The Perfect Proper Fandom Kiss.
Is it just me, or is there a regularly-used formula for the Fan Fiction Kiss? Did I miss that lesson?
So, Harry's been locked in a broom closet with random long-lost daughter of some other character #5 by Dumbledore, who's forever interfering in the love lives of his students.
And then Kathryn leaned in to kiss Harry. Harry, remembering his past training from other scenarios like this, started to check off all the kissing steps mentally.
Except he didn’t really do it in his head-he let the words “step two” slip out of his mouth just after Kathryn had pressed her lips to his and he made the obligatory check that they were indeed soft.
“What did you say? Step two? What the heck is this, Harry?”
“Er, you know, the steps for a Proper Fan Fiction Kiss. Haven’t you read them?”
Kathryn was a bit perturbed. She leaned back, well, at least Harry figured she did, because he didn’t feel her warmth any more. “Enlighten me,” she directed.
“Well, alright. The first step is, of course, having our lips meet. And I’m supposed to think about how soft they are. I’m supposed to do that for a minute, then poke out my tongue a bit and stroke your lips with it, basically asking you to open your mouth. That was step two, by the way-I was about to do that.”
Kathryn snorted.
“Well, then, you’re supposed to part your lips and then we’re supposed to ‘deepen the kiss.’ I guess there are lots of ways to do that. I like the whole putting our arms around each other. That’s usually nice. So, that’s step three and in step four-oh wait, in step three I’m supposed to decide what sort of candy you taste like, usually cinnamon or vanilla or something tasty like that, though no one ever really seems to.”
“I guess it makes for good imagery,” Kathryn suggested.
“Yes, I guess so,” Harry continued, “and then we’re supposed to rub our tongues together in step four, step five is you moaning into my mouth, and step six... oh yeah, your knees go weak and I have to hold you up,” Harry finished, very proud that he’d remembered all the complexities of a Proper Fan Fiction Kiss.
(You can find ch. 1-4 of this fic, called S.W.E.A.T.S., in the memories of my journal.)
So, tell me friends, what do you find are the basic steps in a Fan Fic Kiss? Did I get them all?
So, Harry's been locked in a broom closet with random long-lost daughter of some other character #5 by Dumbledore, who's forever interfering in the love lives of his students.
And then Kathryn leaned in to kiss Harry. Harry, remembering his past training from other scenarios like this, started to check off all the kissing steps mentally.
Except he didn’t really do it in his head-he let the words “step two” slip out of his mouth just after Kathryn had pressed her lips to his and he made the obligatory check that they were indeed soft.
“What did you say? Step two? What the heck is this, Harry?”
“Er, you know, the steps for a Proper Fan Fiction Kiss. Haven’t you read them?”
Kathryn was a bit perturbed. She leaned back, well, at least Harry figured she did, because he didn’t feel her warmth any more. “Enlighten me,” she directed.
“Well, alright. The first step is, of course, having our lips meet. And I’m supposed to think about how soft they are. I’m supposed to do that for a minute, then poke out my tongue a bit and stroke your lips with it, basically asking you to open your mouth. That was step two, by the way-I was about to do that.”
Kathryn snorted.
“Well, then, you’re supposed to part your lips and then we’re supposed to ‘deepen the kiss.’ I guess there are lots of ways to do that. I like the whole putting our arms around each other. That’s usually nice. So, that’s step three and in step four-oh wait, in step three I’m supposed to decide what sort of candy you taste like, usually cinnamon or vanilla or something tasty like that, though no one ever really seems to.”
“I guess it makes for good imagery,” Kathryn suggested.
“Yes, I guess so,” Harry continued, “and then we’re supposed to rub our tongues together in step four, step five is you moaning into my mouth, and step six... oh yeah, your knees go weak and I have to hold you up,” Harry finished, very proud that he’d remembered all the complexities of a Proper Fan Fiction Kiss.
(You can find ch. 1-4 of this fic, called S.W.E.A.T.S., in the memories of my journal.)
So, tell me friends, what do you find are the basic steps in a Fan Fic Kiss? Did I get them all?