3611: The Package - Ruby "Wuby" and company
- The link of the day is Here I come to sae the day! NO.
- Flashback Sue
I got to looking at the stories I've saved under my favorites file for Potterses, and there are now 370 items to go through, so it's time to start cleaning it out.
This also said, here is the obligatory message I need to leave about not pointing Suethors to the blog. Mind you, I highly doubt one of the minions left the review, as the rules are very clear. I suspect that the writer was informed by another Suethor who found their story here. This Suethor reacted well to finding their story featured here, but not everyone does, as they're not ready for critique. Hence why the rule is put in place.
TITLE: The Package
PERPETRATOR: Pottermum
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: The writer's avatar is of Harry and Ginny glomping each other.
SUMMARY:”When Harry views all the memories Snape gave him in the boatshed, he discovers a huge secret about his family that causes him to leave England, and Ginny. Seven years later, there's a knock at her door. It's Harry, asking a favour. He wants her to take care of a package. A very important package. Rating may change for later chapters”
FULL NAME: Ruby “Wuby”, an unnamed Sue, Jamie
SPECIES: Harry's daughter - actual niece, and Harry's unnamed twin sister, the latter is Harry and Ginny's son.
HAIR:
EYES: Her eyes are green.
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: Her favorite color is pink, so a lot of her colors are pink.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Harry runs away, has a kid, and leaves her for Ginny to take care of. We then find out in chapter two that Ginny has her own son, who is a couple years older than Ruby. (So, how are these characters Harry and Ginny?) By the way, her son is also Harry's child. (How about actually showing the readers these things are possible, instead of spontaneously dropping them into the story? Yeah, that would be nice.) Ruby starts asking questions, some of which I don't think she'd really ask, or at least not in that matter. I mean, “How is your little boy?” is something an adult would say. They then go shopping after breakfast for pink stuff for Ruby, and Seamus - who seems to be Ginny's new boyfriend, goes along with her. Chapter three introduces Ginny's son back from football camp. Chapter four has Harry telling Ginny whether Ruby is really his ends up conveniently interrupted by the kids. The conversation asks how she got to Ireland - which is thanks to Seamus. (No, the writer is not from the UK. They're from Australia, otherwise they might know it's not as big of a deal as they're making it out to be.) The avoidance of the subject as well as the lack of conflict gets this a toxic rating. We find out at the end of the chapter that Harry has your obligatory twin sister from America - which is yet another Sue
ORIGIN: We've got another story where someone has a secret, or we're supposed to believe this to be true. We've also got another story where a cute little fluffy Sue gets dropped onto someone's doorstep. Plus, this drops the canon personalities and reads more like original fiction then fanfiction. Oh, and even if she's not really Harry's daughter, and related in some other manner, it's still bad. Particularly since there is no logical way he could have someone related to him, not with a lot of build up and explanation from the writer. Which of course we're not getting.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Ruby's rather annoying, making me wish someone would write a little kid story where the kid wasn't sickeningly cute, and had some kind of flaw like kids do. No, giving “Wuby” a speech impediment does not count, and actually makes things worse. (Why is the only letter she's mispronouncing the letter “R”?)
NOTES: So...
I would think someone whose user name has the word “mum” in it was a mother, so I'm having to wonder why the kids in this act so perfect, and like angels. Is she some mother whose so far had the luck of not having any problems, or is this personal wish fulfillment on their part? Or, are they not a mother, but want to be one? It always bothers me though when we get these perfect little angels cropping up in fanction, because that's not reality. On top of this, what makes child characters special are their little quirks. Not a quirk mind you, like the stereotypical stutter that is meant to make the child look cute, but actual flaws that cause conflict and problems.
Actually, doesn't expecting children to be perfect angels all the time count as child abuse, or something close to it? Maybe the reason this one works me up so much is because expecting children to be perfect is cruel.
SAMPLE:
"I'd like you to look after a...package for me. Should only take a week or so. Please," he said, trying to come across as nonchalant, when truthfully, his heart was racing.
"A package? You want me to look after a package for you?" asked Ginny in amusement.
Harry nodded, taking out his wallet."I can pay you for your trouble." He began counting out money.
"Stop it. You know what you can do with your money," said Ginny, shrilly. She'd been horrified when he'd got out of his wallet. "Why me?"
Harry lay some money down on a table. "There's no-one I trust more than you with this," he said truthfully.
"Where have you been all these years?" demanded Ginny.
"America," said Harry, again, truthfully.
"So, where's this package?" asked Ginny. "Let's see it."
"It will only appear after I'm gone," said Harry. "Ginny, this is...so important. The most important thing to me."
Ginny felt a pang. 'Lucky package', she thought. "So, what do I have to do? Hide it, Disilluision it?"
"If it were that simple, I'd keep it myself. No, I think it will be very self explantory what you should do with it. Look Gin, I've already stayed too long. I have to go now, or risk being traced."
"Traced? There's people after you?" asked Ginny, suddenly worried.
Harry nodded. "I'm sure they won't think to look for me here. I mean, Ireland? Why, Ginny?"
Ginny sighed. "It's a long story. One you obviously don't have time for. Go. Just go. I'll watch your damn package for a week. One week, Harry. Then I'm tossing it out that window."
"Bet you don't" smirked Harry. He walked to the door and she followed him.
"GOODBYE. I'LL SEE YOU SOON,"he said loudly.
"Merlin Harry, did you have to shout? I'm right here, and for someone who thinks they may be traced you're making it easy for them to find you," said Ginny, grimacing. "I do have neighbours, you know." One of who was away at the moment, but Harry didn't need to know that.
Harry was riveted on a spot just over her shoulder. "I'm going, I'm going. Thanks, Gin. I can't tell you what this means to me."
"Hmpf," huffed Ginny. "Just something else you can't tell me. I'll add it to the list."
Harry smiled. She was still as feisty as ever."Thank you, Gin. Really."
Ginny swallowed at his softer tone. "One week, Harry."
He took a step toward her, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Merlin, she still smelled the same. "You've grown up to be a beautiful woman, Ginny." His voice and gaze were tender. "I've missed you." His hand ran from her hair down her cheek.
Ginny felt her knees quivering. Harry had gotten better with age, too, although he was still too thin. Come to think of it, he reminded Ginny of when she had first saw Sirius. You could see his body was once muscular, but had lost weight. A lot of weight. Harry seemed the same.
"I'll be in touch soon," he said, his eyes on her lips. She nodded, and he lifted his eyes to hers. She stifled a gasp at the darkened emerald green that burned into hers. She had only seen his eyes look like that once. The night they'd made love.
"I have to go," he said, huskily.
"So go," said Ginny, making him chuckle.
"Still the same Ginny, not taking shit from anyone," he said.
Ginny stepped back. "No. I'm not the same Ginny. I couldn't be, not after you left." She put her arms around her waist as if to shield herself.
Harry looked at his watch. "Damn! Gin, one day I will explain everything. For now, I-"
"Yeah, yeah, you really have to go. I get it. Go, already. Let me get back to sleep," said Ginny, feeling shitty. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep after he'd gone.
"I'm sorry," said Harry. "Really." He opened the door and went, shutting it behind him.
Ginny placed her hand on the closed door. She bowed her head. "Bye, Harry," she said, softly. She took out her wand and secured the door with the strongest shield and locking charms she knew. Now, to find this mysterious package.
She turned around and started in fright, drawing her wand. "What the-who are you?"
A little girl threw something out the window, then looked out after it. She waved sadly, before turning back to Ginny. Ginny guessed she was about four or five. Her emerald green eyes studied Ginny before she replied.
"I'm Wuby. Papa said I was staying wiv you for a while," she said bravely, her chin tilted as if in defiance.
"Oh, shit," exclaimed Ginny, unable to believe her ears.
Harry had left his daughter with her.
- Flashback Sue
I got to looking at the stories I've saved under my favorites file for Potterses, and there are now 370 items to go through, so it's time to start cleaning it out.
This also said, here is the obligatory message I need to leave about not pointing Suethors to the blog. Mind you, I highly doubt one of the minions left the review, as the rules are very clear. I suspect that the writer was informed by another Suethor who found their story here. This Suethor reacted well to finding their story featured here, but not everyone does, as they're not ready for critique. Hence why the rule is put in place.
TITLE: The Package
PERPETRATOR: Pottermum
SUE-O-METER: Toxic
COVER/BANNER ART: The writer's avatar is of Harry and Ginny glomping each other.
SUMMARY:”When Harry views all the memories Snape gave him in the boatshed, he discovers a huge secret about his family that causes him to leave England, and Ginny. Seven years later, there's a knock at her door. It's Harry, asking a favour. He wants her to take care of a package. A very important package. Rating may change for later chapters”
FULL NAME: Ruby “Wuby”, an unnamed Sue, Jamie
SPECIES: Harry's daughter - actual niece, and Harry's unnamed twin sister, the latter is Harry and Ginny's son.
HAIR:
EYES: Her eyes are green.
MARKINGS:
POSSESSIONS: Her favorite color is pink, so a lot of her colors are pink.
CONNECTION TO CANON: Harry runs away, has a kid, and leaves her for Ginny to take care of. We then find out in chapter two that Ginny has her own son, who is a couple years older than Ruby. (So, how are these characters Harry and Ginny?) By the way, her son is also Harry's child. (How about actually showing the readers these things are possible, instead of spontaneously dropping them into the story? Yeah, that would be nice.) Ruby starts asking questions, some of which I don't think she'd really ask, or at least not in that matter. I mean, “How is your little boy?” is something an adult would say. They then go shopping after breakfast for pink stuff for Ruby, and Seamus - who seems to be Ginny's new boyfriend, goes along with her. Chapter three introduces Ginny's son back from football camp. Chapter four has Harry telling Ginny whether Ruby is really his ends up conveniently interrupted by the kids. The conversation asks how she got to Ireland - which is thanks to Seamus. (No, the writer is not from the UK. They're from Australia, otherwise they might know it's not as big of a deal as they're making it out to be.) The avoidance of the subject as well as the lack of conflict gets this a toxic rating. We find out at the end of the chapter that Harry has your obligatory twin sister from America - which is yet another Sue
ORIGIN: We've got another story where someone has a secret, or we're supposed to believe this to be true. We've also got another story where a cute little fluffy Sue gets dropped onto someone's doorstep. Plus, this drops the canon personalities and reads more like original fiction then fanfiction. Oh, and even if she's not really Harry's daughter, and related in some other manner, it's still bad. Particularly since there is no logical way he could have someone related to him, not with a lot of build up and explanation from the writer. Which of course we're not getting.
SPECIAL ABILITIES: Ruby's rather annoying, making me wish someone would write a little kid story where the kid wasn't sickeningly cute, and had some kind of flaw like kids do. No, giving “Wuby” a speech impediment does not count, and actually makes things worse. (Why is the only letter she's mispronouncing the letter “R”?)
NOTES: So...
I would think someone whose user name has the word “mum” in it was a mother, so I'm having to wonder why the kids in this act so perfect, and like angels. Is she some mother whose so far had the luck of not having any problems, or is this personal wish fulfillment on their part? Or, are they not a mother, but want to be one? It always bothers me though when we get these perfect little angels cropping up in fanction, because that's not reality. On top of this, what makes child characters special are their little quirks. Not a quirk mind you, like the stereotypical stutter that is meant to make the child look cute, but actual flaws that cause conflict and problems.
Actually, doesn't expecting children to be perfect angels all the time count as child abuse, or something close to it? Maybe the reason this one works me up so much is because expecting children to be perfect is cruel.
SAMPLE:
"I'd like you to look after a...package for me. Should only take a week or so. Please," he said, trying to come across as nonchalant, when truthfully, his heart was racing.
"A package? You want me to look after a package for you?" asked Ginny in amusement.
Harry nodded, taking out his wallet."I can pay you for your trouble." He began counting out money.
"Stop it. You know what you can do with your money," said Ginny, shrilly. She'd been horrified when he'd got out of his wallet. "Why me?"
Harry lay some money down on a table. "There's no-one I trust more than you with this," he said truthfully.
"Where have you been all these years?" demanded Ginny.
"America," said Harry, again, truthfully.
"So, where's this package?" asked Ginny. "Let's see it."
"It will only appear after I'm gone," said Harry. "Ginny, this is...so important. The most important thing to me."
Ginny felt a pang. 'Lucky package', she thought. "So, what do I have to do? Hide it, Disilluision it?"
"If it were that simple, I'd keep it myself. No, I think it will be very self explantory what you should do with it. Look Gin, I've already stayed too long. I have to go now, or risk being traced."
"Traced? There's people after you?" asked Ginny, suddenly worried.
Harry nodded. "I'm sure they won't think to look for me here. I mean, Ireland? Why, Ginny?"
Ginny sighed. "It's a long story. One you obviously don't have time for. Go. Just go. I'll watch your damn package for a week. One week, Harry. Then I'm tossing it out that window."
"Bet you don't" smirked Harry. He walked to the door and she followed him.
"GOODBYE. I'LL SEE YOU SOON,"he said loudly.
"Merlin Harry, did you have to shout? I'm right here, and for someone who thinks they may be traced you're making it easy for them to find you," said Ginny, grimacing. "I do have neighbours, you know." One of who was away at the moment, but Harry didn't need to know that.
Harry was riveted on a spot just over her shoulder. "I'm going, I'm going. Thanks, Gin. I can't tell you what this means to me."
"Hmpf," huffed Ginny. "Just something else you can't tell me. I'll add it to the list."
Harry smiled. She was still as feisty as ever."Thank you, Gin. Really."
Ginny swallowed at his softer tone. "One week, Harry."
He took a step toward her, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Merlin, she still smelled the same. "You've grown up to be a beautiful woman, Ginny." His voice and gaze were tender. "I've missed you." His hand ran from her hair down her cheek.
Ginny felt her knees quivering. Harry had gotten better with age, too, although he was still too thin. Come to think of it, he reminded Ginny of when she had first saw Sirius. You could see his body was once muscular, but had lost weight. A lot of weight. Harry seemed the same.
"I'll be in touch soon," he said, his eyes on her lips. She nodded, and he lifted his eyes to hers. She stifled a gasp at the darkened emerald green that burned into hers. She had only seen his eyes look like that once. The night they'd made love.
"I have to go," he said, huskily.
"So go," said Ginny, making him chuckle.
"Still the same Ginny, not taking shit from anyone," he said.
Ginny stepped back. "No. I'm not the same Ginny. I couldn't be, not after you left." She put her arms around her waist as if to shield herself.
Harry looked at his watch. "Damn! Gin, one day I will explain everything. For now, I-"
"Yeah, yeah, you really have to go. I get it. Go, already. Let me get back to sleep," said Ginny, feeling shitty. She knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep after he'd gone.
"I'm sorry," said Harry. "Really." He opened the door and went, shutting it behind him.
Ginny placed her hand on the closed door. She bowed her head. "Bye, Harry," she said, softly. She took out her wand and secured the door with the strongest shield and locking charms she knew. Now, to find this mysterious package.
She turned around and started in fright, drawing her wand. "What the-who are you?"
A little girl threw something out the window, then looked out after it. She waved sadly, before turning back to Ginny. Ginny guessed she was about four or five. Her emerald green eyes studied Ginny before she replied.
"I'm Wuby. Papa said I was staying wiv you for a while," she said bravely, her chin tilted as if in defiance.
"Oh, shit," exclaimed Ginny, unable to believe her ears.
Harry had left his daughter with her.