(weekend edition)
The same verse in the song "The New Style" by The Beastie Boys from their album "Licensed To Ill" with my reaction in the style of personal narrative: 1986-2009
THE VERSE
"I've got money and juice
twin sisters in my bed
their father had envy
so I shot him in the head"
1986
Did they actually do that? Did they go to jail? Their Dad probably died! You always die from getting shot in the head. So they should have gone to jail. So maybe they're out now, on good behavior. Does this kind of stuff happen a lot? No. These are bad men, talking about things they've done. Why did somebody give them a record deal? But still...everybody likes this album. Kevin says everyone in his junior high listens to this, so it has to be good. He does, too. I need to ask him what "juice" is supposed to mean, too. Is it just juice? It can't be just juice because these rap guys have a different way to say everything. I should probably turn the stereo down because if my parents hear this they're going to throw the cassette away.
1991
This is so out-dated. It's stupid, too. They're just a bunch of stupid jocks, talking about stupid shit that doesn't matter. It's for the intellectual underclass, which is about everybody, mindless sheep who listen to mindless pop music. I'm glad I don't listen to sophomoric crap like this and found good music instead, stuff that nobody around here has the good taste to listen to. I don't belong here in this ignorant city. I need to go somewhere where people know a thing or two about what's good. I mean, why do I still own this? It's embarrassing. I should go throw this away.
No, better yet. I know what I should do. I should set it on fire.
1996
Hell yeaaah, two girls at the same time. I need to get some of that action. That would be so fucking cool. I'll go to that party with Rob tonight. He said there will be plenty of beer and tons of drunk chicks. Maybe if I play my cards right. I should tell them I'm a musician...that should do it.
I bet this album is great when you're fucked up. Old school, man, yeah, that is good when you're high. I should see if I can find any weed. Who has weed? Maybe Scott has some. I think he said something the other night about scoring some. Or at least knows someone. I'll go see him at work. No, shit, wait. He said he'd get in trouble if I came by again. Wait, is he at work? I should go find out anyway. Not go in or anything. If he is I'll just wait in the parking lot until he gets off.
How great would it be to fuck two chicks at the same time?
2000
No seriously, why haven't I been in a threesome at least once? Am I not cool enough or something? I know other people who have done it, and I don't see how I'm any different than they are. Okay, maybe I've let myself go a little bit in the last couple of years. Doesn't that happen when you're in a long-term relationship, though? Time's running out here. I need to get back in shape. Wait, what difference does it make if I'm in shape?
Lesley would be up for it, though. She mentioned wanting to try that once when we were first getting together, with another girl, and I kind of freaked out, and she kind of freaked out because I freaked out. Why the hell did I act like that? I should have been like, "If that's something you'd like to do, then I'd be interested in exploring that with you" or "When you get off, that gets me off, baby." But no, I had to be stupid. That's the reason why it hasn't happened to me: it's because I'm an idiot. And I'm even more so for thinking that something like this is important in the first place.
2005
I still know every single word to this song. That's weird, how that works.
Well. While it's reasonable to suggest that two sisters might lose track of themselves in the glare of celebrity's light, because this was recorded probably several months before anyone had ever heard of the Beastie Boys, if it were true (and I doubt it is) then these women are truly of the lowest common denominator, and I would worry about the psychological fallout from being intimate with your own twin sister after "the party's over." I would imagine it would obliterate any semblance of a normal relationship with your sister. After the alcohol or the meth or whatever wears off, could you even look the other one in the eye, after that? Or, nevermind that, what about looking at yourself?
I know I have trouble with it, after one of those long nights.
At least when those long nights used to happen.
2009
Those kids were so cute, back then.
THE VERSE
"I've got money and juice
twin sisters in my bed
their father had envy
so I shot him in the head"
1986
Did they actually do that? Did they go to jail? Their Dad probably died! You always die from getting shot in the head. So they should have gone to jail. So maybe they're out now, on good behavior. Does this kind of stuff happen a lot? No. These are bad men, talking about things they've done. Why did somebody give them a record deal? But still...everybody likes this album. Kevin says everyone in his junior high listens to this, so it has to be good. He does, too. I need to ask him what "juice" is supposed to mean, too. Is it just juice? It can't be just juice because these rap guys have a different way to say everything. I should probably turn the stereo down because if my parents hear this they're going to throw the cassette away.
1991
This is so out-dated. It's stupid, too. They're just a bunch of stupid jocks, talking about stupid shit that doesn't matter. It's for the intellectual underclass, which is about everybody, mindless sheep who listen to mindless pop music. I'm glad I don't listen to sophomoric crap like this and found good music instead, stuff that nobody around here has the good taste to listen to. I don't belong here in this ignorant city. I need to go somewhere where people know a thing or two about what's good. I mean, why do I still own this? It's embarrassing. I should go throw this away.
No, better yet. I know what I should do. I should set it on fire.
1996
Hell yeaaah, two girls at the same time. I need to get some of that action. That would be so fucking cool. I'll go to that party with Rob tonight. He said there will be plenty of beer and tons of drunk chicks. Maybe if I play my cards right. I should tell them I'm a musician...that should do it.
I bet this album is great when you're fucked up. Old school, man, yeah, that is good when you're high. I should see if I can find any weed. Who has weed? Maybe Scott has some. I think he said something the other night about scoring some. Or at least knows someone. I'll go see him at work. No, shit, wait. He said he'd get in trouble if I came by again. Wait, is he at work? I should go find out anyway. Not go in or anything. If he is I'll just wait in the parking lot until he gets off.
How great would it be to fuck two chicks at the same time?
2000
No seriously, why haven't I been in a threesome at least once? Am I not cool enough or something? I know other people who have done it, and I don't see how I'm any different than they are. Okay, maybe I've let myself go a little bit in the last couple of years. Doesn't that happen when you're in a long-term relationship, though? Time's running out here. I need to get back in shape. Wait, what difference does it make if I'm in shape?
Lesley would be up for it, though. She mentioned wanting to try that once when we were first getting together, with another girl, and I kind of freaked out, and she kind of freaked out because I freaked out. Why the hell did I act like that? I should have been like, "If that's something you'd like to do, then I'd be interested in exploring that with you" or "When you get off, that gets me off, baby." But no, I had to be stupid. That's the reason why it hasn't happened to me: it's because I'm an idiot. And I'm even more so for thinking that something like this is important in the first place.
2005
I still know every single word to this song. That's weird, how that works.
Well. While it's reasonable to suggest that two sisters might lose track of themselves in the glare of celebrity's light, because this was recorded probably several months before anyone had ever heard of the Beastie Boys, if it were true (and I doubt it is) then these women are truly of the lowest common denominator, and I would worry about the psychological fallout from being intimate with your own twin sister after "the party's over." I would imagine it would obliterate any semblance of a normal relationship with your sister. After the alcohol or the meth or whatever wears off, could you even look the other one in the eye, after that? Or, nevermind that, what about looking at yourself?
I know I have trouble with it, after one of those long nights.
At least when those long nights used to happen.
2009
Those kids were so cute, back then.