Myself as Unfixed
My life as it is was once a question of what could be, among any number of others. My greatest fear, which was a strong vein running through all the possible versions of myself, was that I would be unable to change who I was, even if I thought that was not the happiest & best I could be. This stunted any ambition I had because I believed I could reason the best path for myself, if I took my time. It felt like a waste sometimes, especially since it seems like people can't change & that I would continually shoot down any reasonable ideas to pursue. I couldn't reason away from that, so I decided to solidify myself as someone who adapts, adjusts, and admits when he's wrong. And I decided to give love a shot.
I'll be a father soon, on top of being a father now, and my old thoughts of how I'd handle it are being tested. My fears about my strangeness alienating my children and beloved are concerning yet dissipating, especially when I try to remember that it was the strange ones in my own life that stood out & made me laugh the hardiest & with my whole mind. Other than that, I just don't want to feed them any bull, prepare them for the folk that do, and hope that shit doesn't fall out of the sky.
