[Log] Fuji & Tezuka [Closed]
Who: Tezuka Kunimitsu & Fuji Syuusuke
When: Backdated, but not too too badly. Jan 15. ^^
Where: Tezuka household
Summary: Tezuka and Fuji are studying together, when something unexpected happens...
Warning/Rating: PG-13 for subject matter.
Player Comments: Teehee. ^_^
Comments/Crits allowed? Sure, why not?
They’d been studying together for a few nights now, Fuji coming over for a bit after school, and Tezuka helping him to bring his grades up, as he’d promised. They were careful not to stay too long, lest Fuji’s father get suspicious and angry at his son for being gone so long, and it had been arranged with Oishi and Kikumaru that if Fuji’s father called to find him, they’d vouch for his whereabouts at one of their two houses.
Tezuka didn’t particularly like having to be so evasive, but if it kept Fuji from being beaten, it was well worth it.
“Have you been sleeping any better lately?” Tezuka asked, bringing in some freshly brewed tea for one of their short breaks. “You look a little more alert than you did the other day.” He knelt beside the kotatsu and set the mugs on the surface. Blueberry tea for Fuji, and Tezuka’s favorite chai spice black tea for himself.
He looked up from his notes, a bruise fading on his cheek and a small bandaid at the left side of his neck. "Hm? Yes, much better. I guess the thoughts of Tezuka keeping an eye on me is doing wonders to my sleep schedule, hm?" He giggled lightly, cheek resting against his hand as he used his right one to scribble down some notes. "... When did Shinsengumi disband again?" He stared down at his notes. "I should know this."
“I’m glad to hear it,” Tezuka smiled, adding milk and a little sugar to his tea. “And if that’s what it takes to help you sleep, then I’m glad I can be of some assistance.” He took a small drink of his tea, hands soaking in the warmth of the mug. Despite the bruises, Fuji really was looking better...now if only there was something he could do to get Fuji’s father to leave him alone. He hated that he felt so helpless to do anything about it. “They didn’t officially disband...though the end of the Shinsengumi is marked as June 20, 1869, with the death of Hijikata Toshizou.”
"He was really vital to them, wasn't he?" He thought about the various anime and manga adaptions of the Shinsengumi and their lives that floated about. Nearly every single one of them had Hijikata as a central figure. He almost wished he had met the man, because for some reason, he imagined that him and Tezuka would be eerily similar.
Tezuka chuckled a little, remembering how one of his teachers had showed them an episode of one of the anime based on the Shinsengumi that had Hijikata running around, chasing people after a book of haiku, all thanks to Okita Souji getting up to mischief...and then promptly instructed the students to remember that this was not an accurate representation. All Tezuka had thought at the time was that Okita’s prank seemed a little like something Fuji might do. “He most definitely was. It’s no wonder the Shinsengumi didn’t manage to last after his death.”
"Sad, that." Fuji smiled. For some reason, he too came to think of that anime, only, he thought of a scene where Hijikata and Okita were walking home from town, talking about the new member of the group... The new genius in making. It was quite eerie when you thought about it. "I..."
Suddenly the door to Tezuka's room burst open.
Tezuka started, surprised by the sudden intrusion. He’d have heard someone coming if his family was home, but his parents and grandparents had taken the twins out - his grandmother wanting to get the twins’ photo taken with Santa, even though they didn’t really do much of a Christmas - and he’d gotten too focused on the happenings in his room to pay attention to the rest of the house. Immediately he stood, turning to find himself face-to-face with Fuji’s father. “Fuji-san. What brings you here?” he asked, voice carefully controlled as he found it a bit ironic - but not surprising - that Fuji’s father was willing to barge into someone’s home where Tezuka was not.
"This is how he spends his precious time when he's supposed to be studying? Whoring himself out with you?" Fuji-san literally spat, approaching the two of them, using his hand to pull Syuusuke off the floor, by his arm, and then backhanded him across the face, hard. "You stupid, good for nothing bitch!" Another slap, and another, and another, and then a punch directed to Syuusuke's abdomen. But...
The disbelief of what was happening delayed Tezuka’s instincts just a bit, unfortunately enough that Fuji’s father slapped his son several times before they kicked in. The instant they did, however, Tezuka was between father and son, stomach braced enough to take the hit without getting winded. The instant Fuji-san’s fist made contact, Tezuka gripped the man’s wrist and forearm in both hands, tight and bruising. He wasn’t going to bother pointing out that they truly had been studying.
Fuji-san’s other fist flew in Tezuka’s direction, and Tezuka let go with one hand only to catch the fist with it. Fuji-san kicked, fury and rage in his eyes, but to Tezuka’s well-trained reflexes, the man moved so slowly, so predictably... He let go of both hands to catch Fuji-san’s leg, and with a sweep of his own foot, knocked the other leg out from under the older man, sending him straight to the floor. Tezuka let go of him, then, and took a second to make sure Fuji was still safely behind him while he prepared himself for Fuji-san to get up and come at him again. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay down,” Tezuka growled, even though he didn’t think the old man would.
Syuusuke, head spinning from the hits, and blood taste far too present in his mouth, squeezed his eyes shut and hid behind Tezuka, crouching down on his bed, pulling the cover over himself to hide, to protect himself, to hope that nothing bad would ever happen to him ever again. It was a child's gesture, a small, broken, frightened child, but he couldn't think, couldn't act as mature as someone almost 18 years of age would. Because daddy was mad at him. Daddy was mad at him and Tezuka, his bestie, was hurting. And that was bad, that was so bad.
Fuji-san roared with anger and struggled to his feet, clearly not knowing, or realizing what was good for him. Instead he dove for Tezuka, hands reaching for his throat.
Tezuka saw it coming, in his mind, almost like a game of chess. Steps ahead of where Fuji-san was likely thinking, Tezuka could predict the movements of his foe...and when Fuji-san lunged at him, Tezuka ducked and thrust his shoulder into Fuji-san’s gut, arm wrapping around him. With quick motions, Tezuka’s other hand swept Fuji-san’s feet off the ground as he turned, essentially tossing the man over his shoulder and back to the floor, back on his back. Unfortunatey, this wasn’t a dojo, and Fuji-san crashed into the kotatsu instead of the carpet, breaking it apart.
Kotatsu. Front door, most likely, and possibly his own bedroom door. Property damage. Tezuka didn’t like it, but it was far, far better than the alternative.
Fuji-san gave a strangled noise as air was punched out of his lungs, and he clawed at his throat for a while before calming down enough to scream at Tezuka. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare, you brat! You don't take him away from me!!" What sounds wrong with this sentence...?
Tezuka snorted. “I don’t need to take anything. You’re the one pushing him away. Every time you yell at him, every time you hit him, you’re pushing him further and further away from you. Even if I wasn’t here, it would be someone else he goes to to get away from you.” He watched every twitch of muscle in Fuji-san’s body, waiting and trying to predict his next move. His own body was still coiled, still tight and ready to move in an instant. He knew better than to relax at a time like this. Fuji-san was still volatile, still a threat...and Fuji was still hiding, scared. As much as Tezuka wanted to go to him and calm him down, ridding them of the danger took top priority.
This is wrong, this is wrong, this is so wrong... Syuusuke sat with his arms around himself, holding tightly, around the cover he had pulled over himself as well, trying to figure out what to do. He hadn't thought, hadn't really thought that his dad would be crazy enough to actually come here, invade Tezuka's home like this. He still felt somewhat disoriented, from the blows and from the pure shock, but he pushed himself to his feet, swaying slightly, blanket disregarded on the floor, swallowed and then said quietly:
"Why don't you calm down, dad, and get out of here? We're two, you're one. If I were to attack you as well, you couldn't possibly win. And... I really, really don't want to do anything to you, but if you injure Tezuka, I swear I will."
Tezuka was glad to see Fuji seeming to recover, even if he was still a little shaken, but most of all, he was glad to hear Fuji say that. Fuji was standing up for himself, and to Tezuka, that was an enormous step. He did keep himself positioned between Fuji and his father, just in case the older man got it in him to go after his son again. He was tempted to add that Fuji’s father didn’t stand a chance even if it was only Tezuka he was against, or that any damage Fuji-san might be able to deal would be too minor to count, but he wasn’t arrogant enough to truly voice it. “Take your son’s advice, Fuji-san. Get out.”
Fuji-san's face fell as he stared, first at Syuusuke, then at Tezuka. His face pulled together in rage and he lunged, aiming for his son. "Impudent bitch!"
So that was how it was going to be, then. Tezuka sighed, not surprised, but disappointed. He’d not been strictly offensive in his movements so far, but it looked like he was going to have to be in order to end this. He charged at Fuji-san with all his speed and strength, and after a momentary struggle when they collided, Tezuka slammed Fuji-san’s back against his bedroom wall, left arm across Fuji-san’s throat and every bit of his body weight pinning the man down. The force of his arm was just enough to make it difficult for Fuji-san to breathe - if he used any more force, he could, technically, break the man’s neck. Or worse. But he wouldn’t.
He stared straight at Fuji-san, met the man’s eyes with a firm, strong, and furious gaze. He wanted to pull his phone out of his pocket and call the police. He wanted most to report Fuji-san for the abuse of his son, but he knew Fuji wouldn’t want something like that. He was willing to settle for reporting the breaking and entering.... “This is your last chance, Fuji-san. Leave this house now, or I will call the police and have you arrested for breaking and entering, as well as trespassing, and I will use every connection I have to keep you in prison as long as possible.” For Fuji’s sake, one last effort without going that far.
"Get... get off me," the man muttered, eyes big, frightful and painful. He seemed to have calmed down, at least somewhat, and after giving Tezuka a long look, he lowered his gaze, glancing over at Syuusuke. "... Tezuka-kun's your boyfriend? Or what the hell did you bribe him with?"
"Friendship, dad. Heard of it? Please." He tried to sound cold, indifferent, but in the end, his voice broke. "... Please, just leave already." He wasn't sure how long he could keep this up, how long he could keep standing on his own two feet, and he wanted, needed his father to be gone by the time he broke down. He couldn't see, mustn't see.
"Fine, fine," Fuji-san wheezed. "I... I'll leave already. Get off!"
Tezuka eyed the man for another moment or two before letting go and stepping back. “I’ll walk you out.” He gave Fuji a look that promised he’d be back, then grabbed Fuji-san by the arm and none-too-gently ‘escorted’ him downstairs and to the front door. He was still tense, still ready to fight if the man wasn’t planning to leave easily, but he took advantage of the walk to see how much damage had been done to the house. His own room had been the only one with a closed door, and it looked as though the worst of the damage was limited there, thankfully, though as they approached the front, he could see that the door was off one of its hinges. “If you ever set foot in this house uninvited again, I will have you arrested. You have your son to thank, this time.” He practically shoved Fuji-san out the front door, and stayed there until he’d walked far enough to be out of sight.
He took a moment to set the door back in place as best he could for now, mostly just to keep the cold air out of the house, then headed back up to his room. His family would come in through the garage, so he’d have a chance to tell them about the front door before they used it.
By the time Tezuka came back, Fuji had curled up under the covers again, crying into a pillow. He hated this, hated this so much; the beatings, the name calling... And now he had gotten Tezuka involved on a whole different level. A level that was too much. He wished he could make it all go away, that this had never happened. He wished that his dad had a normal bad temper, not one that was completely over the top. He wished... He wished he could stop crying. But he couldn't.
When he walked back into his own room, the first thing he noticed was the mess that had been made. It was bad, and needed to be cleaned up...but it could wait. Far more important was how Fuji was doing, so he made his way through the mess to sit on his bed beside the blanket-covered Fuji. Tezuka knew that, if he were the one crying, he wouldn’t want someone to see, so he left the blanket up over Fuji, for now. He put his hand on Fuji’s back and rubbed gently. “He’s gone, Fuji.” ...For now, at least.
"Damn... Damn it... I... Damn, I..." He couldn't say much more. the duvet underneath him wet and uncomfortable. "... I'll pay back... The... the door. I..." He could still taste blood in his mouth, could feel cuts opening up as he spoke and fresh blood spilled out over his lips. "Damn it..."
Tezuka shook his head, belatedly remembering that Fuji couldn’t see it. “Don’t worry about the door, Fuji. As my grandfather likes to say, if money can fix it, it’s not worth worrying about.” He shifted a bit, lying down to drape an arm over Fuji’s form, holding him close. “I’m much more worried about you.”
"Fi--fine. I'm fine. This... is nothing. Nothing new. It's just..." In front of Tezuka. In front of someone, but Tezuka in particular... "... Why does he do this?" Why does he hate me? He couldn't say that, it sounded too childish, too pathetic. He couldn't.
“He’s messed up. Somewhere, he’s got wires crossed.” Tezuka shrugged. There were any number of reasons that a person could do that to another, but none of them made it any better. “...I’m proud of you, you know. For standing up to him like you did. It can’t have been easy...but I was glad to see it.” He had his doubts about whether it would have happened if it had been just the pair of Fujis, but...one step at a time.
He pushed the cover back and sat up, hair disheveled, tears staining his cheeks and blood on his lips. His face was swollen and discolored. "... I can't believe I did it. I... don't even remember what I said." He paused, pink tongue sneaking out to wet his sore lips, making a small face at the taste of the blood. "... Do you think he's very mad at me...?"
Tezuka smiled to see Fuji’s face, taking it as a sign he’d pulled himself together emotionally, at least a little. Despite the tears, blood, and bruises, he actually found himself thinking about kissing Fuji just then. Instead, he sat up and reached out, thumb wiping a tiny bit of blood from Fuji’s lower lip. “Someone like that...I wouldn’t be surprised if he was. He’s probably not used to having anyone stand against him like that, and it might not have sunk in just yet...but when it does...”
"... He'll kill me." Maybe, maybe not. But it wouldn't be fun. Damn it, but he had had the solution right there, handed to him on a silver platter, and he hadn't begged Tezuka to call the police. To lift up the phone. Because, deep inside, he didn't want to. He didn't want daddy to go to jail. He gave a small, quivering laugh. "Talk about Stockholm Syndrome..." He paused, fresh tears falling as he looked up at Tezuka. "Will you hold me, please?"
“He definitely won’t be happy about it,” Tezuka nodded, sliding his arms around Fuji again and cradling him close. “But you did it. You stood up to someone you fear...and that takes an incredible amount of strength. It’s also a start to getting out from under his control.” He stroked Fuji’s back, shifting a bit to get comfortable and settle in, prepared to hold Fuji for as long as he wanted.
A small, soft sound escaped Fuji and he clung to Tezuka, desperate like a little child, not crying, only basking in the fleeting sense of safety that the other boy represented. After a while, he pulled back, looking up at Tezuka. "Will you... Will you kiss me now?"
Tezuka chuckled softly. He had almost forgotten about that promise, in the midst of all the other things that had been going on. He had promised, though - and been tempted to do it even without that - so he put a finger under Fuji’s chin, gently tipping his face up just a little more as he leaned in and softly pressed his lips to Fuji’s.
He's kissing me, he's kissing me, I don't know how long I've imagined him to, but he's doing, Tezuka is kissing me now, and... Oh... His fingers dug into Tezuka's shirt and he answered the kiss, shyly, lightly, but still needy. So different. So different from Ichinose who simply took and took and took. So very different. "Tezuka..."
He could taste a little of the blood on Fuji’s mouth, but beneath that coppery flavor was one that was a little spicy and a little sweet, something uniquely Fuji. “Shh...” He kissed him again, a soft touch of lips that took or demanded nothing. Instead, as he kissed, he wished that - silly as it sounded - his kiss could heal the cuts and bruises, and all the pain that went with them.
He almost imagined that Tezuka's lips tasted like dark chocolate, tart, bitter, but full and oddly sweet at the same time. This is my passion, my guilty pleasure, he thought, somewhat dazed. He pulled back, didn't dare to do more right now, didn't want to push Tezuka away by seeming too needy, or too ready to jump into bed with him. That was tasteless. "I love you," he mumbled, not really brave enough to meet his gaze as he said so.
Tezuka tightened his arms around Fuji, smiling as he pressed a kiss to Fuji’s hair. “I know. You aren’t very good at hiding it,” he teased. He couldn’t say the words back, not yet at least, because even though he cared very, very much for Fuji, he wasn’t sure yet that that was the right word for it. But he promised himself that as soon as he was sure, he’d make sure Fuji knew.
"Oh, shut up, you," Fuji giggled, voice still thick after crying. "I thought I was being the master of subtlety. You're saying I'm not? That's... Mean." He pouted, before pulling back and wincing. "Uhm... You think you could go get some ice for my face? It's... Really being quite bothersome." That, and he needed at least one more chance to tidy himself up as well as he could. He hated feeling icky.
Tezuka nodded and kissed Fuji softly once more, then let go and got up. “Feel free to make yourself at home, Fuji. I’ll be right back.” He went downstairs to the kitchen and put some water on for fresh tea, since he was pretty sure the last mugs had gotten broken along with his kotatsu. While it heated, he put together a small ice pack for Fuji’s face, got out new mugs and tea bags, and put all these on a small serving tray his mother liked to use. He also got out a trash bag, for when he started cleaning the mess in his room.
Tezuka took his due time, which made Fuji fairly certain he wasn't just getting ice for him. He smiled to himself, taking the time offered to him to try and make himself calm down even more. He wouldn't be able to calm down completely, he realized that, but enough so that he could function without starting to break down as soon as he opened his mouth sounded like a good idea at least. He made himself comfortable on Tezuka's bed, pulling up one of the text books again and started to idly read through the part they had for homework.
Once the tea finished and he had everything else together, Tezuka carried the tray back upstairs to his room. The trash bag he draped over the back of his desk chair for later; the tray he set on the nightstand beside his bed. “Back to studying already?” he asked, teasing a little as he handed Fuji the towel-wrapped bag of ice and sat beside him on the bed. “Or did I take too long coming back?”
"Well, you can never have too much studying~" Fuji smiled, putting the book away. "... Seeing the familiar words helps me to calm down," he explained, taking the towel-wrapped back and holding it gingerly to his face. He scooted over a little to give Tezuka a bit more room. "Is that tea? It smells lovely."
Tezuka nodded, taking both cups of tea. “I figured...since we didn’t have a chance to drink the ones I brought up before...” He shrugged. “And it might help calm you down as well. I know I need it.” He wasn’t as tense as he’d been before, but he still half-expected Fuji’s father to barge in again. He hoped he was just worrying for nothing and took a drink of his own tea while offering Fuji the other mug he’d brought up for him.
"I... I'm so sorry," Fuji mumbled, uncertain if he was repeating himself of not. Maybe. And maybe that didn't matter. He was still frightened, very much so, of the wrath that would be upon him once he got home, for standing up to his father, for - probably - embarrassing him in front of Tezuka, for getting Tezuka involved. He shuddered. He too, half-expected that his father would come barging in again.
Tezuka set the mugs of tea on his nightstand. They weren’t that important, after all. “It’s not your fault, Fuji.” He shifted, a bit, and pulled Fuji closer with one arm wrapped around him. “As far as I’m concerned, you have nothing to apologize for.” Fuji still seemed scared - Tezuka couldn’t blame him for it - and it wasn’t hard for Tezuka to remember that Fuji’s father would probably take advantage of Tezuka’s absence when Fuji went home. “Stay here for a while, Fuji.”
"I... I'd love to. But he'll figure out that I'm here, and then he might return. It might make things even worse, you know? I..." He leaned into the one arm hug, resting his head against Tezuka's shoulder, ice pack still on the other side of his face. "... But I'd really like to stay."
“Fuji...you can’t go home. Even if he does come back, you’re safer here.” If Fuji-san thought what Tezuka had done to him was bad, a meeting with Tezuka’s grandfather would prove there was much worse. “I won’t let you go back there, knowing what he’ll do to you. And what he does...it has to stop.” He ran his fingers through the back of Fuji’s hair, hand continuing gently down his back. “I don’t want him to end up killing you. And if he isn’t stopped...one of these times...he probably will.”
"I want a cheerful song playing at my funeral." He sighed, making a small face. "Sorry. I'm not going to die, I'm not going to let him. But..." Should worse come to worse, then... "How long can I stay? I've already imposed on your family before, it doesn't seem right. And now I'm jeopardizing everyone as well..."
“As long as you need to.” Tezuka knew that once his family knew the whole situation - he wouldn’t be able to not tell them, after tonight, thanks to the damage that was done - they would be at least as insistent as he was. Probably more-so. “Mother will be glad I have someone my own age around. Grandmother would probably have to be held back to stop her from hunting your father down. Father and grandfather would insist you stay as well.” He rest his cheek against the top of Fuji’s head. “I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”
"I'm fine," he said automatically, plastic smile in place for a moment, before he frowned, sighing. "I mean... Of course I'm not." Tezuka had seen him being slapped around. Tezuka had seen him breaking down. It would be utter foolishness to keep his usual facade up right now, it rang false and inappropriate even in his own ears. He shook his head, wincing as the movement made his jaw smart uncomfortably, and instead resumed his position by Tezuka's shoulder. "But... I don't want your family to be mad at daddy." He sounded like a little kid, he knew that, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. This is pathetic...
Tezuka smiled a little. He liked that Fuji could admit that he wasn’t alright now, even if he hated how they’d come to that point. “...Fuji.” Oddly, his first impulse had been to call him Syuusuke just then. “Whether you stay here or not, they’re not going to like him. And the more he hurts you, the more they’re going to be angry at him. It’s not something that can be helped. ...But there is something much more important than what they - or I, for that matter - think of him, and that will take precedence over anything else they might think or feel.”
The smaller boy blinked, glancing up at him. "... What?"
Tezuka met and held Fuji’s eyes for a quiet moment before he answered. “You. Your physical, and mental health. Before any of us do anything about your father...the most important thing we’re going to do is make sure that you’re alright.”
He found himself shivering, in spite of Tezuka's warm arm around him. "... Oh. I... guess. But how? How are we going to do that?" Yes, he assumed he was going to help. No, he couldn't imagine himself simply taking a step back and allow others to care for him completely, for once. That concept wasn't simply in Fuji's world; he was the nurturer, he was the one who took care of people, took care of his friends. Others shouldn't have to go out on their limb to do something for him. Why would they? But... People had. People cared. People wanted to help him. Tezuka wanted to help him. And he still couldn't believe it. Not fully so.
Tezuka shifted just enough to tug the comforter up and drape it over Fuji’s shoulders. “By doing whatever it takes. If it means we keep you here until the end of senior year and show you what a family should be like, then so be it. If we have to get you to see a therapist, we will. If standing on our heads and singing children’s songs would work, we’d do that too.” He slid both arms back around Fuji, tucking the tensai under his chin. “You deserve better than what you’ve got, Fuji.”
He found himself nuzzling his nose into the crook of Tezuka's neck, closing his eyes momentarily. "I know what a family should be like," he objected softly. "My family is good, I promise. Yumiko-nee... Yuuta..." Never mind the strained relationship they had once had. If Fuji thought hard enough, he could pretend that had never happened. He was pretty good at telling himself that everything was all right after all. "Mom's... nice." Really. She was. Never mind the fact that he had to say it out loud to make himself believe it. It wasn't her fault that she never stopped his father. It wasn't her fault that she was about as demanding about him preforming well in school as her husband. She was a good mother. Really.
The little nuzzle made Tezuka shiver, in a good kind of way. “Your sister seems fine, from what little I know of her. And you and your brother may not always have the best relationship, but it’s not bad. ...I’ve never met your mother.” And the way Fuji paused before saying she was nice made him wonder if it wasn’t just another of those things Fuji told himself because he wanted it to be true. “No family is ever perfect, and it’s not realistic to expect it. But instead of being told you aren’t good enough, or that you have to live one certain way, you should be encouraged for doing well and told that you can do anything you put your mind to.” If there was one person that Tezuka knew that could truly do anything they put their minds to, Fuji was it.
"There are a lot of should and would... But you know... I'm just... You know. Glad. That there is someone around in my life that does tell me those things. And I'm very glad that person is you." He smiled. "I'd rather it be you than anyone else on the entire planet. My parents aren't people I've chosen to have in my life, you know? Their approval... Sure, I want it. I'm not going to say that I don't. But I want your approval even more. And I think... I think that I have it."
Tezuka chuckled a little. “You do. … Most of the time.” It was both flattering and embarrassing that his opinion meant so much to Fuji. He wasn’t entirely sure it should mean that much, but at the very least, it could be worse. “But you need to seek your own approval, too, you know. By being a little selfish sometimes, doing what you want to do, just because it’s what you want.”
"I... think I might rather often fail at being selfish. What does that say about own sense of self-worth, I wonder..." Fuji couldn't help but frown as he pulled back slightly from Tezuka. "I mean... I've always tried to be the good son. The good brother. The good friend. The good boyfriend... I don't know how often I've tried to be the good Syuusuke, for Syuusuke's own sake, if that makes sense?"
Tezuka nodded. It made perfect sense. He’d done much of the same himself, for most of his life. But unlike Fuji, he’d reached the point of needing to be himself and do the things that he wanted to do, and he’d reached it without much help. It just kind of...hit him, one day. “The key is finding balance. If you can be all those things and still be good to yourself, then it’s fine. But if being so good to everyone else causes you to neglect yourself...it’s no good.”
"Guess it's not." He smiled bleakly, nodding. "I just wish I knew what the proper balance looked and felt like, because I'm grasping for soap bubbles here, at least it feels like it." He wasn't sure if that argument made sense or not, but he had a feeling it didn't. Not that it mattered. He wanted to explain himself to Tezuka, that was all, and he really didn't know how. He wanted to talk because it calmed Tezuka down, hopefully, he wanted to talk, because it calmed him down, hopefully. Again with the uncertainty...
“You’ll find it, someday. And if you’re at all like me, you’ll know it when you do.” Too bad the balance was something that each person had to find on their own. Tezuka’s own experiences would be little help to Fuji...but he could at least be there beside him while he searched for it, encouraging him and supporting him with every step. He slipped his glasses off, then rest his forehead against Fuji’s. “You’ll find it. I know you will.”
"And when I do, I say we should party." He smiled at Tezuka, shyly reaching up a hand to touch the other boy's cheek. "Or just... go watch the sunrise together."
Tezuka put his own hand over Fuji’s, encouraging him to not be so shy about it. “Either one works. We’ll do whatever it is you want to do. You’ll have earned it.” He kept Fuji’s hand in his as he turned his head, softly pressing a kiss to the center of Fuji’s palm.
He felt himself shiver, small electric impulses going from the palm of his hand to the brain and to... lower areas. He flushed, but made no attempt to pull back, simply smiled. "Thank you, Tezuka. I'll figure it out." He paused, dipping his head slightly to the side as he blinked at the taller boy. "So... Does this mean we're dating now?"
Tezuka smiled, quietly admiring the tinge of pink on Fuji’s cheeks. It seemed a little strange, that with all Fuji had done, small gestures like this were what turned him a little shy, made him smile and blush in such an innocent way. But then, perhaps there was a level of intimacy in the little things that hadn’t been present in other things. “Hmm....” He rather obviously pretended to think about it for a moment. “Well... I’d like to think it does.”
"Ah, you're being mean, Tezuka~" He mock pouted, but was unable to keep it up longer than a second or two, before the blush was back and his eyes sparkled with happiness. "I'm glad. Because I'd like to think so too." He intertwined his fingers with Tezuka's, rubbing his thumb against the larger one. "But as romantic as this might be, even with me sporting a face swollen to almost twice its size and all, we still have homework we haven't quite finished, don't we? Hijikata and Shinsengumi and the whole lot."
Tezuka brought the back of Fuji’s hand around and softly pressed a kiss to it. “I’d like to say we can skip the homework, this time,” he confessed, “but you’re probably right. We should finish what we started.” He eyed their previous study spot, completely unsuitable for studying now, and decided to simply relocate the books. Reluctantly, he let go of Fuji’s hand and moved off his bed, but he was only gone long enough to find the history text and papers that they needed. He brought them back to the bed, then settled into his spot beside Fuji. “This will have to do, for now.”
Well, studying wasn't entirely at the top of Fuji's favorite things to do right now either, but what could you do? He couldn't afford getting behind in school. And now... Now he was studying together with his boyfriend. His boyfriend Tezuka. It most certainly had a nice ring to it.
When: Backdated, but not too too badly. Jan 15. ^^
Where: Tezuka household
Summary: Tezuka and Fuji are studying together, when something unexpected happens...
Warning/Rating: PG-13 for subject matter.
Player Comments: Teehee. ^_^
Comments/Crits allowed? Sure, why not?
They’d been studying together for a few nights now, Fuji coming over for a bit after school, and Tezuka helping him to bring his grades up, as he’d promised. They were careful not to stay too long, lest Fuji’s father get suspicious and angry at his son for being gone so long, and it had been arranged with Oishi and Kikumaru that if Fuji’s father called to find him, they’d vouch for his whereabouts at one of their two houses.
Tezuka didn’t particularly like having to be so evasive, but if it kept Fuji from being beaten, it was well worth it.
“Have you been sleeping any better lately?” Tezuka asked, bringing in some freshly brewed tea for one of their short breaks. “You look a little more alert than you did the other day.” He knelt beside the kotatsu and set the mugs on the surface. Blueberry tea for Fuji, and Tezuka’s favorite chai spice black tea for himself.
He looked up from his notes, a bruise fading on his cheek and a small bandaid at the left side of his neck. "Hm? Yes, much better. I guess the thoughts of Tezuka keeping an eye on me is doing wonders to my sleep schedule, hm?" He giggled lightly, cheek resting against his hand as he used his right one to scribble down some notes. "... When did Shinsengumi disband again?" He stared down at his notes. "I should know this."
“I’m glad to hear it,” Tezuka smiled, adding milk and a little sugar to his tea. “And if that’s what it takes to help you sleep, then I’m glad I can be of some assistance.” He took a small drink of his tea, hands soaking in the warmth of the mug. Despite the bruises, Fuji really was looking better...now if only there was something he could do to get Fuji’s father to leave him alone. He hated that he felt so helpless to do anything about it. “They didn’t officially disband...though the end of the Shinsengumi is marked as June 20, 1869, with the death of Hijikata Toshizou.”
"He was really vital to them, wasn't he?" He thought about the various anime and manga adaptions of the Shinsengumi and their lives that floated about. Nearly every single one of them had Hijikata as a central figure. He almost wished he had met the man, because for some reason, he imagined that him and Tezuka would be eerily similar.
Tezuka chuckled a little, remembering how one of his teachers had showed them an episode of one of the anime based on the Shinsengumi that had Hijikata running around, chasing people after a book of haiku, all thanks to Okita Souji getting up to mischief...and then promptly instructed the students to remember that this was not an accurate representation. All Tezuka had thought at the time was that Okita’s prank seemed a little like something Fuji might do. “He most definitely was. It’s no wonder the Shinsengumi didn’t manage to last after his death.”
"Sad, that." Fuji smiled. For some reason, he too came to think of that anime, only, he thought of a scene where Hijikata and Okita were walking home from town, talking about the new member of the group... The new genius in making. It was quite eerie when you thought about it. "I..."
Suddenly the door to Tezuka's room burst open.
Tezuka started, surprised by the sudden intrusion. He’d have heard someone coming if his family was home, but his parents and grandparents had taken the twins out - his grandmother wanting to get the twins’ photo taken with Santa, even though they didn’t really do much of a Christmas - and he’d gotten too focused on the happenings in his room to pay attention to the rest of the house. Immediately he stood, turning to find himself face-to-face with Fuji’s father. “Fuji-san. What brings you here?” he asked, voice carefully controlled as he found it a bit ironic - but not surprising - that Fuji’s father was willing to barge into someone’s home where Tezuka was not.
"This is how he spends his precious time when he's supposed to be studying? Whoring himself out with you?" Fuji-san literally spat, approaching the two of them, using his hand to pull Syuusuke off the floor, by his arm, and then backhanded him across the face, hard. "You stupid, good for nothing bitch!" Another slap, and another, and another, and then a punch directed to Syuusuke's abdomen. But...
The disbelief of what was happening delayed Tezuka’s instincts just a bit, unfortunately enough that Fuji’s father slapped his son several times before they kicked in. The instant they did, however, Tezuka was between father and son, stomach braced enough to take the hit without getting winded. The instant Fuji-san’s fist made contact, Tezuka gripped the man’s wrist and forearm in both hands, tight and bruising. He wasn’t going to bother pointing out that they truly had been studying.
Fuji-san’s other fist flew in Tezuka’s direction, and Tezuka let go with one hand only to catch the fist with it. Fuji-san kicked, fury and rage in his eyes, but to Tezuka’s well-trained reflexes, the man moved so slowly, so predictably... He let go of both hands to catch Fuji-san’s leg, and with a sweep of his own foot, knocked the other leg out from under the older man, sending him straight to the floor. Tezuka let go of him, then, and took a second to make sure Fuji was still safely behind him while he prepared himself for Fuji-san to get up and come at him again. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay down,” Tezuka growled, even though he didn’t think the old man would.
Syuusuke, head spinning from the hits, and blood taste far too present in his mouth, squeezed his eyes shut and hid behind Tezuka, crouching down on his bed, pulling the cover over himself to hide, to protect himself, to hope that nothing bad would ever happen to him ever again. It was a child's gesture, a small, broken, frightened child, but he couldn't think, couldn't act as mature as someone almost 18 years of age would. Because daddy was mad at him. Daddy was mad at him and Tezuka, his bestie, was hurting. And that was bad, that was so bad.
Fuji-san roared with anger and struggled to his feet, clearly not knowing, or realizing what was good for him. Instead he dove for Tezuka, hands reaching for his throat.
Tezuka saw it coming, in his mind, almost like a game of chess. Steps ahead of where Fuji-san was likely thinking, Tezuka could predict the movements of his foe...and when Fuji-san lunged at him, Tezuka ducked and thrust his shoulder into Fuji-san’s gut, arm wrapping around him. With quick motions, Tezuka’s other hand swept Fuji-san’s feet off the ground as he turned, essentially tossing the man over his shoulder and back to the floor, back on his back. Unfortunatey, this wasn’t a dojo, and Fuji-san crashed into the kotatsu instead of the carpet, breaking it apart.
Kotatsu. Front door, most likely, and possibly his own bedroom door. Property damage. Tezuka didn’t like it, but it was far, far better than the alternative.
Fuji-san gave a strangled noise as air was punched out of his lungs, and he clawed at his throat for a while before calming down enough to scream at Tezuka. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare, you brat! You don't take him away from me!!" What sounds wrong with this sentence...?
Tezuka snorted. “I don’t need to take anything. You’re the one pushing him away. Every time you yell at him, every time you hit him, you’re pushing him further and further away from you. Even if I wasn’t here, it would be someone else he goes to to get away from you.” He watched every twitch of muscle in Fuji-san’s body, waiting and trying to predict his next move. His own body was still coiled, still tight and ready to move in an instant. He knew better than to relax at a time like this. Fuji-san was still volatile, still a threat...and Fuji was still hiding, scared. As much as Tezuka wanted to go to him and calm him down, ridding them of the danger took top priority.
This is wrong, this is wrong, this is so wrong... Syuusuke sat with his arms around himself, holding tightly, around the cover he had pulled over himself as well, trying to figure out what to do. He hadn't thought, hadn't really thought that his dad would be crazy enough to actually come here, invade Tezuka's home like this. He still felt somewhat disoriented, from the blows and from the pure shock, but he pushed himself to his feet, swaying slightly, blanket disregarded on the floor, swallowed and then said quietly:
"Why don't you calm down, dad, and get out of here? We're two, you're one. If I were to attack you as well, you couldn't possibly win. And... I really, really don't want to do anything to you, but if you injure Tezuka, I swear I will."
Tezuka was glad to see Fuji seeming to recover, even if he was still a little shaken, but most of all, he was glad to hear Fuji say that. Fuji was standing up for himself, and to Tezuka, that was an enormous step. He did keep himself positioned between Fuji and his father, just in case the older man got it in him to go after his son again. He was tempted to add that Fuji’s father didn’t stand a chance even if it was only Tezuka he was against, or that any damage Fuji-san might be able to deal would be too minor to count, but he wasn’t arrogant enough to truly voice it. “Take your son’s advice, Fuji-san. Get out.”
Fuji-san's face fell as he stared, first at Syuusuke, then at Tezuka. His face pulled together in rage and he lunged, aiming for his son. "Impudent bitch!"
So that was how it was going to be, then. Tezuka sighed, not surprised, but disappointed. He’d not been strictly offensive in his movements so far, but it looked like he was going to have to be in order to end this. He charged at Fuji-san with all his speed and strength, and after a momentary struggle when they collided, Tezuka slammed Fuji-san’s back against his bedroom wall, left arm across Fuji-san’s throat and every bit of his body weight pinning the man down. The force of his arm was just enough to make it difficult for Fuji-san to breathe - if he used any more force, he could, technically, break the man’s neck. Or worse. But he wouldn’t.
He stared straight at Fuji-san, met the man’s eyes with a firm, strong, and furious gaze. He wanted to pull his phone out of his pocket and call the police. He wanted most to report Fuji-san for the abuse of his son, but he knew Fuji wouldn’t want something like that. He was willing to settle for reporting the breaking and entering.... “This is your last chance, Fuji-san. Leave this house now, or I will call the police and have you arrested for breaking and entering, as well as trespassing, and I will use every connection I have to keep you in prison as long as possible.” For Fuji’s sake, one last effort without going that far.
"Get... get off me," the man muttered, eyes big, frightful and painful. He seemed to have calmed down, at least somewhat, and after giving Tezuka a long look, he lowered his gaze, glancing over at Syuusuke. "... Tezuka-kun's your boyfriend? Or what the hell did you bribe him with?"
"Friendship, dad. Heard of it? Please." He tried to sound cold, indifferent, but in the end, his voice broke. "... Please, just leave already." He wasn't sure how long he could keep this up, how long he could keep standing on his own two feet, and he wanted, needed his father to be gone by the time he broke down. He couldn't see, mustn't see.
"Fine, fine," Fuji-san wheezed. "I... I'll leave already. Get off!"
Tezuka eyed the man for another moment or two before letting go and stepping back. “I’ll walk you out.” He gave Fuji a look that promised he’d be back, then grabbed Fuji-san by the arm and none-too-gently ‘escorted’ him downstairs and to the front door. He was still tense, still ready to fight if the man wasn’t planning to leave easily, but he took advantage of the walk to see how much damage had been done to the house. His own room had been the only one with a closed door, and it looked as though the worst of the damage was limited there, thankfully, though as they approached the front, he could see that the door was off one of its hinges. “If you ever set foot in this house uninvited again, I will have you arrested. You have your son to thank, this time.” He practically shoved Fuji-san out the front door, and stayed there until he’d walked far enough to be out of sight.
He took a moment to set the door back in place as best he could for now, mostly just to keep the cold air out of the house, then headed back up to his room. His family would come in through the garage, so he’d have a chance to tell them about the front door before they used it.
By the time Tezuka came back, Fuji had curled up under the covers again, crying into a pillow. He hated this, hated this so much; the beatings, the name calling... And now he had gotten Tezuka involved on a whole different level. A level that was too much. He wished he could make it all go away, that this had never happened. He wished that his dad had a normal bad temper, not one that was completely over the top. He wished... He wished he could stop crying. But he couldn't.
When he walked back into his own room, the first thing he noticed was the mess that had been made. It was bad, and needed to be cleaned up...but it could wait. Far more important was how Fuji was doing, so he made his way through the mess to sit on his bed beside the blanket-covered Fuji. Tezuka knew that, if he were the one crying, he wouldn’t want someone to see, so he left the blanket up over Fuji, for now. He put his hand on Fuji’s back and rubbed gently. “He’s gone, Fuji.” ...For now, at least.
"Damn... Damn it... I... Damn, I..." He couldn't say much more. the duvet underneath him wet and uncomfortable. "... I'll pay back... The... the door. I..." He could still taste blood in his mouth, could feel cuts opening up as he spoke and fresh blood spilled out over his lips. "Damn it..."
Tezuka shook his head, belatedly remembering that Fuji couldn’t see it. “Don’t worry about the door, Fuji. As my grandfather likes to say, if money can fix it, it’s not worth worrying about.” He shifted a bit, lying down to drape an arm over Fuji’s form, holding him close. “I’m much more worried about you.”
"Fi--fine. I'm fine. This... is nothing. Nothing new. It's just..." In front of Tezuka. In front of someone, but Tezuka in particular... "... Why does he do this?" Why does he hate me? He couldn't say that, it sounded too childish, too pathetic. He couldn't.
“He’s messed up. Somewhere, he’s got wires crossed.” Tezuka shrugged. There were any number of reasons that a person could do that to another, but none of them made it any better. “...I’m proud of you, you know. For standing up to him like you did. It can’t have been easy...but I was glad to see it.” He had his doubts about whether it would have happened if it had been just the pair of Fujis, but...one step at a time.
He pushed the cover back and sat up, hair disheveled, tears staining his cheeks and blood on his lips. His face was swollen and discolored. "... I can't believe I did it. I... don't even remember what I said." He paused, pink tongue sneaking out to wet his sore lips, making a small face at the taste of the blood. "... Do you think he's very mad at me...?"
Tezuka smiled to see Fuji’s face, taking it as a sign he’d pulled himself together emotionally, at least a little. Despite the tears, blood, and bruises, he actually found himself thinking about kissing Fuji just then. Instead, he sat up and reached out, thumb wiping a tiny bit of blood from Fuji’s lower lip. “Someone like that...I wouldn’t be surprised if he was. He’s probably not used to having anyone stand against him like that, and it might not have sunk in just yet...but when it does...”
"... He'll kill me." Maybe, maybe not. But it wouldn't be fun. Damn it, but he had had the solution right there, handed to him on a silver platter, and he hadn't begged Tezuka to call the police. To lift up the phone. Because, deep inside, he didn't want to. He didn't want daddy to go to jail. He gave a small, quivering laugh. "Talk about Stockholm Syndrome..." He paused, fresh tears falling as he looked up at Tezuka. "Will you hold me, please?"
“He definitely won’t be happy about it,” Tezuka nodded, sliding his arms around Fuji again and cradling him close. “But you did it. You stood up to someone you fear...and that takes an incredible amount of strength. It’s also a start to getting out from under his control.” He stroked Fuji’s back, shifting a bit to get comfortable and settle in, prepared to hold Fuji for as long as he wanted.
A small, soft sound escaped Fuji and he clung to Tezuka, desperate like a little child, not crying, only basking in the fleeting sense of safety that the other boy represented. After a while, he pulled back, looking up at Tezuka. "Will you... Will you kiss me now?"
Tezuka chuckled softly. He had almost forgotten about that promise, in the midst of all the other things that had been going on. He had promised, though - and been tempted to do it even without that - so he put a finger under Fuji’s chin, gently tipping his face up just a little more as he leaned in and softly pressed his lips to Fuji’s.
He's kissing me, he's kissing me, I don't know how long I've imagined him to, but he's doing, Tezuka is kissing me now, and... Oh... His fingers dug into Tezuka's shirt and he answered the kiss, shyly, lightly, but still needy. So different. So different from Ichinose who simply took and took and took. So very different. "Tezuka..."
He could taste a little of the blood on Fuji’s mouth, but beneath that coppery flavor was one that was a little spicy and a little sweet, something uniquely Fuji. “Shh...” He kissed him again, a soft touch of lips that took or demanded nothing. Instead, as he kissed, he wished that - silly as it sounded - his kiss could heal the cuts and bruises, and all the pain that went with them.
He almost imagined that Tezuka's lips tasted like dark chocolate, tart, bitter, but full and oddly sweet at the same time. This is my passion, my guilty pleasure, he thought, somewhat dazed. He pulled back, didn't dare to do more right now, didn't want to push Tezuka away by seeming too needy, or too ready to jump into bed with him. That was tasteless. "I love you," he mumbled, not really brave enough to meet his gaze as he said so.
Tezuka tightened his arms around Fuji, smiling as he pressed a kiss to Fuji’s hair. “I know. You aren’t very good at hiding it,” he teased. He couldn’t say the words back, not yet at least, because even though he cared very, very much for Fuji, he wasn’t sure yet that that was the right word for it. But he promised himself that as soon as he was sure, he’d make sure Fuji knew.
"Oh, shut up, you," Fuji giggled, voice still thick after crying. "I thought I was being the master of subtlety. You're saying I'm not? That's... Mean." He pouted, before pulling back and wincing. "Uhm... You think you could go get some ice for my face? It's... Really being quite bothersome." That, and he needed at least one more chance to tidy himself up as well as he could. He hated feeling icky.
Tezuka nodded and kissed Fuji softly once more, then let go and got up. “Feel free to make yourself at home, Fuji. I’ll be right back.” He went downstairs to the kitchen and put some water on for fresh tea, since he was pretty sure the last mugs had gotten broken along with his kotatsu. While it heated, he put together a small ice pack for Fuji’s face, got out new mugs and tea bags, and put all these on a small serving tray his mother liked to use. He also got out a trash bag, for when he started cleaning the mess in his room.
Tezuka took his due time, which made Fuji fairly certain he wasn't just getting ice for him. He smiled to himself, taking the time offered to him to try and make himself calm down even more. He wouldn't be able to calm down completely, he realized that, but enough so that he could function without starting to break down as soon as he opened his mouth sounded like a good idea at least. He made himself comfortable on Tezuka's bed, pulling up one of the text books again and started to idly read through the part they had for homework.
Once the tea finished and he had everything else together, Tezuka carried the tray back upstairs to his room. The trash bag he draped over the back of his desk chair for later; the tray he set on the nightstand beside his bed. “Back to studying already?” he asked, teasing a little as he handed Fuji the towel-wrapped bag of ice and sat beside him on the bed. “Or did I take too long coming back?”
"Well, you can never have too much studying~" Fuji smiled, putting the book away. "... Seeing the familiar words helps me to calm down," he explained, taking the towel-wrapped back and holding it gingerly to his face. He scooted over a little to give Tezuka a bit more room. "Is that tea? It smells lovely."
Tezuka nodded, taking both cups of tea. “I figured...since we didn’t have a chance to drink the ones I brought up before...” He shrugged. “And it might help calm you down as well. I know I need it.” He wasn’t as tense as he’d been before, but he still half-expected Fuji’s father to barge in again. He hoped he was just worrying for nothing and took a drink of his own tea while offering Fuji the other mug he’d brought up for him.
"I... I'm so sorry," Fuji mumbled, uncertain if he was repeating himself of not. Maybe. And maybe that didn't matter. He was still frightened, very much so, of the wrath that would be upon him once he got home, for standing up to his father, for - probably - embarrassing him in front of Tezuka, for getting Tezuka involved. He shuddered. He too, half-expected that his father would come barging in again.
Tezuka set the mugs of tea on his nightstand. They weren’t that important, after all. “It’s not your fault, Fuji.” He shifted, a bit, and pulled Fuji closer with one arm wrapped around him. “As far as I’m concerned, you have nothing to apologize for.” Fuji still seemed scared - Tezuka couldn’t blame him for it - and it wasn’t hard for Tezuka to remember that Fuji’s father would probably take advantage of Tezuka’s absence when Fuji went home. “Stay here for a while, Fuji.”
"I... I'd love to. But he'll figure out that I'm here, and then he might return. It might make things even worse, you know? I..." He leaned into the one arm hug, resting his head against Tezuka's shoulder, ice pack still on the other side of his face. "... But I'd really like to stay."
“Fuji...you can’t go home. Even if he does come back, you’re safer here.” If Fuji-san thought what Tezuka had done to him was bad, a meeting with Tezuka’s grandfather would prove there was much worse. “I won’t let you go back there, knowing what he’ll do to you. And what he does...it has to stop.” He ran his fingers through the back of Fuji’s hair, hand continuing gently down his back. “I don’t want him to end up killing you. And if he isn’t stopped...one of these times...he probably will.”
"I want a cheerful song playing at my funeral." He sighed, making a small face. "Sorry. I'm not going to die, I'm not going to let him. But..." Should worse come to worse, then... "How long can I stay? I've already imposed on your family before, it doesn't seem right. And now I'm jeopardizing everyone as well..."
“As long as you need to.” Tezuka knew that once his family knew the whole situation - he wouldn’t be able to not tell them, after tonight, thanks to the damage that was done - they would be at least as insistent as he was. Probably more-so. “Mother will be glad I have someone my own age around. Grandmother would probably have to be held back to stop her from hunting your father down. Father and grandfather would insist you stay as well.” He rest his cheek against the top of Fuji’s head. “I just don’t want to see you hurt anymore.”
"I'm fine," he said automatically, plastic smile in place for a moment, before he frowned, sighing. "I mean... Of course I'm not." Tezuka had seen him being slapped around. Tezuka had seen him breaking down. It would be utter foolishness to keep his usual facade up right now, it rang false and inappropriate even in his own ears. He shook his head, wincing as the movement made his jaw smart uncomfortably, and instead resumed his position by Tezuka's shoulder. "But... I don't want your family to be mad at daddy." He sounded like a little kid, he knew that, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. This is pathetic...
Tezuka smiled a little. He liked that Fuji could admit that he wasn’t alright now, even if he hated how they’d come to that point. “...Fuji.” Oddly, his first impulse had been to call him Syuusuke just then. “Whether you stay here or not, they’re not going to like him. And the more he hurts you, the more they’re going to be angry at him. It’s not something that can be helped. ...But there is something much more important than what they - or I, for that matter - think of him, and that will take precedence over anything else they might think or feel.”
The smaller boy blinked, glancing up at him. "... What?"
Tezuka met and held Fuji’s eyes for a quiet moment before he answered. “You. Your physical, and mental health. Before any of us do anything about your father...the most important thing we’re going to do is make sure that you’re alright.”
He found himself shivering, in spite of Tezuka's warm arm around him. "... Oh. I... guess. But how? How are we going to do that?" Yes, he assumed he was going to help. No, he couldn't imagine himself simply taking a step back and allow others to care for him completely, for once. That concept wasn't simply in Fuji's world; he was the nurturer, he was the one who took care of people, took care of his friends. Others shouldn't have to go out on their limb to do something for him. Why would they? But... People had. People cared. People wanted to help him. Tezuka wanted to help him. And he still couldn't believe it. Not fully so.
Tezuka shifted just enough to tug the comforter up and drape it over Fuji’s shoulders. “By doing whatever it takes. If it means we keep you here until the end of senior year and show you what a family should be like, then so be it. If we have to get you to see a therapist, we will. If standing on our heads and singing children’s songs would work, we’d do that too.” He slid both arms back around Fuji, tucking the tensai under his chin. “You deserve better than what you’ve got, Fuji.”
He found himself nuzzling his nose into the crook of Tezuka's neck, closing his eyes momentarily. "I know what a family should be like," he objected softly. "My family is good, I promise. Yumiko-nee... Yuuta..." Never mind the strained relationship they had once had. If Fuji thought hard enough, he could pretend that had never happened. He was pretty good at telling himself that everything was all right after all. "Mom's... nice." Really. She was. Never mind the fact that he had to say it out loud to make himself believe it. It wasn't her fault that she never stopped his father. It wasn't her fault that she was about as demanding about him preforming well in school as her husband. She was a good mother. Really.
The little nuzzle made Tezuka shiver, in a good kind of way. “Your sister seems fine, from what little I know of her. And you and your brother may not always have the best relationship, but it’s not bad. ...I’ve never met your mother.” And the way Fuji paused before saying she was nice made him wonder if it wasn’t just another of those things Fuji told himself because he wanted it to be true. “No family is ever perfect, and it’s not realistic to expect it. But instead of being told you aren’t good enough, or that you have to live one certain way, you should be encouraged for doing well and told that you can do anything you put your mind to.” If there was one person that Tezuka knew that could truly do anything they put their minds to, Fuji was it.
"There are a lot of should and would... But you know... I'm just... You know. Glad. That there is someone around in my life that does tell me those things. And I'm very glad that person is you." He smiled. "I'd rather it be you than anyone else on the entire planet. My parents aren't people I've chosen to have in my life, you know? Their approval... Sure, I want it. I'm not going to say that I don't. But I want your approval even more. And I think... I think that I have it."
Tezuka chuckled a little. “You do. … Most of the time.” It was both flattering and embarrassing that his opinion meant so much to Fuji. He wasn’t entirely sure it should mean that much, but at the very least, it could be worse. “But you need to seek your own approval, too, you know. By being a little selfish sometimes, doing what you want to do, just because it’s what you want.”
"I... think I might rather often fail at being selfish. What does that say about own sense of self-worth, I wonder..." Fuji couldn't help but frown as he pulled back slightly from Tezuka. "I mean... I've always tried to be the good son. The good brother. The good friend. The good boyfriend... I don't know how often I've tried to be the good Syuusuke, for Syuusuke's own sake, if that makes sense?"
Tezuka nodded. It made perfect sense. He’d done much of the same himself, for most of his life. But unlike Fuji, he’d reached the point of needing to be himself and do the things that he wanted to do, and he’d reached it without much help. It just kind of...hit him, one day. “The key is finding balance. If you can be all those things and still be good to yourself, then it’s fine. But if being so good to everyone else causes you to neglect yourself...it’s no good.”
"Guess it's not." He smiled bleakly, nodding. "I just wish I knew what the proper balance looked and felt like, because I'm grasping for soap bubbles here, at least it feels like it." He wasn't sure if that argument made sense or not, but he had a feeling it didn't. Not that it mattered. He wanted to explain himself to Tezuka, that was all, and he really didn't know how. He wanted to talk because it calmed Tezuka down, hopefully, he wanted to talk, because it calmed him down, hopefully. Again with the uncertainty...
“You’ll find it, someday. And if you’re at all like me, you’ll know it when you do.” Too bad the balance was something that each person had to find on their own. Tezuka’s own experiences would be little help to Fuji...but he could at least be there beside him while he searched for it, encouraging him and supporting him with every step. He slipped his glasses off, then rest his forehead against Fuji’s. “You’ll find it. I know you will.”
"And when I do, I say we should party." He smiled at Tezuka, shyly reaching up a hand to touch the other boy's cheek. "Or just... go watch the sunrise together."
Tezuka put his own hand over Fuji’s, encouraging him to not be so shy about it. “Either one works. We’ll do whatever it is you want to do. You’ll have earned it.” He kept Fuji’s hand in his as he turned his head, softly pressing a kiss to the center of Fuji’s palm.
He felt himself shiver, small electric impulses going from the palm of his hand to the brain and to... lower areas. He flushed, but made no attempt to pull back, simply smiled. "Thank you, Tezuka. I'll figure it out." He paused, dipping his head slightly to the side as he blinked at the taller boy. "So... Does this mean we're dating now?"
Tezuka smiled, quietly admiring the tinge of pink on Fuji’s cheeks. It seemed a little strange, that with all Fuji had done, small gestures like this were what turned him a little shy, made him smile and blush in such an innocent way. But then, perhaps there was a level of intimacy in the little things that hadn’t been present in other things. “Hmm....” He rather obviously pretended to think about it for a moment. “Well... I’d like to think it does.”
"Ah, you're being mean, Tezuka~" He mock pouted, but was unable to keep it up longer than a second or two, before the blush was back and his eyes sparkled with happiness. "I'm glad. Because I'd like to think so too." He intertwined his fingers with Tezuka's, rubbing his thumb against the larger one. "But as romantic as this might be, even with me sporting a face swollen to almost twice its size and all, we still have homework we haven't quite finished, don't we? Hijikata and Shinsengumi and the whole lot."
Tezuka brought the back of Fuji’s hand around and softly pressed a kiss to it. “I’d like to say we can skip the homework, this time,” he confessed, “but you’re probably right. We should finish what we started.” He eyed their previous study spot, completely unsuitable for studying now, and decided to simply relocate the books. Reluctantly, he let go of Fuji’s hand and moved off his bed, but he was only gone long enough to find the history text and papers that they needed. He brought them back to the bed, then settled into his spot beside Fuji. “This will have to do, for now.”
Well, studying wasn't entirely at the top of Fuji's favorite things to do right now either, but what could you do? He couldn't afford getting behind in school. And now... Now he was studying together with his boyfriend. His boyfriend Tezuka. It most certainly had a nice ring to it.