RP Log: Sanada & Yukimura, Xmas Party

[fist_of_velvet]

Date: Dec. 23
Rating: PG
Summary: Sanada and Yukimura talk at the party, and it's a bit awkward at first.


Sanada emerged from the balcony feeling flush with the success of finding, and hitting on, and possibly getting accepted by, a hot coworker. He also felt a good dollop of relief. His conversation with Yukimura had done nothing but torture him... Yukimura wanted Sanada in his life, that was plain. But the price was almost unthinkable. A lifetime without touching Seiichi again... Sanada sighed, and tried toforce his mind away from the thought. But then, like the embodiment of his desire, he saw Yukimura standing at the edge of the dance floor.

Damnit.

Yukimura had always enjoyed dressing up for parties, and tonight was no exception. White pants and shoes, a shimmering, almost metallic, deep blue shirt, and a white blazer. He'd even gotten a cane to match.

He'd stuck to the wall most of the time, though. Having things on his mind tended to make him less social than he'd normally be, and he hadn't really felt like coming to the party, despite the fun of dressing up for it. But. It was either go to the party, go out to a bar and find some random guy, or stay home and wallow in his thoughts. The second option was out, defeated by his stubborn desire to get ahead-start on his New Year's resolution, and the third was simply depressing.

So here he was.

Glancing around the room, he smiled a little. Everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. That was always good.

He felt a little tingle, the kind that told him he was being watched, and turned towards the source.

Sanada.

Yukimura gave him a smile and a nod, acknowledging the other's presence. He couldn't decide if he should go talk to him, though...considering the last conversation they'd had.

Sanada drew a breath. Seiichi looked like a tragic hero in those clothes -- all elegance and sheen, gleaming softly in the Christmas lights. He sauntered over, pulling his own blazer carefully into place. When he got near, he met Yukimura's eyes -- trying to let the other man know that he didn't want awkwardness, even if Sanada had made his feelings plain.

"Seiichi," Sanada said in a low, soft voice. "You look lovely. ...Merry Christmas."

In Sanada's pocket was a small box. He'd give it to Yukimura when the moment felt right.

Yukimura cursed himself for feeling awkward. He couldn't hold Sanada's gaze as long as he used to...still felt like his old friend was going to change his mind and start thinking of Yukimura as the slut he knew he was.

Still, he tried to keep things as normal as he could, and smiled up at Sanada. "Merry Christmas, Gen," he answered. "And you know I like dressing up for parties." He chuckled a little.

He looked Sanada over, noting to himself that the other man cleaned up very well. "I'm glad you left your hat at home for this," he grinned. "I'd have had to scold you if you'd worn it here."

Sanada withheld the flush with an effort, feeling Yukimura's eyes on him. He also resisted the urge to strike a very adolescent pose, or unbutton his shirt -- anything to keep Yukimura's eyes on him.

Insteadhe shot Yukimura a slightly peeved glance, brushing some of his hairoff of his forehead. "It's a good thing I didn't wear the Fedora, then." It had been a close call, due to the theme of the evening.

Sanada glanced at the dancing, and wondered if Yukimura feltthe urge like he did, and then felt a surge of worry. "How goes the rehabilitation?"

Yukimura laughed at the mention of the fedora. "You know," he started, amid his chuckles. "I almost wore one myself. I've got one that matches the outfit..." Now that would've been a switch.

Taking a few deep breaths to try and stop laughing, he noticed Sanada's glance towards the dance floor. Hmmm...was that what inspired the question about rehab, or was Sanada just being himself and worrying again?

"It's the same as always," he replied. In truth, he was very slightly concerned. It seemed like he'd hit a plateau, of sorts. He'd been steadily improving, and been able to see it at least a little with each visit. But lately...it seemed to him that he'd been at this level for a while, now. Though the doctor had said sometimes that happens and that it doesn't necessarily mean that Yukimura won't continue improving.

Sanada eyed Yukimura consideringly. "I would still like to exercise with you," he said. "Sparring. Like in the old days." His grin returned, competitive and fierce, at the memory. It was from his first year in school -- Yukimura was his senpai in the Tae Kwan Do club, and didn't go easy on him when they sparred.

"We will pitch it to your recovery. Perhaps it is time to push yourself."

Yukimura sparring was a lovely sight. Elegance incarnate, until his fist was in your throat.

Sanada's eyes gleamed as he glanced at Yukimura. He'd give much to see Yukimura sparring again.

Yukimura smiled brightly. The thought of sparring again...his body moving through the motions he'd long since memorized, the adrenaline that comes from the uncertainty of victory...

"Well...I have been considering pushing myself harder than my doctor will let me," he grinned mischievously. He'd get hell if he hurt himself for it, but if he didn't... It'd be well worth it to see just how much he could do either way. He'd just have to quit relying on his cane first.

"Trust me, if I feel up to disobeying the doctor, you'll bethe first person I'll call," he smirked. "I still remember the first
time I sparred with you. And you had no idea what you'd gotten yourself into."

Sanada remembered that. He'd been pushed to the limit -- and then broken, left on the dojo floor a mess of bruises. Sanada held Yukimura's gaze in a grin that turned vaguely animal -- it had excited him to be bested, firing up his blood like nothing else could. The rest of his years of high school were a quest to defeat his senpai, long after Yukimura had left.

"Aa. I remember too. You were smaller than I was, even as asenpai. And I thought I could defeat you in two blows." Sanada met and held Yukimura's eyes, his own echoing the heat of the memory.

Yukimura laughed. "Did you even get two blows on me, Gen? I don't think you did," he grinned.

Sanada had walked in, tall, strong, tough-looking. He'd been ballsy and decided to challenge the captain of the club - one smaller, slender, almost girly looking Yukimura Seiichi.

Of course, they'd known each other before that, so Sanada should've known it wouldn't be that easy. Yukimura'd been doing martial arts most of his life. But this had been the first time that Sanada had actually seen him do it.

And Yukimura had won, easily.

"You were cocky, just a bit, back then," he remembered.

"It got beaten out of me," Sanada said with a quirk to his lip. "And the navy was the finishing blow."

Sanada glanced around the room again. A waiter walked by carrying a tray of drinks. Sanada neatly lifted two glasses of white wine and handed Yukimura one of them.

"In another twenty years, I hope we will be remembering this night together just as vividly," Sanada said softly, raising his glass and staring down. He had no hat to hide under, so his gaze was direct and intent on Yukimura's face.

Yukimura smiled back, clinking his glass against Sanada's. He made himself meet Sanada's gaze, not shy away from it. He truly hoped so too. They'd been so close for so long, it'd be a shame for their relationship to deteriorate now.

Then he laughed. "Good gods. By then I'll be nearly fifty." Yukimura made a face. That reminded him that he was nearly thirty now, with his birthday coming up in a few short months. He really didn't want to be thirty.

Sanada's eyes softened. "I will still be by your side."

Now seemed as good a moment as any. He took the small box out of his pocket and pressed it into Yukimura's hand. "Merry Christmas."

Yukimura blinked. He hadn't been expecting anything...

He handed his glass to Sanada and let his cane rest against the wall so he could have both hands to open it.

Inside was a silver dogtag, engraved in latin, with a silver chain. He smiled.

" 'Fidelus amicus'," he said softly, reading the inscription. "That means 'faithful friend', doesn't it?"

It was very appropriate, given their circumstances.

Sanada nodded, melting even more at Yukimura's expression. It annoyed him, just a bit, that this was always his reaction to Yukimura -- his facade melted away, and what was left was gentleness.

He felt his hand twitch. Wanted to touch Yukimura's hand with his own, close it over the necklace and tell him to wear it always. But he held back.

"Please think of me when you wear it."

Sanada felt twitchy. Wondered if the gift was too much. He turned his face away, casting for a different topic of conversation.

Yukimura nodded, pulling the necklace out of its box and slipping it around his neck. "I couldn't think of anyone else," he nearly whispered, fingering the tag a little.

It was...bittersweet...

The awkwardness was back. He took his wine glass back from Sanada and drank, knowing he shouldn't. It was what he always did, to avoid situations like this, damn it.

Yukimura cleared his throat and glanced around the room, trying to find a new topic. His eyes fell on Tezuka, and he wanted to ask if Sanada had met his guy from the bookstore yet, but couldn't bring himself to say the words.

"So...enjoying the party?" he asked. That should be a safe enough topic.

Sanada thought of his dance on the balcony and felt the barest bit...ashamed. He bit the inside of his lip, schooling his face back to impassive. "It's been interesting. I met the director. I'd...met him before, he was the man I mentioned to you, that I'd met at a bookstore. It was just as awkward as it was the first time."

Sanada's expression turned to self-mocking. "I still have a ways to go before I can relate to humans. I was so frustrated that I..." Sanada hesitated. "...Met someone. He might appear at my apartment later."

Sanada couldn't hide his blush this time.

Yukimura chuckled. "I hoped you'd met Tezuka-san," he mused aloud. "Though it was probably awkward because he's as insociable as you are. He's a nice man, very business-oriented."

He'd noticed the hesitation in Sanada's words, and tried to think of a way to keep things from getting awkward again.

"Really? Sounds like fun." Yukimura couldn't keep his smile as happy as it should've been, but smiled anyway.

Sanada cursed himself. Yukimura had shared a bit of his past with Sanada -- but why be quite so forthcoming about his own undoubted faults?

Sanada also took a swig of the wine. Between the wine and the martini he'd probably imbibed enough, although it took a lot of alcohol to make him feel it.

"Kajimoto danced with me. Tezuka refused," Sanada said wryly, summing up his evening. "Next year, I'd like you to be in my arms on the dance floor." Sanada let his gaze smolder for a moment. "We'll rid you of the cane by then." Again, a tinge of worry.

Yukimura's first thought was Why wait til next year?

He actually thought about saying it. He wanted to be out there, dancing with Sanada. But it was skirting the edge of their relationship's limits. And while Yukimura knew that going out and dancing with Sanada would make his own awareness of his feelings even stronger than they already were, he imagined it would be like torture for his friend.

He looked up into Sanada's eyes and let his own be as uncertain as he felt.

"We could, you know. This year, right here, right now. I shouldn't need my cane, as long as you're there to support me." Which he knew Sanada would be. "And no really fancy footwork." He paused, debating whether or not to voice his concerns about how Sanada would handle it, if it would be like giving food to the starving only to take it away again.

Sanada took a breath. To have Yukimura in his arms right then would be...

"There's a balcony. I was dancing there with Kajimoto -- so that nobody would stare at the male couple." Sanada's lips twitched with a bit of humor, and he reached out his hand. His eye was caught by the silver shining softly at Yukimura's throat. Faithful friend...

"I will abide by my promise and not push you beyond dancing."

Those words were hard to say, but he meant them.

Yukimura smiled and took Sanada's hand, stepping away from the wall. He left his cane where it was. The walk to the balcony without it would do him good, even if it was only for his confidence's sake.

Once on the balcony, he turned towards Sanada, still smiling, and settled himself in for the woman's part. "Start slow and simple. It's been a long time since I've been able to dance, even longer since I've actually done it."

Sanada felt a moment's bitterness as he gathered Yukimura into his arms, pulling him close. He gazed down at Yukimura, lids lowering to give the other man a gentle look. He cleared the sudden huskiness out of his throat. This actually hurt...

"We'll go...slow and simple."

It felt like they were talking about something more. Sanada stepped forward, the first few steps of the waltz, guiding Yukimura's movements with his hand.

Yukimura stepped back, following Sanada's lead. The steps were easy enough, so his feet could keep up, and his legs didn't hurt (well, the left one did, just a tiny bit, but not enough to bother worrying about). One of his hands stayed in Sanada's, the other went up to rest on the taller man's shoulder.

He chuckled a little to himself, thinking that he felt like he should be wearing a dress.

"I appreciate it, Gen. That you're willing to let me set the limits." Whether he meant limits of the dancing or of their relationship, he wasn't really sure anymore.

Sanada brought their joined hands to Yukimura's mouth, hushing him with a finger. Then he gathered Yukimura even closer, enough to breath in his scent, bodies moving together in a taut harmony to the music.

The cold air, the balcony, and Yukimura in his arms. This is what he'd been looking for... The bitter ache that meant his heart was still alive.

Yukimura's scent was a faint musk, an overtone of coconut -- perhaps shampoo? And some dangerous spice that made all of the hairs on Sanada's arm stand up on end.

He noticed that Yukimura was favoring his left leg and slowed their pace, turning them slowly around the marble floor of the secluded balcony.

It was a painful moment of bliss.

Yukimura smiled a little as Sanada slowed. A true, faithful friend indeed, watching over him like that.

The feel of Sanada's body this close to his was a little distracting, though. So strong, warm, familiar, comfortable... All the things he'd never let himself pay attention to before, all the things his many one-night stands weren't.

It was that comfort, that level of it, that made Yukimura wonder if maybe... Maybe things would be different. Maybe, if his relationship with Sanada progressed to one more intimate...

Maybe he wouldn't find himself without his feelings for Sanada the next morning...

But it was too many maybes, for Yukimura's tastes. He didn't like taking a chance, when the results were that uncertain.

Sanada felt time slow and quicken. One song became two, and then a third, as he held Yukimura (almost) to his heart and turned them on the pale marble. The music was light and lovely, of a piece with the night. This had to be the best Christmas he'd had yet.

Sanada turned his head just a little and felt his lips brush Yukimura's hair in an unintentional kiss. He kept his head there and shut his eyes. Then he hummed along softly to the tune.

Donau so blau,
Durch Tal und Au
Wogst ruhig du dahin,
Dich grüßt unser Wie...

An old standard. It would forever be linked now to Yukimura's scent.

The song came to an end and Sanada slowed to a halt. Three dances would be pushing Yukimura's leg quite enough. He stared down for a moment, Yukimura still in his arms.

Yukimura felt a little disappointed when they stopped. The pain in his leg had faded, but that didn't mean it wouldn't start up again. Still, it felt like progress in that regard.

As for Sanada, Yukimura felt content to just stay there as they were, bodies close together, surrounded by a completely not-awkward silence.

He started to close the space between them, body intent on burying his nose against the width of Sanada's chest, arms wanting to wrap around the other man...

But he stopped himself, eyes a little wide, cheeks slightly heated. Hadn't meant to do that...

Sanada's body went still at the small movement. But he'd promised. And he wouldn't press it. So he stayed helplessly still, hands still gently pressing Yukimura's back, grasping Yukimura's hand.

Sanada's breath went faster.

He was going to screw the HELL out of Kajimoto.

Yukimura was once again grateful for Sanada's self-control in keeping those promises. If he'd carried through with what his body wanted to do, Yukimura wasn't sure he'd be able to stop himself from going further, and possibly ruining things.

He fought the blush away and smiled up at Sanada. "It felt good to dance," with you "even if my doctor probably would've said that I shouldn't." He shook his head and chuckled. "I really do hate that man sometimes."

Yukimura made no move to break the contact between him. He rather liked it.

Sanada nodded gravely. "We should stop."

He meant several things, but one of them included Yukimura stepping away from him before Sanada's body betrayed him. Sanada shifted his hips a little.

This wasn't fair. But then, it was Yukimura after all.

Yukimura blinked, thinking at first that Sanada mean the dancing. Then he noted the hip-shift and realization hit him. Aah. Right.

He backed away a few steps, just far enough to not feel Sanada's body heat against him anymore.

Yukimura opened his mouth to explain, but closed it without a word. Anything he'd say would sound stupid, at this point. He settled for giving Sanada an apologetic look.

Sanada sighed. ...He'd push his luck this much. He leaned in, closer and closer to Yukimura's face, and reached his hand out... to take the dog tag between his fingers.

He raised the tag to his lips, holding Yukimura's eyes in his.

"Thank you for the ... dance."

"It was my pleasure." Yukimura blushed at the proximity, Sanada's body so close to his own. He was more than a little disappointed that the kiss wasn't aimed at his own lips...

But he was glad for it, too. The way he was reacting, he would've thrown caution to the wind and just gone with it.

Which, Yukimura knew, was a sign that he'd been tempting himself too much tonight. He should get away from Sanada, from the temptation, before he caved to it. He was stronger than that.

Yukimura glanced at his watch. It was getting late.

"I should probably go. It's late," he said softly. "And I need to be up early tomorrow." His parents were insisting that he spend Christmas Eve with them, despite how much he'd "let them down" with the way he was living his life.

He didn't want to leave, really...but it very nearly meant the difference between keeping his friendship intact and sacrificing it to a moment's desire, risking things he didn't want to risk.

Sanada nodded, forcing his body back. His eyes closed, and he tilted his head to feel the chilly wind hit his cheeks. They'd been warm while dancing, but now it was getting cold... He walked inside with Yukimura, and then paused at the edge of the dance floor.

Sanada raised his hand and touched the dog tag again, tugging it a little.

"Never take it off." Sanada's grin turned rakish. "Even with other men."

Yukimura laughed, smiling at the look on Sanada's face.

"I won't," he promised, not bothering to tell Sanada that the "with other men" part wasn't needed. His desire to keep the New Year's resolution he'd made would see to that. But it was the sentiment behind it that made him agree, let him know that even if he did sleep with someone who wasn't Sanada, that dogtag would still be there, hanging from its chain around his neck.

"Merry Christmas, Gen," he said softly, resisting the urge to reach up and touch Sanada's cheek. "And in case I don't see you between now and then, happy New Year."

Yukimura crossed the dance floor, then, heading towards where he'd left his cane. He retrieved the silly thing and started to use it, then stopped. He felt like he was walking just fine, and his legs didn't hurt, so he simply carried it by his side as he made his exit from the party.

Sanada stared after Yukimura, whistling out his breath and shaking his head as he stared after the other man.

"Damn."

That...had been close.

It was time to go home and nail someone into the mattress.