1498: Darkness and Light 01: The Potions Master's Apprentice
eidheann sent in today's second Sue! She say that the story is fairly well-done, and only at it's most toxic moments is a good *headdesk* required.
TITLE: Darkness and Light 01: The Potions Master's Apprentice
PERPETRATOR: RJ Anderson
SUE-O-METER:
(bad)
FULL NAME: Maud "Maudie" Moody
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: blonde
EYES: green
MARKINGS: severed optic nerves
POSSESSIONS: An owl named Athena, she can see though Athena's eyes.
ORIGIN: "A young blind woman comes to Hogwarts on a secret mission, only to find herself allied with the one man she has been warned not to trust -- Severus Snape." Her family was attacked by Death Eaters when she was a child and Snape saved her four-year-old life by blinding her. When he left her, he took the spell off of her, but it didn't work.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Mad-Eye's niece. She learned most of her magic at Durmstrang. She wants to go to Hogwarts so she can be closer to her uncle. She chooses to be in Slytherin. Pansy teases her for being blind. She goes to Potions, where Snape questions her to test her abilities. She passes, and he offers her the chance to regain her sight. The Nerve-Regenerating Potion will require her and Snape to work together. She wants to be an Auror. Is friends with Fred and George Weasley. The girls in her grade and house bitch about her friendship with Snape and the Weasleys. It turns out that Mad-Eye wanted her to go to to Hogwarts to spy on Snape. Maud and Snape will fall in love.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is excellent at Potions. She can use birds as "hosts" to give her eyesight.
NOTES: This Sue wasn't as bad. Then again, I didn't read the other two stories in the trilogy.
SAMPLE
Maud rose from her chair and walked to him, laid one hand on his arm. She felt him flinch, but he did not move. "My uncle told me once," she said softly, "that whatever happens, you mustn't become the thing you're fighting."
"It's too late," he said flatly. "I have never had opportunity to be anything else. I always knew that the Dark Lord would return. Whoever Severus Snape might have been without him, you and I may never know."
She gave him a steady look, then turned and walked back to the chessboard. With one determined movement she picked up the black pawn, ignoring its startled squeak, and set it down on the final square. "Why don't we wait and see?" she said. "Together."
His lips parted, the harsh lines of his face easing, and for a moment he looked as young as he had the night they first met. Then, unaccountably, he started to laugh. "As a dramatic statement, Maud," he said, "that was effective. But I wouldn't do that, if I were you. Dumbledore has us in check."
She looked back, surprised, and found that he was right. Embarrassed, she put the pawn back where it had been. "It's your game," she said. "Obviously I still have much to learn."
The amusement on Snape's face shaded back into seriousness. He crossed to her, took her hand lightly between his own. "I will teach you," he said, "whatever you need to know. And if we survive--"
Fawkes launched himself from her shoulder, landed on the high back of Dumbledore's chair. Disoriented, she saw herself, and Snape, through the phoenix's pellucid gaze: dark and fair, man and girl, teacher and student: opposites, yet in purpose one.
"Then," she said, turning her face up toward him with a smile, "my uncle will kill you."
He dropped her hand abruptly. "I'd forgotten about him."
"I was joking!"
"I wasn't."
"I think," said Dumbledore's voice from behind them, "it would be prudent to take Maud's uncle into your confidence, Severus. If Miss Moody is to remain under your tutelage, then she and Alastor will have to stage a complete parting of the ways, and I think it safe to say that she would not be willing to do so without his co-operation."
Snape looked exasperated. "Headmaster, must you?"
"Hand-holding between teachers and students," said Dumbledore placidly, walking into the room and handing a sleepy-looking Athena to Maud, "is expressly against school rules. As a reprimand, Severus, your detention-granting privileges are temporarily revoked." He tapped Fawkes lightly with his wand, said "Abiungo," and her visual bond with the phoenix collapsed, leaving her in darkness.
Maud set Athena back on her shoulder, murmured the linking spell, and Dumbledore's office leaped back into view. "I'll talk to my uncle," she said to Snape, "and tell him how you saved my life. With your permission, that is."
His mouth twisted in displeasure, but after a moment he relented. "Very well. But make sure that it is your uncle." She nodded, and he went on, "And whatever you do, don't speak where you might be overheard. You have yet to realise how much is at stake."
"I know." She turned to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, may I have permission to go?"
"I would suggest a lengthy detour before returning to your dormitory, but yes."
"And I should warn you," said Snape, "that your reception in my class for the next few days is likely to be... less than pleasant."
"That's nothing to the reception I'm likely to have when I get back to my dormitory," said Maud. She reached up to her shoulder, stroked Athena gently. The little owl hooted and nibbled her fingers, comforting. "But it's all right. I can manage."
"I am beginning to realise," Snape said dryly, "that there are remarkably few things you can't manage, Miss Moody. Allow me to see you to the door."
TITLE: Darkness and Light 01: The Potions Master's Apprentice
PERPETRATOR: RJ Anderson
SUE-O-METER:
(bad)
FULL NAME: Maud "Maudie" Moody
SPECIES: Witch
HAIR: blonde
EYES: green
MARKINGS: severed optic nerves
POSSESSIONS: An owl named Athena, she can see though Athena's eyes.
ORIGIN: "A young blind woman comes to Hogwarts on a secret mission, only to find herself allied with the one man she has been warned not to trust -- Severus Snape." Her family was attacked by Death Eaters when she was a child and Snape saved her four-year-old life by blinding her. When he left her, he took the spell off of her, but it didn't work.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: She is Mad-Eye's niece. She learned most of her magic at Durmstrang. She wants to go to Hogwarts so she can be closer to her uncle. She chooses to be in Slytherin. Pansy teases her for being blind. She goes to Potions, where Snape questions her to test her abilities. She passes, and he offers her the chance to regain her sight. The Nerve-Regenerating Potion will require her and Snape to work together. She wants to be an Auror. Is friends with Fred and George Weasley. The girls in her grade and house bitch about her friendship with Snape and the Weasleys. It turns out that Mad-Eye wanted her to go to to Hogwarts to spy on Snape. Maud and Snape will fall in love.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She is excellent at Potions. She can use birds as "hosts" to give her eyesight.
NOTES: This Sue wasn't as bad. Then again, I didn't read the other two stories in the trilogy.
SAMPLE
Maud rose from her chair and walked to him, laid one hand on his arm. She felt him flinch, but he did not move. "My uncle told me once," she said softly, "that whatever happens, you mustn't become the thing you're fighting."
"It's too late," he said flatly. "I have never had opportunity to be anything else. I always knew that the Dark Lord would return. Whoever Severus Snape might have been without him, you and I may never know."
She gave him a steady look, then turned and walked back to the chessboard. With one determined movement she picked up the black pawn, ignoring its startled squeak, and set it down on the final square. "Why don't we wait and see?" she said. "Together."
His lips parted, the harsh lines of his face easing, and for a moment he looked as young as he had the night they first met. Then, unaccountably, he started to laugh. "As a dramatic statement, Maud," he said, "that was effective. But I wouldn't do that, if I were you. Dumbledore has us in check."
She looked back, surprised, and found that he was right. Embarrassed, she put the pawn back where it had been. "It's your game," she said. "Obviously I still have much to learn."
The amusement on Snape's face shaded back into seriousness. He crossed to her, took her hand lightly between his own. "I will teach you," he said, "whatever you need to know. And if we survive--"
Fawkes launched himself from her shoulder, landed on the high back of Dumbledore's chair. Disoriented, she saw herself, and Snape, through the phoenix's pellucid gaze: dark and fair, man and girl, teacher and student: opposites, yet in purpose one.
"Then," she said, turning her face up toward him with a smile, "my uncle will kill you."
He dropped her hand abruptly. "I'd forgotten about him."
"I was joking!"
"I wasn't."
"I think," said Dumbledore's voice from behind them, "it would be prudent to take Maud's uncle into your confidence, Severus. If Miss Moody is to remain under your tutelage, then she and Alastor will have to stage a complete parting of the ways, and I think it safe to say that she would not be willing to do so without his co-operation."
Snape looked exasperated. "Headmaster, must you?"
"Hand-holding between teachers and students," said Dumbledore placidly, walking into the room and handing a sleepy-looking Athena to Maud, "is expressly against school rules. As a reprimand, Severus, your detention-granting privileges are temporarily revoked." He tapped Fawkes lightly with his wand, said "Abiungo," and her visual bond with the phoenix collapsed, leaving her in darkness.
Maud set Athena back on her shoulder, murmured the linking spell, and Dumbledore's office leaped back into view. "I'll talk to my uncle," she said to Snape, "and tell him how you saved my life. With your permission, that is."
His mouth twisted in displeasure, but after a moment he relented. "Very well. But make sure that it is your uncle." She nodded, and he went on, "And whatever you do, don't speak where you might be overheard. You have yet to realise how much is at stake."
"I know." She turned to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, may I have permission to go?"
"I would suggest a lengthy detour before returning to your dormitory, but yes."
"And I should warn you," said Snape, "that your reception in my class for the next few days is likely to be... less than pleasant."
"That's nothing to the reception I'm likely to have when I get back to my dormitory," said Maud. She reached up to her shoulder, stroked Athena gently. The little owl hooted and nibbled her fingers, comforting. "But it's all right. I can manage."
"I am beginning to realise," Snape said dryly, "that there are remarkably few things you can't manage, Miss Moody. Allow me to see you to the door."