(no subject)
Here is the second one I found.
TITLE: Lily's Daughter?
PERPETRATOR: ginnytwin95
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: The banner has a red headed child smiling at us.
FULL NAME: Ashley Elizabeth Potter/Ashley Elizabeth Potter.
SPECIES: Harry's Twin sister.
HAIR: See markings...
EYES: See markings...
MARKINGS: “The boy who looked like James in nearly everything, but had Lily's emerald almond shaped eyes would be named Harry James Potter. The little girl who also looked almost identical to one of her parents, in this case Lily, but while her eyes were shaped like James' they were an odd grey, but yet somehow deep blue that seemed ever moving. They reminded Lily of the ocean...”
POSSESSIONS: “And as the time approached for her baby to leave Lily Potter placed a necklace around her neck, with three simple charms: a trident, an owl, and an archer's bow. The necklace would become a reminder to the little girl as she grew up, never leaving her neck even once.” AS for her wand, “" I stand by my previous statement, you are sure to be something special. That wand is very old, it's been here since the time of my great-grandfather. Eleven and 1/4 inches, spiraled shaft, elder wood, phoenix feather core bonded with mermaid scale and phoenix tears, supple yet pliable. Very good with healing magic and defensive magic. Exceptionally powerful..." As I paid he went on to explain that elder wands were very stubborn and difficult to master, but then so was I, and how he had never thought he would sell a wand of elder, especially as a first wand.” She also has “a pair of skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, and rocking my turquoise converse.” The place where Harry gets added to the Quiditch team also gets her onto the team because she “reached out with one hand and snatched the small ball from his hands.” before tossing it to her brother. She gets to be a chaser. She and Neville join the others when it comes to the Troll incident. She goes home for the holidays and her adoptive parents die in a car crash. We get chapters after chapter of angst and she bonds with Neville and Harry because of this and Neville's secret is revealed sooner. There are seven chapters of it and that is where the writer lets off.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Harry and Ashley are born in 1995. They tell the people who are adopting her that she was born on November 1995 despite the fact they'll be able to tell the difference between a newborn and a non-newborn. Her adoptive parents are a nurse and a man in the navy. Dumbledore then bemoans the fact that “f only he had realized sooner what Tom Riddle was maybe none of this death and destruction would have happened.” He then goes to America to peek in on Ashley while she sleeps and to wish her luck. She then receives a letter from Hogwarts despite being in America. (Why she would be in America I haven't got a clue.) McGonagall comes to tell her she is a witch. She takes her across the ocean to get her supplies. She then is staying with the Weasley family for the night before she goes to Hogwarts. She quickly makes friends with Neville. She ends up in Griffindor despite the fact the hat wants to stick her in Ravenclaw. (For the reasons, SEE special abilities.) The fact she is an American is made a big deal of. When Snape goes off on Harry she gets off by responding that she was just taking notes and then answers the question instead of Hermione.
ORIGIN: “When Lily Potter went into hiding she told only a few her secret, because she knew about the prophesy and she was having twins. What happens when in order to protect her children and the world she sens her daughter away?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Lily and James are told about the prophesy eight months before Harry and Ashley are born and Dumbledore amazingly knows the prophesy is going to be about Lily's twins. The prophesy becomes about not just Harry, but his twin sister as well despite the fact she is being sent away to prevent the prophesy. “A brilliant girl she had skipped grade after grade, having graduated high school that spring at age eleven. She had always made friends easily, of all ages, even though she was often suspicious of new people and could spot a lie from a mile off. She was quite athletic as a swimmer and a laxer. But the fact that she graduated seven years early, had an eidetic memory, and could read at a pace that looked like she was simply flipping the pages weren't the oddest things about her. Ever since she had been a toddler one thing had been clear, she had a temper as fiery as her hair. And when she was angry strange things tended to happen. Like that one time at her high school and a jerk had been teasing her in the library, and while it was a mostly isolated incident since most knew it was unwise to cross her, especially if they wanted help academically. But this idiot had gone and harassed her, and while she generally could keep her temper in check, when it blew she was pissed. The event ended with a shelf full of books falling on him.” In response to being told that her character is a Mary Sue, “Yeah I'm trying to get her personality through, and I think I've done better in later chapters. In my head she has this huge personality; she's tough, super loyal, a bit of a mother hen, brave, really kind, and she has a redheaded temper.” (Even if this character had fatal flaws, which these are not, she would still be a Mary Sue.) She can also speak to animals.
NOTES: About changing the year Harry was born to 1995, the writer says this. “Oh yeah I know but it was easier for me to write with years when I was alive, so I can tie in events better. So the dates will be changed, sorry for that.” About the prophesy she says this. “I took a bit of artistic license...” This backfires because it doesn't take into consideration that some babies are born prematurely. On top of this, I don't think you could tell you were having twins as soon as you can these days. The writer then uses POV changes in chapter three between Ashley and McGongall. The Suethor has a well rounded character personality wise, but she shoved in too many things to make her character seem cool and thus still ends up in making a Mary Sue.
SAMPLE:
James and Lily Potter sat stunned as Dumbledore finished telling them the prophecy he had just heard. They sat huddled together in the home they would soon have to leave, pondering what it meant.
Lily shivered slightly as she mentally replayed the words she had just heard:
***"The children with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approach...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark them as her equals, but they will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives, but the children have but one advantage, linked in birth they must also be linked in death at the hands of the Dark Lord...the ones with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies."
She knew instantly that it could mean her unborn children. Sudennly so thankful that they had only told Dumbledore, Sirius, and Remus that htey were to have twins. As James and she held near silent conversation, they instantly accepted the fact that they needed to go into hiding.
*Eight Months Later*
Lily groaned as her labor continued, but smiled when she noticed James pacing again. He was completely freaking out. For the last few weeks his questions had been all the same. "What if I'm a bad father?" "What if they don't like me?" And she had laughed good naturedly each time and reassured him.
TITLE: Lily's Daughter?
PERPETRATOR: ginnytwin95
SUE-O-METER:
(toxic)
COVER/BANNER ART: The banner has a red headed child smiling at us.
FULL NAME: Ashley Elizabeth Potter/Ashley Elizabeth Potter.
SPECIES: Harry's Twin sister.
HAIR: See markings...
EYES: See markings...
MARKINGS: “The boy who looked like James in nearly everything, but had Lily's emerald almond shaped eyes would be named Harry James Potter. The little girl who also looked almost identical to one of her parents, in this case Lily, but while her eyes were shaped like James' they were an odd grey, but yet somehow deep blue that seemed ever moving. They reminded Lily of the ocean...”
POSSESSIONS: “And as the time approached for her baby to leave Lily Potter placed a necklace around her neck, with three simple charms: a trident, an owl, and an archer's bow. The necklace would become a reminder to the little girl as she grew up, never leaving her neck even once.” AS for her wand, “" I stand by my previous statement, you are sure to be something special. That wand is very old, it's been here since the time of my great-grandfather. Eleven and 1/4 inches, spiraled shaft, elder wood, phoenix feather core bonded with mermaid scale and phoenix tears, supple yet pliable. Very good with healing magic and defensive magic. Exceptionally powerful..." As I paid he went on to explain that elder wands were very stubborn and difficult to master, but then so was I, and how he had never thought he would sell a wand of elder, especially as a first wand.” She also has “a pair of skinny jeans, a black t-shirt, and rocking my turquoise converse.” The place where Harry gets added to the Quiditch team also gets her onto the team because she “reached out with one hand and snatched the small ball from his hands.” before tossing it to her brother. She gets to be a chaser. She and Neville join the others when it comes to the Troll incident. She goes home for the holidays and her adoptive parents die in a car crash. We get chapters after chapter of angst and she bonds with Neville and Harry because of this and Neville's secret is revealed sooner. There are seven chapters of it and that is where the writer lets off.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Harry and Ashley are born in 1995. They tell the people who are adopting her that she was born on November 1995 despite the fact they'll be able to tell the difference between a newborn and a non-newborn. Her adoptive parents are a nurse and a man in the navy. Dumbledore then bemoans the fact that “f only he had realized sooner what Tom Riddle was maybe none of this death and destruction would have happened.” He then goes to America to peek in on Ashley while she sleeps and to wish her luck. She then receives a letter from Hogwarts despite being in America. (Why she would be in America I haven't got a clue.) McGonagall comes to tell her she is a witch. She takes her across the ocean to get her supplies. She then is staying with the Weasley family for the night before she goes to Hogwarts. She quickly makes friends with Neville. She ends up in Griffindor despite the fact the hat wants to stick her in Ravenclaw. (For the reasons, SEE special abilities.) The fact she is an American is made a big deal of. When Snape goes off on Harry she gets off by responding that she was just taking notes and then answers the question instead of Hermione.
ORIGIN: “When Lily Potter went into hiding she told only a few her secret, because she knew about the prophesy and she was having twins. What happens when in order to protect her children and the world she sens her daughter away?
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Lily and James are told about the prophesy eight months before Harry and Ashley are born and Dumbledore amazingly knows the prophesy is going to be about Lily's twins. The prophesy becomes about not just Harry, but his twin sister as well despite the fact she is being sent away to prevent the prophesy. “A brilliant girl she had skipped grade after grade, having graduated high school that spring at age eleven. She had always made friends easily, of all ages, even though she was often suspicious of new people and could spot a lie from a mile off. She was quite athletic as a swimmer and a laxer. But the fact that she graduated seven years early, had an eidetic memory, and could read at a pace that looked like she was simply flipping the pages weren't the oddest things about her. Ever since she had been a toddler one thing had been clear, she had a temper as fiery as her hair. And when she was angry strange things tended to happen. Like that one time at her high school and a jerk had been teasing her in the library, and while it was a mostly isolated incident since most knew it was unwise to cross her, especially if they wanted help academically. But this idiot had gone and harassed her, and while she generally could keep her temper in check, when it blew she was pissed. The event ended with a shelf full of books falling on him.” In response to being told that her character is a Mary Sue, “Yeah I'm trying to get her personality through, and I think I've done better in later chapters. In my head she has this huge personality; she's tough, super loyal, a bit of a mother hen, brave, really kind, and she has a redheaded temper.” (Even if this character had fatal flaws, which these are not, she would still be a Mary Sue.) She can also speak to animals.
NOTES: About changing the year Harry was born to 1995, the writer says this. “Oh yeah I know but it was easier for me to write with years when I was alive, so I can tie in events better. So the dates will be changed, sorry for that.” About the prophesy she says this. “I took a bit of artistic license...” This backfires because it doesn't take into consideration that some babies are born prematurely. On top of this, I don't think you could tell you were having twins as soon as you can these days. The writer then uses POV changes in chapter three between Ashley and McGongall. The Suethor has a well rounded character personality wise, but she shoved in too many things to make her character seem cool and thus still ends up in making a Mary Sue.
SAMPLE:
James and Lily Potter sat stunned as Dumbledore finished telling them the prophecy he had just heard. They sat huddled together in the home they would soon have to leave, pondering what it meant.
Lily shivered slightly as she mentally replayed the words she had just heard:
***"The children with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approach...born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...and the Dark Lord will mark them as her equals, but they will have power the Dark Lord knows not...and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives, but the children have but one advantage, linked in birth they must also be linked in death at the hands of the Dark Lord...the ones with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies."
She knew instantly that it could mean her unborn children. Sudennly so thankful that they had only told Dumbledore, Sirius, and Remus that htey were to have twins. As James and she held near silent conversation, they instantly accepted the fact that they needed to go into hiding.
*Eight Months Later*
Lily groaned as her labor continued, but smiled when she noticed James pacing again. He was completely freaking out. For the last few weeks his questions had been all the same. "What if I'm a bad father?" "What if they don't like me?" And she had laughed good naturedly each time and reassured him.