Diggin' My Grave
I stood over his bed watching the sweat roll down his pale gray cheeks thinking to myself, "Why does it have to be my only boy, God? Why couldn't you have taken this old man and let this boy go on being' a boy." He lay there with ailments never seen in these parts. We had just about tried everything to cure him from sweating the fever out to bleeding his bad blood.
His ma was crying in the corner, she had been crying for days on days because she could not do a damn thing to help her boy. Figure she was thinking herself a bad mother not being able to take care of her young. I couldn't stand the sight no more so I went out back and sat down on the porch we spent so many nights singing the songs of my father's father with that boy. I saw the clouds rolling in and no doubt it would bring a rain and a cold that would bring so much pain into that sick boy. No more could I stand the sight of my wife down on herself then I could watch my boy in more pain then he has been in for this past year. I thought about two years ago when the boys dog went blind and ill. We had to take him out back and put the old thing out of his misery.
Trudging back into the room I brought myself barely standing next to the boy with tears now rolling down my eyes. "Now listen here boy," I had no idea if he was even capable of hearing my words, "there's a storm rolling in and I know it's too much to bear for you." My wife looked up at me with a fierce look in her eye. "I'm going to send you to a better place now and I'm sure your ma and pa will be there soon to join ya." I took the pillow from underneath his head and put my hand over it where his young beautiful face was. His mother clawed at me hollering and screaming 'til the boys death rattle kicked and finished.
She looked to me and said, "I will never bare another one of your boys again," she turned and walked out the door.
In the morning the ground was muddy and the sky was gray and cold. The sun had hidden its warmth away from the world and left a murky gloom from every horizon. I got a shovel from the shed and plunged deep in the mud that splashed up into my face. I was about three feet deep when Johnny, the local law man, came around. "What is it that you're doing there?" he asked.
"I had to put my boy down last night," I said with tears and muck rolling in and out of my mouth, "I knew he couldn't stand the coming weather."
Johnny took of his hat and crouched down next to the hole, "now why did you go and do that. You knew we had a doc coming in from out of town in a few weeks."
I dropped my shovel and looked up at him, "There ain't anything that doc could have done any different from any of our docs and you know as well as I do that boy did not deserve any more pain."
Johnny shook his head, stood up and put his hat back on. "Well, ya know now you broke the law. And we're going to have to put you down for murdering your son." He looked away towards the darkening clouds, "We going to have to hang ya in the morning."
"You can hang me after I dig my boy's grave," I continued to dig "And let me dig my own next to my boys before you string me up." Johnny only nodded and did not say another word.
After I was done burying my boy and digging my own I stood in front of the noose that hung from the tree next to the swing I built for my boy in the spring. My wife stood there watching with the same fierce look in her eye at me waiting for my neck to snap or for me to hang there suffering until I let go. Johnny asked if I had any last words or requests before they strung me up. I said, "I know you hate me, but tell my boy I love him when you get to heaven. I won't get to see him again where I'm going." Johnny kicked the stool beneath me and with a snap of my neck I was gone along with my boy, buried deep in the sullen earth to remain for the rest of eternity.
His ma was crying in the corner, she had been crying for days on days because she could not do a damn thing to help her boy. Figure she was thinking herself a bad mother not being able to take care of her young. I couldn't stand the sight no more so I went out back and sat down on the porch we spent so many nights singing the songs of my father's father with that boy. I saw the clouds rolling in and no doubt it would bring a rain and a cold that would bring so much pain into that sick boy. No more could I stand the sight of my wife down on herself then I could watch my boy in more pain then he has been in for this past year. I thought about two years ago when the boys dog went blind and ill. We had to take him out back and put the old thing out of his misery.
Trudging back into the room I brought myself barely standing next to the boy with tears now rolling down my eyes. "Now listen here boy," I had no idea if he was even capable of hearing my words, "there's a storm rolling in and I know it's too much to bear for you." My wife looked up at me with a fierce look in her eye. "I'm going to send you to a better place now and I'm sure your ma and pa will be there soon to join ya." I took the pillow from underneath his head and put my hand over it where his young beautiful face was. His mother clawed at me hollering and screaming 'til the boys death rattle kicked and finished.
She looked to me and said, "I will never bare another one of your boys again," she turned and walked out the door.
In the morning the ground was muddy and the sky was gray and cold. The sun had hidden its warmth away from the world and left a murky gloom from every horizon. I got a shovel from the shed and plunged deep in the mud that splashed up into my face. I was about three feet deep when Johnny, the local law man, came around. "What is it that you're doing there?" he asked.
"I had to put my boy down last night," I said with tears and muck rolling in and out of my mouth, "I knew he couldn't stand the coming weather."
Johnny took of his hat and crouched down next to the hole, "now why did you go and do that. You knew we had a doc coming in from out of town in a few weeks."
I dropped my shovel and looked up at him, "There ain't anything that doc could have done any different from any of our docs and you know as well as I do that boy did not deserve any more pain."
Johnny shook his head, stood up and put his hat back on. "Well, ya know now you broke the law. And we're going to have to put you down for murdering your son." He looked away towards the darkening clouds, "We going to have to hang ya in the morning."
"You can hang me after I dig my boy's grave," I continued to dig "And let me dig my own next to my boys before you string me up." Johnny only nodded and did not say another word.
After I was done burying my boy and digging my own I stood in front of the noose that hung from the tree next to the swing I built for my boy in the spring. My wife stood there watching with the same fierce look in her eye at me waiting for my neck to snap or for me to hang there suffering until I let go. Johnny asked if I had any last words or requests before they strung me up. I said, "I know you hate me, but tell my boy I love him when you get to heaven. I won't get to see him again where I'm going." Johnny kicked the stool beneath me and with a snap of my neck I was gone along with my boy, buried deep in the sullen earth to remain for the rest of eternity.