0757: Untitled - Tina Drozdiak and Jasmine Prhar
Day Six of No Title Week
TITLE: Untitled
PERPETRATOR: MoonCraters
SUE-O-METER:
(bad)
FULL NAME: Tina Drozdiak and Jasmine Perhar
SPECIES: human/witches
HAIR: Tina: 'Her black hair that reached half-way down her back was pulled up into a tight high ponytail'. Jasmine: 'a brown haired girl'
EYES: Tina: 'bright blue, the same colour as her eyes'. Jasmine: ''
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned
ORIGIN: They're from Canada, and I'm glad they left. Tina's family moves in next door to the Weasleys. Jasmine shows up to visit.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: New friends with Harry & co. Harry will be paired with Jasmine, Draco with Tina.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Jasmine knows more than Hermione. They play Quidditch.
NOTES: The beginning of this fic makes it sound twisted and dark, as Snape, having decided to side with Voldemort, sneaks into Dumbledore's office and murders him. Then suddenly we switch to sunshine and bunnies mode and there are Mary-Sues. Whiplash, man.
But the thing that really made me go WTF was the top review. Hello, Damia-person: reviews are for telling the author what you thought of their story, not for jacking off to your own.
SAMPLE:
Tina looked up at her new home. She had to admit it was pretty shabby but she loved it even if it was just because her parents hated it so. Her black hair that reached half-way down her back was pulled up into a tight high ponytail and she carried her luggage into the house.
"Tina! Remember, no magic!" her father cried, exasperated.
"Alright," she grumbled. She hated when her parents constantly nagged her. She looked over at the house next to hers, it was shabby, obviously held together with magic, had a garden with plants she didn't even know existed, had added floors- in her eyes it was the perfect house. She could see a messy-haired boy going up to the doorstep and entering. She shrugged her shoulders and continued taking her luggage into her new home.
"Tina!" came the shrill voice of her mother. "Hurry up, will you? And bring in my stuff as well! Well, we haven't all day, girl, move it!"
Tina sighed, her mother was such a pain. She brought all of the luggage into the house... Seriously though, they treated her like a house-elf!
Jasmine stood at her window. Her muggle 3 story house was pretty big but she wanted something smaller...cosier. Her parents were big muggle lawyers but her father was a wizard. She lived in Canada 2 weeks ago but now...moving to England where she was going to a new school. She was going to stay at her friend Tina’s house until school started.
"Jasmine! Time to go." Called her mom
"Coming!" she quickly grabbed her books and ran out the door.
Two seconds later Poof she was at Tina’s house. She knocked on the door. She heard grumbling and then Tina stood in the doorway.
Harry, Ron and Hermione were all sitting on the floor talking. Harry stood up and walked towards the window and saw a brown haired girl waiting at the door of the house next to the Weasley’s. She looked up and waved. He gave a little wave back and went to sit beside Ron again.
"Harry? Who’d you wave to?"
Ron stood up and went towards the window. He whistled and said
"Whoa...nice Harry." He was about to go on when Hermione glared at him.
Tina grinned at seeing her friend standing on the doorstep.
"Jassy!" she screamed and jumped onto her, hugging like there was no tomorrow.
"Need - to - breath - want - air!" Jasmine managed to choke out as Tina nearly strangled her.
"Whoops..." Tina backed off a bit. Suddenly she was full of life again and swinging her friend's bags into her new home.
Jasmine shook her head while closing the door. It had been no laughing matter that Tina had jumped onto her; there was a height difference, not to mention the momentum Tina had picked up. Tina stood at 5' 7" while Jasmine stood at 5' 5".
"Hey, didja know that our backyard is simply huge?" Tina suddenly said, popping back again from depositing Jasmine's bag. A mischiveous grin covered her face. "I bet we could get in some practice before school starts without anyone knowing if you know what I mean..." Tina then pulled out her wand from where she'd been concealing it in her pocket. Without waiting for a response she skipped out the back door and Jasmine, having no apparent choice in the matter, followed.
"Tina?" Jasmine called. Her friend seemed to have dissapeared again.
"Tarantallegra!" Tina responded in a sing-song tone. Jasmine was now dancing a kind of two-step. She looked around to make sure no one could see, and no one could. She'd even been smart enough to place a sheild of secrecy around their yard so that authorities and muggles wouldn't be able to notice. Tina looked up just to double check it was still in place then saw three people staring out the window of the house next to them at her and her friend.
"T- Tina!" Jasmine called while two-stepping.
"Oh, yeah. Finite Incantatem," she muttered and the spell wore off. "Poor sport," she muttered beneath her breath. Then she found herself flat on her back with the feeling that a frying pan had been smacked across her head. "Jasmine!" she silently cursed. All she could hear were cackles of laughter that clearly said NOW we're even! Bored, Tina traced some runes in the air with her wand and when she finished with them she blew on them. They then flared bright blue, the same colour as her eyes, and Jasmine was now on her back as well. Jasmine stared at the sky and traced the sun with her fingers. She was well aware of the people watching them out of this window. She knew that they proabably had seen but right now it was best to ast as if nothing happened. She heard the doorbell ringing and she groaned. Trust Tina to get her in trouble. Then she heard a couple of voices...voices she had heard before. She and Tina walked in the room and saw that it was Mr.Fudge. Jasmine groaned again. More trouble. Then he saw her.
"Ahh Ms’ Drozdiak and Perhar?
"Yes Mr.Fudge?" said Jasmine
"We’re looking for miss Ms. Drozdiak’s parents...any idea where they are?"
"What do you need them for?"
"Some donation business." Said Fudge clearly not wanting to talk about the donations
Jasmine breathed a sigh of relief.
"Ah they’re, where are they Tina?"
"Uh they’re busy...should I get them to floo you when they have more time?"
"Yes...goodbye girls."
As Fudge walked out of the door Jasmine tackled Tina and tickled her.
"You made me worried!" she screamed
"Sorry - Need - Air - Dying - Here." Then with some ease she pushed Jasmine off. Jasmine laughed and they went outside again. The people at the window were still there.
"Got a problem?" called Tina
They just walked away. Jasmine punched Tina and said "That was so mean!"
Tina looked down at her feet as if she were suddenly ashamed. Jasmine was probably the only person she'd ever met that could make her feel ashamed about anything she'd done with a mere glare and a statement.
"Sorry," she mumbled just loud enough for her friend to hear.
TITLE: Untitled
PERPETRATOR: MoonCraters
SUE-O-METER:
(bad)
FULL NAME: Tina Drozdiak and Jasmine Perhar
SPECIES: human/witches
HAIR: Tina: 'Her black hair that reached half-way down her back was pulled up into a tight high ponytail'. Jasmine: 'a brown haired girl'
EYES: Tina: 'bright blue, the same colour as her eyes'. Jasmine: ''
MARKINGS: none mentioned
POSESSIONS: none mentioned
ORIGIN: They're from Canada, and I'm glad they left. Tina's family moves in next door to the Weasleys. Jasmine shows up to visit.
CONNECTIONS TO CANON: New friends with Harry & co. Harry will be paired with Jasmine, Draco with Tina.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Jasmine knows more than Hermione. They play Quidditch.
NOTES: The beginning of this fic makes it sound twisted and dark, as Snape, having decided to side with Voldemort, sneaks into Dumbledore's office and murders him. Then suddenly we switch to sunshine and bunnies mode and there are Mary-Sues. Whiplash, man.
But the thing that really made me go WTF was the top review. Hello, Damia-person: reviews are for telling the author what you thought of their story, not for jacking off to your own.
SAMPLE:
Tina looked up at her new home. She had to admit it was pretty shabby but she loved it even if it was just because her parents hated it so. Her black hair that reached half-way down her back was pulled up into a tight high ponytail and she carried her luggage into the house.
"Tina! Remember, no magic!" her father cried, exasperated.
"Alright," she grumbled. She hated when her parents constantly nagged her. She looked over at the house next to hers, it was shabby, obviously held together with magic, had a garden with plants she didn't even know existed, had added floors- in her eyes it was the perfect house. She could see a messy-haired boy going up to the doorstep and entering. She shrugged her shoulders and continued taking her luggage into her new home.
"Tina!" came the shrill voice of her mother. "Hurry up, will you? And bring in my stuff as well! Well, we haven't all day, girl, move it!"
Tina sighed, her mother was such a pain. She brought all of the luggage into the house... Seriously though, they treated her like a house-elf!
Jasmine stood at her window. Her muggle 3 story house was pretty big but she wanted something smaller...cosier. Her parents were big muggle lawyers but her father was a wizard. She lived in Canada 2 weeks ago but now...moving to England where she was going to a new school. She was going to stay at her friend Tina’s house until school started.
"Jasmine! Time to go." Called her mom
"Coming!" she quickly grabbed her books and ran out the door.
Two seconds later Poof she was at Tina’s house. She knocked on the door. She heard grumbling and then Tina stood in the doorway.
Harry, Ron and Hermione were all sitting on the floor talking. Harry stood up and walked towards the window and saw a brown haired girl waiting at the door of the house next to the Weasley’s. She looked up and waved. He gave a little wave back and went to sit beside Ron again.
"Harry? Who’d you wave to?"
Ron stood up and went towards the window. He whistled and said
"Whoa...nice Harry." He was about to go on when Hermione glared at him.
Tina grinned at seeing her friend standing on the doorstep.
"Jassy!" she screamed and jumped onto her, hugging like there was no tomorrow.
"Need - to - breath - want - air!" Jasmine managed to choke out as Tina nearly strangled her.
"Whoops..." Tina backed off a bit. Suddenly she was full of life again and swinging her friend's bags into her new home.
Jasmine shook her head while closing the door. It had been no laughing matter that Tina had jumped onto her; there was a height difference, not to mention the momentum Tina had picked up. Tina stood at 5' 7" while Jasmine stood at 5' 5".
"Hey, didja know that our backyard is simply huge?" Tina suddenly said, popping back again from depositing Jasmine's bag. A mischiveous grin covered her face. "I bet we could get in some practice before school starts without anyone knowing if you know what I mean..." Tina then pulled out her wand from where she'd been concealing it in her pocket. Without waiting for a response she skipped out the back door and Jasmine, having no apparent choice in the matter, followed.
"Tina?" Jasmine called. Her friend seemed to have dissapeared again.
"Tarantallegra!" Tina responded in a sing-song tone. Jasmine was now dancing a kind of two-step. She looked around to make sure no one could see, and no one could. She'd even been smart enough to place a sheild of secrecy around their yard so that authorities and muggles wouldn't be able to notice. Tina looked up just to double check it was still in place then saw three people staring out the window of the house next to them at her and her friend.
"T- Tina!" Jasmine called while two-stepping.
"Oh, yeah. Finite Incantatem," she muttered and the spell wore off. "Poor sport," she muttered beneath her breath. Then she found herself flat on her back with the feeling that a frying pan had been smacked across her head. "Jasmine!" she silently cursed. All she could hear were cackles of laughter that clearly said NOW we're even! Bored, Tina traced some runes in the air with her wand and when she finished with them she blew on them. They then flared bright blue, the same colour as her eyes, and Jasmine was now on her back as well. Jasmine stared at the sky and traced the sun with her fingers. She was well aware of the people watching them out of this window. She knew that they proabably had seen but right now it was best to ast as if nothing happened. She heard the doorbell ringing and she groaned. Trust Tina to get her in trouble. Then she heard a couple of voices...voices she had heard before. She and Tina walked in the room and saw that it was Mr.Fudge. Jasmine groaned again. More trouble. Then he saw her.
"Ahh Ms’ Drozdiak and Perhar?
"Yes Mr.Fudge?" said Jasmine
"We’re looking for miss Ms. Drozdiak’s parents...any idea where they are?"
"What do you need them for?"
"Some donation business." Said Fudge clearly not wanting to talk about the donations
Jasmine breathed a sigh of relief.
"Ah they’re, where are they Tina?"
"Uh they’re busy...should I get them to floo you when they have more time?"
"Yes...goodbye girls."
As Fudge walked out of the door Jasmine tackled Tina and tickled her.
"You made me worried!" she screamed
"Sorry - Need - Air - Dying - Here." Then with some ease she pushed Jasmine off. Jasmine laughed and they went outside again. The people at the window were still there.
"Got a problem?" called Tina
They just walked away. Jasmine punched Tina and said "That was so mean!"
Tina looked down at her feet as if she were suddenly ashamed. Jasmine was probably the only person she'd ever met that could make her feel ashamed about anything she'd done with a mere glare and a statement.
"Sorry," she mumbled just loud enough for her friend to hear.