3613: Magnetism - Anna Roberts
- The link of the day is . This is more of what I was trying to look for.
- Flashback Sue
TITLE: Magnetism
PERPETRATOR: Deanna.Price
SUE-O-METER: AWful
COVER/BANNER ART: The writer's avatar I believe is from Transformers
SUMMARY:”When Anna meets a orphan boy in the rain, she learns how to harness true power. (Edited chapter 1&3. Mostly chapter 1.)”
FULL NAME: Anna Roberts
SPECIES: Muggleborn, or Halflood, plus Voldemort's love interest
HAIR: Her hair is first described as thin, then “thin plain brown hair framed her thin face, coming to rest just above her shoulders.” (Would this be a hair cut allowed for little girls during this time frame?)
EYES: “Her eyes were muddy brown-like dirt, light, barely visible freckles splattered beneath them, along with a slightly crooked nose.”
MARKINGS: “Perhaps though that wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for how very skinny she was. Long, thin legs, her face drawn in and her school uniform engulfing her. It really made her look quite boyish. If she chopped off all her hair she was sure she could pass for a boy. Her father had always said so. She turned her head abruptly from the reflection, clenching her fists at her sides as she resumed her walk.”
POSSESSIONS: A bible, and a can of tomatoes.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Anna throws a tantrum because she has no mother, and suddenly she realizes she has an abusive father. This tantrum involves trashing her room. She leaves her father, James Roberts, on the couch, and runs away. (I guess on the positive side, it's not one of the canon characters again. It's still bad though.) She runs across Tom doing his snake thing. (Did he even attend a regular school, or was it a school run by the orphanage?) She runs back to her father's place at the end of that chapter. (Contrived, if I say so.) Second chapter involves talk about avoiding the orphanage, but little regarding the time period description wise. Next chapter has an interaction with her father, and at this point she's still not beaten like the story indicates is the norm. She goes to the store. She's introduced to a random boy named Dillon. (The references to Harry Potter material? Slim, except for a reference to Voldemort.) She gets in trouble with her father because shopping was more important. (Last time I checked, most men did not go shopping during this time frame, it was the women folk. Her father, if he's as abusive as he is, wouldn't go with her, but would instead be complaining about how she doesn't get what he needs, and the real issue would be him spending all his wages so she can barely get anything to pay for anything else.) He leaves her alone after her anger makes the lights flicker. “Every bulb around the house combusted simultaneously.” In chapter three her father takes her to a church because of the incident. They get back, and “Anna proceeded to test the limits of her new ability in every way she could think of.” (Shouldn't she be more scared?) “Excited, she played with her powers like an child would a new toy. However, unlike the former, she never grew bored.” Later on Dillian comes to find her. Later she has a run in with Voldemort as a child, where “and the audacity that his power dare try to command him, while he should be commanding it was enough for him to wrench himself backwards in defiance.” Chapter four is an author's note, which is NOT allowed. Chapter five is from Tom's point of view of the events where she first runs into him, and some depth into his child hood. (Some of this isn't bad, and if the OC were to be cut out...) Chapter ends with him calling her mentally the stupid girl.
ORIGIN: How much of this is actually original? When I read the title I thought, “oh, so the Sue is going to have Magneto's powers”. I then read the start of the story, and for some reason found myself reminded of the Naruto series. Perhaps that has to do with the link of the day yesterday being related to Naruto, but all in all the story doesn't seem any bit original.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: I don't think the writer is paying attention to the time period. The first shopping cart for example, which the Sue uses, was invented in 1936 in the United States, but not put into use until June 4, 1937, which is the summer before Tom Riddle would be going to school. They also didn't catch on right away. We also get this in the third chapter. “She'd thought learning to use her power, would be the equivalent of trying to teach herself a foreign language. She was pleasantly surprised however, to see how naturally she took to it. The feeling of it building inside of her felt much like when she woke with her arm all tingly and numb underneath her. She'd shake and rub the life back into it, avidly attempting to reanimate it from it's numb state. Except instead of kneading the power with her hands, she used her emotions and sheer will.”
NOTES: The title may have something to do with the romance between Voldemort and the OC. (We have yet another writer using the Tom R. Jr. tag for Voldemort. Can they please just get rid of the tag already? They aren't two different characters!) Isn't the Sue a bit late coming into her powers?
SAMPLE:
Mothers were something Anna had never really thought about. Not until recently anyway, when a boy in her class had fallen and cut his knee outside of school. He had wailed like a dying animal, and Anna had wanted to snap at him to grow up and stop being such a baby. But she didn't. And then a pretty, young woman had come and scooped him up, whispering comforting things and running her fingers through his hair-tender and loving.
She had never known the love of a mother.
She had only ever had her father-but mothers...mothers seemed so much different. She was strangely envious after that-and it was annoying, because she had never wanted a mother before. She had never really cared.
She had never thought that mothers and fathers could be much different. It hadn't really occurred to her. But now-now she wanted what that boy had. She wanted it more than she had wanted anything in her entire life.
She brought her fingers up to her cheek, nimbly caressing the forming bruise with careful hands. Dried tears that she couldn't be bothered to wipe away stained her cheeks-and she wished more than anything that she could have a mother instead of a father. Because a mother would stroke her back and kiss away all the hurt.
A mother would be much different than a father.
Angry with herself, she threw off her covers, sitting up in her bed. She shouldn't-wouldn't waste time on silly little dreams.
She had lain in bed for hours, sleep eluding her. She remembered the empty feeling that had filled her after she had come down from her emotional high, and she clenched her fists-much preferring the self loathing she felt as opposed to the frightening numbness that had pervaded her body.
She got up, moving to the drawers of her dresser, ripping them open in frustration. Her room was small and rectangular, the walls painted a light lilac color. She didn't have many things, only a few pieces of furniture and her bed.
She pulled out her uniform, a white collared shirt and bland black dress, tearing off her clothes and shoving her arms and legs through the material.
As the irritation she felt toward herself abated, she slowed her pace, glancing out her door and into the hallway reluctantly. Her insides twisted uncomfortably and she found herself desperately wanting to just return to bed-the thought of seeing her father making her blood run cold. But she forced herself forward, quietly making her way to the bathroom.
She brushed her teeth and combed her thin hair, and when she stepped outside of the bathroom she stared hard at her father's room. The bedroom door was slightly ajar, no sign of him in his bed. She wondered if he was awake, remembering his fist upon her cheek the night before with a feeling of nausea.
God, she hated him.
And she had been so cautious, treading carefully around his rage. She supposed it didn't matter. He had wanted to hurt her. He had been looking for a reason.
- Flashback Sue
TITLE: Magnetism
PERPETRATOR: Deanna.Price
SUE-O-METER: AWful
COVER/BANNER ART: The writer's avatar I believe is from Transformers
SUMMARY:”When Anna meets a orphan boy in the rain, she learns how to harness true power. (Edited chapter 1&3. Mostly chapter 1.)”
FULL NAME: Anna Roberts
SPECIES: Muggleborn, or Halflood, plus Voldemort's love interest
HAIR: Her hair is first described as thin, then “thin plain brown hair framed her thin face, coming to rest just above her shoulders.” (Would this be a hair cut allowed for little girls during this time frame?)
EYES: “Her eyes were muddy brown-like dirt, light, barely visible freckles splattered beneath them, along with a slightly crooked nose.”
MARKINGS: “Perhaps though that wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for how very skinny she was. Long, thin legs, her face drawn in and her school uniform engulfing her. It really made her look quite boyish. If she chopped off all her hair she was sure she could pass for a boy. Her father had always said so. She turned her head abruptly from the reflection, clenching her fists at her sides as she resumed her walk.”
POSSESSIONS: A bible, and a can of tomatoes.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Anna throws a tantrum because she has no mother, and suddenly she realizes she has an abusive father. This tantrum involves trashing her room. She leaves her father, James Roberts, on the couch, and runs away. (I guess on the positive side, it's not one of the canon characters again. It's still bad though.) She runs across Tom doing his snake thing. (Did he even attend a regular school, or was it a school run by the orphanage?) She runs back to her father's place at the end of that chapter. (Contrived, if I say so.) Second chapter involves talk about avoiding the orphanage, but little regarding the time period description wise. Next chapter has an interaction with her father, and at this point she's still not beaten like the story indicates is the norm. She goes to the store. She's introduced to a random boy named Dillon. (The references to Harry Potter material? Slim, except for a reference to Voldemort.) She gets in trouble with her father because shopping was more important. (Last time I checked, most men did not go shopping during this time frame, it was the women folk. Her father, if he's as abusive as he is, wouldn't go with her, but would instead be complaining about how she doesn't get what he needs, and the real issue would be him spending all his wages so she can barely get anything to pay for anything else.) He leaves her alone after her anger makes the lights flicker. “Every bulb around the house combusted simultaneously.” In chapter three her father takes her to a church because of the incident. They get back, and “Anna proceeded to test the limits of her new ability in every way she could think of.” (Shouldn't she be more scared?) “Excited, she played with her powers like an child would a new toy. However, unlike the former, she never grew bored.” Later on Dillian comes to find her. Later she has a run in with Voldemort as a child, where “and the audacity that his power dare try to command him, while he should be commanding it was enough for him to wrench himself backwards in defiance.” Chapter four is an author's note, which is NOT allowed. Chapter five is from Tom's point of view of the events where she first runs into him, and some depth into his child hood. (Some of this isn't bad, and if the OC were to be cut out...) Chapter ends with him calling her mentally the stupid girl.
ORIGIN: How much of this is actually original? When I read the title I thought, “oh, so the Sue is going to have Magneto's powers”. I then read the start of the story, and for some reason found myself reminded of the Naruto series. Perhaps that has to do with the link of the day yesterday being related to Naruto, but all in all the story doesn't seem any bit original.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: I don't think the writer is paying attention to the time period. The first shopping cart for example, which the Sue uses, was invented in 1936 in the United States, but not put into use until June 4, 1937, which is the summer before Tom Riddle would be going to school. They also didn't catch on right away. We also get this in the third chapter. “She'd thought learning to use her power, would be the equivalent of trying to teach herself a foreign language. She was pleasantly surprised however, to see how naturally she took to it. The feeling of it building inside of her felt much like when she woke with her arm all tingly and numb underneath her. She'd shake and rub the life back into it, avidly attempting to reanimate it from it's numb state. Except instead of kneading the power with her hands, she used her emotions and sheer will.”
NOTES: The title may have something to do with the romance between Voldemort and the OC. (We have yet another writer using the Tom R. Jr. tag for Voldemort. Can they please just get rid of the tag already? They aren't two different characters!) Isn't the Sue a bit late coming into her powers?
SAMPLE:
Mothers were something Anna had never really thought about. Not until recently anyway, when a boy in her class had fallen and cut his knee outside of school. He had wailed like a dying animal, and Anna had wanted to snap at him to grow up and stop being such a baby. But she didn't. And then a pretty, young woman had come and scooped him up, whispering comforting things and running her fingers through his hair-tender and loving.
She had never known the love of a mother.
She had only ever had her father-but mothers...mothers seemed so much different. She was strangely envious after that-and it was annoying, because she had never wanted a mother before. She had never really cared.
She had never thought that mothers and fathers could be much different. It hadn't really occurred to her. But now-now she wanted what that boy had. She wanted it more than she had wanted anything in her entire life.
She brought her fingers up to her cheek, nimbly caressing the forming bruise with careful hands. Dried tears that she couldn't be bothered to wipe away stained her cheeks-and she wished more than anything that she could have a mother instead of a father. Because a mother would stroke her back and kiss away all the hurt.
A mother would be much different than a father.
Angry with herself, she threw off her covers, sitting up in her bed. She shouldn't-wouldn't waste time on silly little dreams.
She had lain in bed for hours, sleep eluding her. She remembered the empty feeling that had filled her after she had come down from her emotional high, and she clenched her fists-much preferring the self loathing she felt as opposed to the frightening numbness that had pervaded her body.
She got up, moving to the drawers of her dresser, ripping them open in frustration. Her room was small and rectangular, the walls painted a light lilac color. She didn't have many things, only a few pieces of furniture and her bed.
She pulled out her uniform, a white collared shirt and bland black dress, tearing off her clothes and shoving her arms and legs through the material.
As the irritation she felt toward herself abated, she slowed her pace, glancing out her door and into the hallway reluctantly. Her insides twisted uncomfortably and she found herself desperately wanting to just return to bed-the thought of seeing her father making her blood run cold. But she forced herself forward, quietly making her way to the bathroom.
She brushed her teeth and combed her thin hair, and when she stepped outside of the bathroom she stared hard at her father's room. The bedroom door was slightly ajar, no sign of him in his bed. She wondered if he was awake, remembering his fist upon her cheek the night before with a feeling of nausea.
God, she hated him.
And she had been so cautious, treading carefully around his rage. She supposed it didn't matter. He had wanted to hurt her. He had been looking for a reason.