3634: Gryffindor Queen: Own the Throne -
- The link of the day is What are the things that bother you about Hetalia?. This actually touches upon bullying people out of a particular fandom.
- Flashback Sue
TITLE: Gryffindor Queen: Own The Throne
PERPETRATOR: SweetheartLoverly
SUE-O-METER: Awful
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”Hermione Granger may be the Gryffindor Princess, but Helena Granger is the Queen. Helena is a mix of beauty, brains and brawn leaving people swooning. But with Voldy looming ahead, who will she trust in the long run?...and who will be the pranking champion? The twins? Or Helena? (She may seem a little Mary-sueish, I haven't worked out every kink yet) Dont Like it? Don't read it!”
FULL NAME: Helena Granger
SPECIES: She's Hermione's twin sister.
HAIR: red-wine hair
EYES: Didn't catch that one.
MARKINGS: Nothing specific.
POSSESSIONS: Nothing specific.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Hermione is running around worrying about clothes. (How out of character for her.) Apparently her twin sister spilled stuff on Hermione's gray blazer. We instantly jump into the Quiditch Cup, and Helena got invited to. Helena is all tomboy, and not really Queen material, but there is also the question of what they did their first year. We do know the toad sceene got repeated, and she just tagged along. (That was told in a flashback.) Chapter two is an author's note about having surgery for appendicitis. Chapter three opens up with the Sue singing to Ellie Goulding, who did not make her depute until 2009. The sue's now crushing on Cedric, who jumped from a tree, as there's a ton of time skips. Chapter four, Helena claims she's clumsy. (I don't believe it, as this is a Bella Swan moment.) Looks like even Viktor is swooning for her in chapter five. Chapter six is random content. Suddenly it's the introduction of the students from Durmstrang. (Good grief, there is no steady flow to this thing, is there?)
ORIGIN: I'm honestly not sure what the writer was thinking when they wrote this one. I do know the writer thinks the first chapter is a successful re-write of her original story, but it's still pretty cringe worthy.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's a parasite Sue, but in this case the writer randomly picks which moments to shove the Sue into.
NOTES: The story is supposed to be a re-write. “I have realised that she was very Mary Sue so I have re-written her to have some aspects of my personality and a bit of this other character in a book I have read! Enjoy.” However, I think the character's going to be a Mary Sue as long as the writer's got this whole Gryffindor Princess and Gryffindor Queen thing going on, as such titles never existed. Not to mention the fact the character really doesn't really come across as Queen Bee material, or someone super special.
Also, I didn't get far, but I really don't think this one is salvageable. The Sue has to much of a parasite issue, when her existence should have effected the plot by the fifth year came around. On top of this, all the guys swoon for her, and the plot is - there is none. The story is all over the place. Then again, the writer may want to rethink some of the priorities which are coming through in this story - like the ones implies by the title.
SAMPLE:
I stared at my sister as she ran around our room like a headless chicken throwing things around looking for a jacket or something.
"What exactly are you looking for again 'Mione?" I asked her in confusion. She turned to me exasperated, shaking her head she walked over to my clothes chair. My desk chair that is covered in clothing, to be honest I am too frightened to even look at what hides under that mountain of clothing.
"I am looking for my grey blazer! Honestly Helena I have told you about 15 times in 4 minutes." She replied digging through the clothes when she let out an 'Aha' sound pulling her grey blazer out. Turning her chocolate brown headlights on my grey ones, I realised she saw the large brown stain. Wincing slightly I kept her stare and battered my eye lashes innocently.
"Helena, why was my blazer on your clothes chair and why has it got a large BROWN STAIN ON IT?" She questioned cocking an eyebrow expectantly. I had a mental battle with myself as to what to tell her. Do I tell her the truth? Oh yeah I can see her reaction now.
"Well my dear sister, you see I used your blazer without asking permission and went out to the shops bought a chocolate ice-cream and spilt it on the front. I didn't tell you because I knew you would torture and eventually kill me, so I hid it under my clothes chair and never told you. Wanna get some Ice-cream?" Oh yeah, that would go over perfectly.
"HERE LIES HELENA GRAGER, HER SISTER KILLED HER BECAUSE SHE STAINED HER FAVOURITE EXPENSIVE BLAZER"
Yeah, how 'bout no. "Well Hermione you see what happened was, I was attacked by a group of hoodlums, who said because of….global warming, yeah that's, because of global warming they spilt chocolate ice-cream on it. I fought back, I did and I said "You know that this belongs to Hermione Granger, right? They got this terrified look in their eyes and took off like bats out of hell!" I said all in one go, letting out a large breath clutching my chest. I felt pride swell in my chest at my ability to do that.
"I think that deserves some applause!" I said enthusiastically. Hermione glared at me, her face turning a delicate pink. I stood from my bed and backed myself up as far as I could, I know that look. That's her 'You'd better run far and fast!' gulping I nervously stuttered.
"Now Hermione, you know that this is not my fault right? It was hoodlums I tell you, HOODLUMS!" Her face relaxed and I felt my body relax and a breath of relief left my body. That was the moment that she lunged with a battle-cry, squealing as she landed on me. Pinning my arms to the sides of my head she put her knees down holding them and then she proceeded to torture me. What a cruel fate, was the only thing I got to think of as I lay there dying….
- Flashback Sue
TITLE: Gryffindor Queen: Own The Throne
PERPETRATOR: SweetheartLoverly
SUE-O-METER: Awful
COVER/BANNER ART:
SUMMARY:”Hermione Granger may be the Gryffindor Princess, but Helena Granger is the Queen. Helena is a mix of beauty, brains and brawn leaving people swooning. But with Voldy looming ahead, who will she trust in the long run?...and who will be the pranking champion? The twins? Or Helena? (She may seem a little Mary-sueish, I haven't worked out every kink yet) Dont Like it? Don't read it!”
FULL NAME: Helena Granger
SPECIES: She's Hermione's twin sister.
HAIR: red-wine hair
EYES: Didn't catch that one.
MARKINGS: Nothing specific.
POSSESSIONS: Nothing specific.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Hermione is running around worrying about clothes. (How out of character for her.) Apparently her twin sister spilled stuff on Hermione's gray blazer. We instantly jump into the Quiditch Cup, and Helena got invited to. Helena is all tomboy, and not really Queen material, but there is also the question of what they did their first year. We do know the toad sceene got repeated, and she just tagged along. (That was told in a flashback.) Chapter two is an author's note about having surgery for appendicitis. Chapter three opens up with the Sue singing to Ellie Goulding, who did not make her depute until 2009. The sue's now crushing on Cedric, who jumped from a tree, as there's a ton of time skips. Chapter four, Helena claims she's clumsy. (I don't believe it, as this is a Bella Swan moment.) Looks like even Viktor is swooning for her in chapter five. Chapter six is random content. Suddenly it's the introduction of the students from Durmstrang. (Good grief, there is no steady flow to this thing, is there?)
ORIGIN: I'm honestly not sure what the writer was thinking when they wrote this one. I do know the writer thinks the first chapter is a successful re-write of her original story, but it's still pretty cringe worthy.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: She's a parasite Sue, but in this case the writer randomly picks which moments to shove the Sue into.
NOTES: The story is supposed to be a re-write. “I have realised that she was very Mary Sue so I have re-written her to have some aspects of my personality and a bit of this other character in a book I have read! Enjoy.” However, I think the character's going to be a Mary Sue as long as the writer's got this whole Gryffindor Princess and Gryffindor Queen thing going on, as such titles never existed. Not to mention the fact the character really doesn't really come across as Queen Bee material, or someone super special.
Also, I didn't get far, but I really don't think this one is salvageable. The Sue has to much of a parasite issue, when her existence should have effected the plot by the fifth year came around. On top of this, all the guys swoon for her, and the plot is - there is none. The story is all over the place. Then again, the writer may want to rethink some of the priorities which are coming through in this story - like the ones implies by the title.
SAMPLE:
I stared at my sister as she ran around our room like a headless chicken throwing things around looking for a jacket or something.
"What exactly are you looking for again 'Mione?" I asked her in confusion. She turned to me exasperated, shaking her head she walked over to my clothes chair. My desk chair that is covered in clothing, to be honest I am too frightened to even look at what hides under that mountain of clothing.
"I am looking for my grey blazer! Honestly Helena I have told you about 15 times in 4 minutes." She replied digging through the clothes when she let out an 'Aha' sound pulling her grey blazer out. Turning her chocolate brown headlights on my grey ones, I realised she saw the large brown stain. Wincing slightly I kept her stare and battered my eye lashes innocently.
"Helena, why was my blazer on your clothes chair and why has it got a large BROWN STAIN ON IT?" She questioned cocking an eyebrow expectantly. I had a mental battle with myself as to what to tell her. Do I tell her the truth? Oh yeah I can see her reaction now.
"Well my dear sister, you see I used your blazer without asking permission and went out to the shops bought a chocolate ice-cream and spilt it on the front. I didn't tell you because I knew you would torture and eventually kill me, so I hid it under my clothes chair and never told you. Wanna get some Ice-cream?" Oh yeah, that would go over perfectly.
"HERE LIES HELENA GRAGER, HER SISTER KILLED HER BECAUSE SHE STAINED HER FAVOURITE EXPENSIVE BLAZER"
Yeah, how 'bout no. "Well Hermione you see what happened was, I was attacked by a group of hoodlums, who said because of….global warming, yeah that's, because of global warming they spilt chocolate ice-cream on it. I fought back, I did and I said "You know that this belongs to Hermione Granger, right? They got this terrified look in their eyes and took off like bats out of hell!" I said all in one go, letting out a large breath clutching my chest. I felt pride swell in my chest at my ability to do that.
"I think that deserves some applause!" I said enthusiastically. Hermione glared at me, her face turning a delicate pink. I stood from my bed and backed myself up as far as I could, I know that look. That's her 'You'd better run far and fast!' gulping I nervously stuttered.
"Now Hermione, you know that this is not my fault right? It was hoodlums I tell you, HOODLUMS!" Her face relaxed and I felt my body relax and a breath of relief left my body. That was the moment that she lunged with a battle-cry, squealing as she landed on me. Pinning my arms to the sides of my head she put her knees down holding them and then she proceeded to torture me. What a cruel fate, was the only thing I got to think of as I lay there dying….