Disconsolate.
It came around to that night again, where there would be no way for me to know what time it was at all. I could not tell the difference between the warmth of my body and the warmth of yours. Everything in my life could have come crashing down on me at any second and the world could have collapsed and there would be no way to tell them apart at all. You were fast asleep making your little noises and every time I reached for your hand your subconscious pulled away. It was not something that I felt I needed, this time it was something I felt I wanted.
I rolled away as far as I could to disconnect myself and to huddle at the very edge knowing at any moment I could fall off, but you would have never known the difference. By this time my heart was nearly beating out of my chest and it made my body feel like it would fall into pieces if I did not move. So, I sat up and listened to the same track from an album which played on repeat for the last several hours. Looking over my shoulder I saw her with the blanket pulled off her naked body, she had a blue tint. The television was on and emitted a blue glow that blanketed the room. It all seemed so nice, so I got up and went to the bathroom to drain myself.
Standing naked in front of my mirror you could tell that all my nights were longer then my days and wore me to a shivering unnoticeable existence. There was a ring around the inside of my eyes that look like a trail of blood with a puddle collected at the bottom of my eyelids. I could barely drag myself back to bed, back to wear you lay unconsciously awaiting a companion you have never sought.
When I got into bed you sat up and asked without even glancing at me where you were. I made up a name and the only thing you replied with was an unsure noise rejecting the answer I had given you and laid back down. Our memories have never served us well taking prescriptions that were never prescribed and other substances never legalized. So, I wondered what would happen if I were to say the words, “I love you.”
Without uttering a single word I made a wish that I would never have the ability to utter any words from my lips ever again and from before that moment as well. Even now without meaningless words my mind is in a hell where I am the devil finding any way to devastate and torture my soul, but physically I still hold on to you with no hope and no needs and nothing real.
I rolled away as far as I could to disconnect myself and to huddle at the very edge knowing at any moment I could fall off, but you would have never known the difference. By this time my heart was nearly beating out of my chest and it made my body feel like it would fall into pieces if I did not move. So, I sat up and listened to the same track from an album which played on repeat for the last several hours. Looking over my shoulder I saw her with the blanket pulled off her naked body, she had a blue tint. The television was on and emitted a blue glow that blanketed the room. It all seemed so nice, so I got up and went to the bathroom to drain myself.
Standing naked in front of my mirror you could tell that all my nights were longer then my days and wore me to a shivering unnoticeable existence. There was a ring around the inside of my eyes that look like a trail of blood with a puddle collected at the bottom of my eyelids. I could barely drag myself back to bed, back to wear you lay unconsciously awaiting a companion you have never sought.
When I got into bed you sat up and asked without even glancing at me where you were. I made up a name and the only thing you replied with was an unsure noise rejecting the answer I had given you and laid back down. Our memories have never served us well taking prescriptions that were never prescribed and other substances never legalized. So, I wondered what would happen if I were to say the words, “I love you.”
Without uttering a single word I made a wish that I would never have the ability to utter any words from my lips ever again and from before that moment as well. Even now without meaningless words my mind is in a hell where I am the devil finding any way to devastate and torture my soul, but physically I still hold on to you with no hope and no needs and nothing real.