3699: Heed His Sweet Call - Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy
- The link of the day is Possession Sue, and here are some of the previous links of the day which you may find useful..
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.
- The Fourteenth Annual Pottersues is also currently running.
TITLE: Heed His Sweet Call
PERPETRATOR: jamcreynolds
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: None.
SUMMARY:”Draco discovers he's a veela...right after he discovers Hermione is his mate and he marks her! Can he convince her to accept him in the year he's allotted before his death? Set in their 8th year at Hogwarts, characters are somewhat OOC. Don't like, don't read! ”
FULL NAME: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger
SPECIES: A veela and his mate. However, we all know Draco is pureblood, and that these veela fics butcher the canon veela.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: We’ve also got the non-existent Head Dorm forcing the two to live with each other. There is also such a thing as an “invisible wand holster”. Slams forehead against keyboard.
CONNECTION TO CANON: After getting an major info dump in the first chapter, (see origin), everybody goes back to school. Draco and some of the other Slytherin boys start talking about how “fuckable” Hermione is now. “This certainly says where the writer’s priorities for the story are.) We learn that instead of having a Yule Ball, (that’s only during Triwizard years!), they’re going to have a New Year’s Ball”. Ron gets upset and says Draco refered to her as “Gryffindor Whore”, but he also refers to them as “Golden Trio”. I then looked through the next few chapters for any sign of actual plot, and theirs not. I had enough by chapter seven when I read about the invisible wand holster. That’s when we also get the obnoxious info dump on Veela. I decided then and there to turn to the reviews, and sadly found this for chapter ten. “I also wonder about Hermione here. It seems to me that there is a bit of a parent/child feel to she and Draco right now. He tells her to eat, change clothes, etc. And she obeys his commands. I know a lot of storytelling is subjective and this is just my opinion that at least in this chapter she comes over like a very weak willed follower. I get the part where you have her explain how low spirited she has been since he war so I thought that was the reason and it would get better. But she immediately starts following him and his suggestions all over again. I was very happy to see her stand her ground at the end and make hime shut it so Harry could talk to her. Thats the Hermione we all know and love, the one that decked Malfoy good in POA.” I also sadly found this review as well for chapter eighteen. “I think Hermione is acting okay she's acting like a teenage girl who has self-esteemed issues, we all go through issues like that she's only human,and sometime we as humans have a lot of insecurities and doubts, but Hermione is a very great and strong character and a great role model for girls, and I like where you are taking your character, thanks ever so u much, but if you can please let something awful happen to Pansy,Astoria and Ron, like being eaten by animals or mauled by a bear or troll, anyway thanks again.” The problem is, Hermione’s not a teenage girl. Yes, she’s in her teens, but she’s also an adult, nor was she ever one to let self-esteem issues get to her. Here is one from chapter seventeen. “It's a lovely chapter as usual, and I've read this story relatively early, so may I just point out that Hermione's character in this fic is quite OOC... I mean, all the crying and not defending herself until the very last moment seems a bit unreal to me, but maybe it's just my opinion...” And no, the fact this is a Veela fic does not in any way defend the OoC behavior. Here is another for chapter twenty-two. “To be perfectly honest your story has started going off the rails. You're putting too much emphasis on inconsequential things and the way your characters are becoming very one dimensional. In this chapter I had to stop reading at the point where Theo and Hermione were having their argument. You're writing them as if they have never had a hardship in their life, as if they were naive and ignorant fools, both of them. You're forgetting that neither are ignorant nor are they fools. Think about your characters before orchestrating a situation.” And this for chapter thirty-two. “I know this is AU and OC, but I think you need to address an issue of logic here: Canon Hermione's heart is very compassionate, but she is also very logical. I know it's Lavender, but how can she easily forgive Draco for rapes committed under duress for Voldemort, but completely freak out about Lavender? I think it would help your story to progress well if she realises this quickly. Otherwise, your OC-ness is getting into the realm of a completely different character who only wears Hermione's name.” And for chapter twenty-five, “I tried to read this. I really did. I don't know how I got this far. Well really I wanted to give it a fair chance and decided to read it halfway through but and it was still shit. But then it seemed like Hermione was going to grow some balls and stop being an overly emotional twit. And I was like OK the dialogue maybe stilled and the characters shit but that is what imagination is for. Maybe this was going to be a dynamic story where the characters undergo a meaning transmission and learn something. So u continued to read. THAT WAS A MISTAKE. It's so pretentious and unnecessary. Fireballs out of his hands. Come on. Really. Fleur having some stupid book with Veela knowledge. Come in. Wasn't she only like less than half Veela on her grandmothers side or something. Why would she have something like that. Also this story is so irritating that I actually almost believed o was being trolled. Then Hermione is a GIANT PUSSY. COMMMMEEEEE OOOONN.” And chapter thirty-four, “That is absolute bullshit! Think of this a muggle situation. Someone gets stabbed with a pen. "Oh I can't expel you because a pen was used but I'll give you a detention because you intended to kill one of your class mates" how fucking stupid? Think about your characters, think about how they are legally allowed to act and how they would actually act. A couple of detentions in this situation does not cut it! McGonagall not only has the power to expel the student for their actions but she also has the power to call Aurors and have the student face criminal charges until Malfoy is in a state of mind to decide whether or not he wanted to place charges, and she would do it. The way you have McGonagall reacting is not one EXTREMELY out of character but is also in breach of her duty of care as the Headmistress of a boarding school. This isn't just a minor mistake, this is a major fuck up in your story and you need to change it. If that changes how your story goes then that is too bad. It doesn't even matter that this is fictional, this is a major flaw in your ability as a writer. This is actually one of the harshest reviews that I have ever left, usually I try to be more constructive but the situation was so incredibly stupid that I can't find it in me to write anything constructive at all.”
ORIGIN: “To give Molly peace of mind and time to heal after losing Fred, both Ron and Harry had declined Kingsly’s offer until they had graduated, which honestly, seemed to make him even more happy.” Hermione is currently together with Ron, and the writer brings up the fact Ron wants something more. (We know where that one typically leads, and yes, he does end up cheating on her with Lavender.) Suddenly, “the trials were a focal point for a huge argument between the Trio, making Harry and Hermione feel unwelcome at the Burrow.” So, Ron’s enough to make them feel unwelcome despite the fact everyone else in the Weasley family would have gotten on Ron’s case and made him feel unwelcome? “At the time of the trials, Harry and Hermione had moved to Grimmauld Place, so as not to cause any distress between their adopted family.” Not only is the reasoning baloney, the writer forgets that Grimmauld got wrecked. “Malfoy Sr. had been proven through Snape’s memories and those of his family to have been under the Imperious Curse since Voldemort’s return, forced to do his bidding.” No, they weren’t. They were under the threat of death, which is majorly different. “Ron, as well as a couple of the other Weasleys, were furious that the Malfoys had gotten off so easily. Knowing that there would be no reconciliation anytime soon, Hermione and Harry left for Australia to find her parents. Ginny had been invited, as she was the only one who had remained loyal to the two-thirds of the Trio who felt they had to do what was right. However, she declined so she could stay home with her family, continue grieving, and help them see that their family wasn't whole without their adopted members.” Baloney on this as well. Hermione goes and gets her parents memories back, finds out she’s now head girl, and Ginny, Harry and Ron are now prefects despite the fact Ginny and Harry didn’t have the position before. (Seriously, that’s not how the prefect position works. Ron’s already got the position for his year, so Harry can’t get it, and someone else has it for Ginny’s!” Hermione storms off from there to help at the school, instead of going to the Burrow. Suddenly though she and Ron are fine!
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “Before y'all start reading, this IS a Veela fic. The characters WILL be seen as OOC, I'm sure, so if that isn't your thing or you don't like it, don't even start reading. You have been warned.” Major fail - something is wrong if you’ve got to make the characters OoC to work, but somethings wrong as well if you can’t be bothered to keep the characters in character. Then again, I’ve found the Veela fics out there to be major fails as they blatantly ignore canon. First, Draco can’t be Veela, and not part Veela either as he’s pureblood. Second, Veela are female, which the writer would know if they actually went back to the creature mythology. Third, there is no need to find one’s soul mate within a year before they die. That is completely fanon, and bad fanon at that. If this were the case, Fleur would have needed to have found hers as well. All these Veela fics amount to is a way to force two characters together without any regard to the canon material. "Male veela are fairly rare. As you both already know, they have mates that they identify by smell. When veela come of age, they are taught to control their pheremones so they don't attract the opposite sex while they're trying to convince their mate to accept them. This is something a father usually teaches his son; since you do not have that luxury, I will tell you that it has been described to me as touching the magic inside you when you perform a spell, but doing it all the time. Much like holding in one's stomach. I'm not sure if that's helpful, but for your sake, I hope it is." And… "Mild jinxes and hexes will deflect off of you, much in the same way they do Professor Hagrid. Your eyes will turn black when you think your mate has been threatened, and they won't return to normal until the threat has been removed or your mate steps in and calms you down. Male veela are very possessive, very protective of their mates. When it comes to the mating process, the usual way is to be accepted first and then mark the mate during coitus. However, I have heard of the circumstances of your situation, making it a little more complicated. Miss Granger, you have until Mr. Malfoy's next birthday to accept him as your mate. If you accept him, nothing will happen except you'll have the perfect person for you for the rest of your life. If you don't accept him, Mr. Malfoy will perish, but you will never find happiness with another man for long due to the venom the runs in your veins. A veela would never hurt his mate knowingly; he would never hit her or look for other women. I heard Minerva inform you of the law protecting veelas and their mates. I know it may seem ridiculous to the two of you, but bear in mind that if Miss Granger perishes, so does Mr. Malfoy. His life is tied to yours. Therefore, the veela is exempt from any laws when it comes to protecting their mate. Do you two have any questions for me?"
NOTES: When someone calls a character out for being OoC because the characters are acting in an illogical manner, they aren’t doing so simply because they “see the characters as OoC”, but because the characters are in fact OoC. I’d put forth the argument that using this fake fanon version of Veela doesn’t amount to a logical explanation for OoC behavior, but I really don’t need to, because even before Draco’s introduced as a Veela, we have Harry and Hermione suddenly feeling unwelcome at the Barrow simply because of an argument with Ron, which would never happen. That means the writer didn’t even try to keep the characters in character, or think about how they would logically act. In fact, Ginny being the only one not to turn on them is a major farce. The writer can’t keep the characterization though consistent in one single chapter, as suddenly, as I pointed out, Hermione and Ron are fine again.
However, even more significant about the first chapter is how quickly the writer reveals they couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to the canon material. For example, everyone knows that there are two prefects per year per house, one boy and one girl, and yet both Harry and Ron are now prefects. Also, this line, “The fact remained that if they were all Prefects, neither was Neville or Luna (she had owled and asked), she had no idea who the Head Boy was,” makes no sense as Luna’s in a completely different house. The Suethor also relies way too much on fanon, not thinking about whether said fanon matches up to canon. (Golden Trio is a fandom term, not something ever used in the books!) I was honestly not surprised to find that the writers only other story is a marriage law fic, which is yet another popular plot line for this pairing which we’ve yet to see any ounce of logic applied to.
Back to the matter of OoCness, having read the reviews, of which I’ve quoted in my entry, I’m glad I didn’t read past chapter seven. Something is wrong when the characters become Bella Swan and Edward Cullen from Twilight personality wise as well. By this I mean the abusive nature of Hermione and Draco’s relationship where he tells her what to do, as noted by the reviewer for chapter ten. I’m aware the writer says, “don’t like, don’t read”, but that’s just as big of a farce as the whole “it’s a Veela fic, so it’s okay for the characters to be OoC” logic. Bad writing is bad writing. A reader can’t tell though that the piece is bad writing until after they read the piece, and it seems like a lot of readers started out liking this story, only to find themselves major disappointed.
SAMPLE:
Draco watched the Head Girl's curvy form brush past him and exit the Head's Compartment, chin held high. For a moment, he almost regretted his comment to her but he brushed the stab of guilt aside. It was just Granger. He went ahead and just started his hour of rounds, deciding to get it over with.
The hour passed slowly, most people staying to their compartments and enjoying the company of friends. When Draco finally joined his compartment with Blaise and Theo, he was irritated that he had just wasted an hour of his time. Taking his seat next to Blaise, he ran his hand through his blond hair.
"Well, rounds were a waste of time. I swear, Head Boy will be worthless if it's always this boring." Theo gave a short chuckle.
"Who's Head Girl?" Draco simply raised his eyebrow.
"Granger, of course. Did you expect anyone else?" Blaise shook his head.
"Nope. I told Theo it would be the mudblood but he figured he would give the others a chance." Draco looked up sharply.
"Don't call her that. Her blood looks exactly like ours." Both Theo and Blaise looked at him with curiosity.
"Since when do we not call Granger Mudblood?" Draco cursed himself inwardly, wishing he'd never said anything.
"Since I stopped giving a shit about blood purity. Not to mention that since the Dark Lord lost the war, those who use terms such as 'mudblood ' will only be looked down upon." Both men studied Draco for a second before Blaise changed direction with the conversation.
"I saw Granger on the platform earlier. She's become downright sexy; curves in all the right places, hair's not bushy and almost touches that sexy arse of hers. Merlin, I'm not even going to continue." Draco smirked for a moment.
- Flashback Sue
- Don't forget about the Sorting Hat.
- The Fourteenth Annual Pottersues is also currently running.
TITLE: Heed His Sweet Call
PERPETRATOR: jamcreynolds
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: None.
SUMMARY:”Draco discovers he's a veela...right after he discovers Hermione is his mate and he marks her! Can he convince her to accept him in the year he's allotted before his death? Set in their 8th year at Hogwarts, characters are somewhat OOC. Don't like, don't read! ”
FULL NAME: Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger
SPECIES: A veela and his mate. However, we all know Draco is pureblood, and that these veela fics butcher the canon veela.
HAIR: n/a
EYES: n/a
MARKINGS: n/a
POSSESSIONS: We’ve also got the non-existent Head Dorm forcing the two to live with each other. There is also such a thing as an “invisible wand holster”. Slams forehead against keyboard.
CONNECTION TO CANON: After getting an major info dump in the first chapter, (see origin), everybody goes back to school. Draco and some of the other Slytherin boys start talking about how “fuckable” Hermione is now. “This certainly says where the writer’s priorities for the story are.) We learn that instead of having a Yule Ball, (that’s only during Triwizard years!), they’re going to have a New Year’s Ball”. Ron gets upset and says Draco refered to her as “Gryffindor Whore”, but he also refers to them as “Golden Trio”. I then looked through the next few chapters for any sign of actual plot, and theirs not. I had enough by chapter seven when I read about the invisible wand holster. That’s when we also get the obnoxious info dump on Veela. I decided then and there to turn to the reviews, and sadly found this for chapter ten. “I also wonder about Hermione here. It seems to me that there is a bit of a parent/child feel to she and Draco right now. He tells her to eat, change clothes, etc. And she obeys his commands. I know a lot of storytelling is subjective and this is just my opinion that at least in this chapter she comes over like a very weak willed follower. I get the part where you have her explain how low spirited she has been since he war so I thought that was the reason and it would get better. But she immediately starts following him and his suggestions all over again. I was very happy to see her stand her ground at the end and make hime shut it so Harry could talk to her. Thats the Hermione we all know and love, the one that decked Malfoy good in POA.” I also sadly found this review as well for chapter eighteen. “I think Hermione is acting okay she's acting like a teenage girl who has self-esteemed issues, we all go through issues like that she's only human,and sometime we as humans have a lot of insecurities and doubts, but Hermione is a very great and strong character and a great role model for girls, and I like where you are taking your character, thanks ever so u much, but if you can please let something awful happen to Pansy,Astoria and Ron, like being eaten by animals or mauled by a bear or troll, anyway thanks again.” The problem is, Hermione’s not a teenage girl. Yes, she’s in her teens, but she’s also an adult, nor was she ever one to let self-esteem issues get to her. Here is one from chapter seventeen. “It's a lovely chapter as usual, and I've read this story relatively early, so may I just point out that Hermione's character in this fic is quite OOC... I mean, all the crying and not defending herself until the very last moment seems a bit unreal to me, but maybe it's just my opinion...” And no, the fact this is a Veela fic does not in any way defend the OoC behavior. Here is another for chapter twenty-two. “To be perfectly honest your story has started going off the rails. You're putting too much emphasis on inconsequential things and the way your characters are becoming very one dimensional. In this chapter I had to stop reading at the point where Theo and Hermione were having their argument. You're writing them as if they have never had a hardship in their life, as if they were naive and ignorant fools, both of them. You're forgetting that neither are ignorant nor are they fools. Think about your characters before orchestrating a situation.” And this for chapter thirty-two. “I know this is AU and OC, but I think you need to address an issue of logic here: Canon Hermione's heart is very compassionate, but she is also very logical. I know it's Lavender, but how can she easily forgive Draco for rapes committed under duress for Voldemort, but completely freak out about Lavender? I think it would help your story to progress well if she realises this quickly. Otherwise, your OC-ness is getting into the realm of a completely different character who only wears Hermione's name.” And for chapter twenty-five, “I tried to read this. I really did. I don't know how I got this far. Well really I wanted to give it a fair chance and decided to read it halfway through but and it was still shit. But then it seemed like Hermione was going to grow some balls and stop being an overly emotional twit. And I was like OK the dialogue maybe stilled and the characters shit but that is what imagination is for. Maybe this was going to be a dynamic story where the characters undergo a meaning transmission and learn something. So u continued to read. THAT WAS A MISTAKE. It's so pretentious and unnecessary. Fireballs out of his hands. Come on. Really. Fleur having some stupid book with Veela knowledge. Come in. Wasn't she only like less than half Veela on her grandmothers side or something. Why would she have something like that. Also this story is so irritating that I actually almost believed o was being trolled. Then Hermione is a GIANT PUSSY. COMMMMEEEEE OOOONN.” And chapter thirty-four, “That is absolute bullshit! Think of this a muggle situation. Someone gets stabbed with a pen. "Oh I can't expel you because a pen was used but I'll give you a detention because you intended to kill one of your class mates" how fucking stupid? Think about your characters, think about how they are legally allowed to act and how they would actually act. A couple of detentions in this situation does not cut it! McGonagall not only has the power to expel the student for their actions but she also has the power to call Aurors and have the student face criminal charges until Malfoy is in a state of mind to decide whether or not he wanted to place charges, and she would do it. The way you have McGonagall reacting is not one EXTREMELY out of character but is also in breach of her duty of care as the Headmistress of a boarding school. This isn't just a minor mistake, this is a major fuck up in your story and you need to change it. If that changes how your story goes then that is too bad. It doesn't even matter that this is fictional, this is a major flaw in your ability as a writer. This is actually one of the harshest reviews that I have ever left, usually I try to be more constructive but the situation was so incredibly stupid that I can't find it in me to write anything constructive at all.”
ORIGIN: “To give Molly peace of mind and time to heal after losing Fred, both Ron and Harry had declined Kingsly’s offer until they had graduated, which honestly, seemed to make him even more happy.” Hermione is currently together with Ron, and the writer brings up the fact Ron wants something more. (We know where that one typically leads, and yes, he does end up cheating on her with Lavender.) Suddenly, “the trials were a focal point for a huge argument between the Trio, making Harry and Hermione feel unwelcome at the Burrow.” So, Ron’s enough to make them feel unwelcome despite the fact everyone else in the Weasley family would have gotten on Ron’s case and made him feel unwelcome? “At the time of the trials, Harry and Hermione had moved to Grimmauld Place, so as not to cause any distress between their adopted family.” Not only is the reasoning baloney, the writer forgets that Grimmauld got wrecked. “Malfoy Sr. had been proven through Snape’s memories and those of his family to have been under the Imperious Curse since Voldemort’s return, forced to do his bidding.” No, they weren’t. They were under the threat of death, which is majorly different. “Ron, as well as a couple of the other Weasleys, were furious that the Malfoys had gotten off so easily. Knowing that there would be no reconciliation anytime soon, Hermione and Harry left for Australia to find her parents. Ginny had been invited, as she was the only one who had remained loyal to the two-thirds of the Trio who felt they had to do what was right. However, she declined so she could stay home with her family, continue grieving, and help them see that their family wasn't whole without their adopted members.” Baloney on this as well. Hermione goes and gets her parents memories back, finds out she’s now head girl, and Ginny, Harry and Ron are now prefects despite the fact Ginny and Harry didn’t have the position before. (Seriously, that’s not how the prefect position works. Ron’s already got the position for his year, so Harry can’t get it, and someone else has it for Ginny’s!” Hermione storms off from there to help at the school, instead of going to the Burrow. Suddenly though she and Ron are fine!
SPECIAL ABILITIES: “Before y'all start reading, this IS a Veela fic. The characters WILL be seen as OOC, I'm sure, so if that isn't your thing or you don't like it, don't even start reading. You have been warned.” Major fail - something is wrong if you’ve got to make the characters OoC to work, but somethings wrong as well if you can’t be bothered to keep the characters in character. Then again, I’ve found the Veela fics out there to be major fails as they blatantly ignore canon. First, Draco can’t be Veela, and not part Veela either as he’s pureblood. Second, Veela are female, which the writer would know if they actually went back to the creature mythology. Third, there is no need to find one’s soul mate within a year before they die. That is completely fanon, and bad fanon at that. If this were the case, Fleur would have needed to have found hers as well. All these Veela fics amount to is a way to force two characters together without any regard to the canon material. "Male veela are fairly rare. As you both already know, they have mates that they identify by smell. When veela come of age, they are taught to control their pheremones so they don't attract the opposite sex while they're trying to convince their mate to accept them. This is something a father usually teaches his son; since you do not have that luxury, I will tell you that it has been described to me as touching the magic inside you when you perform a spell, but doing it all the time. Much like holding in one's stomach. I'm not sure if that's helpful, but for your sake, I hope it is." And… "Mild jinxes and hexes will deflect off of you, much in the same way they do Professor Hagrid. Your eyes will turn black when you think your mate has been threatened, and they won't return to normal until the threat has been removed or your mate steps in and calms you down. Male veela are very possessive, very protective of their mates. When it comes to the mating process, the usual way is to be accepted first and then mark the mate during coitus. However, I have heard of the circumstances of your situation, making it a little more complicated. Miss Granger, you have until Mr. Malfoy's next birthday to accept him as your mate. If you accept him, nothing will happen except you'll have the perfect person for you for the rest of your life. If you don't accept him, Mr. Malfoy will perish, but you will never find happiness with another man for long due to the venom the runs in your veins. A veela would never hurt his mate knowingly; he would never hit her or look for other women. I heard Minerva inform you of the law protecting veelas and their mates. I know it may seem ridiculous to the two of you, but bear in mind that if Miss Granger perishes, so does Mr. Malfoy. His life is tied to yours. Therefore, the veela is exempt from any laws when it comes to protecting their mate. Do you two have any questions for me?"
NOTES: When someone calls a character out for being OoC because the characters are acting in an illogical manner, they aren’t doing so simply because they “see the characters as OoC”, but because the characters are in fact OoC. I’d put forth the argument that using this fake fanon version of Veela doesn’t amount to a logical explanation for OoC behavior, but I really don’t need to, because even before Draco’s introduced as a Veela, we have Harry and Hermione suddenly feeling unwelcome at the Barrow simply because of an argument with Ron, which would never happen. That means the writer didn’t even try to keep the characters in character, or think about how they would logically act. In fact, Ginny being the only one not to turn on them is a major farce. The writer can’t keep the characterization though consistent in one single chapter, as suddenly, as I pointed out, Hermione and Ron are fine again.
However, even more significant about the first chapter is how quickly the writer reveals they couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to the canon material. For example, everyone knows that there are two prefects per year per house, one boy and one girl, and yet both Harry and Ron are now prefects. Also, this line, “The fact remained that if they were all Prefects, neither was Neville or Luna (she had owled and asked), she had no idea who the Head Boy was,” makes no sense as Luna’s in a completely different house. The Suethor also relies way too much on fanon, not thinking about whether said fanon matches up to canon. (Golden Trio is a fandom term, not something ever used in the books!) I was honestly not surprised to find that the writers only other story is a marriage law fic, which is yet another popular plot line for this pairing which we’ve yet to see any ounce of logic applied to.
Back to the matter of OoCness, having read the reviews, of which I’ve quoted in my entry, I’m glad I didn’t read past chapter seven. Something is wrong when the characters become Bella Swan and Edward Cullen from Twilight personality wise as well. By this I mean the abusive nature of Hermione and Draco’s relationship where he tells her what to do, as noted by the reviewer for chapter ten. I’m aware the writer says, “don’t like, don’t read”, but that’s just as big of a farce as the whole “it’s a Veela fic, so it’s okay for the characters to be OoC” logic. Bad writing is bad writing. A reader can’t tell though that the piece is bad writing until after they read the piece, and it seems like a lot of readers started out liking this story, only to find themselves major disappointed.
SAMPLE:
Draco watched the Head Girl's curvy form brush past him and exit the Head's Compartment, chin held high. For a moment, he almost regretted his comment to her but he brushed the stab of guilt aside. It was just Granger. He went ahead and just started his hour of rounds, deciding to get it over with.
The hour passed slowly, most people staying to their compartments and enjoying the company of friends. When Draco finally joined his compartment with Blaise and Theo, he was irritated that he had just wasted an hour of his time. Taking his seat next to Blaise, he ran his hand through his blond hair.
"Well, rounds were a waste of time. I swear, Head Boy will be worthless if it's always this boring." Theo gave a short chuckle.
"Who's Head Girl?" Draco simply raised his eyebrow.
"Granger, of course. Did you expect anyone else?" Blaise shook his head.
"Nope. I told Theo it would be the mudblood but he figured he would give the others a chance." Draco looked up sharply.
"Don't call her that. Her blood looks exactly like ours." Both Theo and Blaise looked at him with curiosity.
"Since when do we not call Granger Mudblood?" Draco cursed himself inwardly, wishing he'd never said anything.
"Since I stopped giving a shit about blood purity. Not to mention that since the Dark Lord lost the war, those who use terms such as 'mudblood ' will only be looked down upon." Both men studied Draco for a second before Blaise changed direction with the conversation.
"I saw Granger on the platform earlier. She's become downright sexy; curves in all the right places, hair's not bushy and almost touches that sexy arse of hers. Merlin, I'm not even going to continue." Draco smirked for a moment.