Narcoleptic monkeys are the best!
You have a new message! Be sure to send this message to at least X number people, or you will have bad luck for 12.73 seconds (Where X = pi*r*r where r is the circumference of your big toe in centimeters, and pi is yummy). Well, not necessarily BAD luck, just not really really good luck. So you won't, like, win the lottery or anything on those 12 seconds. Not that you would anyway, it's just that it's gong to be even MORE unlikely. Right.
This is NOT a chain letter. It just looks like one. So send it to people, or your luck will take a drastic turn for... um... Okay, your luck won't change noticeably! So send it to people, so that your luck won't change at all! Because... um.. I guess because I'm hoping you might be gullible enough to do it, maybe. Or maybe you don't want your luck to think that you don't care about it, so you're going to send it out (which is about the same as being gullible, since an email can't change your luck.... or CAN it?) Or maybe you just liked it enough to send it to people.
Or maybe you just hate the thought of breaking chain letters. But this isn't a chain letter. Honestly. Because those are stupid, and this is.... um... Well, it's stupid, but still not a chain letter.
Okay, now it's time for the actual message part of the letter which is not a chain letter - send it to X people, or you’re a coldhearted bastard, and you’ll have broken the chain which isn’t really a chain.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Joe. Joe was about 25 years old. He led a fairly productive life, being assistant to the assistant of the assistant to an assistant’s assistant. He was quite good at his job, and did lots of assisting. One day, though, his boss came in and told him he was fired due to a small error he had made on some paperwork about two minutes beforehand.
This crushed poor Joe’s spirit. He was so good at his job, and all he did was make one simple mistake and got fired! Joe started to empty out his desk, but was overcome by emotion and broke down, sobbing in the middle of the office. It was so overwhelming that Joe felt overwhelmed.
After a minute, Jeanette, his co-worker (An assistant to the assistant’s assistant assistant) came over to Joe’s desk and placed a hand comfortingly on his back.
“What’s wrong?” she asked the distraught Joe.
“I got fired for making one small mathematical error with my paperwork,” Joe sobbed, distraught.
“That’s outrageous! There’s no way they can get away with firing you for that,” she said, noticing Joe’s distraughtness and trying to comfort him.
Still distraught, Joe replied “Yeah, well they did. Now I’m going to end up homeless and begging on the streets! I’ve got nowhere to go and no job to get a place to live!”
“Don’t worry, Joe, there’s no need to be distraught. I’ll think of something,” Jeanette consoled him.
At the precise moment (It was 7:42:13.45624733264235679 pm) Betty, another of Joe’s co-workers (Jeanette’s assistant) noticed that Joe looked distraught and went to his desk to find out what was wrong. She placed a hand comfortingly on his distraught back and looked into his distraught eyes.
“He just got fired for making a small paperwork mistake!” exclaimed Jeanette in a not entirely un-distraught manner.
Betty agreed that something must be done to help Joe. It was unfair that this should happen to him. Distraught.
Within minutes, about three dozen assistants of various degrees were comforting Joe, hands comfortingly on is back, though they were quickly running out of room there. Everyone was trying to think of a way to get Joe his job back.
“I know!” exclaimed Jeanette! “We’ll all quit if they don’t give Joe back his job! There’s no way they’d be willing to lose all of us!”
The entire group, except for Joe who stayed at his desk, being too distraught to go on, marched right up to the boss’s office and demanded that Joe get his job back, or they’d all quit! The usually cold, callous boss seemed nervous to be confronted by this many people. His straight visage was starting to show signs of stress. The assistants knew they had him.
“Joe’s job was to calculate trajectories of nuclear missiles. His ‘error’ destroyed half of New York City, and I have to explain that to the world in fifteen minutes during a press conference!” the boss told the crowd.
“Oh,” said the assistants, and they went back to work, avoiding eye contact with Joe until he left, whereupon they all breathed a sigh of relief.
Okay, that’s all for the story part of the non-chain letter.
If you don’t send this letter to X number of people, Joe’s other mistake that nobody caught yet will land on your house.
So do it.
But this is not a chain letter.
This is NOT a chain letter. It just looks like one. So send it to people, or your luck will take a drastic turn for... um... Okay, your luck won't change noticeably! So send it to people, so that your luck won't change at all! Because... um.. I guess because I'm hoping you might be gullible enough to do it, maybe. Or maybe you don't want your luck to think that you don't care about it, so you're going to send it out (which is about the same as being gullible, since an email can't change your luck.... or CAN it?) Or maybe you just liked it enough to send it to people.
Or maybe you just hate the thought of breaking chain letters. But this isn't a chain letter. Honestly. Because those are stupid, and this is.... um... Well, it's stupid, but still not a chain letter.
Okay, now it's time for the actual message part of the letter which is not a chain letter - send it to X people, or you’re a coldhearted bastard, and you’ll have broken the chain which isn’t really a chain.
Once upon a time, there was a man named Joe. Joe was about 25 years old. He led a fairly productive life, being assistant to the assistant of the assistant to an assistant’s assistant. He was quite good at his job, and did lots of assisting. One day, though, his boss came in and told him he was fired due to a small error he had made on some paperwork about two minutes beforehand.
This crushed poor Joe’s spirit. He was so good at his job, and all he did was make one simple mistake and got fired! Joe started to empty out his desk, but was overcome by emotion and broke down, sobbing in the middle of the office. It was so overwhelming that Joe felt overwhelmed.
After a minute, Jeanette, his co-worker (An assistant to the assistant’s assistant assistant) came over to Joe’s desk and placed a hand comfortingly on his back.
“What’s wrong?” she asked the distraught Joe.
“I got fired for making one small mathematical error with my paperwork,” Joe sobbed, distraught.
“That’s outrageous! There’s no way they can get away with firing you for that,” she said, noticing Joe’s distraughtness and trying to comfort him.
Still distraught, Joe replied “Yeah, well they did. Now I’m going to end up homeless and begging on the streets! I’ve got nowhere to go and no job to get a place to live!”
“Don’t worry, Joe, there’s no need to be distraught. I’ll think of something,” Jeanette consoled him.
At the precise moment (It was 7:42:13.45624733264235679 pm) Betty, another of Joe’s co-workers (Jeanette’s assistant) noticed that Joe looked distraught and went to his desk to find out what was wrong. She placed a hand comfortingly on his distraught back and looked into his distraught eyes.
“He just got fired for making a small paperwork mistake!” exclaimed Jeanette in a not entirely un-distraught manner.
Betty agreed that something must be done to help Joe. It was unfair that this should happen to him. Distraught.
Within minutes, about three dozen assistants of various degrees were comforting Joe, hands comfortingly on is back, though they were quickly running out of room there. Everyone was trying to think of a way to get Joe his job back.
“I know!” exclaimed Jeanette! “We’ll all quit if they don’t give Joe back his job! There’s no way they’d be willing to lose all of us!”
The entire group, except for Joe who stayed at his desk, being too distraught to go on, marched right up to the boss’s office and demanded that Joe get his job back, or they’d all quit! The usually cold, callous boss seemed nervous to be confronted by this many people. His straight visage was starting to show signs of stress. The assistants knew they had him.
“Joe’s job was to calculate trajectories of nuclear missiles. His ‘error’ destroyed half of New York City, and I have to explain that to the world in fifteen minutes during a press conference!” the boss told the crowd.
“Oh,” said the assistants, and they went back to work, avoiding eye contact with Joe until he left, whereupon they all breathed a sigh of relief.
Okay, that’s all for the story part of the non-chain letter.
If you don’t send this letter to X number of people, Joe’s other mistake that nobody caught yet will land on your house.
So do it.
But this is not a chain letter.