LOG: Gakuto Mukahi, Atobe Keigo
Who: Gakuto Mukahi, Atobe Keigo
When: Gakuto’s birthday
Where: Gakuto’s birthday party
Genre: IC log
Summary: Atobe and Gakuto have a conversation where in good advice is given and received
Warning/Rating: PG13, for talk about sex
Player Comments: it starts in an odd place, but see, they can be civil to one another…sometimes.
Comments/Crits Allowed: yes! Go for it
Atobe: Ore-sama had fenced before...
Gakuto: ...'swords', then?
Atobe: I am not about to take this upon a Freudian level
Gakuto: But that's no fun! Don't you ever wonder about how well Hiyoshi handles a sword?
Atobe: I've watched him practice before.
Gakuto: Oh HAVE you? *snickers* With his own sword?
Atobe: I know what you are getting at...and I am not going to give you the amusement of an answer. I've seen him play kendo
Gakuto: Aww, you're no fun. You know, he said I could lord it over you that I've seen him practice in the Dojo first.
Atobe: *annoyed* I've not...I've had to...sneak looks. Good eyesight can be a boon at times
Gakuto: *grins* He's taken me to an amusement park, too!
Atobe: *eye twitch* Just because it's your birthday, don't except me to sit here and listen to you trying to make me jealous. It will not work
Gakuto: I'm kidding, you know. Well, not about those things, 'cause we really did! But Hiyo's all yours. And you better not still be being an idiot to him!
Atobe: he's the one being an idiot...
Gakuto: Atobe... I mean it. Don't screw up with him. He's a good friend of mine.
Atobe: everyone seems to be forgetting this is MY first relationship as well... but no one seems to care about my feelings on matters. You don't seem to grasp that ore-sama would be devastated if he left
Gakuto: You do put yourself out there as someone who's always right and knows what they're doing... I guess, yeah, everyone messes up sometimes. I think he'd be really upset if you left, too.
Atobe: I told this to Ryou...but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt… as you are his friend. It scares the hell out of me...the idea that he might not be able to withstand the pressure...and the idea that I need him in a way I've never needed anyone or anything before. I'm not used to needing people. I'm used to taking those I need and making them into my rivals
Gakuto: But you are rivals. I mean, outside of the relationship; maybe inside it too, I don't know. But he's stubborn, too, so I don't think he'll just give up on you like that. He likes challenging people. You know, I understand the scared about needing people thing... I'm so weak for Ryou that when he yelled at me that time, I was the one who apologized just like that. I think it's just a relationship thing, and if you're going to let that person in, you have to trust them.
Atobe: he gets jealous easily...All I had to do was write Tezuka’s name... but I do trust him.
Gakuto: Some people are possessive like that. Especially when you give hints about maybe liking someone else. Anyone would get upset. I think once you really earn HIS trust, it'll be easier.
Atobe: that's what hurts most about this. That I trust him so much and yet he doesn't trust me one bit. I've almost suggested wearing a chastity belt or something equally outrageous and fashion backwards if that would help sooth his fears...
Gakuto: I'm sorry Atobe... I know what it's like, when you don't have someone's trust like that. But it's not impossible to gain it! Do you ever try simple things like telling him you need him and want only him?
Atobe: I told him I loved him...and all he said was "good for me"
Gakuto: ...he didn't... I'm really, really sorry. That's... that's terrible...
Atobe: He did. That’s exactly what he said. I told him I love him and that I didn't want anyone else and that's exactly what he said to me. And there is nothing to apologize about. It’s a complicated relationship besides, it's your birthday. This is not the time to be talking about my rocky relationship
Gakuto: Okay, so maybe you were right about him being an idiot. It sounds really complicated! If you really mean it, though... I don't think you should give up. Or maybe you should. I don't know. Hey, I don't mind, I like meddling in other people's business, remember?
Atobe: you do like to meddle. You and your boyfriend have that in common. But your boyfriend says I go after him on his level, and you suggest what...I play hard to get?
Gakuto: We can't help it; we rub off on each other. In more ways than one. *winks* I don't know what I'm suggesting, maybe you could try that, or maybe you could try being stubbornly persistent.
Atobe: like I always am. You know I don't like giving up on things I want.
Gakuto: Tenderly persistent, then? I don't know. I’ve never really had to deal with unrequited love…
Atobe: I usually deal with it by demanding matches and rematches...but in this case, I think I know what he wants. You said it yourself. He wants a challenge. If it's a fight he wants, Ore-sama will give it to him
Gakuto: Be careful, then... I don't know what's up with him, but I still don't want him upset either.
Atobe: I think I might know why, but I'm not certain of it. You’ve known him for longer than I. Perhaps you can tell me if my theory is correct. He has a kendo and a hand-to-hand competition coming up
Gakuto: We only really started to get to know each other in middle school, but I can try... okay, and?
Atobe: he said that he...was different when such things happened
Gakuto: So you think he's afraid of letting you see him like that.
Atobe: I don't know. Maybe. What do you think? Is that a plausible explanation?
Gakuto: I think so... sounds like something he might do. If he was worried, I can see him pushing things away rather than talk about it.
Atobe: *the infamous insight pose* I see... I suppose it makes since, what with the embargo and everything.
Gakuto: ...The what?
Atobe: embargo, it was something I had originally started when I was mad at him once. I exacted embargo on him and refused him kisses. Now, it's sort of out...form of punishment when we argue. One of us, normally him, enacts embargo
Gakuto: So no kissing when you're mad at each other? That's no fun! Kissing while yelling is awesome! That's how Ryou and I got together. I can see you two being silly and stubborn and actually following through with it, though...
Atobe: for your information, I hate embargo and I'm sure he does too, which is why it is so affective
Gakuto: That makes no sense at all! If you both hate it, shouldn't you end up not following it?
Atobe: Because we are stubborn
Gakuto: ...point. Still, though, I think you two make everything more complicated than it should be.
Atobe: Ore-sama does not like repeating himself...often. Our relationship IS complicated
Gakuto: But it doesn't have to be... Do you like it?
Atobe: To be honest, I hate fighting with him. I don't like losing. Not at all. And I lose to him a lot
Gakuto: Gekokujou, huh? But you like him.
Atobe: Not quite Genkokujou. I win where it counts a lot more than I lose. But it's not a matter of liking. I love him
Gakuto: Maybe you just need someone to lose to. Do you love him enough that it's worth all the fighting?
Atobe: the fighting changes nothing. He is worth it. You say I am high maintenance, and perhaps I am, but HE is worth it. The fighting. The embargos. Everything
Gakuto: Remember that then, I'm sure it makes things easier. ...Why do you love him? You don't have to tell me if you don't want, but tell yourself whenever you worry things aren't going right.
Atobe: *an actual laugh* I never really thought about why before. If I did, I'd probably just ruin everything for myself by over analyzing
Gakuto: I don't know why that would ruin it... If you love him, then you do, but there has to be some reason for it. Does he give you what you can't yourself?
Atobe: for fear of sounding cliché, I will not it, but sure you know the adages about being on top and what money can't buy.
Gakuto: *grins* Yeah, I've heard them. Does he know that? I mean really know that. You can say and show it to him, but it won't do any good until he's not afraid to believe it.
Atobe: I am very persistent, but all I can do is continue to say it and show it. It's up to HIM to decide if he can believe me or not
Gakuto: Then I think you're doing the right thing. And I do think that he might be afraid.
Atobe: Afraid, of what?
Gakuto: Of letting you be his weakness. It's easier to deny, right, if you're afraid of what might happen when you stop. Maybe he doesn't like the idea that he could lose you if he allows himself to need you, or that someone else could have such a big sway over him.
Atobe: *a small understanding smile* it is much easier to deny. And we are both very good at it. But it goes both ways. He’s my weakness. I lose all composure when I'm around him.
Gakuto: Good. Someone finally did it. *grins* And... I bet he just needs to understand that it's okay, sometimes, to be open around someone. I mean, Ryou can be really stubborn, too. I have to almost force him to let me take care of him.
Atobe: I'm not about to get into a verbal bout over who has the more stubborn boyfriend. After all, we have been civil towards one another thus far and I would hate to revert to our normal conversations...the sort that has you running. But I wonder if I shouldn't just surprise him and come to his match. He doesn’t know that I know about it
Gakuto: It's like everyone's so surprised that I have something useful to say sometimes... So he's been hiding it from you? That... makes me think even more that this has something to do with it.
Atobe: He was hiding it from me. I didn’t even know about it until Ryou said something. I feel a bit...like a woman. Paging through his calendar when he's not looking...finding out when important events are for him, because we won't tell me...
Gakuto: Have you tried asking him why? I don't know why he wouldn't want you there... it's probably either because he's afraid of doing something wrong around you, or... *frowns* Or it's something he feels too important for him to share with anyone.
Atobe: Or...he doesn't want me to see him like that. I have, on occasion, called him a violent barbarian.
Gakuto: *snorts* Well no wonder! If he thinks you're going to hate him for doing what he loves, then of course he's going to close up!
Atobe: I call him that when he bops me for use of...that nomenclature I like so much
Gakuto: Well... he's been doing the enbu stuff longer than tennis. I'm sure it's really important to him. And if he thinks you're just going to scoff at it...
Atobe: I won't scoff. I really want to see it...without having to watch from the shadows or from stalkeresque distances
Gakuto: Does he know? Do you ask him?
Atobe: I doubt he even know I'm watching. But I think that's all right. There are things I do that he'd never seen.
Gakuto: You two... really are impossible. Even with at least three people trying to help you out and make it work.
Atobe: Perhaps that’s our problem. Everyone is trying to make our relationship something it’s not. Maybe we need to take our time. Feel each other out, without everyone trying to push us. We both live under enough pressure, though I do appreciate the sentiment
Gakuto: If that's what you feel like you want... but you're our buchou. Both of you, I guess. We want to see you happy... It's not fun to pick on someone who's upset.
Atobe: I don't know what he wants. And I know. And I'm glad for it. And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm at a total loss. I don't like not know what to do. I always know what to do. I always have a plan. I don't
Gakuto: Love isn't something you can plan anyway. No one's perfect. But whatever you decide to do is your decision; we can only open your eyes to the options.
Atobe: the one option I have been hearing most of all is a talk. I need to talk to him again. Just talk, and tell him all the things I seem to tell my friends without any effort, yet can't seem to voice when he's around
Gakuto: That sounds like the best option. I get the feeling you and I just now have talked about your relationship a lot more than you have had with him. Are you... intimidated by him?
Atobe: You would be right. *suddenly very quiet* about...both
Gakuto: Figure out why you love him. And remember that when you try to talk to him. You're Atobe Keigo, and I know you can have a commanding, confident presence when you try.
Atobe: *the old Atobe smirk* and when I don't try, Gakuto. But in this case you have a point. I've let him lead for far too long. Though I must admit, it's infuriating and nice at the same time when he tells me I'm his pretty bottom boy...
Gakuto: *snickers* Well THERE'S a nickname for you. Pretty obvious that he tops as it is. ...Some things are worth standing up for.
Atobe: *a slight eye twitch* I happy to like that he thinks of me as attractive. And not in a way most people say it, as means to stroke my ego. He means it when he says it.
Gakuto: No, a nickname like that wouldn't be used to build up your ego. *snickers some more* How literal is it? That you bottom. How far have you gotten?
Atobe: *a very prudish look* we've...made love a few times.
Gakuto: *grins* Just curious! Glad to know you got over your hang-ups. I was worried that you two would be the type to somehow find excuses not to.
Atobe: if you must know...I was drunk the first time and still can't remember any of it...the second...was in Corsica. We fought. It was make up... *too much of a prude to call it what it was* but I'm sure we would have a plethora to avoid intimacy if we wished it
Gakuto: So THAT'S why you won't drink... Well, make-up sex is some of the best kind, at least! Makes the fighting worth it. I know, I know, you probably think I'm a pervert for wanting to know. *scowls*
Atobe: I do not like talking about such things. Intimate meets of the heart are a private matter, not to be discussed. But yes, that is why I don't drink. I refuse to be such a wonton floozy again and I'm sure he concurs
Gakuto: When you've spent a lot of time thinking of it as just a hobby... *shrugs* I wish people would be more open about it; it makes a fun discussion topic! That sounds like it would have been really entertaining, though.
Atobe: you say what I tell you to anyone, and I swear to god, not even Ryou will be able to save you... but, you tend to forget I'm rather...repressed in that department. Unlike some people, I follow the conventions of polite society. That I even told you that Wakashi and I...made love is hard for me. But I wouldn't know. I really hate that I can't remember it. And I really hate that the only time we have is when we can both add disclaimers onto it.
Gakuto: Don't worry; I don't share what people tell me in confidence. I may be a gossip, but usually it's just me hoarding it out of curiosity. Sex is like tennis to me, so you can see how I get frustrated sometimes when I can't even talk about it... Seems to be only Ryou and Ryoma. Though Yuushi seems to be the type, he... I don't know. Hasn't ever seemed to like talking about it with me. You still have time, Atobe. You can make new memories.
Atobe: Yuushi is...*seems like he's about to say something but changes his mind at the last second* Yuushi. But what I mean is that I'd like to make love to him without the ability to add an excuse behind it. I'd like to just for the sake of the act itself
Gakuto: ...He is, and I never know what to expect from him anymore. Well... you can always start with kissing and go from there. I get the feeling you think you have to plan sex, too, but it's better if you don't. Just let it happen. Foreplay and all that.
Atobe: It's not like I pencil it into my day planner...
Gakuto: *snickers* If you did, I'd hit you or something. It'd be worth the laps.
Atobe: I'm sure you would. right after you stole my planner and made sure Wakashi found it... I'm sure he'd be...utterly enthusiastic with the idea that I have to make room for him, like he's some appointment
Gakuto: ... I wouldn't show it to him. I'd laugh at you, but I wouldn't want to mess things up more between you. Though, if you were stupid enough to do that... maybe I'd just stop bothering.
Atobe: it was an example... to prove that I don't have everything planned...as much as I hate that idea
Gakuto: You need to learn to be spontaneous!
Atobe: I don't like surprises. I like to see what's coming. My back up plans have back up plans...you know that. It’s not something I can change over night
Gakuto: I challenge you then... do something on the spur of the moment. Wear an outfit that took you thirty seconds to pick out, or buy something for Hiyo just because you saw it and thought of him, or... I don't know. Not overnight, but I think you can change!
Atobe: *that look* A challenge. You dare challenge me. Gakuto... Fine. Ore-sama accepts your challenge. Sometime, when you least expect it, I'll do something unexpected...I'll make sure to put it in my day planner.
Gakuto: *snorts* ATOBE! *shakes his head, grinning* Completely ruins the point.
Atobe: *a smirk* and Yuushi says I have no since of humor...
Gakuto: He said you didn't get jokes. Not the same as not being able to make them. *teases* Which, even if you managed to make amusing jokes half the time, 50% is still failing!
Atobe: just admit you took that seriously. And I'll admit that...I have thought about it...once.
Gakuto: What, penciling in sex time in your day planner?
Atobe: *looking decidedly elsewhere* the thing you made me lose my coffee over
Gakuto: Ohhh. *grins* Okay, it was a good joke.
Atobe: *recovering lost pride quickly* of course it was. Ore-sama made it
Gakuto: Yeah yeah... *still grinning*
Atobe: *icy glare* only once, so don't lump me in with your perversions
Gakuto: You're not lumped in anywhere; you get a special spot all for your own.
Atobe: I don't want a special spot anywhere in the gutter where your mind resides
Gakuto: Aww, but my gutter is fun! You'd know, if you ever came to visit.
Atobe: *a little huffy* I don't wish to be anywhere near that cesspool
Gakuto: Now I'm starting to feel a little insulted... teen years are a time for exploring!
Atobe: they are for exploring loft goals and betterment of self, not for spelunking into a den of filth and depravity
Gakuto: I did better myself! I got much better at... a few things. *winks* Yeah, yeah just go ahead and keep insulting my favorite pastime...
Atobe: *s small smile, having a little fun with the argument* A pastime, is it? Shall I tell Ryou he is only a pastime? I was not aware that I had okayed the existence of an intercourse club
Gakuto: You've got it wrong Atobe. The sex with him is a pastime. Ryou is... My life. Well, you must have at some point, since you've joined it. *smirks*
Atobe: *a scowl* I was joking...I put my foot down on things like that
Gakuto: I know you were, but... I'm in love, you know? Sex or the lack of it doesn't change that. You have to admit, it would be a very popular club!
Atobe: as would the naked twister club...but I digress. And I'm in love too, but that does not make be an instant pervert
Gakuto: Oooh, I would beat the entire club at that! ...I'm not a pervert Atobe. Not really. There's a difference between being curious and wanting to know for... other reasons.
Atobe: I fail to see the difference. Because I don't see any other reason for wanting to know
Gakuto: I don't think you want me to explain. But I don't ask so I can get turned on by the idea of other people having sex.
Atobe: Well, that's good to know
Gakuto: It is good to know, because it separates me from being a... complete pervert.
Atobe: I know you aren’t a pervert. It just makes me feel better to say such things
Gakuto: *snickers* So you don't feel like a complete prude?
Atobe: *a pout* I am not a prude
Gakuto: Sure you're not. ...I know that's all in how you were raised though.
Atobe: *a dark look* not going there, Gakuto. Now or ever. Got that
Gakuto: *winces* Sorry...
Atobe: *a sigh* not your fault. I'm always a bit testy with that subject. You know that. But seriously
Gakuto...I am glad...that he had people like you who want his happiness so badly. People are important to me. I may act insensitive or perverted, but we both know about masks and what they can hide.
Atobe: *a nod* I think all us regulars have them. Even if we don't readily admit it. All of us. Even Kabaji
Gakuto: *smiles* That we do... And it's all the more satisfying when you get a chance to see past it.
Atobe: Don't get used to it...Mukahi
Gakuto: I know, I know. Thanks for the conversation, though. A real one.
Atobe: No...It should be me thanking you...so listen close as I won t' say it again to you...thank you
Gakuto: *smiles* No problem. We all need people to talk to sometimes. I really hope things work out.
Atobe: I'm sure it will after all, I AM Atobe Keigo, How could I fail
Gakuto: *laughs* Of course. I know you'll be persistent.
Atobe: because Genkokujou goes both ways. He seems to forget that
Gakuto: You're admitting he's above you, then? I'm sure he'll come around, and if he doesn't start loving you back I'll gekokujou him, too!
Atobe: only in some situations but that I'd love to see
Gakuto: Hey, I could do it! He wouldn't fight back as much as he would with you, I don't think.
Atobe: I'm sure you could. Because he's probably let you
Gakuto: It's a doubles partner thing. And not JUST because he'd let me!
Atobe: never could get the hang of doubles except with...one of my rivals
Gakuto: You don't trust people enough. I think once you get used to the idea that the world doesn't revolve around you, you'll get better.
Atobe: I like singles. And I prefer the real tango to doubles
Gakuto: Hmm... does Hiyo dance?
Atobe: I...don't know. I've never asked him
Gakuto: You should. Maybe he can. And if not, I bet you'd like to teach him.
Atobe: *a rather happy look* it would be fun to teach him
Gakuto: *grins* You really do need to talk to him more.
Atobe: perhaps I'll be pleasantly surprised and learn he already knows
Gakuto: I think you could be pleasantly surprised at a lot of things, if you bother to find out. I know, being pushy, sorry.
Atobe: you're just trying to help, and you do realize what goes around comes around, and at some point I'll just try to help you and Ryou
Gakuto: Okay then, I'll wait for the day we'll be graced with your insight. Though... you did help us already, kind of. Kept him off the courts, offered to ruin people for me...
Atobe: Offer still stands, you know.
Gakuto: I'll remember that. ...Thanks.
Atobe: Because I might not be the sort to break faces and bones...but I can shatter a reputation with ease.
Gakuto: I'm sure you could. Maybe... next time I catch someone saying something like that...Only because you'd have fun doing it, of course!
Atobe: I doubt I'll still get a chance. Ryou and Yuushi would STILL get to them first
Gakuto: *laughs* Sometimes I wonder if my friends just like an excuse to hurt people...
Atobe: *indignant* We aren't Higa. We have more class than that
Gakuto: And get over our denial more quickly.
Atobe: ...That's supposed to be a joke, right?
Gakuto: Maybe. You were pretty bad. But at least you're not all 'Rin, my princess~'
Atobe: *suddenly laughs* Wakashi would make a terrible princess
Gakuto: *grins* He would. He frowns too much. You'll just have to wear the dress.
Atobe: Gakuto...there is no way in hell that I am ever...EVER cross dressing...EVER
Gakuto: Oh come on, it can become a Hyoutei thing! You wear purple frilly bathrobes...
Atobe: Robes are not dresses. And I keep saying that purple is a royal color
Gakuto: Then you can wear a purple dress, princess. *snickers*
Atobe: *a cold glair* Emperor or king to you, Gakuto
Gakuto: Okay, ice empress, whatever. I think this is my cue to get back to my needy boyfriend.
Atobe: Yes...and I have homework to attend to. do enjoy your birthday gift
Gakuto: I definitely will! Nice talking with you, good luck with everything.
Atobe: Ore-sama does not believe in luck. But thank you again, Gakuto.
Gakuto: *smiles* Twice thanked! It must be my birthday. See you!
Atobe: Yes I'll see you when you run those laps you owe me. *waves and smirks smugly, going the other direction*
Gakuto: *sticks his tongue out at him and bounces off*
When: Gakuto’s birthday
Where: Gakuto’s birthday party
Genre: IC log
Summary: Atobe and Gakuto have a conversation where in good advice is given and received
Warning/Rating: PG13, for talk about sex
Player Comments: it starts in an odd place, but see, they can be civil to one another…sometimes.
Comments/Crits Allowed: yes! Go for it
Atobe: Ore-sama had fenced before...
Gakuto: ...'swords', then?
Atobe: I am not about to take this upon a Freudian level
Gakuto: But that's no fun! Don't you ever wonder about how well Hiyoshi handles a sword?
Atobe: I've watched him practice before.
Gakuto: Oh HAVE you? *snickers* With his own sword?
Atobe: I know what you are getting at...and I am not going to give you the amusement of an answer. I've seen him play kendo
Gakuto: Aww, you're no fun. You know, he said I could lord it over you that I've seen him practice in the Dojo first.
Atobe: *annoyed* I've not...I've had to...sneak looks. Good eyesight can be a boon at times
Gakuto: *grins* He's taken me to an amusement park, too!
Atobe: *eye twitch* Just because it's your birthday, don't except me to sit here and listen to you trying to make me jealous. It will not work
Gakuto: I'm kidding, you know. Well, not about those things, 'cause we really did! But Hiyo's all yours. And you better not still be being an idiot to him!
Atobe: he's the one being an idiot...
Gakuto: Atobe... I mean it. Don't screw up with him. He's a good friend of mine.
Atobe: everyone seems to be forgetting this is MY first relationship as well... but no one seems to care about my feelings on matters. You don't seem to grasp that ore-sama would be devastated if he left
Gakuto: You do put yourself out there as someone who's always right and knows what they're doing... I guess, yeah, everyone messes up sometimes. I think he'd be really upset if you left, too.
Atobe: I told this to Ryou...but I suppose it wouldn’t hurt… as you are his friend. It scares the hell out of me...the idea that he might not be able to withstand the pressure...and the idea that I need him in a way I've never needed anyone or anything before. I'm not used to needing people. I'm used to taking those I need and making them into my rivals
Gakuto: But you are rivals. I mean, outside of the relationship; maybe inside it too, I don't know. But he's stubborn, too, so I don't think he'll just give up on you like that. He likes challenging people. You know, I understand the scared about needing people thing... I'm so weak for Ryou that when he yelled at me that time, I was the one who apologized just like that. I think it's just a relationship thing, and if you're going to let that person in, you have to trust them.
Atobe: he gets jealous easily...All I had to do was write Tezuka’s name... but I do trust him.
Gakuto: Some people are possessive like that. Especially when you give hints about maybe liking someone else. Anyone would get upset. I think once you really earn HIS trust, it'll be easier.
Atobe: that's what hurts most about this. That I trust him so much and yet he doesn't trust me one bit. I've almost suggested wearing a chastity belt or something equally outrageous and fashion backwards if that would help sooth his fears...
Gakuto: I'm sorry Atobe... I know what it's like, when you don't have someone's trust like that. But it's not impossible to gain it! Do you ever try simple things like telling him you need him and want only him?
Atobe: I told him I loved him...and all he said was "good for me"
Gakuto: ...he didn't... I'm really, really sorry. That's... that's terrible...
Atobe: He did. That’s exactly what he said. I told him I love him and that I didn't want anyone else and that's exactly what he said to me. And there is nothing to apologize about. It’s a complicated relationship besides, it's your birthday. This is not the time to be talking about my rocky relationship
Gakuto: Okay, so maybe you were right about him being an idiot. It sounds really complicated! If you really mean it, though... I don't think you should give up. Or maybe you should. I don't know. Hey, I don't mind, I like meddling in other people's business, remember?
Atobe: you do like to meddle. You and your boyfriend have that in common. But your boyfriend says I go after him on his level, and you suggest what...I play hard to get?
Gakuto: We can't help it; we rub off on each other. In more ways than one. *winks* I don't know what I'm suggesting, maybe you could try that, or maybe you could try being stubbornly persistent.
Atobe: like I always am. You know I don't like giving up on things I want.
Gakuto: Tenderly persistent, then? I don't know. I’ve never really had to deal with unrequited love…
Atobe: I usually deal with it by demanding matches and rematches...but in this case, I think I know what he wants. You said it yourself. He wants a challenge. If it's a fight he wants, Ore-sama will give it to him
Gakuto: Be careful, then... I don't know what's up with him, but I still don't want him upset either.
Atobe: I think I might know why, but I'm not certain of it. You’ve known him for longer than I. Perhaps you can tell me if my theory is correct. He has a kendo and a hand-to-hand competition coming up
Gakuto: We only really started to get to know each other in middle school, but I can try... okay, and?
Atobe: he said that he...was different when such things happened
Gakuto: So you think he's afraid of letting you see him like that.
Atobe: I don't know. Maybe. What do you think? Is that a plausible explanation?
Gakuto: I think so... sounds like something he might do. If he was worried, I can see him pushing things away rather than talk about it.
Atobe: *the infamous insight pose* I see... I suppose it makes since, what with the embargo and everything.
Gakuto: ...The what?
Atobe: embargo, it was something I had originally started when I was mad at him once. I exacted embargo on him and refused him kisses. Now, it's sort of out...form of punishment when we argue. One of us, normally him, enacts embargo
Gakuto: So no kissing when you're mad at each other? That's no fun! Kissing while yelling is awesome! That's how Ryou and I got together. I can see you two being silly and stubborn and actually following through with it, though...
Atobe: for your information, I hate embargo and I'm sure he does too, which is why it is so affective
Gakuto: That makes no sense at all! If you both hate it, shouldn't you end up not following it?
Atobe: Because we are stubborn
Gakuto: ...point. Still, though, I think you two make everything more complicated than it should be.
Atobe: Ore-sama does not like repeating himself...often. Our relationship IS complicated
Gakuto: But it doesn't have to be... Do you like it?
Atobe: To be honest, I hate fighting with him. I don't like losing. Not at all. And I lose to him a lot
Gakuto: Gekokujou, huh? But you like him.
Atobe: Not quite Genkokujou. I win where it counts a lot more than I lose. But it's not a matter of liking. I love him
Gakuto: Maybe you just need someone to lose to. Do you love him enough that it's worth all the fighting?
Atobe: the fighting changes nothing. He is worth it. You say I am high maintenance, and perhaps I am, but HE is worth it. The fighting. The embargos. Everything
Gakuto: Remember that then, I'm sure it makes things easier. ...Why do you love him? You don't have to tell me if you don't want, but tell yourself whenever you worry things aren't going right.
Atobe: *an actual laugh* I never really thought about why before. If I did, I'd probably just ruin everything for myself by over analyzing
Gakuto: I don't know why that would ruin it... If you love him, then you do, but there has to be some reason for it. Does he give you what you can't yourself?
Atobe: for fear of sounding cliché, I will not it, but sure you know the adages about being on top and what money can't buy.
Gakuto: *grins* Yeah, I've heard them. Does he know that? I mean really know that. You can say and show it to him, but it won't do any good until he's not afraid to believe it.
Atobe: I am very persistent, but all I can do is continue to say it and show it. It's up to HIM to decide if he can believe me or not
Gakuto: Then I think you're doing the right thing. And I do think that he might be afraid.
Atobe: Afraid, of what?
Gakuto: Of letting you be his weakness. It's easier to deny, right, if you're afraid of what might happen when you stop. Maybe he doesn't like the idea that he could lose you if he allows himself to need you, or that someone else could have such a big sway over him.
Atobe: *a small understanding smile* it is much easier to deny. And we are both very good at it. But it goes both ways. He’s my weakness. I lose all composure when I'm around him.
Gakuto: Good. Someone finally did it. *grins* And... I bet he just needs to understand that it's okay, sometimes, to be open around someone. I mean, Ryou can be really stubborn, too. I have to almost force him to let me take care of him.
Atobe: I'm not about to get into a verbal bout over who has the more stubborn boyfriend. After all, we have been civil towards one another thus far and I would hate to revert to our normal conversations...the sort that has you running. But I wonder if I shouldn't just surprise him and come to his match. He doesn’t know that I know about it
Gakuto: It's like everyone's so surprised that I have something useful to say sometimes... So he's been hiding it from you? That... makes me think even more that this has something to do with it.
Atobe: He was hiding it from me. I didn’t even know about it until Ryou said something. I feel a bit...like a woman. Paging through his calendar when he's not looking...finding out when important events are for him, because we won't tell me...
Gakuto: Have you tried asking him why? I don't know why he wouldn't want you there... it's probably either because he's afraid of doing something wrong around you, or... *frowns* Or it's something he feels too important for him to share with anyone.
Atobe: Or...he doesn't want me to see him like that. I have, on occasion, called him a violent barbarian.
Gakuto: *snorts* Well no wonder! If he thinks you're going to hate him for doing what he loves, then of course he's going to close up!
Atobe: I call him that when he bops me for use of...that nomenclature I like so much
Gakuto: Well... he's been doing the enbu stuff longer than tennis. I'm sure it's really important to him. And if he thinks you're just going to scoff at it...
Atobe: I won't scoff. I really want to see it...without having to watch from the shadows or from stalkeresque distances
Gakuto: Does he know? Do you ask him?
Atobe: I doubt he even know I'm watching. But I think that's all right. There are things I do that he'd never seen.
Gakuto: You two... really are impossible. Even with at least three people trying to help you out and make it work.
Atobe: Perhaps that’s our problem. Everyone is trying to make our relationship something it’s not. Maybe we need to take our time. Feel each other out, without everyone trying to push us. We both live under enough pressure, though I do appreciate the sentiment
Gakuto: If that's what you feel like you want... but you're our buchou. Both of you, I guess. We want to see you happy... It's not fun to pick on someone who's upset.
Atobe: I don't know what he wants. And I know. And I'm glad for it. And as much as I hate to admit it, I'm at a total loss. I don't like not know what to do. I always know what to do. I always have a plan. I don't
Gakuto: Love isn't something you can plan anyway. No one's perfect. But whatever you decide to do is your decision; we can only open your eyes to the options.
Atobe: the one option I have been hearing most of all is a talk. I need to talk to him again. Just talk, and tell him all the things I seem to tell my friends without any effort, yet can't seem to voice when he's around
Gakuto: That sounds like the best option. I get the feeling you and I just now have talked about your relationship a lot more than you have had with him. Are you... intimidated by him?
Atobe: You would be right. *suddenly very quiet* about...both
Gakuto: Figure out why you love him. And remember that when you try to talk to him. You're Atobe Keigo, and I know you can have a commanding, confident presence when you try.
Atobe: *the old Atobe smirk* and when I don't try, Gakuto. But in this case you have a point. I've let him lead for far too long. Though I must admit, it's infuriating and nice at the same time when he tells me I'm his pretty bottom boy...
Gakuto: *snickers* Well THERE'S a nickname for you. Pretty obvious that he tops as it is. ...Some things are worth standing up for.
Atobe: *a slight eye twitch* I happy to like that he thinks of me as attractive. And not in a way most people say it, as means to stroke my ego. He means it when he says it.
Gakuto: No, a nickname like that wouldn't be used to build up your ego. *snickers some more* How literal is it? That you bottom. How far have you gotten?
Atobe: *a very prudish look* we've...made love a few times.
Gakuto: *grins* Just curious! Glad to know you got over your hang-ups. I was worried that you two would be the type to somehow find excuses not to.
Atobe: if you must know...I was drunk the first time and still can't remember any of it...the second...was in Corsica. We fought. It was make up... *too much of a prude to call it what it was* but I'm sure we would have a plethora to avoid intimacy if we wished it
Gakuto: So THAT'S why you won't drink... Well, make-up sex is some of the best kind, at least! Makes the fighting worth it. I know, I know, you probably think I'm a pervert for wanting to know. *scowls*
Atobe: I do not like talking about such things. Intimate meets of the heart are a private matter, not to be discussed. But yes, that is why I don't drink. I refuse to be such a wonton floozy again and I'm sure he concurs
Gakuto: When you've spent a lot of time thinking of it as just a hobby... *shrugs* I wish people would be more open about it; it makes a fun discussion topic! That sounds like it would have been really entertaining, though.
Atobe: you say what I tell you to anyone, and I swear to god, not even Ryou will be able to save you... but, you tend to forget I'm rather...repressed in that department. Unlike some people, I follow the conventions of polite society. That I even told you that Wakashi and I...made love is hard for me. But I wouldn't know. I really hate that I can't remember it. And I really hate that the only time we have is when we can both add disclaimers onto it.
Gakuto: Don't worry; I don't share what people tell me in confidence. I may be a gossip, but usually it's just me hoarding it out of curiosity. Sex is like tennis to me, so you can see how I get frustrated sometimes when I can't even talk about it... Seems to be only Ryou and Ryoma. Though Yuushi seems to be the type, he... I don't know. Hasn't ever seemed to like talking about it with me. You still have time, Atobe. You can make new memories.
Atobe: Yuushi is...*seems like he's about to say something but changes his mind at the last second* Yuushi. But what I mean is that I'd like to make love to him without the ability to add an excuse behind it. I'd like to just for the sake of the act itself
Gakuto: ...He is, and I never know what to expect from him anymore. Well... you can always start with kissing and go from there. I get the feeling you think you have to plan sex, too, but it's better if you don't. Just let it happen. Foreplay and all that.
Atobe: It's not like I pencil it into my day planner...
Gakuto: *snickers* If you did, I'd hit you or something. It'd be worth the laps.
Atobe: I'm sure you would. right after you stole my planner and made sure Wakashi found it... I'm sure he'd be...utterly enthusiastic with the idea that I have to make room for him, like he's some appointment
Gakuto: ... I wouldn't show it to him. I'd laugh at you, but I wouldn't want to mess things up more between you. Though, if you were stupid enough to do that... maybe I'd just stop bothering.
Atobe: it was an example... to prove that I don't have everything planned...as much as I hate that idea
Gakuto: You need to learn to be spontaneous!
Atobe: I don't like surprises. I like to see what's coming. My back up plans have back up plans...you know that. It’s not something I can change over night
Gakuto: I challenge you then... do something on the spur of the moment. Wear an outfit that took you thirty seconds to pick out, or buy something for Hiyo just because you saw it and thought of him, or... I don't know. Not overnight, but I think you can change!
Atobe: *that look* A challenge. You dare challenge me. Gakuto... Fine. Ore-sama accepts your challenge. Sometime, when you least expect it, I'll do something unexpected...I'll make sure to put it in my day planner.
Gakuto: *snorts* ATOBE! *shakes his head, grinning* Completely ruins the point.
Atobe: *a smirk* and Yuushi says I have no since of humor...
Gakuto: He said you didn't get jokes. Not the same as not being able to make them. *teases* Which, even if you managed to make amusing jokes half the time, 50% is still failing!
Atobe: just admit you took that seriously. And I'll admit that...I have thought about it...once.
Gakuto: What, penciling in sex time in your day planner?
Atobe: *looking decidedly elsewhere* the thing you made me lose my coffee over
Gakuto: Ohhh. *grins* Okay, it was a good joke.
Atobe: *recovering lost pride quickly* of course it was. Ore-sama made it
Gakuto: Yeah yeah... *still grinning*
Atobe: *icy glare* only once, so don't lump me in with your perversions
Gakuto: You're not lumped in anywhere; you get a special spot all for your own.
Atobe: I don't want a special spot anywhere in the gutter where your mind resides
Gakuto: Aww, but my gutter is fun! You'd know, if you ever came to visit.
Atobe: *a little huffy* I don't wish to be anywhere near that cesspool
Gakuto: Now I'm starting to feel a little insulted... teen years are a time for exploring!
Atobe: they are for exploring loft goals and betterment of self, not for spelunking into a den of filth and depravity
Gakuto: I did better myself! I got much better at... a few things. *winks* Yeah, yeah just go ahead and keep insulting my favorite pastime...
Atobe: *s small smile, having a little fun with the argument* A pastime, is it? Shall I tell Ryou he is only a pastime? I was not aware that I had okayed the existence of an intercourse club
Gakuto: You've got it wrong Atobe. The sex with him is a pastime. Ryou is... My life. Well, you must have at some point, since you've joined it. *smirks*
Atobe: *a scowl* I was joking...I put my foot down on things like that
Gakuto: I know you were, but... I'm in love, you know? Sex or the lack of it doesn't change that. You have to admit, it would be a very popular club!
Atobe: as would the naked twister club...but I digress. And I'm in love too, but that does not make be an instant pervert
Gakuto: Oooh, I would beat the entire club at that! ...I'm not a pervert Atobe. Not really. There's a difference between being curious and wanting to know for... other reasons.
Atobe: I fail to see the difference. Because I don't see any other reason for wanting to know
Gakuto: I don't think you want me to explain. But I don't ask so I can get turned on by the idea of other people having sex.
Atobe: Well, that's good to know
Gakuto: It is good to know, because it separates me from being a... complete pervert.
Atobe: I know you aren’t a pervert. It just makes me feel better to say such things
Gakuto: *snickers* So you don't feel like a complete prude?
Atobe: *a pout* I am not a prude
Gakuto: Sure you're not. ...I know that's all in how you were raised though.
Atobe: *a dark look* not going there, Gakuto. Now or ever. Got that
Gakuto: *winces* Sorry...
Atobe: *a sigh* not your fault. I'm always a bit testy with that subject. You know that. But seriously
Gakuto...I am glad...that he had people like you who want his happiness so badly. People are important to me. I may act insensitive or perverted, but we both know about masks and what they can hide.
Atobe: *a nod* I think all us regulars have them. Even if we don't readily admit it. All of us. Even Kabaji
Gakuto: *smiles* That we do... And it's all the more satisfying when you get a chance to see past it.
Atobe: Don't get used to it...Mukahi
Gakuto: I know, I know. Thanks for the conversation, though. A real one.
Atobe: No...It should be me thanking you...so listen close as I won t' say it again to you...thank you
Gakuto: *smiles* No problem. We all need people to talk to sometimes. I really hope things work out.
Atobe: I'm sure it will after all, I AM Atobe Keigo, How could I fail
Gakuto: *laughs* Of course. I know you'll be persistent.
Atobe: because Genkokujou goes both ways. He seems to forget that
Gakuto: You're admitting he's above you, then? I'm sure he'll come around, and if he doesn't start loving you back I'll gekokujou him, too!
Atobe: only in some situations but that I'd love to see
Gakuto: Hey, I could do it! He wouldn't fight back as much as he would with you, I don't think.
Atobe: I'm sure you could. Because he's probably let you
Gakuto: It's a doubles partner thing. And not JUST because he'd let me!
Atobe: never could get the hang of doubles except with...one of my rivals
Gakuto: You don't trust people enough. I think once you get used to the idea that the world doesn't revolve around you, you'll get better.
Atobe: I like singles. And I prefer the real tango to doubles
Gakuto: Hmm... does Hiyo dance?
Atobe: I...don't know. I've never asked him
Gakuto: You should. Maybe he can. And if not, I bet you'd like to teach him.
Atobe: *a rather happy look* it would be fun to teach him
Gakuto: *grins* You really do need to talk to him more.
Atobe: perhaps I'll be pleasantly surprised and learn he already knows
Gakuto: I think you could be pleasantly surprised at a lot of things, if you bother to find out. I know, being pushy, sorry.
Atobe: you're just trying to help, and you do realize what goes around comes around, and at some point I'll just try to help you and Ryou
Gakuto: Okay then, I'll wait for the day we'll be graced with your insight. Though... you did help us already, kind of. Kept him off the courts, offered to ruin people for me...
Atobe: Offer still stands, you know.
Gakuto: I'll remember that. ...Thanks.
Atobe: Because I might not be the sort to break faces and bones...but I can shatter a reputation with ease.
Gakuto: I'm sure you could. Maybe... next time I catch someone saying something like that...Only because you'd have fun doing it, of course!
Atobe: I doubt I'll still get a chance. Ryou and Yuushi would STILL get to them first
Gakuto: *laughs* Sometimes I wonder if my friends just like an excuse to hurt people...
Atobe: *indignant* We aren't Higa. We have more class than that
Gakuto: And get over our denial more quickly.
Atobe: ...That's supposed to be a joke, right?
Gakuto: Maybe. You were pretty bad. But at least you're not all 'Rin, my princess~'
Atobe: *suddenly laughs* Wakashi would make a terrible princess
Gakuto: *grins* He would. He frowns too much. You'll just have to wear the dress.
Atobe: Gakuto...there is no way in hell that I am ever...EVER cross dressing...EVER
Gakuto: Oh come on, it can become a Hyoutei thing! You wear purple frilly bathrobes...
Atobe: Robes are not dresses. And I keep saying that purple is a royal color
Gakuto: Then you can wear a purple dress, princess. *snickers*
Atobe: *a cold glair* Emperor or king to you, Gakuto
Gakuto: Okay, ice empress, whatever. I think this is my cue to get back to my needy boyfriend.
Atobe: Yes...and I have homework to attend to. do enjoy your birthday gift
Gakuto: I definitely will! Nice talking with you, good luck with everything.
Atobe: Ore-sama does not believe in luck. But thank you again, Gakuto.
Gakuto: *smiles* Twice thanked! It must be my birthday. See you!
Atobe: Yes I'll see you when you run those laps you owe me. *waves and smirks smugly, going the other direction*
Gakuto: *sticks his tongue out at him and bounces off*