RP log: Oishi and Ryoma
Date: Tuesday, February 20
Warnings: Nothin'
Summary: Oishi and Ryoma chat about Ryoma's past. Ryoma feels guilty, Oishi feels worried.
Was it 8 AM yet?
Ryoma glanced up at the clock in the bakery. Almost 8. Finally.
Ryoma had shown up at 7, right when the bakery opened its doors, knowing Oishi wouldn't be there for another hour. But it was better than lying in bed, tossing and turning all night long, with Karupin mrowing irritatedly at him.
He'd gotten coffee, oddly enough, loaded it with cream and sugar, and now he was a little wired. This was why he didn't go for coffee. It made him jittery. But he'd needed something to get him out of his half-asleep zombie mode.
He didn't really understand why he was so incredibly nervous. It wasn't like Oishi had any thoughts that Ryoma had been a virgin when they'd gotten together. And Jackal was just another notch in the headboard, so to speak.
Ryoma looked up at the clock again, groaning a little to see only a minute had passed.
Why couldn't it be 8 already?
Better yet, why couldn't it be noon, and this conversation already old news?
Oishi stumbled out of bed after finally getting to sleep close to dawn, and noticed with a horrified start that there were only ten minutes to go before eight.
"Oh ... damn," Oishi swore, and pulled on the nearest clothes he could grab.
He was on the train racing toward work, one eye worriedly on his clock, and dashed in to the bakery exactly five minutes late.
Oishi stopped in front of Ryoma, panting, feeling like a complete wreck. He sat down, wondering whether or not it was okay to kiss his boyfriend hello. He wasn't sure, so he just gave his best smile, even though it was full of worry.
"Hey sweetie. What's...going on?"
Ryoma blinked, looking up from his (second) cup of coffee.
From the look of things, Oishi hadn't gotten much sleep either.
There was no easy way to say it...so Ryoma blurted it out, caffeine from the coffee blurring his words together.
"There'ssomethingIdidn'ttellyouaboutJackal."
He made himself stop there. If he said anymore, without fighting the caffeine jitters, he'd end up saying it all in one long, incomprehensible run-on sentence.
Oishi felt...strange. "Oh?"
The day that he came home from Fuji's house, Fuji's scent still on his skin...and told his wife that he'd betrayed her...he tried his best to imagine how she could feel.
But this...it wasn't betrayal. Was it? Why did he still feel kind of betrayed?
"What is it?" Oishi's voice was quiet. Mature. Calm.
Ryoma took a deep breath, and tried to make himself speak slowly. Even if it felt too slow, because obviously the caffeine made him talk too fast.
"It...was before I even knew you. Before I was even working for the Agency. I...met Jackal at a club - you know that much - but..."
Another deep breath.
"Jackal and I slept together. Just once." Well, twice in one night. Did that count as a detail he should tell Oishi? "I...admit I went back to that club a couple of times, kinda looking for him. But I never saw him again, until really recently."
Ryoma stared down into his cup. There, it was out.
Oishi nodded, feeling a strange layer of cold settle over his heart. "I'd suspected so. From the way he was looking at you...Ryoma. Do you still...feel for him? Or did you ever?"
This was important. Oishi felt a little helpless -- he wasn't sure what he would do if Ryoma said yes, I think I love him.
It was...hard to sit there and hear it. But Oishi tried his best to keep himself from glaring, or looking angry, or sad, or...
His arms twitched to hold Ryoma, hold him tight, keep him close.
"...I..."
Ryoma tried again. "I think I had a little bit of a crush on him. But it didn't last. I never saw him again, so it wasn't like anything could've come from it. And now...I admit, I still think he's hot, but... I don't have any of those crush feelings anymore. I'd forgotten about him" mostly "until that time I checked the blogs and saw him there."
He fidgeted with his coffee cup, unable to look Oishi in the eyes. He was afraid of what he'd see if he did.
Oishi took a breath. "I'm ... going to get some coffee. Back in a second." He'd been a fool to schedule this for first thing in the morning, hadn't he.
While waiting in line, he wondered what he was feeling. The thought came back to him... I feel inadequate.
Oishi felt...not hot enough. Not young enough. Not exciting enough. Not...enough of a man for Ryoma. That's why this news shook him, even if it was about someone from Ryoma's past.
Oishi ordered coffee in a daze.
It was...seeing his competition. Seeing what Oishi was up against, and it crushed him totally.
Oishi sat back down and put his hand over his eyes. "Um. Okay. It was in the past so...obviously it's fine."
Why did it still feel weird?
Ryoma winced. That was a lie if ever he heard one.
"Obviously it's not. You just lied to me." He had to move his hands away from the cheap styrofoam coffee cup, so he wouldn't squeeze it too tight and end up with hot coffee all over his hands.
"I know I should've told you before you met him. It was...stupid of me...to try and keep it from you. I just... I was scared. I didn't know how you'd take it, even though he was just some random guy that I fucked before I even knew you existed."
"I thought it would be okay...if I just let you think he was an acquaintance of mine...but I felt bad for not telling you. So...here I am, and...I'm sorry."
Ryoma didn't know what to do.
His boyfriend was so honest. So beautiful. So kind... So perfect.
So not his.
Oishi shoved his strange feelings to the back of his mind and shook his head. "It's just...meeting someone from your past. It's making me see what I've got to compete against." Oishi gave Ryoma a wry smile.
He'd never felt older than just then.
...Compete against? What?
Ryoma was with Oishi. Dating him, loving him.
Sure, Ryoma checked out other guys every now and then. But who didn't? It didn't make Ryoma find Oishi any less sexy.
And he'd never had a boyfriend that treated him the way Oishi did.
Ryoma looked up, confused. "It's...hard to compete...when you've already won..."
Oishi slumped. His head hit the table, and he felt a bit like crying. "It's true. I'manidiot."
It was just that...during dinner...he'd wanted to remove Jackal's eyes rather than see them caress Ryoma's body one more time.
Then he sat back in his chair, sighing. "It's almost time for work. I'll be fine by tonight, really." Then Oishi looked hopeful. "Free this Friday? For..." Sex. Lots of it. "Dinner?"
Ryoma nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely. Just us, this time. And maybe we can spend all of Saturday just lounging around..."
It was his turn to look hopeful.
Oishi smiled.
He couldn't deny that expression anything. "Sure..."
Oh, wait. "Damn. I have to help out in the kid's room at the shelter. But...I can at least sleep in until ten."
It hurt to deny Ryoma.
"Shall we walk to work?" Oishi gripped Ryoma's hand in his, and then, because he hadn't before, leaned down and kissed Ryoma softly.
Ryoma smiled. Feeling a little mischievous, he wrapped his free arm around Oishi's neck and deepened the kiss, not giving a damn that the few other bakery patrons were staring.
He pulled away, just barely. "Love you."
And then they really had to go or they'd be late. Ryoma picked up his coffee and tossed it into the trash - not like he'd finish it anyway - and tugged Oishi out the door.
Warnings: Nothin'
Summary: Oishi and Ryoma chat about Ryoma's past. Ryoma feels guilty, Oishi feels worried.
Was it 8 AM yet?
Ryoma glanced up at the clock in the bakery. Almost 8. Finally.
Ryoma had shown up at 7, right when the bakery opened its doors, knowing Oishi wouldn't be there for another hour. But it was better than lying in bed, tossing and turning all night long, with Karupin mrowing irritatedly at him.
He'd gotten coffee, oddly enough, loaded it with cream and sugar, and now he was a little wired. This was why he didn't go for coffee. It made him jittery. But he'd needed something to get him out of his half-asleep zombie mode.
He didn't really understand why he was so incredibly nervous. It wasn't like Oishi had any thoughts that Ryoma had been a virgin when they'd gotten together. And Jackal was just another notch in the headboard, so to speak.
Ryoma looked up at the clock again, groaning a little to see only a minute had passed.
Why couldn't it be 8 already?
Better yet, why couldn't it be noon, and this conversation already old news?
Oishi stumbled out of bed after finally getting to sleep close to dawn, and noticed with a horrified start that there were only ten minutes to go before eight.
"Oh ... damn," Oishi swore, and pulled on the nearest clothes he could grab.
He was on the train racing toward work, one eye worriedly on his clock, and dashed in to the bakery exactly five minutes late.
Oishi stopped in front of Ryoma, panting, feeling like a complete wreck. He sat down, wondering whether or not it was okay to kiss his boyfriend hello. He wasn't sure, so he just gave his best smile, even though it was full of worry.
"Hey sweetie. What's...going on?"
Ryoma blinked, looking up from his (second) cup of coffee.
From the look of things, Oishi hadn't gotten much sleep either.
There was no easy way to say it...so Ryoma blurted it out, caffeine from the coffee blurring his words together.
"There'ssomethingIdidn'ttellyouaboutJackal."
He made himself stop there. If he said anymore, without fighting the caffeine jitters, he'd end up saying it all in one long, incomprehensible run-on sentence.
Oishi felt...strange. "Oh?"
The day that he came home from Fuji's house, Fuji's scent still on his skin...and told his wife that he'd betrayed her...he tried his best to imagine how she could feel.
But this...it wasn't betrayal. Was it? Why did he still feel kind of betrayed?
"What is it?" Oishi's voice was quiet. Mature. Calm.
Ryoma took a deep breath, and tried to make himself speak slowly. Even if it felt too slow, because obviously the caffeine made him talk too fast.
"It...was before I even knew you. Before I was even working for the Agency. I...met Jackal at a club - you know that much - but..."
Another deep breath.
"Jackal and I slept together. Just once." Well, twice in one night. Did that count as a detail he should tell Oishi? "I...admit I went back to that club a couple of times, kinda looking for him. But I never saw him again, until really recently."
Ryoma stared down into his cup. There, it was out.
Oishi nodded, feeling a strange layer of cold settle over his heart. "I'd suspected so. From the way he was looking at you...Ryoma. Do you still...feel for him? Or did you ever?"
This was important. Oishi felt a little helpless -- he wasn't sure what he would do if Ryoma said yes, I think I love him.
It was...hard to sit there and hear it. But Oishi tried his best to keep himself from glaring, or looking angry, or sad, or...
His arms twitched to hold Ryoma, hold him tight, keep him close.
"...I..."
Ryoma tried again. "I think I had a little bit of a crush on him. But it didn't last. I never saw him again, so it wasn't like anything could've come from it. And now...I admit, I still think he's hot, but... I don't have any of those crush feelings anymore. I'd forgotten about him" mostly "until that time I checked the blogs and saw him there."
He fidgeted with his coffee cup, unable to look Oishi in the eyes. He was afraid of what he'd see if he did.
Oishi took a breath. "I'm ... going to get some coffee. Back in a second." He'd been a fool to schedule this for first thing in the morning, hadn't he.
While waiting in line, he wondered what he was feeling. The thought came back to him... I feel inadequate.
Oishi felt...not hot enough. Not young enough. Not exciting enough. Not...enough of a man for Ryoma. That's why this news shook him, even if it was about someone from Ryoma's past.
Oishi ordered coffee in a daze.
It was...seeing his competition. Seeing what Oishi was up against, and it crushed him totally.
Oishi sat back down and put his hand over his eyes. "Um. Okay. It was in the past so...obviously it's fine."
Why did it still feel weird?
Ryoma winced. That was a lie if ever he heard one.
"Obviously it's not. You just lied to me." He had to move his hands away from the cheap styrofoam coffee cup, so he wouldn't squeeze it too tight and end up with hot coffee all over his hands.
"I know I should've told you before you met him. It was...stupid of me...to try and keep it from you. I just... I was scared. I didn't know how you'd take it, even though he was just some random guy that I fucked before I even knew you existed."
"I thought it would be okay...if I just let you think he was an acquaintance of mine...but I felt bad for not telling you. So...here I am, and...I'm sorry."
Ryoma didn't know what to do.
His boyfriend was so honest. So beautiful. So kind... So perfect.
So not his.
Oishi shoved his strange feelings to the back of his mind and shook his head. "It's just...meeting someone from your past. It's making me see what I've got to compete against." Oishi gave Ryoma a wry smile.
He'd never felt older than just then.
...Compete against? What?
Ryoma was with Oishi. Dating him, loving him.
Sure, Ryoma checked out other guys every now and then. But who didn't? It didn't make Ryoma find Oishi any less sexy.
And he'd never had a boyfriend that treated him the way Oishi did.
Ryoma looked up, confused. "It's...hard to compete...when you've already won..."
Oishi slumped. His head hit the table, and he felt a bit like crying. "It's true. I'manidiot."
It was just that...during dinner...he'd wanted to remove Jackal's eyes rather than see them caress Ryoma's body one more time.
Then he sat back in his chair, sighing. "It's almost time for work. I'll be fine by tonight, really." Then Oishi looked hopeful. "Free this Friday? For..." Sex. Lots of it. "Dinner?"
Ryoma nodded enthusiastically. "Absolutely. Just us, this time. And maybe we can spend all of Saturday just lounging around..."
It was his turn to look hopeful.
Oishi smiled.
He couldn't deny that expression anything. "Sure..."
Oh, wait. "Damn. I have to help out in the kid's room at the shelter. But...I can at least sleep in until ten."
It hurt to deny Ryoma.
"Shall we walk to work?" Oishi gripped Ryoma's hand in his, and then, because he hadn't before, leaned down and kissed Ryoma softly.
Ryoma smiled. Feeling a little mischievous, he wrapped his free arm around Oishi's neck and deepened the kiss, not giving a damn that the few other bakery patrons were staring.
He pulled away, just barely. "Love you."
And then they really had to go or they'd be late. Ryoma picked up his coffee and tossed it into the trash - not like he'd finish it anyway - and tugged Oishi out the door.