and ask them to treat Talia better, McGonagall exploded. She was skeptic when he only left them a letter to explain circumstances and after she seen the abuse through Legilimency, a form of magic she hated, she could no longer keep her mouth.
"Albus, surely you can't expect the muggles to see reason by just talking to them." McGonagall saw the twinkle in his eye.
"I shall take matters into my own hands. I know for a fact that Talia hadn't considered Privet Drive a home since she was made a slave there, all the wards has faded." McGonagall took a deep calming breath. "If you won't save her from those muggles I will."
Dumbledore still wanted to answer, but McGonagall had already gone. Dumbledore knew she wouldn't find what she was looking for at the Ministry. He raked his mind and found McGonagall had a sound argument so he followed her.
"Minerva, you are right." Dumbledore said with a sigh. "But the ministry won't be able to assist you as Hogwarts have full authority over underage witches and wizards."
"So I can go fetch Talia?" McGonagall scowled.
"Soon but not just yet, you see there are some formalities that needs to be taken care of." Dumbledore held out his arm and McGonagall begrudgingly took it.