Douche Mcfarland
Today jimmy jangle punched a light bulb and right as he puched it janey jingle exploded in to pieces and as the pieces hit the ground the vaporized, and the vapor rose up together and formed another random character that I'm about to make up, cause I never do that. It was no other than Douche McFarland in a disguise, you couldnt see his face, but we all knew it was Douch McFarland, cause he says the stupidest shit. He limps up to you and says "so uhh, wassup, uhh, I have hemoroids and they itch me real bad like." So then he'll try to bum some preparation H off you, and won't stop, but you don't have preparation H in you pocket, and he keeps yamerring on about how much his sphinctor hurts, and you want him to shut the hell up, but you can't yell because you know you would be want some prep H if he was in you situation, then he starts scratching up his ass, and your totally disguisted because "i mean come on dude people can see your hand up your crack", and finally he takes his hand out and then he sniffs it, and you want to throw up because you know that is the most foul smelling hand in the world, and then you do throw up, and as your throwing up you realize this is the longest sentence you've ever read, and that the author isn't going to stop, because he likes fucking with your head cause he's messed up like that, i mean he isnt really messed up, he just comes off weird, its not like i'm saying he's gay just a little limp-wristed you know, i mean do you think he's gay, yeah me neither, and then you realize that you are the author, and you kinda just called yourself gay, so you say something like damn i love heterosexual sex just to make sure that everybody knows you are not gay, because you're a little high right now, and just want to make this sentence really complex, but you know you have to, and that this is the last clause thingy. Oh yeah, so Douche McFarland explodes and me and jimmy eat his spleen. The End.
moral: Douche McFarland talks a lot behind his mask, because he is probably pretty insecure with himself, because his father liked to bathe with him, because his father is probably a closet homesexual, and his mom slapped him around in a drunken rage, because she like to drink Grain Aclohol straight, because Grain Alcohol is the shit, and should always be drinken straight, and you should only drink it if you're ready to drink a whole gallon, then you realize how much of a headache you're going to have tomorrow, and think twice about, but then you just chug the whole thing anyway, because you're pretty much an alcoholic, but thats cool because you don't give a shit but you really do, cause you wanna look cool, cause being is supposed to be hip, and hips are cool cause they are like ball-jointed and shit, I mean they're not actually joint at your balls, but they swivel and shit, all though they do kinda of hold your balls, then you realize your balls itch, so you scratch them, but you can't hear the scratching, cause Douche McFarland is talking so much, so you punch him in the face and break his mask.
moral: Douche McFarland talks a lot behind his mask, because he is probably pretty insecure with himself, because his father liked to bathe with him, because his father is probably a closet homesexual, and his mom slapped him around in a drunken rage, because she like to drink Grain Aclohol straight, because Grain Alcohol is the shit, and should always be drinken straight, and you should only drink it if you're ready to drink a whole gallon, then you realize how much of a headache you're going to have tomorrow, and think twice about, but then you just chug the whole thing anyway, because you're pretty much an alcoholic, but thats cool because you don't give a shit but you really do, cause you wanna look cool, cause being is supposed to be hip, and hips are cool cause they are like ball-jointed and shit, I mean they're not actually joint at your balls, but they swivel and shit, all though they do kinda of hold your balls, then you realize your balls itch, so you scratch them, but you can't hear the scratching, cause Douche McFarland is talking so much, so you punch him in the face and break his mask.