badbreathupdate
my lungs wont open. i cant smoke. i cant eat. i have no boys. i am alone. being sick makes my pathetic life all the more vivid. i'll go to sleep for an hour and dream about the conclusions to shows or conversations including myself. im having these romance dreams about celebrities. i cant even focus on real people anymore because they are hopeless. the celebrities are unreal and even more hopeless and i wont have to suffer the embarrassment of trying and failing. so far, its been brad pitt in meet joe black and the sexy cop from the first season of charmed (i knew that show would hurt me in the end).
dont let me mix cold medicine and whiskey again. disastrous. i couldnt feel body parts and i chased that boy with blue saucers for eyes around with cake. i accused the strokes boys of hating me. i want to disappear at all times. dont let me get drunk enough to make myself visible. no one notices me and im starting to appreciate my condition.
maybe i'll use my current sickness to cut my smoking habit. and i've let myself cut all my food habits (1 meal a day for...6 days now)i want to live everyday like crazy catholics live lent. i want to give up everything i enjoy. i want to become a monk. a violent, self -flagellating one like in the scarlet letter. hedonism wont work for a person like me.
i told collin to not come and visit. derek cancelled our plans, he got a girlfriend. me and happiness are two things that are not meant to be. i should stop wasting my time.
dont let me mix cold medicine and whiskey again. disastrous. i couldnt feel body parts and i chased that boy with blue saucers for eyes around with cake. i accused the strokes boys of hating me. i want to disappear at all times. dont let me get drunk enough to make myself visible. no one notices me and im starting to appreciate my condition.
maybe i'll use my current sickness to cut my smoking habit. and i've let myself cut all my food habits (1 meal a day for...6 days now)i want to live everyday like crazy catholics live lent. i want to give up everything i enjoy. i want to become a monk. a violent, self -flagellating one like in the scarlet letter. hedonism wont work for a person like me.
i told collin to not come and visit. derek cancelled our plans, he got a girlfriend. me and happiness are two things that are not meant to be. i should stop wasting my time.