When I read your entries, I realize that the world is ending-- but not in a catastrophic fashion so much as the slow cosmic way. I also unfailingly feel a little guilty. On one of my more recent entries, you wrote:
But seriously, you are winning. I sometimes suspect that you don't even know how badly you're winning right now. And you probably don't think you're head's together all the time, but everybody thinks that. My advice to you: take a look around. A good look around. And then glance, ever-so-casually and briefly, at yourself.And I'm always so mired in my lack of relationship drama and freaking out about graduate school that I totally don't see what is apparently obvious to everyone else. On Friday, my friends threw me a surprise party. For reals. And I was actually surprised. I think it restored some sort of joy to my otherwise longstanding mopiness
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It's probably dangerous - as I see it - to run around thinking we're all that and a bag of chips all the time. A lot of what we have going on for ourselves, that key element in how we present ourselves to the rest of the world, it's all mental, and thinking that you're charming would probably somehow erase all that charm in the first place. It seems like people are eager to put me in my place if I get a big head, and while in the end I'll thank them for that it's embarassing things had to go that way at all, so I try not to do that.
People are kind of weird. One moment they'll praise you up and down, the next they're on your case because you actually listened to all the good things they said about you. What is it that we really want
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That sounds like a typical day to me. I often wonder similar things, like, would I be as miserable as I imagine if I stayed in MO, or what if I'd been out here my whole life, or I wonder if San Francisco would be a better place to live
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I just can't see it being that way for me. I'm too much of an observer. Even when I'm at my most occupied and exhausted I'll still look around and take notes. It would actually be cool to be able to turn that whole thing off for an extended amount of time, to give myself a vacation, but without the aid of probably lots of mood-altering drugs I can't see that happening ever.
And, yeah..the OC isn't at all like MO, dear. I've driven around by myself in the middle of the night through both of these places.
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You know... it's posts like this one that make me remember why I'm so smitten with you, Jay. Not that I could ever really forget.
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But seriously, you are winning. I sometimes suspect that you don't even know how badly you're winning right now. And you probably don't think you're head's together all the time, but everybody thinks that. My advice to you: take a look around. A good look around. And then glance, ever-so-casually and briefly, at yourself.And I'm always so mired in my lack of relationship drama and freaking out about graduate school that I totally don't see what is apparently obvious to everyone else. On Friday, my friends threw me a surprise party. For reals. And I was actually surprised. I think it restored some sort of joy to my otherwise longstanding mopiness ( ... )
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People are kind of weird. One moment they'll praise you up and down, the next they're on your case because you actually listened to all the good things they said about you. What is it that we really want ( ... )
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And, yeah..the OC isn't at all like MO, dear. I've driven around by myself in the middle of the night through both of these places.
Demonstrations, though? Good for them. :)
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but being a bit selfish, I can't help but wish they'd stay out of the street! My commute is long enough LOL!
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ha ha ha ha
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