3313: Aware - Alia, Mary and company
Don't forget about the fanfic contest. I found a nice article on dialog writing for the link of the day. Flashback Sue is a you-Sue.
TITLE: Aware
PERPETRATOR: EmeraldStorm7
SUE-O-METER:
(bad)
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover art depicts the faces of the four main girls who will be dating the guys in this story.
SUMMARY:”Sirius Black had the kind of good looks and charm that unlocked a girl's heart the way mere mortals unlocked doors, but what happens when that prize winning grin fails him and he has to search deeper within to get what he wanted... so deep he discovers layers that he wasn't even aware existed... Marauder Era fic based in their sixth year. SB/OC, JP/LE, RL/OC.”
FULL NAME: Judalia “J”, “Alia”. Devon, Mary MacDonald, Aiza Shafiq, plus a bunch of other random OCs, Lily... there is an Evelyn in there, a Patrick, an Andy, an Isabella McDougal
SPECIES: We have a pack of OCs
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: For some reason the writer likes playing up the idea that the girls like dressing in a skimpy manner despite the fact the teachers would take notice and tell them to change.
CONNECTION TO CANON: An embarrassed Lily tells the guys that they don't know about the new student because “Sirius Black is much TOO important to identify with the whisperers of the commoners.” The story rambles then about breakfast and other random things, like how “[Lily's] talking like a fifteenth century muggle rights activist” and “shortened her skirt”. He meets up with J in the library and the most exciting thing that happens is that Mrs. Norris is kicked out. Which... I don't think Pince would actually do. We randomly get a line about Lily liking James. The plot is pretty much a very weak love triangle for Sirius between Mary and J.
ORIGIN: We have yet another story where Sirius Black is a womanizer who can charm any girl out of their socks... possibly more then their socks... and the girl happens to be the one girl he can't charm. That means as always that it is true love. This said, I'm not sure if Sirius is supposed to be getting together with J. Devon or Mary.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: J is invisible in the fact nobody knows who she is and the Mauraders had to find out who she was despite the fact she'd been assigned as Sirius' astronomy partner. Turns out she's a “new” student which makes this even more. In chapter four we find out that Sirius thought that J was a guy and didn't know she was in the same house as them.
NOTES:The writer came across this particular definition from an online article by Esther Inglis-Arkell. “Aware is an untranslatable word in Japanese referring to the bitter-sweetness of a brief and fading moment of transcendent beauty. It's that "last burst of summer" feel, or the transience of early spring.”
Out of curiosity I decided to check out the article in question and then decided to check out other articles dealing with untranslatable words. I also looked up “aware” in more then one online dictionary for the Japanese language. While I did find a few words that don't have an actual English word in reality most do. Untranslatable in this case translates to not having a big enough vocabulary to find an actual word that means the same thing.
I think what bothers me the most though is that there is a word in English with the same spelling. The English “aware” also better fits this story then the Japanese “aware”.
In the second chapter I found this note. “So a little heads up, I tampered with the ages of the Black sisters, whilst they remain in the same age order with respects to each other, Bellatrix is a year older than Sirius, Andromeda the same age as Sirius and Narcissa a year younger. Hope that's okay...”
I then realized that I hadn't mistaken “Alia” for “Aiza” and felt like slamming my head against the keyboard. I don't know how anybody can tell the OCs apart from one another, many of which are there only for one chapter. Then again there is no real plot to this story as well.
SAMPLE:
"Who in Godric's left gonad is J. Devon?"
Sirius refilled his mug with coffee and glanced up at his sandy haired best friend, whose eyes were already reclaimed by the lengthy piece of parchment in his hands.
Peter froze in the process of heaping his plate with mashed potatoes and opened his mouth eagerly to answer, considering he was the one who went through all the trouble of going and finding out who was Sirius' assigned partner for Astronomy, but he was cut off by the chink of glass on wood.
"Seriously!" Sirius glanced away from his gapping friend, his dark grey orbs landing on sparkling emerald ones and his lips sprung into a smirk at the red face three spaces down, which seemed to be attempting to blend in with her fiery hair.
She pushed the untouched plate of food away and sprang to her feet, "A new student arrives smack down in the middle, nay, the penultimate year of our academic career, and you don't even notice! It's all the school has been talking about for the past forty eight hours, but NO!" She wrenched her bag from the seat and slung it onto her shoulder, "Sirius Black is much TOO important to identify with the whispers of the commoners! HOW egotistic can one person possibly be!"
"Well good morning to you too, Evans." His eyes danced in amusement as the redhead sprinted past him, tossing him an infuriated glance on her way out of the Great Hall. "Oh and I like the new skirt, I always fancied a bit of thigh with my breakfast!"
Her exit was momentarily halted as she flattened her skirt down in a swift movement weighed with uncharacteristic insecurity, and he could see the evident regret in her features at finally deciding to push up her hemline to within a millimeter of regulation, something most of her peers had done when they picked out their first training bra.
Sirius' bark of a laugh reverberated through the Great Hall as the Gryffindor prefect sent him a very unbecoming hand gesture. "There is no better feeling than being-"
"Breakfast?" Remus straightened up in his seat, he always managed to maintain such posture on the backless bench Sirius wondered whether his friend might break if his rigid stance was nudged in the slightest. "Good morning? You do realize what time it is!"
TITLE: Aware
PERPETRATOR: EmeraldStorm7
SUE-O-METER:
(bad)
COVER/BANNER ART: The cover art depicts the faces of the four main girls who will be dating the guys in this story.
SUMMARY:”Sirius Black had the kind of good looks and charm that unlocked a girl's heart the way mere mortals unlocked doors, but what happens when that prize winning grin fails him and he has to search deeper within to get what he wanted... so deep he discovers layers that he wasn't even aware existed... Marauder Era fic based in their sixth year. SB/OC, JP/LE, RL/OC.”
FULL NAME: Judalia “J”, “Alia”. Devon, Mary MacDonald, Aiza Shafiq, plus a bunch of other random OCs, Lily... there is an Evelyn in there, a Patrick, an Andy, an Isabella McDougal
SPECIES: We have a pack of OCs
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: For some reason the writer likes playing up the idea that the girls like dressing in a skimpy manner despite the fact the teachers would take notice and tell them to change.
CONNECTION TO CANON: An embarrassed Lily tells the guys that they don't know about the new student because “Sirius Black is much TOO important to identify with the whisperers of the commoners.” The story rambles then about breakfast and other random things, like how “[Lily's] talking like a fifteenth century muggle rights activist” and “shortened her skirt”. He meets up with J in the library and the most exciting thing that happens is that Mrs. Norris is kicked out. Which... I don't think Pince would actually do. We randomly get a line about Lily liking James. The plot is pretty much a very weak love triangle for Sirius between Mary and J.
ORIGIN: We have yet another story where Sirius Black is a womanizer who can charm any girl out of their socks... possibly more then their socks... and the girl happens to be the one girl he can't charm. That means as always that it is true love. This said, I'm not sure if Sirius is supposed to be getting together with J. Devon or Mary.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: J is invisible in the fact nobody knows who she is and the Mauraders had to find out who she was despite the fact she'd been assigned as Sirius' astronomy partner. Turns out she's a “new” student which makes this even more. In chapter four we find out that Sirius thought that J was a guy and didn't know she was in the same house as them.
NOTES:The writer came across this particular definition from an online article by Esther Inglis-Arkell. “Aware is an untranslatable word in Japanese referring to the bitter-sweetness of a brief and fading moment of transcendent beauty. It's that "last burst of summer" feel, or the transience of early spring.”
Out of curiosity I decided to check out the article in question and then decided to check out other articles dealing with untranslatable words. I also looked up “aware” in more then one online dictionary for the Japanese language. While I did find a few words that don't have an actual English word in reality most do. Untranslatable in this case translates to not having a big enough vocabulary to find an actual word that means the same thing.
I think what bothers me the most though is that there is a word in English with the same spelling. The English “aware” also better fits this story then the Japanese “aware”.
In the second chapter I found this note. “So a little heads up, I tampered with the ages of the Black sisters, whilst they remain in the same age order with respects to each other, Bellatrix is a year older than Sirius, Andromeda the same age as Sirius and Narcissa a year younger. Hope that's okay...”
I then realized that I hadn't mistaken “Alia” for “Aiza” and felt like slamming my head against the keyboard. I don't know how anybody can tell the OCs apart from one another, many of which are there only for one chapter. Then again there is no real plot to this story as well.
SAMPLE:
"Who in Godric's left gonad is J. Devon?"
Sirius refilled his mug with coffee and glanced up at his sandy haired best friend, whose eyes were already reclaimed by the lengthy piece of parchment in his hands.
Peter froze in the process of heaping his plate with mashed potatoes and opened his mouth eagerly to answer, considering he was the one who went through all the trouble of going and finding out who was Sirius' assigned partner for Astronomy, but he was cut off by the chink of glass on wood.
"Seriously!" Sirius glanced away from his gapping friend, his dark grey orbs landing on sparkling emerald ones and his lips sprung into a smirk at the red face three spaces down, which seemed to be attempting to blend in with her fiery hair.
She pushed the untouched plate of food away and sprang to her feet, "A new student arrives smack down in the middle, nay, the penultimate year of our academic career, and you don't even notice! It's all the school has been talking about for the past forty eight hours, but NO!" She wrenched her bag from the seat and slung it onto her shoulder, "Sirius Black is much TOO important to identify with the whispers of the commoners! HOW egotistic can one person possibly be!"
"Well good morning to you too, Evans." His eyes danced in amusement as the redhead sprinted past him, tossing him an infuriated glance on her way out of the Great Hall. "Oh and I like the new skirt, I always fancied a bit of thigh with my breakfast!"
Her exit was momentarily halted as she flattened her skirt down in a swift movement weighed with uncharacteristic insecurity, and he could see the evident regret in her features at finally deciding to push up her hemline to within a millimeter of regulation, something most of her peers had done when they picked out their first training bra.
Sirius' bark of a laugh reverberated through the Great Hall as the Gryffindor prefect sent him a very unbecoming hand gesture. "There is no better feeling than being-"
"Breakfast?" Remus straightened up in his seat, he always managed to maintain such posture on the backless bench Sirius wondered whether his friend might break if his rigid stance was nudged in the slightest. "Good morning? You do realize what time it is!"