[Log] Yuushi & Gakuto [closed] / Part 3 (end)
Who: Oshitari Yuushi & Mukahi Gakuto
When: April 23
Where: Atobe's mansion where Gaku's been staying, then in a car and a reception hall, then back again. XD
Summary: Gakuto dresses as a woman to accompany Yuushi to a wedding so he doesn't have to go with some girl he doesn't even like....and ends up getting WAY more than he bargained for.
Warning/Rating: PG, to be safe. Gakuto's language, I think. ^^;
Player Comments: FINALLY finished! After like a month. This log really ran away with us....a lot of this wasn't even planned~ Also, because it's so massive, I was a little lax on the proofreading. Forgive any mistakes, kay?
Comments/Crits allowed: Y
"Actually," Yuushi said, looking pointedly at Gakuto's face, "I think your make-up is already ruined." He stopped them after they stood safely under the small shelter over the door. "You'll catch a cold if you don't change out of these clothes, and honestly, I don't think they'll appreciate us tracking this much water into the venue. Do you mind terribly if I took you home? I'm sorry." He was sorry because on top of not knowing what he accomplished by taking them outside--aside from possibly hurting Gakuto with the implication that there was a secret he didn't trust him with and getting them so soaked that they had to put an early end to their evening when he'd done nothing to let Gakuto enjoy it--things seemed a little strained between them. That was what he was most afraid of. Wanting to tell Gakuto made Yuushi feel so selfish every time because at the same time he'd relieve his own suffering he'd place that burden on their friendship, everything they'd built for the past six years.
He squeezed the hand that Gakuto had in his grip. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.
Gakuto rolled his eyes. Of course his makeup was ruined. He couldn't have done any differently with most of it, but he could have at least used waterproof mascara. "In that case, water-tracking aside, I think they'd rather I not show my face. I didn't even bring a bag for touchups." Proof he wasn't really a girl, perhaps?
He tugged Yuushi's jacket tighter around himself with his free hand, using it for all the warmth it was worth. "Quit apologizing, Yuushi. There's nothing to be sorry for, okay?" Gakuto was resilient. Any hurt emotions were usually well-patched by the next morning, or within a few days if it was really bad....and Gakuto wasn't sure what Yuushi was apologizing for in the first place. Getting him out of there early? Nothing to apologize for. Gakuto should probably thank him for that. Anything else? No big deal. "Hah, yanno? Rain on a wedding day is supposed to be a sign of fertility. Bet they'll be poppin' out babies in no time."
Yuushi smiled. "Goodness knows Japan needs the babies." He tugged Gakuto along the cement path around the side of the building. If they stuck close enough to the wall, they wouldn't get any wetter than they were already.
"I'm just sorry tonight wasn't very much fun," he said as they rounded the rear-right corner. "It's ruinous to my reputation if I don't show my date a good time. But then again, I suppose this isn't really a date, is it. And it isn't as if I can pull my usual tricks on you...though I might have anyway, out of habit." Nudging his glasses and wiping them with his sleeve, Yuushi let his smile twist with a hint of a tease. "But you didn't show any particular aversion to that, did you?"
Gakuto just laughed as he followed Yuushi around the building, still not letting go of his hand. "Date or not, who said I didn't have fun? I always manage to find amusement in how easily people are fooled, at the very least." And he'd tricked a lot of people, tonight. Those Hyoutei jerks, including the girl (what was her name again?) that he'd sent off crying, the old pervs that had hit on him while Yuushi danced with Hikari, Hikari herself, and not least of all, Yuushi's own mother. "And Yuushi, you forget. I was acting. Aversion or no, I wouldn'ta shown any. Gotta help ya protect your reputation, yanno."
"Ah, I see. My reputation and I are very appreciative of your thoughtfulness. We were awed by your acting prowess," Yuushi said, swinging Gakuto's hand playfully before letting go as they neared the guard stand. "Wait for me for a moment. I'm going to ask him to call our ride to pull up in front of us."
He jogged the short distance to and from the guard stand through the rain and was back within a minute. As he watched a car begin to pull forward from the back of a long line, Yuushi said, "You know, it's strange. I don't think we have been out, just the two of us, in a long time. What do you attribute this to?"
Gakuto waited patiently for the car to be brought around. He was looking forward to one of the little luxuries of fancy cars, and hoped this one had it - heated seats. "Life. We got older. I hadta get a job, plus we both had homework and studyin' for exams an' tryin' to keep grades up... You got your girls an' your books and movies, and I was focusin' on my dancin' to get into the school I wanted... 's not like we were tryin' to avoid each other or nothin'. Stuff just...got in the way."
The car pulled up in front of them, and Gakuto was getting too chilled to bother with waiting for someone to open the door for him. He helped himself and slid in, purring a little at how warm the car felt already. "Mmmmmmmmmm...."
"It's a pity, though. I've always like being with you," Yuushi said as he ducked into the car. He asked for towels from the driver, who handed him two small washcloths with an apology. Yuushi waved it off with an easy smile, turning back to Gakuto. "It would be horribly irresponsible to send you home like this, dripping wet. But even if I took care of you at my place I have no clothes that would fit you." Besides, Gakuto wasn't a girl who needed to be taken care of and made presentable before coming home to her parents who would grill her about her date. The difference was that rather than fulfilling the duties of a gentleman, Yuushi wanted to make sure Gakuto was okay because he cared. "Here, let me dry you off?" He dabbed at the drops of rain on Gakuto's neck.
He scooted over, making room for Yuushi. "No shit. I'd swim in anything at your place," Gakuto smirked, holding up his arms and showing how the sleeves of Yuushi's jacket draped down over where his hands were. Even though he wasn't fond of letting Yuushi dry him off, he did, and instead of just sitting there, he took the other cloth from Yuushi and reached up, gently drying off Yuushi's face in return. "I like spendin' time with you too. Things just got so hectic for a while this year, with it bein' our senior year and all, and then the quakes hittin'... It's been exhausting, and there hasn't been time enough to just hang out and chill." And Yuushi tended to run off to Osaka, so what free time Gakuto had had, he'd either been spending with Jirou and Ryou, working, at dance clubs occasionally, or working on his application to the performing arts school. "And now it won't be long till college...." He leaned back against the car seat with a sigh. "I don't wanna grow up."
"But you already have," Yuushi appraised, putting a hand on Gakuto's head and nodding sagely. "I believe I could fit you in my pocket when I first met you. I wish I still could." He held Gakuto's face between his palms, not actually touching but close enough to create the illusion of it. "That way," he said, "I'd never lose you." He kept his expression an unreadable level of amused, as always, when he wanted to leave a question of whether he spoke with sincerity or in jest. It had always been quite convenient, that face. He went back to drying.
Gakuto hated that expression. That fake smile that was nothing more than a mask Yuushi used... Gakuto had learned to read behind it, most of the time, but sometimes it was still unreadable even to him. This time...it was just a feeling he had, not an actual reading, but he thought Yuushi was being more serious than he wanted Gakuto to believe. Or, more likely, he was just nuts.
It was tempting, though, to use Yuushi's own expression back at him. After six years of hanging around the guy, Gakuto had come up with his own grin that hid the reality behind his words, though he was usually just too honest to bother with it. And this was one of those times, despite the urge to tease him. "Doesn't matter how big I get, yanno. You won't lose me. I don't let go easy, Yuushi. You should know that by now."
Yuushi's eyes slid across the car, sidelong, his hands slowing to a brief pause before he flicked one of Gakuto's fake curls and chuckled. Toward everything unrelated to tennis he and Gakuto seemed to have opposite fight-or-flee instincts. Whereas Yuushi, in order to satisfy his appreciation for peace, turned away from or shrugged off most things that may have pricked at him, Gakuto seemed to care more deeply for honesty and frankness than to flee. Perhaps all along Yuushi had been projecting his own tendency toward evasion onto Gakuto, if only to provide some reason for not taking that step forward.
Just how cowardly, Yuushi wondered, was that?
Folding the small cloth in his lap as the area around Gakuto's face having been mostly dried, Yuushi leaned back in his seat. Atobe's mansion was in the same posh part of town as the reception hall. They had a little over five minutes, and Yuushi felt that those minutes should be used wisely if he wanted to place a proper end mark to a rather anticlimactic evening of indecisive tug-of-war.
"And you should know that in this respect we're nothing alike in most cases," Yuushi said, taking off his glasses and wiping them with the cloth. "But besides tennis and violin, there's something I'd never been able able to let go of ever since I entered Hyoutei."
Gakuto listened, and arched an eyebrow at Yuushi's words. They were nothing alike in most respects, but it had never really mattered. Did it matter now? Is that why he was bringing it up? This was another one of those shifts in topic that Gakuto didn't quite understand the reason for, and maybe never would...but he went with it this time instead of trying to figure it out or fight it. "Oh yeah? Your philandering ways, maybe?" he teased, giving Yuushi a little nudge with his elbow. "That hasn't changed in the six years I've known you. ....Or maybe it's those glasses of yours. Same frames you had then, too." Or knowing Yuushi, Gakuto could be way off. He could guess all he wanted and might never get it.
"A philanderer, huh," Yuushi said with a laugh, running a finger along the rounded bottom arc of his glasses. "In the sense of a male flirt, or a man who goes to bed with women he will not marry? Contrary to legend, I'm not sure I can get on board with that second definition."
"Definitely the first definition, because I know you better. But I know plenty that think you're the second." Gakuto was a little chilly, so he toed his shoes off and raised his knees to his chest, feet on the seat of the car, and wrapped Yuushi's jacket around his legs as well. "So? What is it you haven't left behind? I could try to guess but we'd be here all night."
Yuushi smiled to himself at the small ball Gakuto had wrapped himself into. He scooted a little closer, reaching overhead to let in some heat. The vent hummed as a rush of cool air rushed forth before it turned warm. "I could have become the latter," Yuushi said. He thought about laying his glasses behind himself on the seat, but he felt insecure without them, too vulnerable for his liking, so he set them back on the bridge of his nose. "The thing that I'd never been able to let go of kept me from that, I think, on a subconscious level. I hadn't been consciously aware of why until recently. Until I started dating Hikari, actually."
"Well, it's good that you didn't. The first is tolerable. Sometimes even funny. The second...well, technically, would make you a normal teenage boy, but there ain't nothin' normal about ya. And there's a line between being a teenage boy and being a manwhore." Gakuto had to arch an eyebrow at the mention of Hikari, and wondered to himself what his doppelganger had to do with anything. "So, wha'd dating her teach you? Aside from that she's probably one of the most persistent chicks I've ever met?" He prodded at Yuushi's arm. "C'moooonnnn...." He half-whined.
Yuushi tapped a finger on his thigh as they turned onto the street of Atobe's mansion. "What she made me aware of made me start keeping those tallies," he hinted, speaking in a tone most people found infuriatingly light and carefree while his pulse picked up speed against his wrists. "You've asked me several times, right? What those tallies are for." He paused as he considered his options. "And I'll let you in on this secret if you tell me why it bothered you so much for me to meet that Takumi guy--I'm assuming he's the one you were intent that I did not meet. It's only fair, isn't it: trading a truth for a truth."
Gakuto felt his stomach twist into knots. He really, really wanted to know what the tallies meant, especially if they were tied to that girl....but he also really, really didn't want to talk about Takumi. But Yuushi was right. It was only fair...and they were getting close to Atobe's, so he had to make up his mind quickly. "It's one thing for me to tell you Takumi looks like you.......but it's a whole other thing to let you meet the guy." Gakuto spoke quietly, chin resting on his knees. "When I first met him....I thought he was you. Looks, voice, mannerisms, accent... The way he was with the female clients..." It had taken a little while for Gakuto to be sure it wasn't actually Yuushi, and even then, he had to wonder if Yuushi had a twin he'd never told him about. "Of all the guys that asked me out at the club....I go out with the one guy that...well...might as well be you. Or a secret twin brother or something." He could feel the heat across his face and knew for sure he was blushing hard.
Under normal circumstances Yuushi probably would have probably pulled Gakuto in for an apologetic hug because this was an utmost unpleasant, uncomfortable subject that he had brought up...twice in the same night. But for the two of them to be that close would mean for Gakuto to feel the slamming of his heart against his ribcages, like prisoners behind bars, set to action by what Gakuto had said, added to the bright red flush that had spread across his cheeks. Yuushi remembered Gakuto admitting sometime ago that he had had a crush on Yuushi in junior high, and Yuushi had assumed that that meant he had missed his chance for good. But what if that wasn't the case?
Yuushi settled for taking Gakuto's hands in his own and giving them a soft squeeze. "Sorry for bringing it up again," he said as they slowed to a stop on the driveway of the Atobe mansion. "If I do end up working at the host club I might be tempted to put some secret potions in my evil twin's drinks. Not just because he hurt one of my best friends, but for other reasons, too, that may or may not have to do with my tallies."
Gakuto shook his head. "If you ever do meet him, don't do anything. Don't stoop to his level, Yuushi. You're a far better person than he'll ever be. And besides." He was still redfaced, but he met Yuushi's face with a wicked, satisfied smirk of his own. "I've already gotten revenge on him. I took his precious title." Takumi was the sole reason Gakuto was the number one host at the club. It had been such an important thing to Takumi. Once, he'd been the number two, for a single month, and every moment that he wasn't with a client was spent complaining or whining or plotting how he was going to get it back, as if the title was the only thing that mattered. Gakuto worked his way up, and had taken the spot from him...with absolutely no intention of ever letting him have it back. At least not while Gakuto still worked there.
He shifted in the seat and turned to bodily face Yuushi, trying to fight back the blush on his cheeks. It was out, now, and there wasn't anything he could do to take it back. He was well aware that they had arrived, but this conversation wasn't finished. "I told you mine, Yuushi. Now you tell me yours." He wasn't going to get out of the car until Yuushi did, if that meant he had the driver take them to Hokkaido to Okinawa and back.
Yuushi shrugged, watching the driver round the car to open Gakuto's door for him. The secret potion he was thinking of didn't require dipping to any lowly level. If Takumi did resemble Yuushi in every way except personality, working at the host club was more tempting than ever. Sure, the imbecile had the experience, but who would rather have a generic product--with huge character defects, no less--over the real name brand?
Deciding to shelve scheming for the moment while he faced the more important matter at hand, Yuushi gestured to the open door on Gakuto's side. "Don't worry; I won't run away," he said. "I'll take you up to the door, and we'll talk as we walk. We can't just sit here in our wet clothes."
Gakuto narrowed his eyes a little, not wanting to get out of the warmth the car had to offer. At least the rain seemed to have let up, so he wasn't going to get much wetter. A bit reluctantly, Gakuto uncurled himself and slipped his shoes back on. "I'm going to hold you to that," he said firmly, before slipping himself out of the car. He shivered a little, so he tugged the coat tightly around him once more and waited for Yuushi to catch up.
Taking the umbrella the driver offered on his way out of the car, Yuushi began to walk with Gakuto briskly up the driveway. The night had chilled even further as cold breezes occasionally swept by. Yuushi stuck skin-close to Gakuto in an attempt to keep them both under the umbrella and to share some body heat as he considered his next words. For all that Gakuto had said and blushed, it had not been a confession. In fact it seemed like Gakuto himself was unsure of how he felt toward Yuushi, and Yuushi couldn't push it with how much he told Gakuto, lest it become a burden, a source of pressure.
"So you know that I began to keep the tallies after I broke up with Hikari," Yuushi weighed cautiously. "But can you imagine why I decided I couldn't be with her? I liked her a lot, you know."
Gakuto shook his head. "Believe it or not, I don't know your tastes in women, Yuushi." Yuushi was always flirting with so many different women of different types that he hadn't ever really been able to pin down a 'type' that Yuushi was drawn to. It seemed like being female was enough.....and even then, that wasn't always quite right. It wasn't as common, but Gakuto had seen Yuushi flirt with a few guys over the years, too. Maybe just as long as they were human? But that was ridiculous. "You're going to have to tell me."
"I kept saying it wasn't fair to her, right? You've noticed it too, I'm sure," Yuushi said as they approached the steps leading up to the front door. He paused for a beat in their charge forward toward dry territory with one foot on the first step. He turned to Gakuto. "I've never seen her. Even now when I meet her, I don't see her." Picking up speed again, he put one arm around Gakuto's waist to hurry him along toward where a maid had an alarmed expression and towels waiting for them, having been informed of their presence from the guard at the gates.
Gakuto had been about to ask Well who the hell do you see, then? when Yuushi hurried him along, catching him by surprise, but the whole way forward seemed like a blur because it hit him, then. From the second he'd laid eyes on Hikari, his first thought had been that it was kind of weird how much she looked like him. Hikari...looked like him. Like Gakuto. Her curves were real and so were her boobs and her hair and all the other things Gakuto had had to fake tonight...But she was a petite, blue-eyed, athletic redhead with an attitude.
"That...still doesn't tell me...what the tallies mean..." he commented, despite being mostly spaced out. He could feel the maid wrapping a towel around him and draping one over his head, but it was on the outside of his attention. His mind was focused on what he'd learned. He'd gone out with Takumi thinking he was a more open version of Yuushi (even though it turned out he was just a bigger liar)....and Yuushi...had gone out with a female substitute of....him...?
He knew. One look at Gakuto's face and Yuushi could see that Gakuto had made the connection--unsurprising, as Gakuto had always been astute about things like this. Or rather, after six years, Gakuto had grown good at cracking his codes. What was not obvious, Yuushi thought as he scrutinized Gakuto's expression, was whether Gakuto was happy with his realization.
Tugging the towel around Gakuto's shoulders more tightly around his body, Yuushi swallowed dryly but kept his expression flat. "I know myself well, but up until I dated Hikari I hadn't realized that for years I had harbored romantic feelings toward my best friend," he said, his fingers lingering for a moment before dropping back to his sides as if they burned. "And every time I wanted to confess to him, I would add a tally. At the end of tonight, there will be twenty, and every one of them has a story." He smiled a little, fondly, hollowly. "And now you have your answer. Please do take a warm shower and get some rest. Thank you for coming with me tonight. You were lovely. If you will excuse me, I will take my leave."
Gakuto was in shock. Somehow, in all those years, he had never once imagined that Yuushi might like him like that. Oh sure, he'd toyed with the idea in his head a few times, but the thought that it might be anything more than wishful thinking on his part had never occurred to him.
He opened his mouth to say something - anything - but nothing came out. He shut it, only to open it again to no avail and shut it once more. He looked like a fish, opening and shutting his mouth like that. He knew he should say something. Give Yuushi some kind of response... Beyond that, though, it was as if his brain had shut down and was refusing to start back up again. His voice seemed to have taken a vacation too, because he wanted to at least tell Yuushi to not cross it off just yet, that he needed a little time to properly process what he'd just learned before deciding or doing anything, but try as he might he couldn't make the words come.
He gave up, eventually, and hung his head, letting Yuushi walk away. He couldn't manage to say anything now, but he vowed to himself that at the soonest possible moment, he'd talk to Yuushi and really get things sorted out. It was the best he could do, for now.
Probably, the most common reason girls cited for ending a relationship with Yuushi was that it was too difficult to get under his skin. Usually with tears in their eyes, they whispered in hushed, hurt tones that he never seemed to care enough to get upset at them, that they could run off and he wouldn't be moved to chase after them, that they didn't feel needed in his life. He always felt sorry--but always for them, not about himself. He wondered what they would think of him now: drawing shallow breaths into his lungs like it hurt, balling his fists, grinding his teeth, agonizing, falling first.
On the way to the wedding, he'd told Gakuto that he didn't show previews without fulfilling what it promised. He never overshot the expectations his previews set either, the way he did tonight. While not regretful of all he said, he wasn't proud of his timing. He did think that Gakuto had a right to know what Yuushi was feeling, after all these years, but it didn't have to be now--now, when Yuushi was still unsure of what would be best between them, or even what he wanted from Gakuto. This was a side of himself he was unfamiliar with, and it scared him.
Looking tiredly out the window at the shadows that swept the wet pavement, he saw many long, sleepless nights of sad love ballads on his violin ahead of him. Then, maybe, he could begin to clean up the mess he made. He hoped it would be no solo task.
When: April 23
Where: Atobe's mansion where Gaku's been staying, then in a car and a reception hall, then back again. XD
Summary: Gakuto dresses as a woman to accompany Yuushi to a wedding so he doesn't have to go with some girl he doesn't even like....and ends up getting WAY more than he bargained for.
Warning/Rating: PG, to be safe. Gakuto's language, I think. ^^;
Player Comments: FINALLY finished! After like a month. This log really ran away with us....a lot of this wasn't even planned~ Also, because it's so massive, I was a little lax on the proofreading. Forgive any mistakes, kay?
Comments/Crits allowed: Y
"Actually," Yuushi said, looking pointedly at Gakuto's face, "I think your make-up is already ruined." He stopped them after they stood safely under the small shelter over the door. "You'll catch a cold if you don't change out of these clothes, and honestly, I don't think they'll appreciate us tracking this much water into the venue. Do you mind terribly if I took you home? I'm sorry." He was sorry because on top of not knowing what he accomplished by taking them outside--aside from possibly hurting Gakuto with the implication that there was a secret he didn't trust him with and getting them so soaked that they had to put an early end to their evening when he'd done nothing to let Gakuto enjoy it--things seemed a little strained between them. That was what he was most afraid of. Wanting to tell Gakuto made Yuushi feel so selfish every time because at the same time he'd relieve his own suffering he'd place that burden on their friendship, everything they'd built for the past six years.
He squeezed the hand that Gakuto had in his grip. "I'm so sorry," he repeated.
Gakuto rolled his eyes. Of course his makeup was ruined. He couldn't have done any differently with most of it, but he could have at least used waterproof mascara. "In that case, water-tracking aside, I think they'd rather I not show my face. I didn't even bring a bag for touchups." Proof he wasn't really a girl, perhaps?
He tugged Yuushi's jacket tighter around himself with his free hand, using it for all the warmth it was worth. "Quit apologizing, Yuushi. There's nothing to be sorry for, okay?" Gakuto was resilient. Any hurt emotions were usually well-patched by the next morning, or within a few days if it was really bad....and Gakuto wasn't sure what Yuushi was apologizing for in the first place. Getting him out of there early? Nothing to apologize for. Gakuto should probably thank him for that. Anything else? No big deal. "Hah, yanno? Rain on a wedding day is supposed to be a sign of fertility. Bet they'll be poppin' out babies in no time."
Yuushi smiled. "Goodness knows Japan needs the babies." He tugged Gakuto along the cement path around the side of the building. If they stuck close enough to the wall, they wouldn't get any wetter than they were already.
"I'm just sorry tonight wasn't very much fun," he said as they rounded the rear-right corner. "It's ruinous to my reputation if I don't show my date a good time. But then again, I suppose this isn't really a date, is it. And it isn't as if I can pull my usual tricks on you...though I might have anyway, out of habit." Nudging his glasses and wiping them with his sleeve, Yuushi let his smile twist with a hint of a tease. "But you didn't show any particular aversion to that, did you?"
Gakuto just laughed as he followed Yuushi around the building, still not letting go of his hand. "Date or not, who said I didn't have fun? I always manage to find amusement in how easily people are fooled, at the very least." And he'd tricked a lot of people, tonight. Those Hyoutei jerks, including the girl (what was her name again?) that he'd sent off crying, the old pervs that had hit on him while Yuushi danced with Hikari, Hikari herself, and not least of all, Yuushi's own mother. "And Yuushi, you forget. I was acting. Aversion or no, I wouldn'ta shown any. Gotta help ya protect your reputation, yanno."
"Ah, I see. My reputation and I are very appreciative of your thoughtfulness. We were awed by your acting prowess," Yuushi said, swinging Gakuto's hand playfully before letting go as they neared the guard stand. "Wait for me for a moment. I'm going to ask him to call our ride to pull up in front of us."
He jogged the short distance to and from the guard stand through the rain and was back within a minute. As he watched a car begin to pull forward from the back of a long line, Yuushi said, "You know, it's strange. I don't think we have been out, just the two of us, in a long time. What do you attribute this to?"
Gakuto waited patiently for the car to be brought around. He was looking forward to one of the little luxuries of fancy cars, and hoped this one had it - heated seats. "Life. We got older. I hadta get a job, plus we both had homework and studyin' for exams an' tryin' to keep grades up... You got your girls an' your books and movies, and I was focusin' on my dancin' to get into the school I wanted... 's not like we were tryin' to avoid each other or nothin'. Stuff just...got in the way."
The car pulled up in front of them, and Gakuto was getting too chilled to bother with waiting for someone to open the door for him. He helped himself and slid in, purring a little at how warm the car felt already. "Mmmmmmmmmm...."
"It's a pity, though. I've always like being with you," Yuushi said as he ducked into the car. He asked for towels from the driver, who handed him two small washcloths with an apology. Yuushi waved it off with an easy smile, turning back to Gakuto. "It would be horribly irresponsible to send you home like this, dripping wet. But even if I took care of you at my place I have no clothes that would fit you." Besides, Gakuto wasn't a girl who needed to be taken care of and made presentable before coming home to her parents who would grill her about her date. The difference was that rather than fulfilling the duties of a gentleman, Yuushi wanted to make sure Gakuto was okay because he cared. "Here, let me dry you off?" He dabbed at the drops of rain on Gakuto's neck.
He scooted over, making room for Yuushi. "No shit. I'd swim in anything at your place," Gakuto smirked, holding up his arms and showing how the sleeves of Yuushi's jacket draped down over where his hands were. Even though he wasn't fond of letting Yuushi dry him off, he did, and instead of just sitting there, he took the other cloth from Yuushi and reached up, gently drying off Yuushi's face in return. "I like spendin' time with you too. Things just got so hectic for a while this year, with it bein' our senior year and all, and then the quakes hittin'... It's been exhausting, and there hasn't been time enough to just hang out and chill." And Yuushi tended to run off to Osaka, so what free time Gakuto had had, he'd either been spending with Jirou and Ryou, working, at dance clubs occasionally, or working on his application to the performing arts school. "And now it won't be long till college...." He leaned back against the car seat with a sigh. "I don't wanna grow up."
"But you already have," Yuushi appraised, putting a hand on Gakuto's head and nodding sagely. "I believe I could fit you in my pocket when I first met you. I wish I still could." He held Gakuto's face between his palms, not actually touching but close enough to create the illusion of it. "That way," he said, "I'd never lose you." He kept his expression an unreadable level of amused, as always, when he wanted to leave a question of whether he spoke with sincerity or in jest. It had always been quite convenient, that face. He went back to drying.
Gakuto hated that expression. That fake smile that was nothing more than a mask Yuushi used... Gakuto had learned to read behind it, most of the time, but sometimes it was still unreadable even to him. This time...it was just a feeling he had, not an actual reading, but he thought Yuushi was being more serious than he wanted Gakuto to believe. Or, more likely, he was just nuts.
It was tempting, though, to use Yuushi's own expression back at him. After six years of hanging around the guy, Gakuto had come up with his own grin that hid the reality behind his words, though he was usually just too honest to bother with it. And this was one of those times, despite the urge to tease him. "Doesn't matter how big I get, yanno. You won't lose me. I don't let go easy, Yuushi. You should know that by now."
Yuushi's eyes slid across the car, sidelong, his hands slowing to a brief pause before he flicked one of Gakuto's fake curls and chuckled. Toward everything unrelated to tennis he and Gakuto seemed to have opposite fight-or-flee instincts. Whereas Yuushi, in order to satisfy his appreciation for peace, turned away from or shrugged off most things that may have pricked at him, Gakuto seemed to care more deeply for honesty and frankness than to flee. Perhaps all along Yuushi had been projecting his own tendency toward evasion onto Gakuto, if only to provide some reason for not taking that step forward.
Just how cowardly, Yuushi wondered, was that?
Folding the small cloth in his lap as the area around Gakuto's face having been mostly dried, Yuushi leaned back in his seat. Atobe's mansion was in the same posh part of town as the reception hall. They had a little over five minutes, and Yuushi felt that those minutes should be used wisely if he wanted to place a proper end mark to a rather anticlimactic evening of indecisive tug-of-war.
"And you should know that in this respect we're nothing alike in most cases," Yuushi said, taking off his glasses and wiping them with the cloth. "But besides tennis and violin, there's something I'd never been able able to let go of ever since I entered Hyoutei."
Gakuto listened, and arched an eyebrow at Yuushi's words. They were nothing alike in most respects, but it had never really mattered. Did it matter now? Is that why he was bringing it up? This was another one of those shifts in topic that Gakuto didn't quite understand the reason for, and maybe never would...but he went with it this time instead of trying to figure it out or fight it. "Oh yeah? Your philandering ways, maybe?" he teased, giving Yuushi a little nudge with his elbow. "That hasn't changed in the six years I've known you. ....Or maybe it's those glasses of yours. Same frames you had then, too." Or knowing Yuushi, Gakuto could be way off. He could guess all he wanted and might never get it.
"A philanderer, huh," Yuushi said with a laugh, running a finger along the rounded bottom arc of his glasses. "In the sense of a male flirt, or a man who goes to bed with women he will not marry? Contrary to legend, I'm not sure I can get on board with that second definition."
"Definitely the first definition, because I know you better. But I know plenty that think you're the second." Gakuto was a little chilly, so he toed his shoes off and raised his knees to his chest, feet on the seat of the car, and wrapped Yuushi's jacket around his legs as well. "So? What is it you haven't left behind? I could try to guess but we'd be here all night."
Yuushi smiled to himself at the small ball Gakuto had wrapped himself into. He scooted a little closer, reaching overhead to let in some heat. The vent hummed as a rush of cool air rushed forth before it turned warm. "I could have become the latter," Yuushi said. He thought about laying his glasses behind himself on the seat, but he felt insecure without them, too vulnerable for his liking, so he set them back on the bridge of his nose. "The thing that I'd never been able to let go of kept me from that, I think, on a subconscious level. I hadn't been consciously aware of why until recently. Until I started dating Hikari, actually."
"Well, it's good that you didn't. The first is tolerable. Sometimes even funny. The second...well, technically, would make you a normal teenage boy, but there ain't nothin' normal about ya. And there's a line between being a teenage boy and being a manwhore." Gakuto had to arch an eyebrow at the mention of Hikari, and wondered to himself what his doppelganger had to do with anything. "So, wha'd dating her teach you? Aside from that she's probably one of the most persistent chicks I've ever met?" He prodded at Yuushi's arm. "C'moooonnnn...." He half-whined.
Yuushi tapped a finger on his thigh as they turned onto the street of Atobe's mansion. "What she made me aware of made me start keeping those tallies," he hinted, speaking in a tone most people found infuriatingly light and carefree while his pulse picked up speed against his wrists. "You've asked me several times, right? What those tallies are for." He paused as he considered his options. "And I'll let you in on this secret if you tell me why it bothered you so much for me to meet that Takumi guy--I'm assuming he's the one you were intent that I did not meet. It's only fair, isn't it: trading a truth for a truth."
Gakuto felt his stomach twist into knots. He really, really wanted to know what the tallies meant, especially if they were tied to that girl....but he also really, really didn't want to talk about Takumi. But Yuushi was right. It was only fair...and they were getting close to Atobe's, so he had to make up his mind quickly. "It's one thing for me to tell you Takumi looks like you.......but it's a whole other thing to let you meet the guy." Gakuto spoke quietly, chin resting on his knees. "When I first met him....I thought he was you. Looks, voice, mannerisms, accent... The way he was with the female clients..." It had taken a little while for Gakuto to be sure it wasn't actually Yuushi, and even then, he had to wonder if Yuushi had a twin he'd never told him about. "Of all the guys that asked me out at the club....I go out with the one guy that...well...might as well be you. Or a secret twin brother or something." He could feel the heat across his face and knew for sure he was blushing hard.
Under normal circumstances Yuushi probably would have probably pulled Gakuto in for an apologetic hug because this was an utmost unpleasant, uncomfortable subject that he had brought up...twice in the same night. But for the two of them to be that close would mean for Gakuto to feel the slamming of his heart against his ribcages, like prisoners behind bars, set to action by what Gakuto had said, added to the bright red flush that had spread across his cheeks. Yuushi remembered Gakuto admitting sometime ago that he had had a crush on Yuushi in junior high, and Yuushi had assumed that that meant he had missed his chance for good. But what if that wasn't the case?
Yuushi settled for taking Gakuto's hands in his own and giving them a soft squeeze. "Sorry for bringing it up again," he said as they slowed to a stop on the driveway of the Atobe mansion. "If I do end up working at the host club I might be tempted to put some secret potions in my evil twin's drinks. Not just because he hurt one of my best friends, but for other reasons, too, that may or may not have to do with my tallies."
Gakuto shook his head. "If you ever do meet him, don't do anything. Don't stoop to his level, Yuushi. You're a far better person than he'll ever be. And besides." He was still redfaced, but he met Yuushi's face with a wicked, satisfied smirk of his own. "I've already gotten revenge on him. I took his precious title." Takumi was the sole reason Gakuto was the number one host at the club. It had been such an important thing to Takumi. Once, he'd been the number two, for a single month, and every moment that he wasn't with a client was spent complaining or whining or plotting how he was going to get it back, as if the title was the only thing that mattered. Gakuto worked his way up, and had taken the spot from him...with absolutely no intention of ever letting him have it back. At least not while Gakuto still worked there.
He shifted in the seat and turned to bodily face Yuushi, trying to fight back the blush on his cheeks. It was out, now, and there wasn't anything he could do to take it back. He was well aware that they had arrived, but this conversation wasn't finished. "I told you mine, Yuushi. Now you tell me yours." He wasn't going to get out of the car until Yuushi did, if that meant he had the driver take them to Hokkaido to Okinawa and back.
Yuushi shrugged, watching the driver round the car to open Gakuto's door for him. The secret potion he was thinking of didn't require dipping to any lowly level. If Takumi did resemble Yuushi in every way except personality, working at the host club was more tempting than ever. Sure, the imbecile had the experience, but who would rather have a generic product--with huge character defects, no less--over the real name brand?
Deciding to shelve scheming for the moment while he faced the more important matter at hand, Yuushi gestured to the open door on Gakuto's side. "Don't worry; I won't run away," he said. "I'll take you up to the door, and we'll talk as we walk. We can't just sit here in our wet clothes."
Gakuto narrowed his eyes a little, not wanting to get out of the warmth the car had to offer. At least the rain seemed to have let up, so he wasn't going to get much wetter. A bit reluctantly, Gakuto uncurled himself and slipped his shoes back on. "I'm going to hold you to that," he said firmly, before slipping himself out of the car. He shivered a little, so he tugged the coat tightly around him once more and waited for Yuushi to catch up.
Taking the umbrella the driver offered on his way out of the car, Yuushi began to walk with Gakuto briskly up the driveway. The night had chilled even further as cold breezes occasionally swept by. Yuushi stuck skin-close to Gakuto in an attempt to keep them both under the umbrella and to share some body heat as he considered his next words. For all that Gakuto had said and blushed, it had not been a confession. In fact it seemed like Gakuto himself was unsure of how he felt toward Yuushi, and Yuushi couldn't push it with how much he told Gakuto, lest it become a burden, a source of pressure.
"So you know that I began to keep the tallies after I broke up with Hikari," Yuushi weighed cautiously. "But can you imagine why I decided I couldn't be with her? I liked her a lot, you know."
Gakuto shook his head. "Believe it or not, I don't know your tastes in women, Yuushi." Yuushi was always flirting with so many different women of different types that he hadn't ever really been able to pin down a 'type' that Yuushi was drawn to. It seemed like being female was enough.....and even then, that wasn't always quite right. It wasn't as common, but Gakuto had seen Yuushi flirt with a few guys over the years, too. Maybe just as long as they were human? But that was ridiculous. "You're going to have to tell me."
"I kept saying it wasn't fair to her, right? You've noticed it too, I'm sure," Yuushi said as they approached the steps leading up to the front door. He paused for a beat in their charge forward toward dry territory with one foot on the first step. He turned to Gakuto. "I've never seen her. Even now when I meet her, I don't see her." Picking up speed again, he put one arm around Gakuto's waist to hurry him along toward where a maid had an alarmed expression and towels waiting for them, having been informed of their presence from the guard at the gates.
Gakuto had been about to ask Well who the hell do you see, then? when Yuushi hurried him along, catching him by surprise, but the whole way forward seemed like a blur because it hit him, then. From the second he'd laid eyes on Hikari, his first thought had been that it was kind of weird how much she looked like him. Hikari...looked like him. Like Gakuto. Her curves were real and so were her boobs and her hair and all the other things Gakuto had had to fake tonight...But she was a petite, blue-eyed, athletic redhead with an attitude.
"That...still doesn't tell me...what the tallies mean..." he commented, despite being mostly spaced out. He could feel the maid wrapping a towel around him and draping one over his head, but it was on the outside of his attention. His mind was focused on what he'd learned. He'd gone out with Takumi thinking he was a more open version of Yuushi (even though it turned out he was just a bigger liar)....and Yuushi...had gone out with a female substitute of....him...?
He knew. One look at Gakuto's face and Yuushi could see that Gakuto had made the connection--unsurprising, as Gakuto had always been astute about things like this. Or rather, after six years, Gakuto had grown good at cracking his codes. What was not obvious, Yuushi thought as he scrutinized Gakuto's expression, was whether Gakuto was happy with his realization.
Tugging the towel around Gakuto's shoulders more tightly around his body, Yuushi swallowed dryly but kept his expression flat. "I know myself well, but up until I dated Hikari I hadn't realized that for years I had harbored romantic feelings toward my best friend," he said, his fingers lingering for a moment before dropping back to his sides as if they burned. "And every time I wanted to confess to him, I would add a tally. At the end of tonight, there will be twenty, and every one of them has a story." He smiled a little, fondly, hollowly. "And now you have your answer. Please do take a warm shower and get some rest. Thank you for coming with me tonight. You were lovely. If you will excuse me, I will take my leave."
Gakuto was in shock. Somehow, in all those years, he had never once imagined that Yuushi might like him like that. Oh sure, he'd toyed with the idea in his head a few times, but the thought that it might be anything more than wishful thinking on his part had never occurred to him.
He opened his mouth to say something - anything - but nothing came out. He shut it, only to open it again to no avail and shut it once more. He looked like a fish, opening and shutting his mouth like that. He knew he should say something. Give Yuushi some kind of response... Beyond that, though, it was as if his brain had shut down and was refusing to start back up again. His voice seemed to have taken a vacation too, because he wanted to at least tell Yuushi to not cross it off just yet, that he needed a little time to properly process what he'd just learned before deciding or doing anything, but try as he might he couldn't make the words come.
He gave up, eventually, and hung his head, letting Yuushi walk away. He couldn't manage to say anything now, but he vowed to himself that at the soonest possible moment, he'd talk to Yuushi and really get things sorted out. It was the best he could do, for now.
Probably, the most common reason girls cited for ending a relationship with Yuushi was that it was too difficult to get under his skin. Usually with tears in their eyes, they whispered in hushed, hurt tones that he never seemed to care enough to get upset at them, that they could run off and he wouldn't be moved to chase after them, that they didn't feel needed in his life. He always felt sorry--but always for them, not about himself. He wondered what they would think of him now: drawing shallow breaths into his lungs like it hurt, balling his fists, grinding his teeth, agonizing, falling first.
On the way to the wedding, he'd told Gakuto that he didn't show previews without fulfilling what it promised. He never overshot the expectations his previews set either, the way he did tonight. While not regretful of all he said, he wasn't proud of his timing. He did think that Gakuto had a right to know what Yuushi was feeling, after all these years, but it didn't have to be now--now, when Yuushi was still unsure of what would be best between them, or even what he wanted from Gakuto. This was a side of himself he was unfamiliar with, and it scared him.
Looking tiredly out the window at the shadows that swept the wet pavement, he saw many long, sleepless nights of sad love ballads on his violin ahead of him. Then, maybe, he could begin to clean up the mess he made. He hoped it would be no solo task.