Obligations of friendship
As late as the early 1800's in the Balkans, when a woman wanted to protect her son from sickness if she thought he had been cursed by "the evil eye," she would rub her vagina vigorously and then gently rub her son's face ("Balkan Erotic Epic" Marina Abramovic). Obviously that is not the sort of thing we do for our children in our culture, but it highlights the arbitrariness of what we call obligatory: just as it might seem outrageous to rub vaginal fluid on a child's face to some, to others it might seem pointless to kindly and politely wait for a beloved relative to stop being annoying instead of smacking them down like anyone else.
It's been said that friends are the family that you choose, and with the feeling of family comes feelings of obligation. But even for family, these obligations are entirely manufactured. I understand the value of maintaining old friendships, but sometimes a friendship causes more stress than it relieves, and you start to realize that you might be playing the part of a friend out of some obligation that might seem completely insane to another culture. In cases where the friend is friendly and understanding and willing to hear and address concerns and constructive criticism, then it would certainly be better to enter a dialogue so the two parties can grow together. But in cases where the friend is so stupid they think everything is a battle and so defensive that they can't pick their battles, making quiet and polite conversation impossible, then you really have no choice but to write them off.
I could try and remain friends with someone who is so argumentative that he won't even let me accept his apology without yelling at me for abstract and mysterious reasons. I could always endeavor to change the topic of conversation to video games and remind myself that being exceptionally agreeable is of the utmost importance. And while we might be able to drink and play video games together, the stupid yelling would still start. I wouldn't suffer myself to be around a family member who did this unless they have a brain tumor, but when the "family you can choose" doesn't really have a brain tumor, the only reason to continue the association is nostalgia.
It's been said that friends are the family that you choose, and with the feeling of family comes feelings of obligation. But even for family, these obligations are entirely manufactured. I understand the value of maintaining old friendships, but sometimes a friendship causes more stress than it relieves, and you start to realize that you might be playing the part of a friend out of some obligation that might seem completely insane to another culture. In cases where the friend is friendly and understanding and willing to hear and address concerns and constructive criticism, then it would certainly be better to enter a dialogue so the two parties can grow together. But in cases where the friend is so stupid they think everything is a battle and so defensive that they can't pick their battles, making quiet and polite conversation impossible, then you really have no choice but to write them off.
I could try and remain friends with someone who is so argumentative that he won't even let me accept his apology without yelling at me for abstract and mysterious reasons. I could always endeavor to change the topic of conversation to video games and remind myself that being exceptionally agreeable is of the utmost importance. And while we might be able to drink and play video games together, the stupid yelling would still start. I wouldn't suffer myself to be around a family member who did this unless they have a brain tumor, but when the "family you can choose" doesn't really have a brain tumor, the only reason to continue the association is nostalgia.