Further Twilight Wank
About three things I am absolutely positive.
First, Jane Austen must be rolling in her grave.
Second, there is a part of me--
and I don't know how dominant that part might be--
that thirsts for masochism.
And third, I am unconditionally and irrevocably
in love with the insanity that is the Twilight fandom:
With the general exception of the protagonists, Jane Austen's characters tend to be skeletal as readers only have other characters' generic descriptions of their virtues and merits to go on, but Meyer has the distinct honour of creating characters that are, in a literary sense, borderline anorexic. Don't fret, my dears, for the satirical fandomers have stepped in to give you:
The highly recommended cracktastic Cullen-centric version of Twilight
It has quotable character development. Oh, and if you care to bear witness to more of the monstrosity (pun intended, of course), then have a go at it with some level-headed analysis of New Moon.
"When you read the book," says Pattinson, looking appropriately pallid and interesting even without makeup, "it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything. I think a lot of actors tried to play that aspect. I just couldn't do that. And the more I read the script, the more I hated this guy, so that's how I played him, as a manic-depressive who hates himself. Plus, he's a 108-year-old virgin so he's obviously got some issues there."
Source: Empire magazine scans on the film
When you were cast and read the book did you think, “Well I’m really beautiful so I’ll be good at this?”
Pattinson: No, I mean that’s kind of why I was kind of tortured before the casting. I read the book and was like “Well this is really dumb I’ll never ever… this is so pointless going up for the role.” Which is what a lot of the fans said, after I was initially cast. They were like “He wasn’t even on the shortlist!” It is kind of weird. I’ve spent a long time thinking, “How can I take the whole beautiful thing as an interpretation?" And I realized that it’s just Bella saying he’s so beautiful and she’s just in love with him and obsessed with him so he could be like a piece of cheese and she would think the same thing.
Source
Robert Pattinson, or rpattz as they now oddly call him now, totally has my respect. He wins so much he deserves a cookie. May Cedric Diggory rest in peace knowing that, however dead or undead he's become, he's a pretty boy with intelligence who PWNS Edward Cullen.
///---The pictorial duel that brilliantly and adequately portrays and settles the antagonism between the Harry Potter and Twilight fandoms once and for all---///
rleonc and I did discuss how we do not let works of fiction influence us and rightly so, but the frightening point I was getting across about the impressionable fangirls proves itself quite well on its own: Who wants to be like Bella?
What's the worst thing you could say to a Twilight fan?
Here's some snigger-worthy statements, verbatim : I know i mean honestly, do ppl even care about trying not to make us mad?????
i feel ur pain... my parents told me edward wasn't real...
I keep saying that I want to be a vampire and my mom's like "they don't exist" it makes me angry.
the worst thing anyone has said about twilight around me,is "that book sux." I was angry.I was like "DOES NOT!" and they were like "whatever." and walked away.it made me furious.
Their fandom is finally falling apart at the seams:
Believe it or not, even some of the twihards saw the light once they read Breaking Dawn. It's tragic enough to say that Twilight itself is the best volume in the saga, but now some the very same fandomers find Stephenie Meyer's ideas poignantly repugnant to the extent that they are organising protests in the form of book burnings and returning the novel to stores.
Yes, they even wrote a petition against Breaking Dawn.
In light of the educated mutiny following the release of Breaking Dawn, leading forum Twilight Lexicon transforms into a dictatorship marked by dishing out an oppressive manifesto. Tenets #2, 3, 6, & 7 are the lulziest bullsh*t.
Someone did have the sagacity to openly and actively albeit radically express his right to freedom of speech by hacking the Lexicon boards.
http://www.twilightlexicon.com/yes_our_boards_were_hacked.htm
The delectable icing on the cake:
Stephenie Meyer addresses the leakage of Midnight Sun [Excerpt]
Source
As some of you may have heard, my partial draft of Midnight Sun was illegally posted on the Internet and has since been virally distributed without my knowledge or permission or the knowledge or permission of my publisher.
I have a good idea of how the leak happened as there were very few copies of Midnight Sun that left my possession and each was unique. Due to little changes I made to the manuscript at different times, I can tell when each left my possession and to whom it was given. The manuscript that was illegally distributed on the Internet was given to trusted individuals for a good purpose.
I did not want my readers to experience Midnight Sun before it was completed, edited and published. I think it is important for everybody to understand that what happened was a huge violation of my rights as an author, not to mention me as a human being.
So where does this leave Midnight Sun? My first feeling was that there was no way to continue. Writing isn't like math; in math, two plus two always equals four no matter what your mood is like. With writing, the way you feel changes everything. If I tried to write Midnight Sun now, in my current frame of mind, James would probably win and all the Cullens would die, which wouldn't dovetail too well with the original story. In any case, I feel too sad about what has happened to continue working on Midnight Sun, and so it is on hold indefinitely.
I'd rather my fans not read this version of Midnight Sun. It was only an incomplete draft; the writing is messy and flawed and full of mistakes.
Hmm, it's too easy to take a derogatory stab at this, too easy. Let the bold font resound without my colourful commentary. Suffice it to say that this fandom's weak foundation has gloriously collapsed. I am one step closer to dying happily.
P.S. Imagine if Robert Pattinson is the culprit? XDXD
P.S.S. My verbal assault on this series in my last post gave to many the impression that I despise Twilight and all it stands for. I will neither confirm nor deny this interpretation for now. Keep in mind that I am a masochist and that is post is a classic case of my practising schadenfreude.