(no subject)
# Mielialan lasku, joka on usein voimakkaimmillaan aamuisin. -GOT IT many times
# Mielihyvän kokemisen puute, joka vaivaa päivittäin.- maybe..
# Henkisen vireyden puute (joskus jopa lamaantuneisuus).-yeah!
# Tuntuu, että pienetkin asiat vaativat äärimmäisiä ponnistuksia.-BIG TIME
# Joskus voi esiintyä myös kiihtyneisyyttä.-naah..
# Ruokahalun muutokset jompaankumpaan suuntaan (painon muutokset). I weighed myself at my granmas and I weighed 57 kg (well the scale showed my 55 but you have to add couple more kilos to it..'cause it's little bit broken) about, I don't feel so hungry nowadays
# Unettomuus (etenkin aamuyön uni on katkonaista), nukahtamisvaikeudet.-I don't feel tired until 2 am..but probably it's because I woke up 2 pm..
# Jatkuva väsymys ja joskus liiallinenkin nukkuminen.-I totally sleep too much
# Keskittymiskyvyn puute.-not sure..
# Muistitoimintojen häiriöt (esimerkiksi asioiden unohtelu).-not sure
# Alentunut työkyky.-TOTALLY
# Avuttomuuden ja toivottomuuden tunne.-YES
# Itsensä syyllistäminen.-YES YES YES
# Kuolemantoiveet tai itsetuhoisuus. -no OMG NO! I'm not THAt hard on myself altought sometimes my mind goes really black and I don't like it
Guys I think I have small depression..I don't have all the time ALL those symptoms, but I don't remember a day when I haven't felt ANy of those symptoms..and it's summer and the other side of my is saying "girl! there's no need for you to feel this you have great life and things to look forward to" and for that it REALLY SUCKS..I meann this feeling right now. I think It's much more easier if I had lost something or that I would have some terrible dicease which would make this feeling right.
Now I just have this shitty feeling and what makes it even MORE shitty is that I don't deserve to feel this way...I hope this is just a fling that goes by..but the truth is that I have felt many of those symptoms more than a week now.
Well I guess I just have to concentrate on other things and hope that this crappy (and I'm not talking about "uh crappy but pretty okay" I'm talking about so crappy that I had to ran to take a shower because my mom yelled about that I should have done the dishes and I felt to crappy about myself that I had to collect myself and go to the shower so I could bursts down to tears there..so I'm talking about CRAPPY) no where was I ...yeah..I just hope this crappy feeling goes away because someone little person under all these feelings is saying I don't deserve this and that I'm not that bad person that I should punish myself with these feelings.
So I just have to maybe.. I don't know..not to hink and worry so much and try to live a better life and concentrate on the future instead of whipping myself about every little thing that I don't do or do bad, because that whipping is really getting into me.
Sorry about my bad english..today I just felt writing in english..
overall if I look my future through a grey glass I see lots of nice things coming ahead, I just gotta hold on to those things and not drown myself into misery which right now is leading me..
sorry to take so much of your time folks c ya!
# Mielihyvän kokemisen puute, joka vaivaa päivittäin.- maybe..
# Henkisen vireyden puute (joskus jopa lamaantuneisuus).-yeah!
# Tuntuu, että pienetkin asiat vaativat äärimmäisiä ponnistuksia.-BIG TIME
# Joskus voi esiintyä myös kiihtyneisyyttä.-naah..
# Ruokahalun muutokset jompaankumpaan suuntaan (painon muutokset). I weighed myself at my granmas and I weighed 57 kg (well the scale showed my 55 but you have to add couple more kilos to it..'cause it's little bit broken) about, I don't feel so hungry nowadays
# Unettomuus (etenkin aamuyön uni on katkonaista), nukahtamisvaikeudet.-I don't feel tired until 2 am..but probably it's because I woke up 2 pm..
# Jatkuva väsymys ja joskus liiallinenkin nukkuminen.-I totally sleep too much
# Keskittymiskyvyn puute.-not sure..
# Muistitoimintojen häiriöt (esimerkiksi asioiden unohtelu).-not sure
# Alentunut työkyky.-TOTALLY
# Avuttomuuden ja toivottomuuden tunne.-YES
# Itsensä syyllistäminen.-YES YES YES
# Kuolemantoiveet tai itsetuhoisuus. -no OMG NO! I'm not THAt hard on myself altought sometimes my mind goes really black and I don't like it
Guys I think I have small depression..I don't have all the time ALL those symptoms, but I don't remember a day when I haven't felt ANy of those symptoms..and it's summer and the other side of my is saying "girl! there's no need for you to feel this you have great life and things to look forward to" and for that it REALLY SUCKS..I meann this feeling right now. I think It's much more easier if I had lost something or that I would have some terrible dicease which would make this feeling right.
Now I just have this shitty feeling and what makes it even MORE shitty is that I don't deserve to feel this way...I hope this is just a fling that goes by..but the truth is that I have felt many of those symptoms more than a week now.
Well I guess I just have to concentrate on other things and hope that this crappy (and I'm not talking about "uh crappy but pretty okay" I'm talking about so crappy that I had to ran to take a shower because my mom yelled about that I should have done the dishes and I felt to crappy about myself that I had to collect myself and go to the shower so I could bursts down to tears there..so I'm talking about CRAPPY) no where was I ...yeah..I just hope this crappy feeling goes away because someone little person under all these feelings is saying I don't deserve this and that I'm not that bad person that I should punish myself with these feelings.
So I just have to maybe.. I don't know..not to hink and worry so much and try to live a better life and concentrate on the future instead of whipping myself about every little thing that I don't do or do bad, because that whipping is really getting into me.
Sorry about my bad english..today I just felt writing in english..
overall if I look my future through a grey glass I see lots of nice things coming ahead, I just gotta hold on to those things and not drown myself into misery which right now is leading me..
sorry to take so much of your time folks c ya!