the day from fucking hell
lets set the tone: i got my civil war paper back, it was an A, a low A, but getting back any major grade is a stress for me.
plus im feeling sick
so im assigned and prepared to make my final speech in class today. its a quickly written speech about how much i love julien and our memories of aguacates, assfest, christopherryan.com, the pepsi song, and slamming his head into things. its a puff piece, meant to make people laugh.
so the first girl gets up, does a speech on how much she loves her mom. then a boy gets up and does a speech on how much he loves mr. rogers. both light hearted speeches.
then a boy gets up and does a eulogy to his little sister who died in july. she was 13, had been battling cancer for 3 years, had a major lung disease, was amazingly brave for a little girl. i am sitting in my desk weeping. i cant stop. im crying in front of my whole class.
and my teacher looks over to me. ITS MY TURN TO GO GIVE MY SPEECH. i walk up to the podium and START CRYING AGAIN after i look at that boy. like SOBBING, leaning my head on the podium, trying to talk but not really making any legitimate words. im babbling and crying in front of my whole class. i run to my seat.
*3* other students give their speeches before i can finally gain my composure. i cried through their speeches too. by now my face is blood red, dry and crusty, and all my eyeliner is gone on an entire mini-pack of kleenex. i look like more ass than usual. and i get up, give my speech, still wiping my tears to talk about julien and i and our problematic skin. i have no idea how i did it. i have no idea how that boy is in school after his sister died. i cant stop thinking about it. everyone came up to me after class and asked me if i was ok. of course im ok!!! ASK THE BOY WITH THE DEAD SISTER HOW HE IS. but i still couldnt stop crying. it was like my worst nightmare. when i start, i cant stop - its like peeing.
i am a big fucking dork.
plus im feeling sick
so im assigned and prepared to make my final speech in class today. its a quickly written speech about how much i love julien and our memories of aguacates, assfest, christopherryan.com, the pepsi song, and slamming his head into things. its a puff piece, meant to make people laugh.
so the first girl gets up, does a speech on how much she loves her mom. then a boy gets up and does a speech on how much he loves mr. rogers. both light hearted speeches.
then a boy gets up and does a eulogy to his little sister who died in july. she was 13, had been battling cancer for 3 years, had a major lung disease, was amazingly brave for a little girl. i am sitting in my desk weeping. i cant stop. im crying in front of my whole class.
and my teacher looks over to me. ITS MY TURN TO GO GIVE MY SPEECH. i walk up to the podium and START CRYING AGAIN after i look at that boy. like SOBBING, leaning my head on the podium, trying to talk but not really making any legitimate words. im babbling and crying in front of my whole class. i run to my seat.
*3* other students give their speeches before i can finally gain my composure. i cried through their speeches too. by now my face is blood red, dry and crusty, and all my eyeliner is gone on an entire mini-pack of kleenex. i look like more ass than usual. and i get up, give my speech, still wiping my tears to talk about julien and i and our problematic skin. i have no idea how i did it. i have no idea how that boy is in school after his sister died. i cant stop thinking about it. everyone came up to me after class and asked me if i was ok. of course im ok!!! ASK THE BOY WITH THE DEAD SISTER HOW HE IS. but i still couldnt stop crying. it was like my worst nightmare. when i start, i cant stop - its like peeing.
i am a big fucking dork.