Captain Saberjess
Sorry for the horrendously late Sue, everyone. To make up for it I will offer you two Sues today, the other comes later.
The author of this one would like to assure you that this is, in fact, not a Mary Sue. I have a folder containing about a score of "NOT A Mary Sue" Sues. She also has a "NOT A Mary Sue" Edward Scissorhands story. I'm very scared. Her third and final fic is a PotC Puella Moderna, but at least she doesn't have the temerity to say that it's not a Sue.
TITLE: Jess! Bad title!
CULPRIT: Damaia
SUMMARY: "(Complete!) This is a full-blown sequel to the movie, starting shortly thereafter. THIS IS A NON-SLASH, NON-MARY SUE STORY. Yes, it is a JackOC, but she is every bit as cool as he is. Please R and R."
BEST LINE: "'It's really very simple.' Jess began to pace back and forth, her hands clasped behind her back. 'Whenever I'm in a really tight situation, and I can see no way out, I always ask myself- WWJD? That's 'What Would Jack Do?', you see. And the answer is always the same. 'SS- SVS'." Her smile widened evilly, and she answered herself. 'Something Stupid. Something Very Stupid.' Jack managed to look inquisitive while still rendered speechless by this revelation." No comment.
THE VERDICT
Walk the plank, bitch.
NAME: Captain Saberjess called Jess Yes, I'm serious.
EYES: "jet black eyes" which "[glitter] maliciously"
HAIR: "mass of wavy dark hair"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: "her distinctive garb- white shirt (too large), black breeches (too tight) scarlet and blue sash (too bright), and beat up knee-high boots (just right)" *rollseyes*
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A ship called "Bluefang". "twin sabers strapped to her back"
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: She's a pirate who used to sail with Jack and has also sailed with Barbossa. Now she has her own ship.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Jack's true love and long time friend. Formerly lusted after by Barbossa.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: Annoying me to no end.
THE "PLOT": Sue meets up with Jack when she attacks the Black Pearl still believing it to be under the control of Barbossa. She and Jack tell their respective stories (Jack's: the events of PotC:CotBP; Sue's: nonsensical stupidity [obviously the work of Lord Implausibility] detailed in the second excerpt). There's also implied sex. But before that Jack reveals that some other pirate wants to steal the Aztec gold so that he can be immortal. Unfortunately, that's the only thing in the plot that makes any sense whatsoever. Jack wants Sue to go to Port Royal and get Will and Elizabeth for him, because Lady Contrivance said so. Ok, it's actually because Jack feels that since this involves the Aztec gold they have to... come... along... Uhm, yeah. Like I said. Because Contrivance said so. Sue sails into port Royal, salutes the skeletons just like Jack and bribes and then steals from the dockmaster just like Jack. Will and Elizabeth attack her when she enters Will's shop. I thought it was because they'd been honing their Sue-senses, but Lady Contrivance dictated that it was actually some bunk about people trying to steal Will's swords. On the way to the Isla de Muerta, Contrivance blows Sue's ship up so that she can save Will and Elizabeth and have TEH ANGST. Jack sends Will down below decks to talk to Sue afterwards (Sue doesn't want to see Jack) so that Will can practice his Yenta'ing. Jack tends Sue's self-inflicted wall-punching wounds and there's more implied sex. Better than bad pr0n, I will say.
Once they arrive in the caves at the Isla de Muerta attention must be drawn to Barbossa's remains so that Sue may spit on them spitefully and kick them. So Contrivance declares that Elizabeth become a wuss terrified of the very sight of Barbossa's remains. As planned they wait around for the other pirate captain to arrive so that they can ambush him. However, when he does arrive for some reason Jack and Sue parley their way onboard to try and negotiate surrender from him... even though they had a plan and revealing themselves has ruined the element of surprise, which they needed since their numbers are about the same. Then Contrivance, that demanding bee-yotch, commands that instead of just killing the two captains who are trying to stop him from taking what he wants, evil!pirate must just throw them overboard. They return and the new plan is to each take a piece of the Aztec gold themselves. Elizabeth questions whether the curse still works just so Jack can pull the same stunt as Barbossa and shoot Sue in the face. This is Lord Implausibility attempting a coup. Now, while I enjoyed just stopping at the end of the line where he does so, it doesn't make any sense in the context of the story or the character for Jack to shoot Sue since (all joking aside):
1) Jack is supposed to be in lurve with Sue so why the hell would he just shoot her in the face presumably unsure if it would actually kill her or not?
2) Barbossa did that because he had absolutely no concern for the welfare of his crew and had no problem killing one of his crewmen in cold blood. Jack is nothing like that and as such even if someone wasn't his twu wuv I still can't imagine him doing so.
Anyway, there's fighting and "Ana Maria" (appearing for only the second time in the fic) dies because Contrivance decided that she wouldn't take a piece of the Aztec gold. Jack is angry about this and goes to fight evil!pirate (who has taken a piece of the Aztec gold at this point) but is knocked out almost immediately. Sue begins to fight evil!pirate but not until after cheeseanvils fall and Will and Elizabeth show up to declare that Sue is "not alone" and "never alone" *vomit* Anyway, they defeat him. Some French chick shows up looking for evil!pirate so that she can take him to Norrington and collect a bounty... but she really serves no purpose other than to play a little Yenta and have a really horrendous French accent. Sue, instead of keeping evil!pirate's ship decides to marry Jack and be the replacement first mate for Anamaria, who, as you recall, was smote by the mighty Lady Contrivance. They return to Port Royal and Sue goes to collect the bounty. But first she makes herself up to look like a female version of Jack, because no PotC fic is complete without in some way maligning my poor Commodore. Bad!Characterization (a double agent who works for both Lord Implausibility and Lady Contrivance) does his mistress's bidding and makes Norrington illogically flustered by Sue-dressed-as-Jack. Then, thankfully, the fic is over.
NOTES: I would say that I wish that this author would write original fiction or refrain from writing Mary Sues because her style's ok (purple at times but that can be beaten out worked on). But her plotting skills are so dismal and Contrivance is so omnipresent that to say I would want to read other fiction by her would be a lie. She needs a good beta that will tell her when something makes. no. sense.
She also needs to familiarize herself with what a Sue is since saying that this isn't one indicates that she has absolutely no idea what constitutes a Mary Sue.
Her PotC Litmus Test score was 90. I believe that she has managed to include every single cliché for the Female Pirate Who Is Jack's One True Love.
EXCERPT:
Oh, look, a lady-pirate who knows Jack. Now that's original. You know, in that way that's... not.
"Captain, we've sighted the Black Pearl!"
"Whereabouts, Tom?"
"Dead ahead, captain, a mile off as the raven flies." The helmsman grinned, showing his blackened teeth, and sang out, "Lively now! Black Pearl sighted! All hands aloft! Every stitch of canvas we've got better be catchin' the breeze, or I'll have y' guts fer ratlines. Move, ye dogs!"
The captain shook her mass of wavy dark hair back, but it fell into her eyes again, so she bound it back with a scarlet scarf and a muttered oath. Her jet black eyes glittered maliciously as she sprang over the railing of the upper deck down onto the main one, ignoring the stairs in her excitement. She scrambled up the mainmast, leaving the rhythmically swaying deck far below as she climbed to the highest point on the ship, the crow's nest, her distinctive garb- white shirt (too large), black breeches (too tight) scarlet and blue sash (too bright), and beat up knee-high boots (just right) - a splash of jewel-bright color against the white of the Bluefang's sails. I'm not usually one to look for people to follow the "25 words per sentence" fiction-writing guideline. Then, I come across a 60 word sentence and realize why people say that. Her trip was delayed for a moment as the hilts of the twin sabers strapped to her back caught on a line, but she quickly freed herself and moved on. Reaching the crow's nest, she seized the spyglass tucked into her sash and gazed intently at the Pearl, which was growing steadily larger in her vision as they drew near.
The Jolly Roger snapped in the breeze, grinning at her as she gazed at the cursed ship. The sails were black, of course, a tribute to her black-hearted captain, perhaps. She could see the crew, working nearly as quickly and efficiently as her own, scrambling to prepare their vessel for confrontation. No question about it she thought grimly. The Pearl is faster than us, by a good margin. Still, I've four more long nines than Barbossa. A pretty even match, then.
They were drawing near now, near enough that the captain replaced her spyglass in her sash, pulled out her pistol, grabbed a rope, and swung gracefully down to the deck. The crew were ready at the cannons. She nodded, and drew her right-hand saber. Pointing it at the Pearl, she bellowed, "Fire!" just as the Pearl's guns opened up, and the impacts of multiple hits reverberated through the Bluefang's deck.
The Bluefang's cannonballs slammed home, and then a voice, male and agonized, called across the water from the Pearl. "STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!"
The captain stared. She knew that voice! Barbossa didn't sound like that! Why, that sounded like- "Cease fire!" she bellowed.
She leaned out precariously, filled her lungs, and roared at the black-sailed ship, "PARLEY! I- INVOKE- THE- RIGHT- OF- PARLEY!"
There was a moment of silence, then "VERY WELL! PULL ALONGSIDE US AN' YOU'LL HAVE YOUR PARLEY, WHOEVER YOU ARE!"
Tom glanced at her questioningly, and she nodded curtly. This she reflected wryly is a gamble. If that wasn't who I think it was, I'm dead and am about to find it out.
She stuffed her pistol back into her sash as they drew alongside the Pearl. The Pearl's crew stood waiting, grim-faced, armed to the teeth, some seemingly including teeth. She searched their faces, looking for the one who shouted, but saw no one she recognized. She seized a line and swung boldly onto the Pearl's deck as her crew lashed the two ships together. She hand signaled them to stay aboard the Bluefang.
She lifted her chin imperiously, and called, "Where be your Captain? I desire to speak with hi-"
Several things happened very fast. Someone thudded to the deck behind her, and wrapped an arm around her, pinning her arms to her sides. That someone also had a knife to her throat. In the same instant, the Pearls crew raised their rifles, concealed behind them 'til now, and aimed them across the gap between ships at her crew.
She froze as a voice very close to her ear said, "Who might you be, love? Blowing holes in me ship, now. That isn't very nice. I don't"- he flicked the blade casually against her throat, causing a droplet of blood to run down her skin- "appreciate that much." He traced a line down her neck with a finger, following the track of the blood. "Now, be a good girl, answer everything I ask you, and maybe I'll let you live, savvy?"
She nodded fractionally in agreement.
"Now tell me," the voice continued, in tones of casual interest, "what ship just fired on the Pearl?"
"The Bluefang."
"Really," said the voice. "And who am I addressing now?"
"Her Captain," said the woman flatly, and, tiring of the charade, she reached up and shoved the blade away from her throat, "Saberjess. Hello, Birdie."
Strong hands seized her shoulders and spun her around so fast that she fell against none other than Captain Jack Sparrow. "Jess!" he cried. "How are you? Captain of your own ship!" Then his expression darkened, and he held her at arm's length, his grip on her shoulders painfully tight. "Why did you fire on the Pearl if you knew it was me?"
"I didn't know it was you," Jess replied, rubbing the cut on her throat. "I've been after Barbossa for months now. I hope you got him with your single shot?"
Jack gave her a smile that was all teeth and in no way pleasant. "I did indeed. Cornered him on the Isla de Muerta. Killed him all by me onesy- shot him right in the heart, savvy?" He thumped a hand off his own chest to demonstrate.
Jess nodded, satisfied, then her expression grew contemplative, and she asked, "Did he, ah, say anything as he died?"
Jack's expression grew closed, his dark eyes wary. "Why might ye be askin' me that, now?"
Jess folded her arms across her chest. "Tell your crew to lower their weapons and I'll tell ye."
Jack smacked his forehead in comic dismay, and flapped a hand impatiently at his crew, who lowered their rifles and stood watching, their curiosity plain to see. Jess half-bowed her thanks, and said, "It's just that I warned him, warned him what happens to men who die a traitor's death."
Jack's expression cleared somewhat, and he said, "Aye... He said he felt cold. Dunno if that means anything to ye."
Jess turned a wicked grin loose on him, and replied, "It means much, nay, everything to me." Jack continued to look vaguely puzzled, so Jess elaborated, "The deepest circle of Hell is icy cold, Jack. Barbossa and his crew will freeze for all eternity; the fate of traitors and mutineers." Barbossa's last line is one of my favorites in the movie. I always interpreted it as a bit of dramatic irony wherein the first thing he feels is cold since he's going into shock before he dies. Guess I'm too literal, huh? That or I'm not trying to make a Sue look smart by randomly fixating on whether a man felt cold before he died. If I'm not mistaken, most people who are badly wounded get cold before they die. It's that whole body temperature dropping thing."
Jack shivered, and quickly changed the subject. Cuz, uhm, Jack didn't bring this up himself in the movie... "If yer interested, we can leave the ships lashed together for th' night. My crew 'n yours might like to have a bit of fun, savvy? Besides," he added, flashing her what he seemed to think was an irresistible grin, "We have some catching up to do, and I have a business opportunity for you."
"Very well, Birdie, we'll do that."
Jack scowled, and muttered under his breath, "That's Captain Birdie to you, wench."
Implausibility! He is Lord and Master.
Jess leaned out over the railing of the Pearl, watching the sun drown itself in the sea, casting its last rays of red and gold over the water. Down on the main deck, the party was in full swing as the crews of the Pearl and the Bluefang traded trinkets, fought, drank, sang, diced, and generally made a racket as only good pirates can. She heard Jack Sparrow's distinctive footsteps coming up the steps behind her, but she did not move. His walk these days was something of a nonlinear, off-beat stroll at the best of times, now it was a nonlinear, off-beat stagger. "Been into the rum, Birdie?" she called over her shoulder.
The footsteps stopped. "Jus' a bit. An' I wish ye'd stop callin' me that, savvy?"
She snorted. "Anytime you care to make me, I'd be glad to."
He stumbled against the railing beside her and gazed unsteadily out to sea. "What be you lookin' at, Jess?"
She gestured expansively. "Freedom, Jack. Freedom and joy and sorrow and adventure, and all the things that make life worth living."
Jack nodded, adding his own list, "Aye, and fat merchant ships, stretches of undefended coast, and even the occasional woman who hasn't been warned about me."
"That must be getting hard. People have even been warning me, though most of them seem to think I'm your sister, which thankfully I am not. Remember when we used to sail together, though? Inseparable and undefeatable!" She smiled reminiscently. "But then... well, I don't remember what we argued about because it's just a vague plot contrivance, but when you left Tortuga, I stayed behind. And she's telling him this because Jack wasn't there and didn't notice that she wasn't with him when he left? I hate "As you know, Bob..." conversations. Such. obvious. exposition. How I wish, now, that I had gone with you on the Pearl. You became her captain before the week was out, I heard."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "It seems t' me ye've done alright fer yourself, love. What's to regret?"
She deliberately turned her head to look him directly in the eye. "Signing on, after a string of dead end jobs over the course of a few years, with Captain Barbossa, once first mate, then captain of the Black Pearl."
Jack looked as though something heavy had just hit him full in the face. "You... but... He sailed with a full crew, and they couldn't die because of the curse. Why hire you on?"
"They had the full crew, aye, with nearly a whole brain between them." She rolled her eyes. "No, Barbossa hired me to help him hunt for the missing gold pieces. I was to be a kind of undercover agent, a scout, and a spy. Someone," she added, smiling crookedly, "who wouldn't go all bony and rot in the moonlight, and who furthermore wouldn't be bothered if everyone around her did. So I signed on, and sailed out of Tortuga aboard the Pearl, but... things were quite different from what I'd been told." Because everyone knows that the way Barbossa and company found the Aztec gold was stealth and secrecy as opposed to just blowing shit up and tearing shit down and searching bodies. And everyone knows that they didn't have a magical connection to it that drew them to its location.
Jack blinked. "You must have hated me, then. Surely they told you what they had done to me. You knew about the single shot when we met this morning."
She shrugged. "That was one of the surprises I had aboard ship. When he hired me, Barbossa said he was under your orders. He fooled me because the bartender had told me you'd been in and out of Tortuga a bit during the previous few months. By the same token, that also told me they were lying when they told me you were dead, murdered by Barbossa. You had been in Tortuga, but not with the Pearl, that was all. At least, that's what I told myself to keep from going mad. "
All trace of drunkenness had long ago vanished from Jack's demeanor. He narrowed his eyes. "What did he really want you for, then?"
Her shoulders hunched fractionally. "Partly for what he said, an agent who wouldn't be given away by moonlight, but also..." She shivered convulsively. "Also for his own reasons."
Jack's eyes widened, then narrowed, and his hands clenched into fists. "I hope you gave him hell for his presumption."
She nodded shakily. "I managed to steal a rusty old saber fairly early on, and from then on, well... He'd come, but I'd always fight him to a standstill with that rusty old blade, over and over 'til he was too exhausted to make another move. Because everyone knows that Barbossa being immortal and undead would easily have tired before a mortal. And everyone knows that he didn't specifically mention the fact that he would never tire to Jack in the movie. He never had the advantage with me, as he did with all his other opponents. Fear, you see. Fear of what is hideous, that cannot be killed. I was never afraid, and he wasn't good enough to beat me at even odds." What. Thefuck. Ever.
Jack nodded slowly, and his fists unclenched. "It must have been terrible for you, love. How long were you aboard ship?"
Jess shuddered. "Nearly six miserable months, during which I helped recover five medallions out of the final six. At last, my contract was ended, and I fled. I hired on with the aging captain of the Bluefang as first mate, and became captain when he died. I've been chasing the Pearl ever since, and now here I am."
"Here you are," he echoed. Carefully, he slid an arm around her shoulders. She was still shaking slightly, but offered no resistance. "C'mon to my cabin, love. I'll make ye a cup of tea, an' ye can hear my half o' the story."
She stared at him. "A cup of TEA? You?!"
He held out his forearm for inspection, rolling back his sleeve. "Jess love, I properly earned my East India brand, savvy?"
She was still laughing as she followed him down the stairs.
Lady Contrivance overthrows Lord Implausibility to become Supreme Ruler of this fic.
Jack and Jess followed Will and Elizabeth for a time, until they came to a cross-corridor. Jess bid them happy hunting, and she and Jack took the left-hand passageway while the others took the right. Jess unsheathed her sabers, and paused for a moment to tear the bandages off her hands. They had been tight on her flesh, but now hung loose and cumbersome on her bones. "Where does this passage come out?"
Jack considered for a moment, his brow furrowed in concentration, then he replied, "Unless I'm very much mistaken, this one is a direct route from where we left the boats to the room where the chest is. I figured we'd better guard this one ourselves."
Jess held up a hand for quiet. "Listen!" she hissed. The faint sounds of startled cries, gunshots, and the clash of metal on metal drifted down the passageway. "They're here." All at once there was silence, and then fainter and farther away, the sound of a victory cry.
"Not anymore," said Jack, satisfaction evident in his voice.
"We've got company coming," she muttered, and Jack could hear, still far off but getting nearer, the sounds of five or so pairs of feet.
"What do you want to do, just stand and fight or," he grinned wickedly, "Make things interesting?"
Jess smirked, and handed him one of her sabers. "Interesting, I think. Kill me from behind, please?" She turned her back to him and spread her arms. Obligingly, Jack ran her through, leaving the saber embedded in her body. She toppled forward to land facedown in a shaft of moonlight, her "dead" fingers still clasping the hilt of her other sword. She looked for all the world like one of the men who had 'fallen behind' and been left where they fell. "Get going, then!" came her slightly muffled voice from where she lay.
Jack retreated around a blind corner and settled in to wait, his own sword in one hand and a pistol in the other. It did not take long. Torchlight flickered on the walls as a party of Connolley's men quite literally stumbled across Jess's body. Jack could hear curses and something shatter- a dropped lantern, perhaps.
"What in blazes-" said a gruff voice.
"Keep moving!" said a second voice, slightly higher than the first. "Or you'll be left behind like that one!" Their footsteps resumed. Jack gave them a five count, then lunged around the corner and fired without bothering to aim.
His shot hit the man in the lead right between the eyes. The remaining four stared in shock at their fallen comrade, then at Jack. "Hello, lads," he said brightly, his dark eyes glittering, and charged, swinging his sword. Jess chose that moment to leap to her feet, yank the blade out of her back, and attack from the rear.
To be fair, it must be noted that the remaining four put up a courageous fight, but the conclusion of the battle was inevitable. When it was over, Jess stood bathed in moonlight, brushing bits of glass fastidiously out of her hair- or rather, what was left of it. "The idiot tripped over me and dropped a lantern on my head!"
Jack laughed. "Never mind, love; I'm sure he won't do it again!"
"Yeah, right," Jess muttered, ignoring his attempt at levity. "I'd be willing to bet most of them are well into the caves by now, those that are still alive. Connolley seems to be sending out groups of five or six, judging by what we've seen and heard. If we take this passage down to where the boats are and take a different passage back towards the treasure rooms, we may be able to come up behind some of them."
Jack nodded curtly and sprinted off down the corridor. Jess followed close at his heels. As they ran, they passed through shafts of moonlights, transforming instantly back and forth from skeletons to their normal selves.
Jack led the way past where Connolley's men had left their boats and up a long corridor. While her sense of direction was somewhat less than reliable underground, Jess was fairly certain they were headed back towards the treasure rooms. Ahead, she could hear the sounds of fighting. Rounding a corner, they ran full tilt into a pitched battle.
Ana Maria, alone and unaided, was holding off three of Connolley's men, but Jess could see she was beginning to tire and falter. Her back was against the rocky wall of the corridor as she fought desperately. One of the men she was fighting stepped back a pace, out of reach of her blade, raised a pistol, and shot her. She gasped, but kept fighting.
Not waiting to see any more, Jess lunged at the man who had shot Ana Maria as Jack raced in to finish off the other two. Jess slashed at her opponent, but he turned and sprinted away up the corridor. She let him go and turned to help Jack finish off his second opponent. It was over in seconds, and they both turned as a low moan issued from behind them.
Ana Maria was leaning heavily against the wall, panting. Her sword hung loosely in one hand; the other was pressed tight to her stomach. "Ana Maria? You all right, love?" Jack asked, taking a step forward. He transformed instantly as stepped into a narrow beam of moonlight.
"I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered. She tried to stand, but fell forward against him into the moonlight. Nothing happened. Her appearance did not change.
"No," he breathed. "Oh, no... why?" he asked her.
"Because JessSue no longer has her own ship," she said. "The position of first mate must be free. Also she's probably threatened by the presence of another woman." She coughed raggedly. "It's all right, Jack. At least, I'll be free... of... the Sue." Anamaria's body went limp. She had passed into The Hall of Pseudo Dramatica Contrivicus-- where characters killed stupidly for dramatic effect spend their afterlife. Among the ranks of greats such as Roy Fokker and Sirius Black, Anamaria, at last, found peace.
"I... want no part... of any curse," she gasped. "I wanted... to live... or die... by my own... skill. I didn't... take... a medallion."
She went quite limp, and her hand fell away from her ribs, dark with blood. "I'm... sorry..." She was gone.
Jack laid her gently on the floor. His face was unreadable, an emotionless mask.
"Jack," said Jess quietly, "The man who... who killed her. I think it was Connolley."
"Was it, now," said Jack softly, dangerously.
He set off at a run in pursuit of Ana Maria's killer. Jess followed.
They reached the room where the chest of medallions rested atop a heap of treasure. Liam Connolley of the Bane stood gazing into the chest, his back to Jess and Jack as they raced into the room. Without a moment's hesitation Jack raised his pistol and shot Connolley between the shoulder blades. The tall man stiffened, then began to laugh. He turned to look at Jack, still laughing, and spread his arms wide. "You are too late!" he shouted. "I have what I came for- immortality!" He descended and strode toward them. Jess raised the tips of her sabers warningly. Connolley ignored her, his gaze still on Jack, who stood with his arms folded, silent.
Connolley towered over him. "What now will you do, Jack Sparrow?" He smiled triumphantly, but seemed genuinely interested in Jack's answer.
Jack glared up at him, and answered, "It's Captain Jack Sparrow, actually. As for what I will do, well, you killed a member of my crew. Therefore, I think it's only fair that I take a shot at killing you." He unsheathed his blade and brought the tip to rest inches from Connolley's throat.
Connolley laughed again, drew both of his own swords, and adopted a guard stance. "You are welcome to take a shot at killing me, as you so quaintly say. I daresay it will be amusing to watch, as I cannot die-" His left-hand blade shot out, Jack parried, but then Connolley twisted the sword out of Jack's hand and sent it flying with a complicated disarm. -"And now, you are in no condition to fight me anyway." He swung out with his right hand and bashed Jack on the side of the head with the hilt of his saber. Jack went down hard, and lay very still.
Connolley's colorless, evil eyes met Jess's, and he said quite amiably, "Interesting, isn't it, how the curse stops you from being killed, but not from being knocked out. The heathen gods must be very simple- minded beings, no?"
"You would know far more about simple-mindedness than I," Jess retorted, taking a long step to her left, to clear ground.
"Very droll, girl, but I suggest you put less thought into clever insults, and more into how you plan to escape me." His voice got louder, and he seemed to grow taller and more menacing as he continued, "You have no one to save you now. Jack Sparrow is defeated, your allies are nowhere to be found. There is no one to help you; you stand alone."
"Not alone!" called a strong, clear voice from somewhere off to Jess's right. Will Turner had come in through a side passage and now stood proud and tall in defiance of Connolley's pronouncement.
"Never alone!" came a woman's voice, and Elizabeth appeared at his side, her rapier in her hand, her eyes filled with fire.
"So," Jess said coldly, her eyes blazing, "You were saying...?"
Connolley sneered and lunged for her, trying the same disarm he had used on Jack. Jess blocked him contemptuously, raking his arm with her blade, adding insult to injury. He snarled and struck downward with both blades. Jess blocked, and he pressed down on the crossed swords, trying to use his height and weight to bear her to the floor. Jess strained, but he was incredibly strong. "Too bad for you, girl," he growled, applying even more force. Jess gave him a polite smile and kicked him- hard. He staggered back with a grunt of surprise and pain. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Will wince slightly in sympathy as he and Elizabeth hurried to Jess's aid.
Elizabeth circled, looking for an opening as Jess and Will pressed Connolley back, one step, then another. Jess risked a glance at Jack, but he was still apparently out cold. Elizabeth saw her chance and darted in as one of Connolley's swings left his side momentarily unprotected. She left a shallow puncture wound on his ribs, but he recovered and dealt her a massive slash across the torso. It didn't kill her, naturally, but it was enough to send her flying backwards off her feet.
Jess didn't see where she landed. She and Will spread out until they were on either side of Connolley, trying to flank him, but he was incredibly fast, holding both of them at bay with relative ease. Jess could feel her arm muscles (when she had them) burn as she blocked strike after powerful strike. Will was also feeling the strain, she could tell. Youthful exuberance could only do so much for a person, it seemed. His face and clothing, when he wasn't in the moonlight, were drenched with sweat, and he was gasping for breath.
Jess began to hope vaguely for a miracle of some kind. Things could continue this way quite literally forever, and it was looking more and more likely by the minute. Jess locked blades with Connolley again- and Will made his move. He sprang back a pace, dropped his blade, seized a heavy gold statue in both hands, and brought it down on Connolley's head with all his strength.
Jess leapt smartly out of the way as Connolley collapsed in a heap. Then she knelt, pulled off her sash, and bound his hands tightly behind his back. Elizabeth picked herself up from where she had fallen and bound his legs together at the ankles with her belt, and gagged him for good measure.
Jess cleaned her saber blades on his clothes and sheathed them. She then knelt down next to Jack. He was, of course, still breathing, so she filled a nearby vessel with water and splashed the entire contents into his face. He awoke with a start and a curse then spotted Jess. Raising himself into a sitting position, he regarded her a trifle unsteadily, then said, "I take it we won, then? Excellent. Of course, you couldn't have done it if I hadn't been in the right place at the right time."
Will nearly cracked a rib laughing. "That's right- on the floor, unconscious and out of the way, for once!"
The author of this one would like to assure you that this is, in fact, not a Mary Sue. I have a folder containing about a score of "NOT A Mary Sue" Sues. She also has a "NOT A Mary Sue" Edward Scissorhands story. I'm very scared. Her third and final fic is a PotC Puella Moderna, but at least she doesn't have the temerity to say that it's not a Sue.
TITLE: Jess! Bad title!
CULPRIT: Damaia
SUMMARY: "(Complete!) This is a full-blown sequel to the movie, starting shortly thereafter. THIS IS A NON-SLASH, NON-MARY SUE STORY. Yes, it is a JackOC, but she is every bit as cool as he is. Please R and R."
BEST LINE: "'It's really very simple.' Jess began to pace back and forth, her hands clasped behind her back. 'Whenever I'm in a really tight situation, and I can see no way out, I always ask myself- WWJD? That's 'What Would Jack Do?', you see. And the answer is always the same. 'SS- SVS'." Her smile widened evilly, and she answered herself. 'Something Stupid. Something Very Stupid.' Jack managed to look inquisitive while still rendered speechless by this revelation." No comment.
THE VERDICT
Walk the plank, bitch.
NAME: Captain Saberjess called Jess Yes, I'm serious.
EYES: "jet black eyes" which "[glitter] maliciously"
HAIR: "mass of wavy dark hair"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: "her distinctive garb- white shirt (too large), black breeches (too tight) scarlet and blue sash (too bright), and beat up knee-high boots (just right)" *rollseyes*
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A ship called "Bluefang". "twin sabers strapped to her back"
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: She's a pirate who used to sail with Jack and has also sailed with Barbossa. Now she has her own ship.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Jack's true love and long time friend. Formerly lusted after by Barbossa.
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: Annoying me to no end.
THE "PLOT": Sue meets up with Jack when she attacks the Black Pearl still believing it to be under the control of Barbossa. She and Jack tell their respective stories (Jack's: the events of PotC:CotBP; Sue's: nonsensical stupidity [obviously the work of Lord Implausibility] detailed in the second excerpt). There's also implied sex. But before that Jack reveals that some other pirate wants to steal the Aztec gold so that he can be immortal. Unfortunately, that's the only thing in the plot that makes any sense whatsoever. Jack wants Sue to go to Port Royal and get Will and Elizabeth for him, because Lady Contrivance said so. Ok, it's actually because Jack feels that since this involves the Aztec gold they have to... come... along... Uhm, yeah. Like I said. Because Contrivance said so. Sue sails into port Royal, salutes the skeletons just like Jack and bribes and then steals from the dockmaster just like Jack. Will and Elizabeth attack her when she enters Will's shop. I thought it was because they'd been honing their Sue-senses, but Lady Contrivance dictated that it was actually some bunk about people trying to steal Will's swords. On the way to the Isla de Muerta, Contrivance blows Sue's ship up so that she can save Will and Elizabeth and have TEH ANGST. Jack sends Will down below decks to talk to Sue afterwards (Sue doesn't want to see Jack) so that Will can practice his Yenta'ing. Jack tends Sue's self-inflicted wall-punching wounds and there's more implied sex. Better than bad pr0n, I will say.
Once they arrive in the caves at the Isla de Muerta attention must be drawn to Barbossa's remains so that Sue may spit on them spitefully and kick them. So Contrivance declares that Elizabeth become a wuss terrified of the very sight of Barbossa's remains. As planned they wait around for the other pirate captain to arrive so that they can ambush him. However, when he does arrive for some reason Jack and Sue parley their way onboard to try and negotiate surrender from him... even though they had a plan and revealing themselves has ruined the element of surprise, which they needed since their numbers are about the same. Then Contrivance, that demanding bee-yotch, commands that instead of just killing the two captains who are trying to stop him from taking what he wants, evil!pirate must just throw them overboard. They return and the new plan is to each take a piece of the Aztec gold themselves. Elizabeth questions whether the curse still works just so Jack can pull the same stunt as Barbossa and shoot Sue in the face. This is Lord Implausibility attempting a coup. Now, while I enjoyed just stopping at the end of the line where he does so, it doesn't make any sense in the context of the story or the character for Jack to shoot Sue since (all joking aside):
1) Jack is supposed to be in lurve with Sue so why the hell would he just shoot her in the face presumably unsure if it would actually kill her or not?
2) Barbossa did that because he had absolutely no concern for the welfare of his crew and had no problem killing one of his crewmen in cold blood. Jack is nothing like that and as such even if someone wasn't his twu wuv I still can't imagine him doing so.
Anyway, there's fighting and "Ana Maria" (appearing for only the second time in the fic) dies because Contrivance decided that she wouldn't take a piece of the Aztec gold. Jack is angry about this and goes to fight evil!pirate (who has taken a piece of the Aztec gold at this point) but is knocked out almost immediately. Sue begins to fight evil!pirate but not until after cheeseanvils fall and Will and Elizabeth show up to declare that Sue is "not alone" and "never alone" *vomit* Anyway, they defeat him. Some French chick shows up looking for evil!pirate so that she can take him to Norrington and collect a bounty... but she really serves no purpose other than to play a little Yenta and have a really horrendous French accent. Sue, instead of keeping evil!pirate's ship decides to marry Jack and be the replacement first mate for Anamaria, who, as you recall, was smote by the mighty Lady Contrivance. They return to Port Royal and Sue goes to collect the bounty. But first she makes herself up to look like a female version of Jack, because no PotC fic is complete without in some way maligning my poor Commodore. Bad!Characterization (a double agent who works for both Lord Implausibility and Lady Contrivance) does his mistress's bidding and makes Norrington illogically flustered by Sue-dressed-as-Jack. Then, thankfully, the fic is over.
NOTES: I would say that I wish that this author would write original fiction or refrain from writing Mary Sues because her style's ok (purple at times but that can be beaten out worked on). But her plotting skills are so dismal and Contrivance is so omnipresent that to say I would want to read other fiction by her would be a lie. She needs a good beta that will tell her when something makes. no. sense.
She also needs to familiarize herself with what a Sue is since saying that this isn't one indicates that she has absolutely no idea what constitutes a Mary Sue.
Her PotC Litmus Test score was 90. I believe that she has managed to include every single cliché for the Female Pirate Who Is Jack's One True Love.
EXCERPT:
Oh, look, a lady-pirate who knows Jack. Now that's original. You know, in that way that's... not.
"Captain, we've sighted the Black Pearl!"
"Whereabouts, Tom?"
"Dead ahead, captain, a mile off as the raven flies." The helmsman grinned, showing his blackened teeth, and sang out, "Lively now! Black Pearl sighted! All hands aloft! Every stitch of canvas we've got better be catchin' the breeze, or I'll have y' guts fer ratlines. Move, ye dogs!"
The captain shook her mass of wavy dark hair back, but it fell into her eyes again, so she bound it back with a scarlet scarf and a muttered oath. Her jet black eyes glittered maliciously as she sprang over the railing of the upper deck down onto the main one, ignoring the stairs in her excitement. She scrambled up the mainmast, leaving the rhythmically swaying deck far below as she climbed to the highest point on the ship, the crow's nest, her distinctive garb- white shirt (too large), black breeches (too tight) scarlet and blue sash (too bright), and beat up knee-high boots (just right) - a splash of jewel-bright color against the white of the Bluefang's sails. I'm not usually one to look for people to follow the "25 words per sentence" fiction-writing guideline. Then, I come across a 60 word sentence and realize why people say that. Her trip was delayed for a moment as the hilts of the twin sabers strapped to her back caught on a line, but she quickly freed herself and moved on. Reaching the crow's nest, she seized the spyglass tucked into her sash and gazed intently at the Pearl, which was growing steadily larger in her vision as they drew near.
The Jolly Roger snapped in the breeze, grinning at her as she gazed at the cursed ship. The sails were black, of course, a tribute to her black-hearted captain, perhaps. She could see the crew, working nearly as quickly and efficiently as her own, scrambling to prepare their vessel for confrontation. No question about it she thought grimly. The Pearl is faster than us, by a good margin. Still, I've four more long nines than Barbossa. A pretty even match, then.
They were drawing near now, near enough that the captain replaced her spyglass in her sash, pulled out her pistol, grabbed a rope, and swung gracefully down to the deck. The crew were ready at the cannons. She nodded, and drew her right-hand saber. Pointing it at the Pearl, she bellowed, "Fire!" just as the Pearl's guns opened up, and the impacts of multiple hits reverberated through the Bluefang's deck.
The Bluefang's cannonballs slammed home, and then a voice, male and agonized, called across the water from the Pearl. "STOP BLOWING HOLES IN MY SHIP!"
The captain stared. She knew that voice! Barbossa didn't sound like that! Why, that sounded like- "Cease fire!" she bellowed.
She leaned out precariously, filled her lungs, and roared at the black-sailed ship, "PARLEY! I- INVOKE- THE- RIGHT- OF- PARLEY!"
There was a moment of silence, then "VERY WELL! PULL ALONGSIDE US AN' YOU'LL HAVE YOUR PARLEY, WHOEVER YOU ARE!"
Tom glanced at her questioningly, and she nodded curtly. This she reflected wryly is a gamble. If that wasn't who I think it was, I'm dead and am about to find it out.
She stuffed her pistol back into her sash as they drew alongside the Pearl. The Pearl's crew stood waiting, grim-faced, armed to the teeth, some seemingly including teeth. She searched their faces, looking for the one who shouted, but saw no one she recognized. She seized a line and swung boldly onto the Pearl's deck as her crew lashed the two ships together. She hand signaled them to stay aboard the Bluefang.
She lifted her chin imperiously, and called, "Where be your Captain? I desire to speak with hi-"
Several things happened very fast. Someone thudded to the deck behind her, and wrapped an arm around her, pinning her arms to her sides. That someone also had a knife to her throat. In the same instant, the Pearls crew raised their rifles, concealed behind them 'til now, and aimed them across the gap between ships at her crew.
She froze as a voice very close to her ear said, "Who might you be, love? Blowing holes in me ship, now. That isn't very nice. I don't"- he flicked the blade casually against her throat, causing a droplet of blood to run down her skin- "appreciate that much." He traced a line down her neck with a finger, following the track of the blood. "Now, be a good girl, answer everything I ask you, and maybe I'll let you live, savvy?"
She nodded fractionally in agreement.
"Now tell me," the voice continued, in tones of casual interest, "what ship just fired on the Pearl?"
"The Bluefang."
"Really," said the voice. "And who am I addressing now?"
"Her Captain," said the woman flatly, and, tiring of the charade, she reached up and shoved the blade away from her throat, "Saberjess. Hello, Birdie."
Strong hands seized her shoulders and spun her around so fast that she fell against none other than Captain Jack Sparrow. "Jess!" he cried. "How are you? Captain of your own ship!" Then his expression darkened, and he held her at arm's length, his grip on her shoulders painfully tight. "Why did you fire on the Pearl if you knew it was me?"
"I didn't know it was you," Jess replied, rubbing the cut on her throat. "I've been after Barbossa for months now. I hope you got him with your single shot?"
Jack gave her a smile that was all teeth and in no way pleasant. "I did indeed. Cornered him on the Isla de Muerta. Killed him all by me onesy- shot him right in the heart, savvy?" He thumped a hand off his own chest to demonstrate.
Jess nodded, satisfied, then her expression grew contemplative, and she asked, "Did he, ah, say anything as he died?"
Jack's expression grew closed, his dark eyes wary. "Why might ye be askin' me that, now?"
Jess folded her arms across her chest. "Tell your crew to lower their weapons and I'll tell ye."
Jack smacked his forehead in comic dismay, and flapped a hand impatiently at his crew, who lowered their rifles and stood watching, their curiosity plain to see. Jess half-bowed her thanks, and said, "It's just that I warned him, warned him what happens to men who die a traitor's death."
Jack's expression cleared somewhat, and he said, "Aye... He said he felt cold. Dunno if that means anything to ye."
Jess turned a wicked grin loose on him, and replied, "It means much, nay, everything to me." Jack continued to look vaguely puzzled, so Jess elaborated, "The deepest circle of Hell is icy cold, Jack. Barbossa and his crew will freeze for all eternity; the fate of traitors and mutineers." Barbossa's last line is one of my favorites in the movie. I always interpreted it as a bit of dramatic irony wherein the first thing he feels is cold since he's going into shock before he dies. Guess I'm too literal, huh? That or I'm not trying to make a Sue look smart by randomly fixating on whether a man felt cold before he died. If I'm not mistaken, most people who are badly wounded get cold before they die. It's that whole body temperature dropping thing."
Jack shivered, and quickly changed the subject. Cuz, uhm, Jack didn't bring this up himself in the movie... "If yer interested, we can leave the ships lashed together for th' night. My crew 'n yours might like to have a bit of fun, savvy? Besides," he added, flashing her what he seemed to think was an irresistible grin, "We have some catching up to do, and I have a business opportunity for you."
"Very well, Birdie, we'll do that."
Jack scowled, and muttered under his breath, "That's Captain Birdie to you, wench."
Implausibility! He is Lord and Master.
Jess leaned out over the railing of the Pearl, watching the sun drown itself in the sea, casting its last rays of red and gold over the water. Down on the main deck, the party was in full swing as the crews of the Pearl and the Bluefang traded trinkets, fought, drank, sang, diced, and generally made a racket as only good pirates can. She heard Jack Sparrow's distinctive footsteps coming up the steps behind her, but she did not move. His walk these days was something of a nonlinear, off-beat stroll at the best of times, now it was a nonlinear, off-beat stagger. "Been into the rum, Birdie?" she called over her shoulder.
The footsteps stopped. "Jus' a bit. An' I wish ye'd stop callin' me that, savvy?"
She snorted. "Anytime you care to make me, I'd be glad to."
He stumbled against the railing beside her and gazed unsteadily out to sea. "What be you lookin' at, Jess?"
She gestured expansively. "Freedom, Jack. Freedom and joy and sorrow and adventure, and all the things that make life worth living."
Jack nodded, adding his own list, "Aye, and fat merchant ships, stretches of undefended coast, and even the occasional woman who hasn't been warned about me."
"That must be getting hard. People have even been warning me, though most of them seem to think I'm your sister, which thankfully I am not. Remember when we used to sail together, though? Inseparable and undefeatable!" She smiled reminiscently. "But then... well, I don't remember what we argued about because it's just a vague plot contrivance, but when you left Tortuga, I stayed behind. And she's telling him this because Jack wasn't there and didn't notice that she wasn't with him when he left? I hate "As you know, Bob..." conversations. Such. obvious. exposition. How I wish, now, that I had gone with you on the Pearl. You became her captain before the week was out, I heard."
Jack raised his eyebrows. "It seems t' me ye've done alright fer yourself, love. What's to regret?"
She deliberately turned her head to look him directly in the eye. "Signing on, after a string of dead end jobs over the course of a few years, with Captain Barbossa, once first mate, then captain of the Black Pearl."
Jack looked as though something heavy had just hit him full in the face. "You... but... He sailed with a full crew, and they couldn't die because of the curse. Why hire you on?"
"They had the full crew, aye, with nearly a whole brain between them." She rolled her eyes. "No, Barbossa hired me to help him hunt for the missing gold pieces. I was to be a kind of undercover agent, a scout, and a spy. Someone," she added, smiling crookedly, "who wouldn't go all bony and rot in the moonlight, and who furthermore wouldn't be bothered if everyone around her did. So I signed on, and sailed out of Tortuga aboard the Pearl, but... things were quite different from what I'd been told." Because everyone knows that the way Barbossa and company found the Aztec gold was stealth and secrecy as opposed to just blowing shit up and tearing shit down and searching bodies. And everyone knows that they didn't have a magical connection to it that drew them to its location.
Jack blinked. "You must have hated me, then. Surely they told you what they had done to me. You knew about the single shot when we met this morning."
She shrugged. "That was one of the surprises I had aboard ship. When he hired me, Barbossa said he was under your orders. He fooled me because the bartender had told me you'd been in and out of Tortuga a bit during the previous few months. By the same token, that also told me they were lying when they told me you were dead, murdered by Barbossa. You had been in Tortuga, but not with the Pearl, that was all. At least, that's what I told myself to keep from going mad. "
All trace of drunkenness had long ago vanished from Jack's demeanor. He narrowed his eyes. "What did he really want you for, then?"
Her shoulders hunched fractionally. "Partly for what he said, an agent who wouldn't be given away by moonlight, but also..." She shivered convulsively. "Also for his own reasons."
Jack's eyes widened, then narrowed, and his hands clenched into fists. "I hope you gave him hell for his presumption."
She nodded shakily. "I managed to steal a rusty old saber fairly early on, and from then on, well... He'd come, but I'd always fight him to a standstill with that rusty old blade, over and over 'til he was too exhausted to make another move. Because everyone knows that Barbossa being immortal and undead would easily have tired before a mortal. And everyone knows that he didn't specifically mention the fact that he would never tire to Jack in the movie. He never had the advantage with me, as he did with all his other opponents. Fear, you see. Fear of what is hideous, that cannot be killed. I was never afraid, and he wasn't good enough to beat me at even odds." What. Thefuck. Ever.
Jack nodded slowly, and his fists unclenched. "It must have been terrible for you, love. How long were you aboard ship?"
Jess shuddered. "Nearly six miserable months, during which I helped recover five medallions out of the final six. At last, my contract was ended, and I fled. I hired on with the aging captain of the Bluefang as first mate, and became captain when he died. I've been chasing the Pearl ever since, and now here I am."
"Here you are," he echoed. Carefully, he slid an arm around her shoulders. She was still shaking slightly, but offered no resistance. "C'mon to my cabin, love. I'll make ye a cup of tea, an' ye can hear my half o' the story."
She stared at him. "A cup of TEA? You?!"
He held out his forearm for inspection, rolling back his sleeve. "Jess love, I properly earned my East India brand, savvy?"
She was still laughing as she followed him down the stairs.
Lady Contrivance overthrows Lord Implausibility to become Supreme Ruler of this fic.
Jack and Jess followed Will and Elizabeth for a time, until they came to a cross-corridor. Jess bid them happy hunting, and she and Jack took the left-hand passageway while the others took the right. Jess unsheathed her sabers, and paused for a moment to tear the bandages off her hands. They had been tight on her flesh, but now hung loose and cumbersome on her bones. "Where does this passage come out?"
Jack considered for a moment, his brow furrowed in concentration, then he replied, "Unless I'm very much mistaken, this one is a direct route from where we left the boats to the room where the chest is. I figured we'd better guard this one ourselves."
Jess held up a hand for quiet. "Listen!" she hissed. The faint sounds of startled cries, gunshots, and the clash of metal on metal drifted down the passageway. "They're here." All at once there was silence, and then fainter and farther away, the sound of a victory cry.
"Not anymore," said Jack, satisfaction evident in his voice.
"We've got company coming," she muttered, and Jack could hear, still far off but getting nearer, the sounds of five or so pairs of feet.
"What do you want to do, just stand and fight or," he grinned wickedly, "Make things interesting?"
Jess smirked, and handed him one of her sabers. "Interesting, I think. Kill me from behind, please?" She turned her back to him and spread her arms. Obligingly, Jack ran her through, leaving the saber embedded in her body. She toppled forward to land facedown in a shaft of moonlight, her "dead" fingers still clasping the hilt of her other sword. She looked for all the world like one of the men who had 'fallen behind' and been left where they fell. "Get going, then!" came her slightly muffled voice from where she lay.
Jack retreated around a blind corner and settled in to wait, his own sword in one hand and a pistol in the other. It did not take long. Torchlight flickered on the walls as a party of Connolley's men quite literally stumbled across Jess's body. Jack could hear curses and something shatter- a dropped lantern, perhaps.
"What in blazes-" said a gruff voice.
"Keep moving!" said a second voice, slightly higher than the first. "Or you'll be left behind like that one!" Their footsteps resumed. Jack gave them a five count, then lunged around the corner and fired without bothering to aim.
His shot hit the man in the lead right between the eyes. The remaining four stared in shock at their fallen comrade, then at Jack. "Hello, lads," he said brightly, his dark eyes glittering, and charged, swinging his sword. Jess chose that moment to leap to her feet, yank the blade out of her back, and attack from the rear.
To be fair, it must be noted that the remaining four put up a courageous fight, but the conclusion of the battle was inevitable. When it was over, Jess stood bathed in moonlight, brushing bits of glass fastidiously out of her hair- or rather, what was left of it. "The idiot tripped over me and dropped a lantern on my head!"
Jack laughed. "Never mind, love; I'm sure he won't do it again!"
"Yeah, right," Jess muttered, ignoring his attempt at levity. "I'd be willing to bet most of them are well into the caves by now, those that are still alive. Connolley seems to be sending out groups of five or six, judging by what we've seen and heard. If we take this passage down to where the boats are and take a different passage back towards the treasure rooms, we may be able to come up behind some of them."
Jack nodded curtly and sprinted off down the corridor. Jess followed close at his heels. As they ran, they passed through shafts of moonlights, transforming instantly back and forth from skeletons to their normal selves.
Jack led the way past where Connolley's men had left their boats and up a long corridor. While her sense of direction was somewhat less than reliable underground, Jess was fairly certain they were headed back towards the treasure rooms. Ahead, she could hear the sounds of fighting. Rounding a corner, they ran full tilt into a pitched battle.
Ana Maria, alone and unaided, was holding off three of Connolley's men, but Jess could see she was beginning to tire and falter. Her back was against the rocky wall of the corridor as she fought desperately. One of the men she was fighting stepped back a pace, out of reach of her blade, raised a pistol, and shot her. She gasped, but kept fighting.
Not waiting to see any more, Jess lunged at the man who had shot Ana Maria as Jack raced in to finish off the other two. Jess slashed at her opponent, but he turned and sprinted away up the corridor. She let him go and turned to help Jack finish off his second opponent. It was over in seconds, and they both turned as a low moan issued from behind them.
Ana Maria was leaning heavily against the wall, panting. Her sword hung loosely in one hand; the other was pressed tight to her stomach. "Ana Maria? You all right, love?" Jack asked, taking a step forward. He transformed instantly as stepped into a narrow beam of moonlight.
"I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered. She tried to stand, but fell forward against him into the moonlight. Nothing happened. Her appearance did not change.
"No," he breathed. "Oh, no... why?" he asked her.
"Because JessSue no longer has her own ship," she said. "The position of first mate must be free. Also she's probably threatened by the presence of another woman." She coughed raggedly. "It's all right, Jack. At least, I'll be free... of... the Sue." Anamaria's body went limp. She had passed into The Hall of Pseudo Dramatica Contrivicus-- where characters killed stupidly for dramatic effect spend their afterlife. Among the ranks of greats such as Roy Fokker and Sirius Black, Anamaria, at last, found peace.
"I... want no part... of any curse," she gasped. "I wanted... to live... or die... by my own... skill. I didn't... take... a medallion."
She went quite limp, and her hand fell away from her ribs, dark with blood. "I'm... sorry..." She was gone.
Jack laid her gently on the floor. His face was unreadable, an emotionless mask.
"Jack," said Jess quietly, "The man who... who killed her. I think it was Connolley."
"Was it, now," said Jack softly, dangerously.
He set off at a run in pursuit of Ana Maria's killer. Jess followed.
They reached the room where the chest of medallions rested atop a heap of treasure. Liam Connolley of the Bane stood gazing into the chest, his back to Jess and Jack as they raced into the room. Without a moment's hesitation Jack raised his pistol and shot Connolley between the shoulder blades. The tall man stiffened, then began to laugh. He turned to look at Jack, still laughing, and spread his arms wide. "You are too late!" he shouted. "I have what I came for- immortality!" He descended and strode toward them. Jess raised the tips of her sabers warningly. Connolley ignored her, his gaze still on Jack, who stood with his arms folded, silent.
Connolley towered over him. "What now will you do, Jack Sparrow?" He smiled triumphantly, but seemed genuinely interested in Jack's answer.
Jack glared up at him, and answered, "It's Captain Jack Sparrow, actually. As for what I will do, well, you killed a member of my crew. Therefore, I think it's only fair that I take a shot at killing you." He unsheathed his blade and brought the tip to rest inches from Connolley's throat.
Connolley laughed again, drew both of his own swords, and adopted a guard stance. "You are welcome to take a shot at killing me, as you so quaintly say. I daresay it will be amusing to watch, as I cannot die-" His left-hand blade shot out, Jack parried, but then Connolley twisted the sword out of Jack's hand and sent it flying with a complicated disarm. -"And now, you are in no condition to fight me anyway." He swung out with his right hand and bashed Jack on the side of the head with the hilt of his saber. Jack went down hard, and lay very still.
Connolley's colorless, evil eyes met Jess's, and he said quite amiably, "Interesting, isn't it, how the curse stops you from being killed, but not from being knocked out. The heathen gods must be very simple- minded beings, no?"
"You would know far more about simple-mindedness than I," Jess retorted, taking a long step to her left, to clear ground.
"Very droll, girl, but I suggest you put less thought into clever insults, and more into how you plan to escape me." His voice got louder, and he seemed to grow taller and more menacing as he continued, "You have no one to save you now. Jack Sparrow is defeated, your allies are nowhere to be found. There is no one to help you; you stand alone."
"Not alone!" called a strong, clear voice from somewhere off to Jess's right. Will Turner had come in through a side passage and now stood proud and tall in defiance of Connolley's pronouncement.
"Never alone!" came a woman's voice, and Elizabeth appeared at his side, her rapier in her hand, her eyes filled with fire.
"So," Jess said coldly, her eyes blazing, "You were saying...?"
Connolley sneered and lunged for her, trying the same disarm he had used on Jack. Jess blocked him contemptuously, raking his arm with her blade, adding insult to injury. He snarled and struck downward with both blades. Jess blocked, and he pressed down on the crossed swords, trying to use his height and weight to bear her to the floor. Jess strained, but he was incredibly strong. "Too bad for you, girl," he growled, applying even more force. Jess gave him a polite smile and kicked him- hard. He staggered back with a grunt of surprise and pain. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Will wince slightly in sympathy as he and Elizabeth hurried to Jess's aid.
Elizabeth circled, looking for an opening as Jess and Will pressed Connolley back, one step, then another. Jess risked a glance at Jack, but he was still apparently out cold. Elizabeth saw her chance and darted in as one of Connolley's swings left his side momentarily unprotected. She left a shallow puncture wound on his ribs, but he recovered and dealt her a massive slash across the torso. It didn't kill her, naturally, but it was enough to send her flying backwards off her feet.
Jess didn't see where she landed. She and Will spread out until they were on either side of Connolley, trying to flank him, but he was incredibly fast, holding both of them at bay with relative ease. Jess could feel her arm muscles (when she had them) burn as she blocked strike after powerful strike. Will was also feeling the strain, she could tell. Youthful exuberance could only do so much for a person, it seemed. His face and clothing, when he wasn't in the moonlight, were drenched with sweat, and he was gasping for breath.
Jess began to hope vaguely for a miracle of some kind. Things could continue this way quite literally forever, and it was looking more and more likely by the minute. Jess locked blades with Connolley again- and Will made his move. He sprang back a pace, dropped his blade, seized a heavy gold statue in both hands, and brought it down on Connolley's head with all his strength.
Jess leapt smartly out of the way as Connolley collapsed in a heap. Then she knelt, pulled off her sash, and bound his hands tightly behind his back. Elizabeth picked herself up from where she had fallen and bound his legs together at the ankles with her belt, and gagged him for good measure.
Jess cleaned her saber blades on his clothes and sheathed them. She then knelt down next to Jack. He was, of course, still breathing, so she filled a nearby vessel with water and splashed the entire contents into his face. He awoke with a start and a curse then spotted Jess. Raising himself into a sitting position, he regarded her a trifle unsteadily, then said, "I take it we won, then? Excellent. Of course, you couldn't have done it if I hadn't been in the right place at the right time."
Will nearly cracked a rib laughing. "That's right- on the floor, unconscious and out of the way, for once!"