China Update #3
Hey guys, I guess I have it fixed as well as LiveJournal will allow. For some reason the proxy server I'm going through seems like it only giving me half the site, so the fancy text-editor is off limits. Still, here's more or less the whole thing.
Update Sept. 30, 2007
I haven’t written in a few days, mostly due to the lack of anything going on worth writing about. That’s not completely true of course…I’m just lazy and it’s easier to surf the internet. I did manage to survive for two days with no water in the apartment. Occasionally the water just turns off here in the China. There isn’t any warning, and no telling when it might be back. I’ve been told that these periods rarely happen for longer than a day, and since I’ve been here a month and this is the first time it’s happened I guess I can live with it. I had just enough water in my giant filter to shave with and make one cup of tea. When the historians are writing about me in the future, they will refer to this period of my life as the “Dry Forty-Eight”.
Friday was to be my first time teaching my Survey of British and American history, but it was canceled due to police. I was summoned on very, short notice to be registered with the local provincial police station. They have really been ratcheting up the security measures since the Olympic games are coming in 2008, and they told me that all foreigners will have to go through this process in the upcoming year. Mine was apparently urgent because I’m currently applying for my residence visa, so they had to have a picture of me nowtodaynownownow. The whole thing took maybe thirty minutes, and now China knows I’m here. During this time I also was able to glace for a moment at my results from the Chinese medical exam. Turns out that my American exam was correct after all, and I am relatively disease free. Guess it was a good thing they used the jumper-cable machine just to be sure.
I was captured after this to attend a dinner function at a really swank restaurant/hotel. The dinner was in honor of (I think) the founding of the province 58 years ago. In addition to this they were giving out awards to foreign “experts” that the state believed to have contributed something special to the community. Remember that I have a pass that certifies me as a foreign “expert”, so I don’t put too much stock in the title. The dinner was very nice, and I got to sit at a table with a few very distinct characters. One was the only other foreign teacher at my school, a tiny older Japanese man who is excited about everything. He was fun to sit next to because he spoke about ten words of English and kept trying to get me to try every new dish that came out. Earlier I said that it was fun to get Sonny to try new American foods…and I think it was the same sort of situation reversed. He would say things like: “China! Good fish!” Or “English! Ha-ha!”, all the while pulling new plates to our side of the table. Another interesting gentleman was a young Korean man who was there with his wife. His mother was receiving one of the awards for foreigners, and so his whole family was there. He spoke great English, and either was really stoned or had pink-eye. Either way he was a fun fellow to talk to and I believe he has offered me a job at his father’s English school that he’s helping to open. I told him I’d think about it.
The only thing that marred the event was a tiny problem we had at the very beginning with our seating assignments. Every invitation was specific to a seat in the giant ballroom, and one of my school’s invitations had been given the wrong seat number. So there was a giant kerfuffle and I, merely trying to make things easier, attempted to get up and take another seat. Well, this turned out to be my boss’ seat, and she was already pretty irritated with the situation. So she was sort of snappy with me about it, and it put me on edge for the rest of the night. I subconsciously got back at her though…she sent me home with a friend of hers who was driving my way, and she and the Japanese teacher went home by taxi. I had turned my phone off during dinner so it wouldn’t interrupt the speeches or anything, and forgot to ever turn it back on. So she called me to make sure I got home okay…and I never answered the phone. When I finally got the phone out a few hours later she had called ten or eleven times, and apparently had also called Barrie frantically looking for me. I still haven’t talked to her, but I sent her a text the next day saying all was well. Hopefully things aren’t weird when I see her again.
It’s been an easy weekend. Barrie, Sonny, Andrea, and I went out this afternoon to just mess around at some stores. It was a nice way to leisurely kill a day, and I was able to get some books to help me learn Chinese and some history books to supplement the terrible textbook for my class. Another trip to the bootleg DVD store has left me the proud owner of a single DVD with every Harry Potter movie bundled with Charlie and he Chocolate Factory, Narnia, and Nanny McPhee. This, plus another DVD with every movie ever produced by Studio Ghibl and the Triplets of Bellleville will nicely round out the pile of movies I’ve gleefully stolen. I also got some software my camera had been missing so it finally works, which is fantastic. Everyone download Skype! My name on it is Potatobandits! I should be able to talk to all of you this way anytime you’re online! There is no reason why we’re not doing this already!
Update Oct. 1, 2007
I saw a kid poop next to a sidewalk of a crowded street today.
Update Oct. 2, 2007
As far as my school is concerned, I arrived in China on the 7th. I told them that because I didn’t want to get to China and immediately start work…I wanted at least a few days of down-time to shake off some jet-lag and get used to my surroundings. But the truth is that today marks one month since my arrival. It’s weird, because it both feels like I’ve been here a lot longer and a lot shorter than that. Part of it is that when I try to remember my first week I can’t, because it was such a blur…so it feels like it was a lot longer ago than one month. But on the other and I would swear that I was drunkenly eating a bug with Jeremy just last week. Time. So wacky!
Update Oct. 3, 2007
I didn’t have any classes yesterday, and because Mr. Wang’s classes have been canceled for the National Holiday I didn’t have to teach Italian either. In fact, all schools are out for the holiday. Except one. My school is the only one in the entire nation that is still in session because they’re being reviewed by the state, and the students are understandably bitter…and apt to skip. So today I canceled my class due to poor attendance. Granted, there are usually only four people in it anyway, but having a class for one person…especially using the lesson I’d planned about debate…seemed a little silly. I really felt like a teacher at a university when I called to cancel my own class.
In lieu of classes, I went to the grocery store with Andrea and Barrie, and then the whole family got together to roll up some D&D characters. Or rather, Barrie and Sonny made characters, and Gretchen laughed at us and played guitar. It was nice, because that’s the first time anyone’s come over to my house since they showed me the place a month ago. I like having people around, so I hope this can become more regular than monthly. Tomorrow will be cool because I’ll have the entire gaming group in the house. Like the emperors of Rome and with their great Circuses, I like entertaining the people.
Two food times:
(1) I discovered that the grocery store near my house sells salted peanuts by the sack full. I live there now.
(2) I miss Manny’s wings with blue cheese dressing more than any other foodstuff.
Update Oct. 6, 2007
Saturday. We had decided a long time ago that when we had the chance we’d hunt down a massage parlor somewhere downtown. When I visited Barrie two years ago I went through this experience, and it was awesome. One hour long foot massage, and then an hour long full-body massage, all for about eight US dollars. That time each person got a private room that had a giant pillow for a floor, which was the best part of the whole experience. Once the massage was done they’d let you nap if you wanted, so we rolled around lazily on our pillow-floors for a while, awash in relaxed glee. Sadly that place has since closed, so we went on an adventure to find a replacement. First we went to a giant expensive place that always has government cars parked out front. We were told that as a courtesy they will hang a cover over your license plate so that nobody can see that you, a government official, is spending time and money on a massage. Anyway, we asked about prices just out of curiosity, and as we expected they were a little too high. Not unaffordable, but we knew we could get a much better deal someplace else. At one point one of the employees told Sonny that we could each get “private” rooms, wink wink nudge nudge. This was insinuating that we could have girls perform extra services if we wanted to pay a little more. Though tempting, we decided to take our business elsewhere. We felt sure that, with a little leg-work, we could find both cheaper massages and cheaper hand-jobs.
Find them we did, or at least one of the two. I won’t keep you in suspense…it was the massage. We decided that we’re here for a whole year…we’ve got plenty of time to experience all that China has to offer, so why cram all that into one afternoon? Moderation, that’s the ticket.
So after passing no less than three places on one street that specialized in massage by the blind (with signs that literally translate as “dead-eye massage”) we found a little hole-in-the-wall that gave us an amazing price. Once again we had a two-hour massage for next to no money. It was delightful, though the bed they had each of us one had to be extended to fit my apparently freakishly long form. The employees seemed to get a kick out the novelty of it all.
Several hours and one delicious Korean dinner later, we ended up back at my house for the first D&D game. After being postponed for one reason or another about five times, it was nice to actually get to play. I was a little nervous at first since I hadn’t led in almost two years, but in the end it was a blast, and I always love the story-telling aspect of the whole thing. Somebody tell Josh at Manuel’s Tavern that I was thinking about him, since I doubt he ever gets online. He’d have been proud of the subtlety and nuance of the story, and the clever interplay of plotlines. Also my game is in China, which makes it inherently cooler than his. FOR TEH WIN!1!!
Update Oct. 7, 2007
A long table sits in a brightly lit meeting room. A few glasses of water sit at intervals, and a single plate contains the remains of what was once a pile of donuts. Around the table sit the Heavenly Host…a holy think-tank of sorts…all in business attire. GOD sits at the end of the table glowing with a radiance brighter than every start He has ever created. Behind Him sits an easel, on which is balanced a whiteboard. On this is written a single word…”Plagues”…in red dry-erase marker. It’s circled twice.
The Almighty raises His head from where He’s been cradling it in His hands.
“So boys…anyone have anything? Anything at all?”
The angels look nervously at one another. Michael glances across at Raphael, who is playing Tetris on his palm-pilot beneath the table. Raphael was never as subtle as he liked to believe he was. Uriel taps a pen on his yellow legal pad looking at the ceiling with what he hopes is a thoughtful expression. Gabriel clears his throat and opens his mouth as if to speak, then sits back in his chair, apparently thinking better of it.
GOD stands and walks around the table, divine hands behind His back.
“We have at Our disposal limitless possibilities, gentlemen. And if We ever were to run out of these limitless possibilities, I would simply create more. And yet you’re telling Me that We’ve already run through all Our good options? Common, guys…think outside the box for a minute. I don’t understand why this should be so hard…I mean, We exist outside the box.”
Another moment of silence. Then, quietly, hesitantly, a voice comes from the far end of the table. With the first syllable uttered, Michael recognizes the voice and groans inwardly. Oh, why did they let the Cherubs in on these meetings?
“Um. What about, uh, we haven’t done…um…..ladybugs?”
GOD forces a smile.
“There! That’s what I’m talking about! There’s some original thinking! That’s the spirit!”
He walks to the whiteboard and writes “ladybugs” under the “plagues” heading, all the while actively re-thinking His “there are no bad ideas” policy.
There are a LOT of ladybugs around. They crawl on every available surface, and in the flowerbeds and fields the air shimmers with them. You pick them off your clothes and hair. My classrooms have all the windows shut seemingly tightly, and yet they pour in and gather in clumps in the corners of the rooms and on the light fixtures. At a local grocery store I watched as a million ladybugs crowded around a spider that on any other day I would have regarded as huge and scary. Today, he seems nervous…perhaps sensing that he’s in over his head. One ladybug spins trussed up on a gossamer thread. The spider backs toward it, eyeing the others warily. One wrong move, and they might stampede. The spider’s thought process is fairly clear…it’s time to move to less problematic prey. Like cats.
My apartment is on the sixth floor, which is generally far above where the bugs are flying. I can keep my windows open relatively safely, but I still sweep up about 10 dead ladybug bodies each morning, and there are many times that caught in the window sill. The winter is almost here, and I suppose they sense their own imminent demise. Perhaps they’re simply seeking a warmer place to die, and my living room seems to fit the bill. I hope the cold weather comes soon. I’ve had several students absent lately, and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it was due to ladybug-related accidents. Or even death by bug-inhalation. REPENT YE SINNERS, LEST YOU BE NEXT.
Update Oct. 10, 2007
As I’ve mentioned before, my school is being reviewed this week. A delegation of doctors and teachers from Beijing has come to judge the school on a number of factors, the specifics of which are being kept a secret from any Americans who might happen to work there. I got a phone call yesterday from my boss saying that I needed to get to my class in the morning early, because one of these experts would be visiting my classroom about halfway through. The reason I needed to get there early was that the school wanted to dress me up. All teachers at Chinese universities wear white doctor lab coats…more or less as a badge of the office. I don’t have one, nor have I any desire to wear one. Nevertheless, as soon as I go to my class this morning at 7:45am one of my students handed me a brand new coat. I put it on and sure enough, even though it said “large” on the tag, it hit me way above the knees and about 6 inches too short on either arm. My class and I got a laugh out of it as I modeled it, and then, rolling up the sleeves so they only looked sort of stupid, we started class. One of the other things my boss told me is that I needed to maybe teach some medical terms...anything having to do with the topic of medicine would do. This was just another attempt to make the class look good in front of the woman who was coming, but I figured it wouldn’t be too tough to incorporate that sort of information, so I agreed. When the first hour ended we had our usual ten-minute break, and then the expert arrived. Along with her came an army of assistants, and a TV camera crew. The crew only filmed for a moment before moving on…maybe to other classrooms…but the assistants stayed with her. I was told that what would most likely happen was that she would arrive, the students would say something nice and formal by way of greeting, and then we would cancel class. What actually happened was that she came in and asked what this class was. I thought she meant the official title of the class, so I told her “oral English”. She said, no, she meant what was this specific class about. I told her “medicine and doctor visit vocabulary”. Somehow this still wasn’t what she wanted to know, so she somewhat testily said she’d just watch the class. So I tried to dismiss her from my mind and taught my lesson as usual, dancing around and doing as much entertaining as teaching. My students were obviously nervous and a little tense, but the lesson still went very well. The expert stopped class once to make a comment about some vocabulary she felt I’d left out, and I immediately included it into my song and dance, and she seemed pleased. At the end she even stopped me and told me briefly how great she thought my class was, and how she was going to tell the president of the university that she thought so…and a few other very nice compliments. Perhaps this is the typical formal thing to do, but I choose instead to believe it’s because I’m awesome. I had been told she’d studied in America and it showed with her mastery of vocabulary and the flow of her speech. I wish I’d had a moment more to actually converse with her, but she had other places to be. So all-in-all I left my class pretty proud of myself.
That lasted all of thirty seconds. I ran into a teacher in the hall that I knew I had met before, but I couldn’t think of her name. So we talked for a while about the expert who had been in my room, and she made the comment that all the teachers were nervous because their bosses were breathing down their necks. They had all gotten a call the night before and basically had been told not to screw up today. I said that I too had received a call, and she confusedly asked me from whom. I told her “Miss Han” (my boss). She then said, “But…I’m Miss Han.?”
So I didn’t recognize my boss. That brought me down a peg from the high I’d been riding after my class. In my defense I have only met her in person twice, and most of the other teachers I have met a lot more often. My connection with her is almost completely on the phone or through students. That said, I’M SUCH AN IDIOT! I recovered easily enough, and I doubt she thought much of it. Still.
I was surprised at how quickly word had gotten around that this woman had watched my class. After it was over, I was asked by several students from other classes how it went. Turns out she’s one of the top people in this group that is visiting, and I get the feeling that the school would’ve rather she’d watched another class, but that maybe she insisted. By comparison the other classes I taught today were good, just unremarkable.
You want to know what really sucks? After all that they took my white lab coat/t-shirt back. And I had intended to take it as a favorite souvenir. What jerks!
Hope everyone is well!
adam
Update Sept. 30, 2007
I haven’t written in a few days, mostly due to the lack of anything going on worth writing about. That’s not completely true of course…I’m just lazy and it’s easier to surf the internet. I did manage to survive for two days with no water in the apartment. Occasionally the water just turns off here in the China. There isn’t any warning, and no telling when it might be back. I’ve been told that these periods rarely happen for longer than a day, and since I’ve been here a month and this is the first time it’s happened I guess I can live with it. I had just enough water in my giant filter to shave with and make one cup of tea. When the historians are writing about me in the future, they will refer to this period of my life as the “Dry Forty-Eight”.
Friday was to be my first time teaching my Survey of British and American history, but it was canceled due to police. I was summoned on very, short notice to be registered with the local provincial police station. They have really been ratcheting up the security measures since the Olympic games are coming in 2008, and they told me that all foreigners will have to go through this process in the upcoming year. Mine was apparently urgent because I’m currently applying for my residence visa, so they had to have a picture of me nowtodaynownownow. The whole thing took maybe thirty minutes, and now China knows I’m here. During this time I also was able to glace for a moment at my results from the Chinese medical exam. Turns out that my American exam was correct after all, and I am relatively disease free. Guess it was a good thing they used the jumper-cable machine just to be sure.
I was captured after this to attend a dinner function at a really swank restaurant/hotel. The dinner was in honor of (I think) the founding of the province 58 years ago. In addition to this they were giving out awards to foreign “experts” that the state believed to have contributed something special to the community. Remember that I have a pass that certifies me as a foreign “expert”, so I don’t put too much stock in the title. The dinner was very nice, and I got to sit at a table with a few very distinct characters. One was the only other foreign teacher at my school, a tiny older Japanese man who is excited about everything. He was fun to sit next to because he spoke about ten words of English and kept trying to get me to try every new dish that came out. Earlier I said that it was fun to get Sonny to try new American foods…and I think it was the same sort of situation reversed. He would say things like: “China! Good fish!” Or “English! Ha-ha!”, all the while pulling new plates to our side of the table. Another interesting gentleman was a young Korean man who was there with his wife. His mother was receiving one of the awards for foreigners, and so his whole family was there. He spoke great English, and either was really stoned or had pink-eye. Either way he was a fun fellow to talk to and I believe he has offered me a job at his father’s English school that he’s helping to open. I told him I’d think about it.
The only thing that marred the event was a tiny problem we had at the very beginning with our seating assignments. Every invitation was specific to a seat in the giant ballroom, and one of my school’s invitations had been given the wrong seat number. So there was a giant kerfuffle and I, merely trying to make things easier, attempted to get up and take another seat. Well, this turned out to be my boss’ seat, and she was already pretty irritated with the situation. So she was sort of snappy with me about it, and it put me on edge for the rest of the night. I subconsciously got back at her though…she sent me home with a friend of hers who was driving my way, and she and the Japanese teacher went home by taxi. I had turned my phone off during dinner so it wouldn’t interrupt the speeches or anything, and forgot to ever turn it back on. So she called me to make sure I got home okay…and I never answered the phone. When I finally got the phone out a few hours later she had called ten or eleven times, and apparently had also called Barrie frantically looking for me. I still haven’t talked to her, but I sent her a text the next day saying all was well. Hopefully things aren’t weird when I see her again.
It’s been an easy weekend. Barrie, Sonny, Andrea, and I went out this afternoon to just mess around at some stores. It was a nice way to leisurely kill a day, and I was able to get some books to help me learn Chinese and some history books to supplement the terrible textbook for my class. Another trip to the bootleg DVD store has left me the proud owner of a single DVD with every Harry Potter movie bundled with Charlie and he Chocolate Factory, Narnia, and Nanny McPhee. This, plus another DVD with every movie ever produced by Studio Ghibl and the Triplets of Bellleville will nicely round out the pile of movies I’ve gleefully stolen. I also got some software my camera had been missing so it finally works, which is fantastic. Everyone download Skype! My name on it is Potatobandits! I should be able to talk to all of you this way anytime you’re online! There is no reason why we’re not doing this already!
Update Oct. 1, 2007
I saw a kid poop next to a sidewalk of a crowded street today.
Update Oct. 2, 2007
As far as my school is concerned, I arrived in China on the 7th. I told them that because I didn’t want to get to China and immediately start work…I wanted at least a few days of down-time to shake off some jet-lag and get used to my surroundings. But the truth is that today marks one month since my arrival. It’s weird, because it both feels like I’ve been here a lot longer and a lot shorter than that. Part of it is that when I try to remember my first week I can’t, because it was such a blur…so it feels like it was a lot longer ago than one month. But on the other and I would swear that I was drunkenly eating a bug with Jeremy just last week. Time. So wacky!
Update Oct. 3, 2007
I didn’t have any classes yesterday, and because Mr. Wang’s classes have been canceled for the National Holiday I didn’t have to teach Italian either. In fact, all schools are out for the holiday. Except one. My school is the only one in the entire nation that is still in session because they’re being reviewed by the state, and the students are understandably bitter…and apt to skip. So today I canceled my class due to poor attendance. Granted, there are usually only four people in it anyway, but having a class for one person…especially using the lesson I’d planned about debate…seemed a little silly. I really felt like a teacher at a university when I called to cancel my own class.
In lieu of classes, I went to the grocery store with Andrea and Barrie, and then the whole family got together to roll up some D&D characters. Or rather, Barrie and Sonny made characters, and Gretchen laughed at us and played guitar. It was nice, because that’s the first time anyone’s come over to my house since they showed me the place a month ago. I like having people around, so I hope this can become more regular than monthly. Tomorrow will be cool because I’ll have the entire gaming group in the house. Like the emperors of Rome and with their great Circuses, I like entertaining the people.
Two food times:
(1) I discovered that the grocery store near my house sells salted peanuts by the sack full. I live there now.
(2) I miss Manny’s wings with blue cheese dressing more than any other foodstuff.
Update Oct. 6, 2007
Saturday. We had decided a long time ago that when we had the chance we’d hunt down a massage parlor somewhere downtown. When I visited Barrie two years ago I went through this experience, and it was awesome. One hour long foot massage, and then an hour long full-body massage, all for about eight US dollars. That time each person got a private room that had a giant pillow for a floor, which was the best part of the whole experience. Once the massage was done they’d let you nap if you wanted, so we rolled around lazily on our pillow-floors for a while, awash in relaxed glee. Sadly that place has since closed, so we went on an adventure to find a replacement. First we went to a giant expensive place that always has government cars parked out front. We were told that as a courtesy they will hang a cover over your license plate so that nobody can see that you, a government official, is spending time and money on a massage. Anyway, we asked about prices just out of curiosity, and as we expected they were a little too high. Not unaffordable, but we knew we could get a much better deal someplace else. At one point one of the employees told Sonny that we could each get “private” rooms, wink wink nudge nudge. This was insinuating that we could have girls perform extra services if we wanted to pay a little more. Though tempting, we decided to take our business elsewhere. We felt sure that, with a little leg-work, we could find both cheaper massages and cheaper hand-jobs.
Find them we did, or at least one of the two. I won’t keep you in suspense…it was the massage. We decided that we’re here for a whole year…we’ve got plenty of time to experience all that China has to offer, so why cram all that into one afternoon? Moderation, that’s the ticket.
So after passing no less than three places on one street that specialized in massage by the blind (with signs that literally translate as “dead-eye massage”) we found a little hole-in-the-wall that gave us an amazing price. Once again we had a two-hour massage for next to no money. It was delightful, though the bed they had each of us one had to be extended to fit my apparently freakishly long form. The employees seemed to get a kick out the novelty of it all.
Several hours and one delicious Korean dinner later, we ended up back at my house for the first D&D game. After being postponed for one reason or another about five times, it was nice to actually get to play. I was a little nervous at first since I hadn’t led in almost two years, but in the end it was a blast, and I always love the story-telling aspect of the whole thing. Somebody tell Josh at Manuel’s Tavern that I was thinking about him, since I doubt he ever gets online. He’d have been proud of the subtlety and nuance of the story, and the clever interplay of plotlines. Also my game is in China, which makes it inherently cooler than his. FOR TEH WIN!1!!
Update Oct. 7, 2007
A long table sits in a brightly lit meeting room. A few glasses of water sit at intervals, and a single plate contains the remains of what was once a pile of donuts. Around the table sit the Heavenly Host…a holy think-tank of sorts…all in business attire. GOD sits at the end of the table glowing with a radiance brighter than every start He has ever created. Behind Him sits an easel, on which is balanced a whiteboard. On this is written a single word…”Plagues”…in red dry-erase marker. It’s circled twice.
The Almighty raises His head from where He’s been cradling it in His hands.
“So boys…anyone have anything? Anything at all?”
The angels look nervously at one another. Michael glances across at Raphael, who is playing Tetris on his palm-pilot beneath the table. Raphael was never as subtle as he liked to believe he was. Uriel taps a pen on his yellow legal pad looking at the ceiling with what he hopes is a thoughtful expression. Gabriel clears his throat and opens his mouth as if to speak, then sits back in his chair, apparently thinking better of it.
GOD stands and walks around the table, divine hands behind His back.
“We have at Our disposal limitless possibilities, gentlemen. And if We ever were to run out of these limitless possibilities, I would simply create more. And yet you’re telling Me that We’ve already run through all Our good options? Common, guys…think outside the box for a minute. I don’t understand why this should be so hard…I mean, We exist outside the box.”
Another moment of silence. Then, quietly, hesitantly, a voice comes from the far end of the table. With the first syllable uttered, Michael recognizes the voice and groans inwardly. Oh, why did they let the Cherubs in on these meetings?
“Um. What about, uh, we haven’t done…um…..ladybugs?”
GOD forces a smile.
“There! That’s what I’m talking about! There’s some original thinking! That’s the spirit!”
He walks to the whiteboard and writes “ladybugs” under the “plagues” heading, all the while actively re-thinking His “there are no bad ideas” policy.
There are a LOT of ladybugs around. They crawl on every available surface, and in the flowerbeds and fields the air shimmers with them. You pick them off your clothes and hair. My classrooms have all the windows shut seemingly tightly, and yet they pour in and gather in clumps in the corners of the rooms and on the light fixtures. At a local grocery store I watched as a million ladybugs crowded around a spider that on any other day I would have regarded as huge and scary. Today, he seems nervous…perhaps sensing that he’s in over his head. One ladybug spins trussed up on a gossamer thread. The spider backs toward it, eyeing the others warily. One wrong move, and they might stampede. The spider’s thought process is fairly clear…it’s time to move to less problematic prey. Like cats.
My apartment is on the sixth floor, which is generally far above where the bugs are flying. I can keep my windows open relatively safely, but I still sweep up about 10 dead ladybug bodies each morning, and there are many times that caught in the window sill. The winter is almost here, and I suppose they sense their own imminent demise. Perhaps they’re simply seeking a warmer place to die, and my living room seems to fit the bill. I hope the cold weather comes soon. I’ve had several students absent lately, and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it was due to ladybug-related accidents. Or even death by bug-inhalation. REPENT YE SINNERS, LEST YOU BE NEXT.
Update Oct. 10, 2007
As I’ve mentioned before, my school is being reviewed this week. A delegation of doctors and teachers from Beijing has come to judge the school on a number of factors, the specifics of which are being kept a secret from any Americans who might happen to work there. I got a phone call yesterday from my boss saying that I needed to get to my class in the morning early, because one of these experts would be visiting my classroom about halfway through. The reason I needed to get there early was that the school wanted to dress me up. All teachers at Chinese universities wear white doctor lab coats…more or less as a badge of the office. I don’t have one, nor have I any desire to wear one. Nevertheless, as soon as I go to my class this morning at 7:45am one of my students handed me a brand new coat. I put it on and sure enough, even though it said “large” on the tag, it hit me way above the knees and about 6 inches too short on either arm. My class and I got a laugh out of it as I modeled it, and then, rolling up the sleeves so they only looked sort of stupid, we started class. One of the other things my boss told me is that I needed to maybe teach some medical terms...anything having to do with the topic of medicine would do. This was just another attempt to make the class look good in front of the woman who was coming, but I figured it wouldn’t be too tough to incorporate that sort of information, so I agreed. When the first hour ended we had our usual ten-minute break, and then the expert arrived. Along with her came an army of assistants, and a TV camera crew. The crew only filmed for a moment before moving on…maybe to other classrooms…but the assistants stayed with her. I was told that what would most likely happen was that she would arrive, the students would say something nice and formal by way of greeting, and then we would cancel class. What actually happened was that she came in and asked what this class was. I thought she meant the official title of the class, so I told her “oral English”. She said, no, she meant what was this specific class about. I told her “medicine and doctor visit vocabulary”. Somehow this still wasn’t what she wanted to know, so she somewhat testily said she’d just watch the class. So I tried to dismiss her from my mind and taught my lesson as usual, dancing around and doing as much entertaining as teaching. My students were obviously nervous and a little tense, but the lesson still went very well. The expert stopped class once to make a comment about some vocabulary she felt I’d left out, and I immediately included it into my song and dance, and she seemed pleased. At the end she even stopped me and told me briefly how great she thought my class was, and how she was going to tell the president of the university that she thought so…and a few other very nice compliments. Perhaps this is the typical formal thing to do, but I choose instead to believe it’s because I’m awesome. I had been told she’d studied in America and it showed with her mastery of vocabulary and the flow of her speech. I wish I’d had a moment more to actually converse with her, but she had other places to be. So all-in-all I left my class pretty proud of myself.
That lasted all of thirty seconds. I ran into a teacher in the hall that I knew I had met before, but I couldn’t think of her name. So we talked for a while about the expert who had been in my room, and she made the comment that all the teachers were nervous because their bosses were breathing down their necks. They had all gotten a call the night before and basically had been told not to screw up today. I said that I too had received a call, and she confusedly asked me from whom. I told her “Miss Han” (my boss). She then said, “But…I’m Miss Han.?”
So I didn’t recognize my boss. That brought me down a peg from the high I’d been riding after my class. In my defense I have only met her in person twice, and most of the other teachers I have met a lot more often. My connection with her is almost completely on the phone or through students. That said, I’M SUCH AN IDIOT! I recovered easily enough, and I doubt she thought much of it. Still.
I was surprised at how quickly word had gotten around that this woman had watched my class. After it was over, I was asked by several students from other classes how it went. Turns out she’s one of the top people in this group that is visiting, and I get the feeling that the school would’ve rather she’d watched another class, but that maybe she insisted. By comparison the other classes I taught today were good, just unremarkable.
You want to know what really sucks? After all that they took my white lab coat/t-shirt back. And I had intended to take it as a favorite souvenir. What jerks!
Hope everyone is well!
adam