5109: Owls, NEWTs and Famous Potters - Eloise Murphy Jones
First 2100 entries properly titled.
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Title: Owls, NEWTs and Famous Potters
Perpetrator: EloiseMurphyJones
Sue-O-Meter: Toxic
Cover/Banner Art: The writer's avatar is a drawing of a wolf.
Summary: “Eloise Murphy-Jones had always thought of herself as a bit of a wallflower, but as she enters her Seventh and final year at Hogwarts, things start to change. Especially when James Sirius Potter, and the rest of the Potter/Weasley clan, take a liking to her. But with her NEWTs becoming increasingly nasty and exhausting and her isolated past, will she be able to handle it? James/OC”
Full Name: Eloise Murphy-Jones (I actually read through the entire story before realize the Sue actually shares the same name as the writer.)
Sueworts House(s): Bitchwitch and Tootsietramp
Species: Clique Bait because she's a part of the clique despite the writer and the OC claiming she's not.
Physical Description: “Her head was ducked down, hiding her focused face behind her wavy (and slightly frizzy) sandy blonde hair, her hazel eyes devouring the words before her.” No, having frizzy hair doesn’t make her a wallflower Suethor. Instead, she comes across as that girl who is jealous of the popular girls with the way the other girls are described. “Eloise sat towards the middle of the Gryffindor table, surrounded by several of her fellow Seventh Years. She sat next to Chelsea Abbott, a charming brunette with beautifully straight teeth, that were highlighted by her wide smile. With her sat Lavender Patil, an Indian girl with a long dark braid, their heads ducked together and giggling wildly. Across from them were some of the other girls in their dormitory, Delphine Agruga, a stunningly beautiful witch who transferred from Beauxbatons in Third Year, Gabby Parsons, a chatty blonde girl with a contagious smile, and Darcia Huang, a chubby dark-haired girl who could transfigure practically anything. A few seats down were the last two girls of their dormitory, Emma Hilda and Dominique Weasley. Eloise had always envied Dominique's long, straight strawberry blonde hair, her tall, petite figure, her laid back and outgoing nature. Emma was much the same, although she had a bit of a more… risqué reputation with the boys.” The fact the paragraph continues into how Eloise doesn’t believe the rumors about Emma doesn’t change the fact all of these girls exist just so Eloise can be contrasted against them to play up her woeful plight.
Possessions: “She wore a purple long-sleeved shirt, tucked into high-waisted mum jeans secured with a belt. She'd kicked off her white sneakers so she could more comfortably cross her legs under her.” Lily (who’s not supposed to like her yet according to the summary) says, “oh look, you got a tan, you have wonderful freckles.”
Origin: “It's a little idea I've had in my head for a while, especially since I've read all the James SP/OC stories out there (I think!).” Really? There are over a thousand stories which use these character tags over on the pit. She’s also in the foster system. “Eloise was about to start her seventh, and final, year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Her foster parents, a wizarding couple that went by the names of Mary and Issac Morales, had spent the summer trying to hype up the year, going on about NEWTS and her final year of school. Well, Mary did, since Beauxbaton (where Issac had attended) didn't follow the British magical curriculum. She appreciated the couple trying to get involved in her life, especially since she hadn't been the easiest foster kid to take in at 14. While she appreciated their support and enthusiasm, she just wanted to finish school and let the real adventure begin.”
Connection to Canon: It’s a next generation story. How does it differ from the other stories featured on Pottersues? It doesn’t. We’ve a bunch of teenage drama. We’ve the woe is me Sue who suddenly out of the blue gets noticed. There’s also the question of whether she can handle all the drama, as if her drama was anything compared to any number of troubles we’ve seen actual canon characters go through. It’s normal teenage drama for crying out loud, but questioning the drama makes me worry about her mental health because the first picture I get in my head is a character who can’t handle life like a normal person.
And then I got into the story.
I don’t think the writer understands what a wallflower is. I’m also disappointed to learn Lily’s already taken a liking to her before the school year started. Suethor, a wallflower isn’t a person with a preference for personal space. A wallflower is someone who is socially awkward, something Eloise certainly is not. Far from it. I also don’t like how she insults Lily and we’re supposed to believe Lily is fine with this because the insult is done in a joking manner. The fact the Potters and Weasley family members are only supposed to start taking a like to her doesn’t help.
It shifts to the writer wanting us to believe that even though she’s close to Lily that James Potter has never talked to her, but what what’s really odd about this is how they’re in the same year and the same house. Chapter two is building up to the typical teenage kegger in chapter three where Eloise suddenly decides she prefers being a party girl to studying which is followed by chapter four where she has a hangover and by the end there’s a line about “there was no point in dwelling on the past, especially when she was enjoying her now.”
As for her past, I know Eloise was in the foster system. Problem is, the way her being in the foster system is presented her biggest problem appears to be everyone finding out she was in the foster system. The writer tries to present Eloise as grateful to her foster parents, only to turn that around in the same paragraph. Oh, and don’t forget she’s worrying about her school mates finding out while they’re praising her for her amazing tan. She also comes across as well adjusted for being in the foster until the third chapter where she decides out of the blue she likes being a party girl and in the next declares her past not worth dwelling on.
Special Abilities: She’s noticed by the Potter and Weasley kids despite not having been noticed her previous years and how small the student population is. She’s also having major angst over her NEWTs and her Mary Sue background story. Apparently because “Eloise wanted to remain undisturbed” she is a wallflower. (No, as I’ve said, she is not.) We’re supposed to also believe she’s not one of the popular girls only for her to fit right in with them.
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Notes: The Sue is a brat, but with the way people interact with her in the four chapters posted I in no way believe her to be a wallflower as she’s the exact opposite of being socially awkward nor is she lacking in friends. I’m also tagging this with the B Swanitus tag because the writer wants us to believe her Sue is not someone James would have noticed. I mean, same house, same year.
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Sample:
Professor McGonagall must have had the same idea, because not a minute later she was seated again, and the table in front of her was covered in food. Roast chicken and lamb, chops, a variety of steamed and roast vegetables, any possible form of potato you could think of, salads, Yorkshire pudding, sausages, dinner rolls, you name it. Eloise smiled fondly down at the variety of foods, thinking that it was so… British. Issac would have been horrified at the lack of fresh game and seafood, chorizo and antipasto, and most horrifically, the lack of paella. To Issac, paella was ambrosia. Eloise had truly had a cultural shock when she first began to eat with the Morales, especially considering how she had mostly eaten sandwiches or prepackaged food with her parents and her foster families.
"Are you gonna eat or what, Jones?" Lavender asked, grinning at her sluggish peer. Eloise jumped into action, piling her plate with roasted vegetables, lamb, Yorkshire pudding and lots of gravy. She listened to the conversation around her with a happy smile on her face, humming contently as she ate.
"Hey Eloise? Where'd you go that you got so damn tanned over the summer? I tried tanning in my backyard, but it was raining so much." Chelsea asked, eyeing her roommate with interest. Eloise quickly swallowed her food, took a sip of her juice, and turned to the girls who were looking at her with interest.
"I went down to the beach with my parents this summer, pretty much whenever I wasn't working." Eloise shrugged, trying to be as nonchalant as she could. She always got funny when people asked her about her family. Not many people knew that she'd been handed over to the Muggle foster system and she intended to keep it that way.
"Why would you bother working when you could have just spent the whole time tanning?" Delphine asked curiously.
"You look like you did anyway. Why not spend the whole time on the beach drinking cocktails and chatting up cute boys? I would." Lavender giggled.