Uncle Frankie has the blues so bad, he got a cut and painted his room periwinkle with his blood.
Yeah, It's been a while again. But here's another eight-hundred-some-odd words for your ocular titilation.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am honored to stand here, before you all today. I would like to thank the Board for allowing me this chance to discuss Dr. Clarence Eugene’s new theory. I believe that with your cooperation, I will be able to prove to you all what a lying, conniving bastard Dr. Eugene really is.
To start with, the entire theory regarding these electrons’ effect on the overall performance of the accelerator is based on so much Spartan ignorance - a term with origins deep within Sparta’s dark ages. Sometime around Crete’s golden age of information, the people living in Crete, or Cretins, as they preferred to be called, had been a barbaric people prior to the great sense of community and jingoism that naturally followed the establishment of a limitlessly effective communications network (After the invention of the firearm in 1335 BCE - which those in Crete decided was a tool well adapted to the rigors of surviving in an era of barbarism due to its ability to convey discontent and/or superiority (The former ran rampant in the area) to another person via a high-speed projectile which, if used correctly, would enter the person not using the firearm, effectively communicating the general feelings of the Cretin with the gun - society in Crete began to flourish). During the expansion of the Cretin empire which relied heavily on in-depth communication, the Cretins encountered the small land of Sparta - names as such by Crete because it was incredibly spartan. There was very little in the way of household furniture, personal knick-knacks, high quality electronics, and even the land itself contained not a single flowering plant. The Cretins didn’t care much for Sparta or for those who lived there. In fact, the indigenous Spartans soon acquired the epithet “Holey McHolertons” as a result of Crete’s attempts to communicate with the Spartans. The main idea that was conveyed across the Spartan/Cretin language barrier via hot lead was that Cretins believed themselves to be better stronger and smarter than the Spartans. After Crete absorbed the Spartan empire into its own territory, a law was passed and dubbed “Spartan ignorance.” This law allowed Cretins to kill whatever Spartans they wanted to, simply because Spartans, by comparison, were far worse communicators.
But I digress. Clearly, Dr. Eugene’s theory is completely invalid. He assumes that all items in column A of the chart I forgot to bring a copy of for you are compatible with those found in column B of the other chart I forgot to bring. This assumption is completely false, as is the assumption that his research was anything but second, third or maybe even seventh-rate. For too long has his researching methods shone as a beacon of hope for those among us who would deign to cut corners with their own research, to let their assumptions and personal agendas fill in any gaps that may - and do - exist. He seems fully comfortable in divulging his ignorance and unwillingness to admit defeat be allowing us to evaluate his theory. Today, I had intended to make fully available the information I have accumulated which with throw red granite bricks of justice into the lazily grinding gears of Dr. Eugene’s sloppy work, but I forgot to being any of the proof. Regardless, I will quench the light he has ignited to show others how to cheat their way through life. I will call the fire department of integrity to douse that fickle flame with thousands of gallons of dedication, and, furthermore, I will involve the police of righteousness and get them to investigate the vandalized, arsonized building of honor, the very one he seeks to destroy, for signs of insurance fraud. I will clap his mosquito of shortcutting between the sturdy palms of unflappable research.
Allow me to begin this discussion with a story. Fifty three years, ten months, six days, seven hours and, oh, about fifteen minutes ago, Dr. Eugene forced his way into this world, clawing his slimy way out of his mother’s uterus and was officially declared born by a real medical doctor. Since that moment, he has done nothing but cheat and lie in order to gain personal standing, to amass wealth, to bolster his prestige, and to gain more dark-side points (He is a strong believer in the Force, and furthermore, is convinced that how attuned to the Yoda-light or Darth Vader-dark side of its spectrum can me measured in numerical “points”). In kindergarten, he blamed the cutting off of the classroom’s beloved hamster’s stubby tail on his bathroom buddy, Todd, when the tail was still attached to the hamster. In the third grade, he told his teacher that he had completed and handed in his homework assignment, while later bragging to his playground pals that he had not. His eighth grade science fair idea was stolen from an episode of “Happy Days.” Need I go on? I thought not.
Now that you can see Dr. Eugene for what he truly is, I trust that you will be more willing to see the obvious holes in his research. To start with-
Oh, pardon me. I seem to have run out of time. Enjoy the banquet, everyone.
No, that’s okay, I’ll show myself out.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am honored to stand here, before you all today. I would like to thank the Board for allowing me this chance to discuss Dr. Clarence Eugene’s new theory. I believe that with your cooperation, I will be able to prove to you all what a lying, conniving bastard Dr. Eugene really is.
To start with, the entire theory regarding these electrons’ effect on the overall performance of the accelerator is based on so much Spartan ignorance - a term with origins deep within Sparta’s dark ages. Sometime around Crete’s golden age of information, the people living in Crete, or Cretins, as they preferred to be called, had been a barbaric people prior to the great sense of community and jingoism that naturally followed the establishment of a limitlessly effective communications network (After the invention of the firearm in 1335 BCE - which those in Crete decided was a tool well adapted to the rigors of surviving in an era of barbarism due to its ability to convey discontent and/or superiority (The former ran rampant in the area) to another person via a high-speed projectile which, if used correctly, would enter the person not using the firearm, effectively communicating the general feelings of the Cretin with the gun - society in Crete began to flourish). During the expansion of the Cretin empire which relied heavily on in-depth communication, the Cretins encountered the small land of Sparta - names as such by Crete because it was incredibly spartan. There was very little in the way of household furniture, personal knick-knacks, high quality electronics, and even the land itself contained not a single flowering plant. The Cretins didn’t care much for Sparta or for those who lived there. In fact, the indigenous Spartans soon acquired the epithet “Holey McHolertons” as a result of Crete’s attempts to communicate with the Spartans. The main idea that was conveyed across the Spartan/Cretin language barrier via hot lead was that Cretins believed themselves to be better stronger and smarter than the Spartans. After Crete absorbed the Spartan empire into its own territory, a law was passed and dubbed “Spartan ignorance.” This law allowed Cretins to kill whatever Spartans they wanted to, simply because Spartans, by comparison, were far worse communicators.
But I digress. Clearly, Dr. Eugene’s theory is completely invalid. He assumes that all items in column A of the chart I forgot to bring a copy of for you are compatible with those found in column B of the other chart I forgot to bring. This assumption is completely false, as is the assumption that his research was anything but second, third or maybe even seventh-rate. For too long has his researching methods shone as a beacon of hope for those among us who would deign to cut corners with their own research, to let their assumptions and personal agendas fill in any gaps that may - and do - exist. He seems fully comfortable in divulging his ignorance and unwillingness to admit defeat be allowing us to evaluate his theory. Today, I had intended to make fully available the information I have accumulated which with throw red granite bricks of justice into the lazily grinding gears of Dr. Eugene’s sloppy work, but I forgot to being any of the proof. Regardless, I will quench the light he has ignited to show others how to cheat their way through life. I will call the fire department of integrity to douse that fickle flame with thousands of gallons of dedication, and, furthermore, I will involve the police of righteousness and get them to investigate the vandalized, arsonized building of honor, the very one he seeks to destroy, for signs of insurance fraud. I will clap his mosquito of shortcutting between the sturdy palms of unflappable research.
Allow me to begin this discussion with a story. Fifty three years, ten months, six days, seven hours and, oh, about fifteen minutes ago, Dr. Eugene forced his way into this world, clawing his slimy way out of his mother’s uterus and was officially declared born by a real medical doctor. Since that moment, he has done nothing but cheat and lie in order to gain personal standing, to amass wealth, to bolster his prestige, and to gain more dark-side points (He is a strong believer in the Force, and furthermore, is convinced that how attuned to the Yoda-light or Darth Vader-dark side of its spectrum can me measured in numerical “points”). In kindergarten, he blamed the cutting off of the classroom’s beloved hamster’s stubby tail on his bathroom buddy, Todd, when the tail was still attached to the hamster. In the third grade, he told his teacher that he had completed and handed in his homework assignment, while later bragging to his playground pals that he had not. His eighth grade science fair idea was stolen from an episode of “Happy Days.” Need I go on? I thought not.
Now that you can see Dr. Eugene for what he truly is, I trust that you will be more willing to see the obvious holes in his research. To start with-
Oh, pardon me. I seem to have run out of time. Enjoy the banquet, everyone.
No, that’s okay, I’ll show myself out.