(no subject)
Here is day five. I was wondering if I should feature this one. I like the writing a lot, but it also unfortunately feels a lot like original work.
TITLE: Don't Say The “P” Word
PERPETRATOR: LightLeviosa5443
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: The background is a bright rose garden. In the middle is a girl with red or copper colored hair. To her right is a boy in a suit. To the let is the title with a fancy P and to the right is the phrase “All I wanted was to say like this forever.” I think the issue I have with this banner is the empty space on the left. I like the chapter art work.
FULL NAME: Rose Weasley, Scorpius Malfoy
SPECIES: They're teenagers who attend Hogwarts.
HAIR: Rose's is red or copper colored. Scorpius is blonde.
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: They had sex and when she wakes up when Albus finds them. Second chapter is her sobbing about how Scorpius is so mean to her and doesn't like her. But of course when she trips and twists her ankle she finds herself rescued by Scorpius. It's enough to gash her leg open. And then at the end of the chapter. “Well. What better time to tell her that I had been sleeping with Scorpius Malfoy for a year, but was hopelessly in love with him, and in my stubborn attempt to run away from him, had ended up in a passageway crying.” So wait... she's sleeping with a guy she thinks doesn't like her? Eventually she finds herself pregnant. Albus evnetually attacks Scorpius.
ORIGIN: For some reason they decide to have a secret party on Hogwarts grounds that involves drinking. They're also in their sixth year. Scorpius and Albus are both in Slytherin. After all of this goes down she says, “Not only was I defying my fathers' one request to not get too close to Scorpius Malfoy, but I was continuously finding myself in a bed with him. I was hopelessly in love with Scorpius Malfoy. If my family found out, they'd kill me. “ Scorpius of course has a playboy image.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Let's start off with the fact they managed to have a secret party without the teachers knowing. “James laughed and just came over to put an arm around me. I really was like a little sister to him. We were closer than he was to his actual sister Lily, who was two years behind Al and I, with my brother Hugo.” “I really was a good student, top of my class, to be exact. So then why couldn't I stop doodling on this page, and why, for the love of Merlin, did I keep looking over at Scorpius Malfoy.” According to chapter three the kids have a party every year and thus Rose never has fallen asleep in her own bed the first night of the school year.
NOTES: One of the reviews says “you've kept Rose fairly in character”. How is this possible when she doesn't show up enough to show what she's like personality wise?
Why do writers have the characters have these parties? I mean... there are celebrations when they win Quiditch matches but these aren't exactly unsupervised. And how do they smuggle the Fire Wiskey in. Surely too someone would have blabbed. She's also mooning over how hot he is and... I'm not sue what else to say other then it's another story that isn't about the struggles of teenage pregnancy but how teenage pregnancy gets the love interests of the fic together as well as how it upsets their family members to uncontrollable rage. Well... since it was a teenage boy I guess I can last the last one slide. Something else though bothers me.
SAMPLE:
I didn't even have to open my eyes to know where I was. The pounding in my head and the warmth next to me told me plenty, I had done it. Again. I opened one eye, slowly and warily, and looked at the drapes of the bed around us. I sigh and open the other eye, looking at the blond haired boy sleeping next to me. Well, he's really not a boy anymore. He's grown up to be hot, like... Really hot, like, who wouldn't want to sleep with him, hot. But this is one boy who I really shouldn't be waking up next to. First night back at school and I hadn't even slept in my own bed. I may have my mothers' brains and my fathers' quidditch skills, but the partying, well, I'm not entirely sure where I get my love for that.
I sat up slowly and held the sheets to my chest, now looking for where my clothes might be. My head felt like someone was clog dancing on it and I knew I could thank the firewhiskey for that one. How I ended up in the Slytherin boys sixth year dorms, well, I knew it wasn't only the fault of the firewhiskey. I also knew that I certainly wouldn't be in this room, in this bed, if it weren't for my wanker of a cousin. It was all James' fault. He insisted on throwing a party our first night back at school.
"C'mon Rose, it's the best way to start off the year. Everyone will love it" He said with that gleam in his eyes. The gleam that made it impossible for you to say no. The worst part was, I planned the bloody party. Well, James Sirius Potter would have hell to pay when I got my hands on him later, that one was for sure. Perhaps I got my fathers' temper as well.
I sighed and started to crawl forward, spotting my bra sitting at the foot of the bed, but the person next to me had a better idea. An arm wrapped around me and pulled me back against solid male chest. I nearly let out a cry when he grabbed me, not expecting anyone to be awake.
"Scorpius, let me go, this minute!" I whispered furiously into his ear.
TITLE: Don't Say The “P” Word
PERPETRATOR: LightLeviosa5443
SUE-O-METER:
(awful)
COVER/BANNER ART: The background is a bright rose garden. In the middle is a girl with red or copper colored hair. To her right is a boy in a suit. To the let is the title with a fancy P and to the right is the phrase “All I wanted was to say like this forever.” I think the issue I have with this banner is the empty space on the left. I like the chapter art work.
FULL NAME: Rose Weasley, Scorpius Malfoy
SPECIES: They're teenagers who attend Hogwarts.
HAIR: Rose's is red or copper colored. Scorpius is blonde.
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: n/a
CONNECTION TO CANON: They had sex and when she wakes up when Albus finds them. Second chapter is her sobbing about how Scorpius is so mean to her and doesn't like her. But of course when she trips and twists her ankle she finds herself rescued by Scorpius. It's enough to gash her leg open. And then at the end of the chapter. “Well. What better time to tell her that I had been sleeping with Scorpius Malfoy for a year, but was hopelessly in love with him, and in my stubborn attempt to run away from him, had ended up in a passageway crying.” So wait... she's sleeping with a guy she thinks doesn't like her? Eventually she finds herself pregnant. Albus evnetually attacks Scorpius.
ORIGIN: For some reason they decide to have a secret party on Hogwarts grounds that involves drinking. They're also in their sixth year. Scorpius and Albus are both in Slytherin. After all of this goes down she says, “Not only was I defying my fathers' one request to not get too close to Scorpius Malfoy, but I was continuously finding myself in a bed with him. I was hopelessly in love with Scorpius Malfoy. If my family found out, they'd kill me. “ Scorpius of course has a playboy image.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Let's start off with the fact they managed to have a secret party without the teachers knowing. “James laughed and just came over to put an arm around me. I really was like a little sister to him. We were closer than he was to his actual sister Lily, who was two years behind Al and I, with my brother Hugo.” “I really was a good student, top of my class, to be exact. So then why couldn't I stop doodling on this page, and why, for the love of Merlin, did I keep looking over at Scorpius Malfoy.” According to chapter three the kids have a party every year and thus Rose never has fallen asleep in her own bed the first night of the school year.
NOTES: One of the reviews says “you've kept Rose fairly in character”. How is this possible when she doesn't show up enough to show what she's like personality wise?
Why do writers have the characters have these parties? I mean... there are celebrations when they win Quiditch matches but these aren't exactly unsupervised. And how do they smuggle the Fire Wiskey in. Surely too someone would have blabbed. She's also mooning over how hot he is and... I'm not sue what else to say other then it's another story that isn't about the struggles of teenage pregnancy but how teenage pregnancy gets the love interests of the fic together as well as how it upsets their family members to uncontrollable rage. Well... since it was a teenage boy I guess I can last the last one slide. Something else though bothers me.
SAMPLE:
I didn't even have to open my eyes to know where I was. The pounding in my head and the warmth next to me told me plenty, I had done it. Again. I opened one eye, slowly and warily, and looked at the drapes of the bed around us. I sigh and open the other eye, looking at the blond haired boy sleeping next to me. Well, he's really not a boy anymore. He's grown up to be hot, like... Really hot, like, who wouldn't want to sleep with him, hot. But this is one boy who I really shouldn't be waking up next to. First night back at school and I hadn't even slept in my own bed. I may have my mothers' brains and my fathers' quidditch skills, but the partying, well, I'm not entirely sure where I get my love for that.
I sat up slowly and held the sheets to my chest, now looking for where my clothes might be. My head felt like someone was clog dancing on it and I knew I could thank the firewhiskey for that one. How I ended up in the Slytherin boys sixth year dorms, well, I knew it wasn't only the fault of the firewhiskey. I also knew that I certainly wouldn't be in this room, in this bed, if it weren't for my wanker of a cousin. It was all James' fault. He insisted on throwing a party our first night back at school.
"C'mon Rose, it's the best way to start off the year. Everyone will love it" He said with that gleam in his eyes. The gleam that made it impossible for you to say no. The worst part was, I planned the bloody party. Well, James Sirius Potter would have hell to pay when I got my hands on him later, that one was for sure. Perhaps I got my fathers' temper as well.
I sighed and started to crawl forward, spotting my bra sitting at the foot of the bed, but the person next to me had a better idea. An arm wrapped around me and pulled me back against solid male chest. I nearly let out a cry when he grabbed me, not expecting anyone to be awake.
"Scorpius, let me go, this minute!" I whispered furiously into his ear.