2200: Rocking Hogwarts - Raven
Sue #2!
TITLE: Rocking Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: The Vampiric Angel
SUE-O-METER:
(troll)
FULL NAME: Raven
SPECIES: half vampire, half fallen angel.
HAIR: "silky midnight black hair" with "blood red tips"
EYES: "swirling silver"
MARKINGS: pale skin, black wings with red tips and silver runes, fangs.
POSSESSIONS: black combat boots, a "runic dagger" that she transforms into a telescope, "black, silver studded belt", a "strapless blood red top", "A black panther and a small black strange creature called a flitter, which was reminiscent of a sleek rabbit with a long tail". They are named Ebony and Onyxia. She has a "bobbing orb of black and silver flame with red eyes" named "Phyen" acts as her butler. A "Quill Creation" named Nix.
ORIGIN: A cloud. She "warps" dimensions to Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts to help out.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Shows up at Hogwarts, knows Snape on a first name basis, the boys at Hogwarts drool over her. Is sorted into every one of the Hogwarts houses. Attacks a mary Sue that wanted to be sorted again. She gets to stay in her own tower, adjacent to Dumbledore's. He waves at her from his tower and then walks over a magical black cloth to hang out with her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is the "last Fallen Angel to walk the earth" and half-vampire. She can travel through dimensions. Is a "raven coloured" phoenix animagus. Can apparate like a phoenix on Hogwarts grounds. Has mind shields that she lowers for the Sorting Hat. Is sorted into all of the houses.
NOTES: I am amused that the Mary-Sue attacks the deliberate Mary-Sue that the Suethor created. It's like the pot calling the kettle black.
I think this is RPG/crack fic, and not actually a troll. I think. I loved the part where it said Dumbledore was waving at her. I was picturing Walter Bishop from the Fringe at that moment.
Edit: Sadly, it is a troll/parody.
SAMPLE:
Raven looked up.
“Ahh.... Hogwarts in all of its glory...” she murmured. The sight was beautiful. Well worth the energy it had taken to warp to a dimension were Harry was still in his fifth year, definitely well worth it. Well actually it had barely taken any effort. She walked across the surface of the lake, to far away to be seen by the firsties. She paused to greet the Giant Squid with a “hand” shake. She stretched her wings and folded them around her body. When they were unfolded, she was now a beautiful raven colored1 phoenix. In a burst of raven flame she appeared in the great hall, now again in human form. Over half of the students screamed and the staff were all standing up with there wands pointing at her, with the exception of Umbridge who was screaming and hiding her head in her skirts, Snape, and Dumbledore. Raven gave a flourishing bow.
“Severus, I trust all is well with Hogwarts?” She asked as she finished the bow, eyes sparkling. Severus, looked dumbfounded for a moment then paused.
“Raven? Is that you?” He asked, surprised.
“The one and only, my dear friend.” She answered. She flashed him a dazzling smile. Most of the students were having mixed feelings about Raven at this time, confusion about her relationship with Snape, fear of her power as shown by her entrance, and awe. Oh yes, and most,if not all, of the single boys in Hogwarts were drooling. Raven strode gracefully down the aisle to the sorting hat. Once there she turned, plopped the hat on her head and lowered her shields. The hat remained silent. McGonagall was about to say something but a glare from the hat silenced her. The hat continued thinking. Suddenly it twitched. Beautiful white satin replaced the old tattered cloth and a braided scarf of Gryffindor gold, Slytherin silver, Ravenclaw bronze, and Hufflepuff black was wrapped around the brim and hung gracefully over the sides.
“All of them!” the Hat shouted. The staff was still in shock about the Hat’s new appearance, the fact that she was in all the houses was amazing.
“Excuse me, but, what did you say?” Umbridge asked, still stunned.
“All of the Houses, she’s in all of the Houses,” it said slowly, over enunciating each word as though it were speaking to a baby.
“That's preposterous!” Umbridge yelled, “Sort her again!” The hat looked at her calmly for a moment then repeated its earlier statement, enunciating even more.
“She has all the best qualities of the Houses” it added. Then he paused and added a ribbit. Umbridge turned red and sat back down in her seat. Raven got up and asked where she was supposed to sit.
“With the staff of course!” Hat said. The staff shrugged, they were used to weird things happening at Hogwarts. McGonagall conjured up a chair similar to hers and set it next to her, patting the seat. Raven shrugged and started towards the table. Suddenly a loud and annoying female voice rang out from the back of the hall.
“I didn’t get sorted yet!” the girl shouted. She had dyed blue-black hair with pink, green, and neon yellow highlights and neon purple tips. Under her robes he was wearing a green and pink sequined top that “showed off” her stomach. She was also wearing highlighter yellow short-shorts and was using a Hufflepuff tie as a belt. McGonagall stared for a moment then quickly averted her eyes and scanned down the list.
“Are you Jennifer Zaily?” She asked the oddly dressed girl.
“No! I’m Tiffany Abernathi” said the girl. McGonagall frowned and checked the list.
“My dear, you should have already been sorted!”
“Nuh-uh! I’m the best so I should be last so I can have the most attention!” Tiffany said, a though it was obvious. She fluffed out her ridiculous hair and tried to make a cute pout, it came out looking like she was constipated. McGonagall paused.
“Er... Okay,” She said, then called the girl’s name, “Tiffany Abernathi!”
“YOU HAVE TO SAY PLEASE!” Tiffany yelled.
“Please.” McGonagall said sarcastically.
“Much better!” Tiffany replied, apparently she didn’t know what sarcasm was. Tiffany flounced up to the Hat, tie-belt flapping. McGonagall put it on her head. It had barley touched her when the Hat screamed.
“AHH! Get her off! All! She's in all!” It shouted, curling up.
“Yay!” Tiffany shouted, “I knew I had all the best quality thingies!”
“Actually, you have none of the best qualities and all of the worst qualities.” The Hat muttered. Tiffany didn’t notice. She flounced up to the staff table and shoved Raven, who had been in a heated conversation about the pros and cons of conjuring versus transfiguration with McGonagall and was explaining how lemon drops were made to Dumbledore, off of her seat.
Raven landed with a hard thump upon the floor.
“Detention!” McGonagall shouted, not all happy with this abrupt end to her conversation. “Miss Abernathi, why did you push Miss Raven off of her chair?” Dumbledore asked, his usual twinkle gone.
“I wanted her seat!” Tiffany said, shoveling food from Raven’s plate into her mouth at a rapid speed. Suddenly she stopped and spat all of the food onto Raven’s head.
“Ew! Vegetables!” She shouted. Raven flew up, vanished the food, grabbed Tiffany by the scruff of her neck and walked down the hall. She conjured a rickety old table, a hard uncomfortable chair, and sat her down on it, hard. Then she stalked out of the Great Hall, fuming. McGonagall gave Tiffany a glare that would make Snape pass out. Tiffany pouted. Snape threw Tiffany a glare that would make a dragon cry and left his seat.
TITLE: Rocking Hogwarts
PERPETRATOR: The Vampiric Angel
SUE-O-METER:
(troll)
FULL NAME: Raven
SPECIES: half vampire, half fallen angel.
HAIR: "silky midnight black hair" with "blood red tips"
EYES: "swirling silver"
MARKINGS: pale skin, black wings with red tips and silver runes, fangs.
POSSESSIONS: black combat boots, a "runic dagger" that she transforms into a telescope, "black, silver studded belt", a "strapless blood red top", "A black panther and a small black strange creature called a flitter, which was reminiscent of a sleek rabbit with a long tail". They are named Ebony and Onyxia. She has a "bobbing orb of black and silver flame with red eyes" named "Phyen" acts as her butler. A "Quill Creation" named Nix.
ORIGIN: A cloud. She "warps" dimensions to Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts to help out.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Shows up at Hogwarts, knows Snape on a first name basis, the boys at Hogwarts drool over her. Is sorted into every one of the Hogwarts houses. Attacks a mary Sue that wanted to be sorted again. She gets to stay in her own tower, adjacent to Dumbledore's. He waves at her from his tower and then walks over a magical black cloth to hang out with her.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is the "last Fallen Angel to walk the earth" and half-vampire. She can travel through dimensions. Is a "raven coloured" phoenix animagus. Can apparate like a phoenix on Hogwarts grounds. Has mind shields that she lowers for the Sorting Hat. Is sorted into all of the houses.
NOTES: I am amused that the Mary-Sue attacks the deliberate Mary-Sue that the Suethor created. It's like the pot calling the kettle black.
I think this is RPG/crack fic, and not actually a troll. I think. I loved the part where it said Dumbledore was waving at her. I was picturing Walter Bishop from the Fringe at that moment.
Edit: Sadly, it is a troll/parody.
SAMPLE:
Raven looked up.
“Ahh.... Hogwarts in all of its glory...” she murmured. The sight was beautiful. Well worth the energy it had taken to warp to a dimension were Harry was still in his fifth year, definitely well worth it. Well actually it had barely taken any effort. She walked across the surface of the lake, to far away to be seen by the firsties. She paused to greet the Giant Squid with a “hand” shake. She stretched her wings and folded them around her body. When they were unfolded, she was now a beautiful raven colored1 phoenix. In a burst of raven flame she appeared in the great hall, now again in human form. Over half of the students screamed and the staff were all standing up with there wands pointing at her, with the exception of Umbridge who was screaming and hiding her head in her skirts, Snape, and Dumbledore. Raven gave a flourishing bow.
“Severus, I trust all is well with Hogwarts?” She asked as she finished the bow, eyes sparkling. Severus, looked dumbfounded for a moment then paused.
“Raven? Is that you?” He asked, surprised.
“The one and only, my dear friend.” She answered. She flashed him a dazzling smile. Most of the students were having mixed feelings about Raven at this time, confusion about her relationship with Snape, fear of her power as shown by her entrance, and awe. Oh yes, and most,if not all, of the single boys in Hogwarts were drooling. Raven strode gracefully down the aisle to the sorting hat. Once there she turned, plopped the hat on her head and lowered her shields. The hat remained silent. McGonagall was about to say something but a glare from the hat silenced her. The hat continued thinking. Suddenly it twitched. Beautiful white satin replaced the old tattered cloth and a braided scarf of Gryffindor gold, Slytherin silver, Ravenclaw bronze, and Hufflepuff black was wrapped around the brim and hung gracefully over the sides.
“All of them!” the Hat shouted. The staff was still in shock about the Hat’s new appearance, the fact that she was in all the houses was amazing.
“Excuse me, but, what did you say?” Umbridge asked, still stunned.
“All of the Houses, she’s in all of the Houses,” it said slowly, over enunciating each word as though it were speaking to a baby.
“That's preposterous!” Umbridge yelled, “Sort her again!” The hat looked at her calmly for a moment then repeated its earlier statement, enunciating even more.
“She has all the best qualities of the Houses” it added. Then he paused and added a ribbit. Umbridge turned red and sat back down in her seat. Raven got up and asked where she was supposed to sit.
“With the staff of course!” Hat said. The staff shrugged, they were used to weird things happening at Hogwarts. McGonagall conjured up a chair similar to hers and set it next to her, patting the seat. Raven shrugged and started towards the table. Suddenly a loud and annoying female voice rang out from the back of the hall.
“I didn’t get sorted yet!” the girl shouted. She had dyed blue-black hair with pink, green, and neon yellow highlights and neon purple tips. Under her robes he was wearing a green and pink sequined top that “showed off” her stomach. She was also wearing highlighter yellow short-shorts and was using a Hufflepuff tie as a belt. McGonagall stared for a moment then quickly averted her eyes and scanned down the list.
“Are you Jennifer Zaily?” She asked the oddly dressed girl.
“No! I’m Tiffany Abernathi” said the girl. McGonagall frowned and checked the list.
“My dear, you should have already been sorted!”
“Nuh-uh! I’m the best so I should be last so I can have the most attention!” Tiffany said, a though it was obvious. She fluffed out her ridiculous hair and tried to make a cute pout, it came out looking like she was constipated. McGonagall paused.
“Er... Okay,” She said, then called the girl’s name, “Tiffany Abernathi!”
“YOU HAVE TO SAY PLEASE!” Tiffany yelled.
“Please.” McGonagall said sarcastically.
“Much better!” Tiffany replied, apparently she didn’t know what sarcasm was. Tiffany flounced up to the Hat, tie-belt flapping. McGonagall put it on her head. It had barley touched her when the Hat screamed.
“AHH! Get her off! All! She's in all!” It shouted, curling up.
“Yay!” Tiffany shouted, “I knew I had all the best quality thingies!”
“Actually, you have none of the best qualities and all of the worst qualities.” The Hat muttered. Tiffany didn’t notice. She flounced up to the staff table and shoved Raven, who had been in a heated conversation about the pros and cons of conjuring versus transfiguration with McGonagall and was explaining how lemon drops were made to Dumbledore, off of her seat.
Raven landed with a hard thump upon the floor.
“Detention!” McGonagall shouted, not all happy with this abrupt end to her conversation. “Miss Abernathi, why did you push Miss Raven off of her chair?” Dumbledore asked, his usual twinkle gone.
“I wanted her seat!” Tiffany said, shoveling food from Raven’s plate into her mouth at a rapid speed. Suddenly she stopped and spat all of the food onto Raven’s head.
“Ew! Vegetables!” She shouted. Raven flew up, vanished the food, grabbed Tiffany by the scruff of her neck and walked down the hall. She conjured a rickety old table, a hard uncomfortable chair, and sat her down on it, hard. Then she stalked out of the Great Hall, fuming. McGonagall gave Tiffany a glare that would make Snape pass out. Tiffany pouted. Snape threw Tiffany a glare that would make a dragon cry and left his seat.