1805: First to Fall - Aideen O'Doherty
I saw a certain BNF's published work in the Teen section of Chapters yesterday, and I recoiled in horror. One of the minions here can vouch for me. It made me think, if I teach Junior grades (4-6), and a student brings that book in, should I discourage the reading of it based on the "Author's" plagiarizing previous works? Or should I tell them that if they "write" a shitty fan fic with a legion of fans that they could get a publishing deal?
Just curious. :)
Keep getting those nominations for the Golden Bubotubers in! Only 2 more days left! Categories still need to be filled!
TITLE: First to Fall
PERPETRATOR: plastic hearts
SUE-O-METER:
(bad)
FULL NAME: Aideen O'Doherty
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "light brown, with pink underneath, and pulled back in a loose bun, her side-swept bangs and loose, curly tendrils of hair falling around her face"
EYES: "a powerful dark brown, that could put any person in their place with a quick glare, but had the potential to be soft and inviting, if she was in the mood"
MARKINGS: "Her eyes were outlined with black eyeliner and brown eyeshadow, her lips shining from the gloss she used, and her nails a pink to match her hair."
POSSESSIONS: "earrings like the silver chandeliers hanging in the Malfoy Manor, the bottoms black beads".
ORIGIN: She's been going to Hogwarts all along.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is in Ravenclaw. Sex God!Draco lusts after her at first sight. He loves the fact that she is feisty, and appears to be smart. He doesn't like the fact that she is friends with Ginny, or that she punched him when he didn't introduce himself. Deep down they want each other oh-so-passionately.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: In the summary we are told that she is "brilliant, beautiful, fiesty and.. a metamorphmagus". Great. Then we learn: "Aideen is brilliant; and I don’t mean she’s just smart, I mean this girl could create spells and potions if she wanted to. She’s also the toughest girl I’ve ever met. No one wants to duel her. Dueling Aideen is like asking for your hair to be burnt off, or your arm to be broken in four places. She’d give you a run for your money."
NOTES: I think this Suethor has great potential. It's a shame they are writing Mary-Sues.
SAMPLE:
Yes, Draco Malfoy was a sex god. Almost all the girls desired him, even those Gryffindors who would not admit it, and not act on it. But all others would submit to him easily. All it took was his signature smirk, or a come-hither stare and they were his for the night. Often he went to bed with one girl, and woke up with her gone. Once he went to bed with one, and woke up with a second. He was unable to remember the events that lead to that situation, but he didn’t complain, since his memories were pleasurable.
But this year, Draco Malfoy wanted someone who wasn’t so easy. A challenge. He wanted a girl that would resist him and fight back. He wanted a girl with the temper of the Weasley girl, the intelligence of the mudblood, but the blood purity of himself. Interruping his thoughts, the slamming of the compartment door as a girl he did not recognize sat across from him, her eyes on fire. He didn’t recognize her because he had not laid the girl. A ravenclaw, by the looks of the crest on her robes.
She was fiery, he could tell. Her hair was a light brown, with pink underneath, and pulled back in a loose bun, her side-swept bangs and loose, curly tendrils of hair falling around her face, framing it. Her eyes were a powerful dark brown, that could put any person in their place with a quick glare, but had the potential to be soft and inviting, if she was in the mood. Her eyes were outlined with black eyeliner and brown eyeshadow, her lips shining from the gloss she used, and her nails a pink to match her hair. From her ears dangled earrings like the silver chandeliers hanging in the Malfoy Manor, the bottoms black beads.
Normally, when a girl burst into his compartment, it was a familiar one night stand up for a second round, or Pansy there to be obnoxious. But this time, it was different. He didn’t know who this girl was, or what she wanted. He had no idea of her name, year, or bloodline. And he didn’t care, because he saw the fiery look in her eye, and one thought crossed his mind: She’d be a good shag.
This girl, however, knew the answers to all the questions he had, and she answered them, unknowing that he wondered each one. “I’m Aideen, sixth year. I am barging in because this has been my compartment every year since I was a first year, and this year that won’t change, no matter what you think or who you are,” she said, glaring at him, her eyes narrowing, daring him to kick her out. Draco, had he been a normal, kind boy, would have agreed and been done with it, walking out to find a different compartment, but Draco was neither normal or kind. Instead, he shrugged and shifted so he was lying across the seat, claiming the compartment as his, also.
He didn’t kick her out, though. After what she said, he decided that this would be his challenge. Aideen, would be his. She was just what the healer ordered, fiesty, smart, and hopefully, he realized, pureblood. Draco also did not introduce himself, assuming she, like everyone else, knew who he was. Unfortunately, this act got him hit quite hard on the stomache, those eyes now glaring down at him. “You git, now you should have the decency to tell me your name if you’re going to remain in here,” she scolded him.
Shocked was pretty much all Draco was. Here he was, sitting for all of a minute, and he had been hit by someone who didn’t know him. She didn’t know him! That was the real shocker, he had been hit before by girls. Hermione being the first, most other girls just scratched his back during wild sex or left a beautiful bruise on his neck when fooling around in public. Belwildered, he acually answered, muttering his name so it was barely audible, but it satisfied her and she sat, her eyes cool.
“Malfoy, you say?” she crossed her arms and leaned back, her eyes never leaving his. “I heard about Malfoy, not well liked by the group I run with. I wonder if you know a friend of mine: Ginny Weasley.” The name rolled off Aideen’s tounge, daring Draco to deny that he not only knew Ginny, but he had also spent hours namecalling her family and friends.
“Yeah, I know her,” he grumbled, unhappy as to how his seventh year was beginning. He had been hit, yelled at, called a git, and was now being called out on his behavior in the past six years. Now that he thought about it, however, he realized that he was quite alone in this situation. Normally Crabbe or Goyle would be nearby, and Parkinson would be trying to seduce him, but this year they were missing in action. It seemed that their parents were afraid of having them at Hogwarts, and would rather they be at home to learn the dark arts. Draco’s father, however, was back from Azkaban, and wanted to appear as if he were in good graces with the ministry, so he kept Draco at the sorry excuse for a school.
Aideen nodded in satisfaction, as long as he would admit it, she would be somewhat happy, and would not kick him out of her compartment. She shared his thoughts on the whereabouts of her friends, but this group was in shambles because the parents feared for their children’s safety. He-who-must-not-be-named was back, after all. Aideen’s parents, however, were sympathetic to the dark lord, if simply because they feared for their safety. Aideen, however, was friends with muggleborns and halfbloods alike, completely against the blood purity propaganda thrown at the people by various ministry officials.
Overall, the train ride was boring after their short spat in the beginning. Aideen pulled out her books and did a bit of reading to make sure she was caught up from last year and hadn’t forgotten any dates or theories. Draco, on the other hand, was sprawled out on the seat, yawning, but not allowing himself sleep for fear of Aideen not warning him of their arrival at Hogwarts. After what seemed like the quietest and longest train ride ever, the train pulled in to Hogsmeade station, and they departed, going separate ways and taking separate carriages up to the school. Draco with a group of quiet Slytherins, and Aideen with a whole slew of girls and boys who were laughing and barely fitting into the carriage.
--
Once all the older students were settled, the first years were herded in like sheep in a pasture. They were clearly frightened as they looked around and then up to Prof. McGonagall, the intimidating old woman standing by the sorting hat, which, once the room was silent, burst into song. Draco, sitting at the end of the Slytherin table, was absentmindedly twirling his fork in one hand, not paying attention as the head students were introduced and the first years sorted. His eyes were glued to the Ravenclaw table two over, where Aideen was sitting back in her seat with the same confidence that Draco very often radiated, her eyes on the first years.
Not for long, however, as she felt eyes on her and slowly her head turned so she was eye to eye with Draco. His first thought was to act as if he were looking around, but when she smirked his trademark smirk, he changed his mind and held her gaze. Wishing he could communicate telepathically, he thought to himself the message he was sending her: You want me, don’t deny it. The truth was, he wanted her. The challenge of the year.
Aideen didn’t have the most pristine thoughts, however, as she raked her eyes over his face, and in her mind, his body. She wouldn’t deny that, while he was an ass, he was extremely goodlooking, and slightly desirable. She did hear about his womanizing ways, however, and didn’t want to be prey to them. Aideen was stubborn, and didn’t think she would be swayed to change her mind. Little did she know that Draco was clever and manipulative, so much so that he very well could have the Ravenclaw submitting to him.
Finally, the first years were now spread about the tables, only a few slytherins in the bunch this year, the majority of students in hufflepuff, followed by ravenclaw and then gryffindor. The food appearing and arms reaching broke the gaze between Aideen and Draco. Who it was that broke the gaze first being unknown, but neither wanted to be the first.
Unable to deny their stomachs the right to eat the delicious food prepared by the house-elves, they fell into the routine of the start of term feast, eating and catching up with friends, or in some cases, acquaintances. After that, the neverending walk up to the tower or down to the dungeons where their first night of a good rest would befall them. Sleep after that night would be hard to come by with the fears of Voldemort, the pressure of classes, and the dramas that would be their lives.
--
Just curious. :)
Keep getting those nominations for the Golden Bubotubers in! Only 2 more days left! Categories still need to be filled!
TITLE: First to Fall
PERPETRATOR: plastic hearts
SUE-O-METER:
(bad)
FULL NAME: Aideen O'Doherty
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: "light brown, with pink underneath, and pulled back in a loose bun, her side-swept bangs and loose, curly tendrils of hair falling around her face"
EYES: "a powerful dark brown, that could put any person in their place with a quick glare, but had the potential to be soft and inviting, if she was in the mood"
MARKINGS: "Her eyes were outlined with black eyeliner and brown eyeshadow, her lips shining from the gloss she used, and her nails a pink to match her hair."
POSSESSIONS: "earrings like the silver chandeliers hanging in the Malfoy Manor, the bottoms black beads".
ORIGIN: She's been going to Hogwarts all along.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: Is in Ravenclaw. Sex God!Draco lusts after her at first sight. He loves the fact that she is feisty, and appears to be smart. He doesn't like the fact that she is friends with Ginny, or that she punched him when he didn't introduce himself. Deep down they want each other oh-so-passionately.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: In the summary we are told that she is "brilliant, beautiful, fiesty and.. a metamorphmagus". Great. Then we learn: "Aideen is brilliant; and I don’t mean she’s just smart, I mean this girl could create spells and potions if she wanted to. She’s also the toughest girl I’ve ever met. No one wants to duel her. Dueling Aideen is like asking for your hair to be burnt off, or your arm to be broken in four places. She’d give you a run for your money."
NOTES: I think this Suethor has great potential. It's a shame they are writing Mary-Sues.
SAMPLE:
Yes, Draco Malfoy was a sex god. Almost all the girls desired him, even those Gryffindors who would not admit it, and not act on it. But all others would submit to him easily. All it took was his signature smirk, or a come-hither stare and they were his for the night. Often he went to bed with one girl, and woke up with her gone. Once he went to bed with one, and woke up with a second. He was unable to remember the events that lead to that situation, but he didn’t complain, since his memories were pleasurable.
But this year, Draco Malfoy wanted someone who wasn’t so easy. A challenge. He wanted a girl that would resist him and fight back. He wanted a girl with the temper of the Weasley girl, the intelligence of the mudblood, but the blood purity of himself. Interruping his thoughts, the slamming of the compartment door as a girl he did not recognize sat across from him, her eyes on fire. He didn’t recognize her because he had not laid the girl. A ravenclaw, by the looks of the crest on her robes.
She was fiery, he could tell. Her hair was a light brown, with pink underneath, and pulled back in a loose bun, her side-swept bangs and loose, curly tendrils of hair falling around her face, framing it. Her eyes were a powerful dark brown, that could put any person in their place with a quick glare, but had the potential to be soft and inviting, if she was in the mood. Her eyes were outlined with black eyeliner and brown eyeshadow, her lips shining from the gloss she used, and her nails a pink to match her hair. From her ears dangled earrings like the silver chandeliers hanging in the Malfoy Manor, the bottoms black beads.
Normally, when a girl burst into his compartment, it was a familiar one night stand up for a second round, or Pansy there to be obnoxious. But this time, it was different. He didn’t know who this girl was, or what she wanted. He had no idea of her name, year, or bloodline. And he didn’t care, because he saw the fiery look in her eye, and one thought crossed his mind: She’d be a good shag.
This girl, however, knew the answers to all the questions he had, and she answered them, unknowing that he wondered each one. “I’m Aideen, sixth year. I am barging in because this has been my compartment every year since I was a first year, and this year that won’t change, no matter what you think or who you are,” she said, glaring at him, her eyes narrowing, daring him to kick her out. Draco, had he been a normal, kind boy, would have agreed and been done with it, walking out to find a different compartment, but Draco was neither normal or kind. Instead, he shrugged and shifted so he was lying across the seat, claiming the compartment as his, also.
He didn’t kick her out, though. After what she said, he decided that this would be his challenge. Aideen, would be his. She was just what the healer ordered, fiesty, smart, and hopefully, he realized, pureblood. Draco also did not introduce himself, assuming she, like everyone else, knew who he was. Unfortunately, this act got him hit quite hard on the stomache, those eyes now glaring down at him. “You git, now you should have the decency to tell me your name if you’re going to remain in here,” she scolded him.
Shocked was pretty much all Draco was. Here he was, sitting for all of a minute, and he had been hit by someone who didn’t know him. She didn’t know him! That was the real shocker, he had been hit before by girls. Hermione being the first, most other girls just scratched his back during wild sex or left a beautiful bruise on his neck when fooling around in public. Belwildered, he acually answered, muttering his name so it was barely audible, but it satisfied her and she sat, her eyes cool.
“Malfoy, you say?” she crossed her arms and leaned back, her eyes never leaving his. “I heard about Malfoy, not well liked by the group I run with. I wonder if you know a friend of mine: Ginny Weasley.” The name rolled off Aideen’s tounge, daring Draco to deny that he not only knew Ginny, but he had also spent hours namecalling her family and friends.
“Yeah, I know her,” he grumbled, unhappy as to how his seventh year was beginning. He had been hit, yelled at, called a git, and was now being called out on his behavior in the past six years. Now that he thought about it, however, he realized that he was quite alone in this situation. Normally Crabbe or Goyle would be nearby, and Parkinson would be trying to seduce him, but this year they were missing in action. It seemed that their parents were afraid of having them at Hogwarts, and would rather they be at home to learn the dark arts. Draco’s father, however, was back from Azkaban, and wanted to appear as if he were in good graces with the ministry, so he kept Draco at the sorry excuse for a school.
Aideen nodded in satisfaction, as long as he would admit it, she would be somewhat happy, and would not kick him out of her compartment. She shared his thoughts on the whereabouts of her friends, but this group was in shambles because the parents feared for their children’s safety. He-who-must-not-be-named was back, after all. Aideen’s parents, however, were sympathetic to the dark lord, if simply because they feared for their safety. Aideen, however, was friends with muggleborns and halfbloods alike, completely against the blood purity propaganda thrown at the people by various ministry officials.
Overall, the train ride was boring after their short spat in the beginning. Aideen pulled out her books and did a bit of reading to make sure she was caught up from last year and hadn’t forgotten any dates or theories. Draco, on the other hand, was sprawled out on the seat, yawning, but not allowing himself sleep for fear of Aideen not warning him of their arrival at Hogwarts. After what seemed like the quietest and longest train ride ever, the train pulled in to Hogsmeade station, and they departed, going separate ways and taking separate carriages up to the school. Draco with a group of quiet Slytherins, and Aideen with a whole slew of girls and boys who were laughing and barely fitting into the carriage.
--
Once all the older students were settled, the first years were herded in like sheep in a pasture. They were clearly frightened as they looked around and then up to Prof. McGonagall, the intimidating old woman standing by the sorting hat, which, once the room was silent, burst into song. Draco, sitting at the end of the Slytherin table, was absentmindedly twirling his fork in one hand, not paying attention as the head students were introduced and the first years sorted. His eyes were glued to the Ravenclaw table two over, where Aideen was sitting back in her seat with the same confidence that Draco very often radiated, her eyes on the first years.
Not for long, however, as she felt eyes on her and slowly her head turned so she was eye to eye with Draco. His first thought was to act as if he were looking around, but when she smirked his trademark smirk, he changed his mind and held her gaze. Wishing he could communicate telepathically, he thought to himself the message he was sending her: You want me, don’t deny it. The truth was, he wanted her. The challenge of the year.
Aideen didn’t have the most pristine thoughts, however, as she raked her eyes over his face, and in her mind, his body. She wouldn’t deny that, while he was an ass, he was extremely goodlooking, and slightly desirable. She did hear about his womanizing ways, however, and didn’t want to be prey to them. Aideen was stubborn, and didn’t think she would be swayed to change her mind. Little did she know that Draco was clever and manipulative, so much so that he very well could have the Ravenclaw submitting to him.
Finally, the first years were now spread about the tables, only a few slytherins in the bunch this year, the majority of students in hufflepuff, followed by ravenclaw and then gryffindor. The food appearing and arms reaching broke the gaze between Aideen and Draco. Who it was that broke the gaze first being unknown, but neither wanted to be the first.
Unable to deny their stomachs the right to eat the delicious food prepared by the house-elves, they fell into the routine of the start of term feast, eating and catching up with friends, or in some cases, acquaintances. After that, the neverending walk up to the tower or down to the dungeons where their first night of a good rest would befall them. Sleep after that night would be hard to come by with the fears of Voldemort, the pressure of classes, and the dramas that would be their lives.
--